So this is my first try in the HIMYM fandom and is set about a year after the finale. I loved Barney's and Robin's relationship and really think they should have stayed together, but, oh well. As it is, I was really hoping for more scenes between them in the end, just to see where they both were at because the ending was so vague. Anyway, here it is, hope you like it, please leave a review to tell me how it was, I would really appreciate it!
Disclaimer: I don't own How I Met Your Mother or any of the characters.
oooOOOooo
"Barney."
Robin's voice, even over the phone, is serious and slightly pained and Barney immediately prepares himself for… something.
"Robin," he says, putting on an easy, casual tone. "What's going o-?"
"Ted proposed."
Barney never could have prepared himself for those words coming out of her mouth. He staggered back in surprise to land on the couch and catches his breath.
"He proposed today, after we've only been dating again for a year. He just came right out and asked me and- and-" Her words are faltering and Barney hears for the first time that she's crying and trying to catch her breath and God, when did it get so hard to breathe?
"He proposes and all I can think is, wow, that was straightforward."
Barney finally releases his breath. The night he proposed to Robin flashes in his mind's eye and he knows what she means when she says Ted was straightforward. His proposal was planned out months ahead, with twists and turns and emotional turmoil. He knows she was thinking of that day, comparing the two, and he wonders which she preferred.
Then he berates himself for wondering because what kind of friend does that?
Then again, what kind of friend sleeps with and marries the girl his friend had loved for years.
(Maybe the kind of friend who was also in love with said girl and thought maybe this time he could make it work.)
"And he knows I don't want to get married again because I made sure to tell him- to tell all of you. Remember? We got into a huge fight over it, and, well… you know what happened."
He knew. Ted had drunk dialled him late that night they'd fought and had sounded so hurt that Barney hadn't known what to reply to his question, "Why will Robin marry you but not me?"
Barney had shaken his head to clear the sleep, gotten up and peeked into ten-year-old Ellie's room to make sure the phone hadn't woken her up, before closing the door again to walk to the kitchen and make a cup of coffee.
"What are you talking about?" Barney asked, because he'd really had no idea.
"Today Robin told me she never wanted to get married again, no matter who it was." Ted replied. "And- and I want to know, why would she marry you, but not me?"
Barney sighed a long, drawn out sigh and closed his eyes. He was not ready for this conversation- would never be ready for it, probably.
"Ted-"
"I mean," Barney hears glass clinking and drinks being poured. He realizes that Ted's at MacLaren's. "What did you do to convince her that I can't?"
"Ted," Barney's voice comes out pained and he clears his throat before Ted notices. "I really don't know what to tell you." Any other time he would have said that it was because he was awesome but now really wasn't the time.
(And maybe he wasn't up to pretending he was nonchalant about this.)
"Do you think she doesn't feel as much for me as she did for you?"
Barney has to admit, the did hurt.
He took a long drink of his coffee, not even caring when he burnt his tongue. "Ted," he said. "Robin- Robin loves you. You make her so happy, anybody can see it. You are the guy that she can count on. She might just be worried and unsure. You know," he cleared his throat again. "Because of how she and I ended."
Ted's silent for a long time and Barney wonders if he knows how hard it was for him to say those words.
"But she knows that I would never be stupid enough to throw away what we have," Ted said and Barney knows that no, Ted didn't notice. He has to take a deep breath at Ted's words and decides, what the hell, and puts down the coffee to pour himself some scotch. He's too sober for this.
"You know Robin," Barney says. "She always needs time to get there on her own."
"Yeah. Yeah you're right. She only married you because you made the huge gesture and proposed to her right away, not caring that she never wanted to get married. Maybe that's what I have to do. Just propose to her and make her see what she'd be refusing if she said no."
Barney winces and is it just him or is his voice unnaturally cheery when he replies. "Yeah, that sounds like a plan! Listen Ted, Ellie just woke up and she had a nightmare so I gotta go, thanks for calling, always great talking with you, okay, bye!"
He hangs up, downs his scotch and then just grabs the bottle and goes to bed.
(He finishes the bottle and gets piss drunk for the first time since his daughter was born. He tells himself it's not because of Ted and Robin and he almost believes it because he's always been good at lying to himself.)
The next day at MacLaren's he'd been expecting either an engagement ring on Robin's finger or a dejected, refused Ted.
Instead they come in together, hand in hand, and slide into the booth opposite of Lily and Marshall.
