Waiting Room.
(A/n: This is my Writer's Block series, opposed to my previous attempts to make one. Basically, it's me socializing with anime, cartoon, video game, TV, comic book, regular book, and movie characters, and because of the crossovers on this site, they all know each other. Even some of those shrouded in obscurity…
Note that I don't own some of the characters recognized, jokes, or plots used. I do own myself, Trisha Parker, Mia Blackthorn, and Nicole Thompson, though…)
----
It's said that when an artist gets a block, strange things happen. Same would go for a writer. However, for a select few, it actually brings chaos to their hometown.
In the mall between a city and a former suburban town, a bunch of