(Since Ted and Robin had gotten back together they'd claimed the other booth seat, leaving Barney to claim the lone chair.)
He doesn't mind, really. When he and Robin were dating they'd always taken the other booth seat, it just made sense. He can't fault them for doing the same.
So he's watching them both carefully and waiting for one of them to pull their hand away, give up the act, and admit that they're over.
Neither of them do. Robin catches his eye and she smiles a small smile.
Barney looks away.
When he and Ted go up to get drinks later Ted leans in. "Listen, buddy, I saw that I called you last night. I hope I didn't say anything embarrassing."
He doesn't remember.
Barney ignores the disappointment in his chest. "No, nothing embarrassing," he says. "I could barely understand you anyway."
"Oh, thank god." Ted sounds relieved. "Robin and I had a fight yesterday and I was worried I said something to put you in the middle."
"Nope, nothing like that." Barney says, watching his friend carefully. "A fight? Was it bad?"
Ted shrugs, suddenly closing up.
(He doesn't like to talk to Barney about himself and Robin. Barney doesn't show that he notices.)
"Is there anything I can do to help?" He asks, and regrets it immediately.
But Ted shakes his head. "No," his smile looks forced as he claps him on the shoulder and then grabs the beers. "But thanks buddy."
And he walks back to the booth and slides into his seat, kissing Robin on the cheek as he does.
Barney grabs the rest of the drinks and goes back to his friends.
He leaves first, claiming that Ellie's mother will be dropping her back off at his apartment soon.
(It's a lie. Ellie's staying over at her mother's that night. Barney goes back to the unusually empty apartment and looks through the now even bigger box of stuff that commemorates his relationship with Robin.)
He wakes up and the stuff is all over his apartment and he cleans it and shoves it back into the closet before Ellie gets home. He's never told her about Robin, she's never formally met her, only in passing, and he knows it was hard for Robin even then.
He's brought back to the present and wondering if Robin will always be able to make his heart feel like it's squeezing itself with only a few words or if it will pass.
"And all I can think about is why would he ask me when I've told him time and time again that I don't want to get married? I mean, does he not respect what I want? Is it because he thinks we need to get married to make Luke and Penny think we're serious?"
"Robin-" Barney tries to interrupt, to tell her that he can't have this conversation with her, but she just keeps going and he does his best to just breathe normally, never mind work out responses to her questions.
"And his face when I told him I couldn't give him an answer, Barney, he just looked heartbroken and it made me realize that I'm just not where he is in the relationship, I don't feel everything so strongly, I'm not as invested, it's like I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop and now this might be it and-"
"Robin." Barney's voice is too loud but she stops talking and he bites his tongue before speaking. "I don't know if I'm the best person to talk to about this."
"I know." Her voice is definitely pained now, she sounds lost and confused and his heart beats painfully. "Believe me Barney, I know, and I'm sorry, but I just- you were all I could think about while he was proposing. I couldn't help but remember you, and our engagement and our wedding and thinking- I can't do it again. Because that was with you, and even though, even though it ended it was special and I don't want to- to replace that, or to try to relive it, because it won't be the same and our wedding was amazing for me. I loved our wedding, and I loved you and Ted just- he'll try to be so romantic, which I love about him, but I don't- I don't-"
"Robin," Barney's voice isn't choked, it's not. "Stop."
"What if this is a mistake?" Robin's choked now too. "What if you were the real thing and I-we," They've never been ones to ignore how at fault both are when it comes to messing up things in their lives. "What if we messed it up. What if it was real and we- we threw it all away because we didn't try hard enough, or-"
"Ted loves you." Barney interrupted her before he said something he'd regret. "Robin, he loves you, he's always loved you, and you know that. He won't disappoint you like I did."
"You never disappointed me, Barney. Not ever."
He squeezes his eyes closed, forcing out the words now. "He is a great guy and you're so happy with him, that wouldn't have to change just because you got married."
"Barney, don't." It remains unspoken but he knows she knows how hard it is for him to say these things. "I know who Ted is. I know how great he is, and I love him, I do, but… but there's always been you. And everything you've done for me, and felt for me, and everything I feel for you. I know things between us haven't been great since our divorce, but Barney, I need to know."
'Everything I feel for you.'
It's a mistake on words, he tells himself, before asking, "Know what?"
"I need to know that we're really done. Because it's always been us, we've always gone back to one another and- and I know it might not have been the most honest relationship, but it was real, wasn't it? We loved each other, really loved each other, didn't we?"
Of course they did, he wants to yell. Of course, of course, of course, he's loved her for years, still does, in his own way. She's Robin Scherbatsky. The one he could catch, time and time again, but never knew how to keep.
(She's the only one he wanted to keep. He thinks about the girls of his past, of Shannon, Nora and Quinn, but he knows that the only one he really still wants, the only one he goes back to whenever she'll have him, is her.)
"Robin," he grits out, because even though she said she knew he doubts she really understands how painful this conversation is for him.
"Just tell me, and then I'll hang up." She says, pleads.
He's quiet for minutes, too long, and he can hear her breathing in anticipation on the other end.
"I can't tell you anything."
"Do you think I should tell Ted yes?"
"You can't ask me that."
"Do you?"
He stops and thinks about it. Does he want her to?
If he was a less selfish person the answer would be no, straight away, with no hesitation.
But he's always been selfish, even with Shannon, before he showed it, and he isn't sure. If he says no that doesn't mean it would make an impact on what Robin might say anyway. And even if she did say no, it didn't mean that she and Ted would break up, or that they would get back together.
Barney and Robin divorced because her job stopped them from ever seeing each other. She hasn't quit her job and Barney has a daughter he would never leave for the world, not even to travel with Robin.
There was no reason to think that Robin refusing Ted would change anything.
"Please." He's pleading now but he doesn't care. "Please don't make me answer that. No matter what I say, I hurt someone." Even if that someone is himself.
She's quiet. "If I tell him yes he'll ask you to be a groomsman."
"I think I'm busy that day," he replies.
"You wouldn't come?"
"Would you want me there?"
"No. Yes. I don't know. If you ever got married again would you want me there?"
"I'll never get married again." He says, and he knows it's true. "There was only one woman who I would do that with, and she's about to marry another man."
"Barney…"
"Tell Ted yes," he interrupts before she says something that will make him lose his sudden resolve. "What we had is over, Robin, and we can't do it again."
"Because we don't want to or because it would be too hurtful?"
"You already know the answer to that."
She sniffs. "Just because we're done doesn't mean I have to marry Ted."
"No, it doesn't." He admits. "But I think you want to."
He imagines her shaking her head and waits anxiously for what she says next.
"I love you, Barney. I wish there was a way for all of us to be happy."
"You and Ted will be happy." Barney says, and he knows it's true. "And I'm happy with Ellie. We all know Barney Stinson was never meant to be tied down."
He wonders if the comment hurts her and then tries to not care.
"That reminds me, I have a present for her birthday." Robin said. "It's next week, right?"
"Yeah," Barney clears his throat, tries to regain normalcy.
"I'll drop it off sometime," she says. "Or mail it, maybe."
"Whatever you want." He says. "She'll be happy to have it, thank you."
He hopes she mails it because if she comes over he just knows he'll do something stupid like kiss her, or tell her he still loves her or something.
And he knows she would tell him she feels the same, or kiss him right back, and he can't do that to Ted. He can't break the Bro Code again, even if the Bro Code doesn't really exist between them anymore. It's become too messed up and jumbled.
"Well. I'll see you later Barney."
"Sure, Scherbatsky." He replies. (She won't, not soon anyway. He'll avoid her for a while and he knows she'll do the same. They've never been good with emotions if they weren't spoken in the dead of night in the safety of their bed.) "Congratulations."
She pauses, taken aback, and then says one word. "Thanks."
They both hang up at the same time.
(When Ted calls him the next day to tell him the news Barney does a good job of acting happy for him. Ted asks Robin to come on the phone and when she does they speak for less than a minute before she puts her fiancée back on and Ted asks him to be a groomsman.)
And Barney, even though he'd told Robin he wouldn't, says yes.
He's always been a good actor, and a masochist. There's no need to hurt someone else just because he's hurting himself.
When they get married a year later, Robin meets his eyes walking up the aisle and they hold eye contact for too long. People notice.
Lilly comes up to him later, after he and Robin have had an awkward, painful dance, and tries to talk to him.
He tells her to tell the couple congratulations from him once again and that he's sorry, but had to go.
He ignores the pity in her eyes and Marshall's raised eyebrows and goes home to his daughter who he finds fast asleep.
He's happy, really he is. He has a beautiful baby girl and had the greatest friends anybody could ask for, along with an amazing wife who he loved.
He's content with his ending, and knows it's really the only one for him.
He's not one for monogamy anyway.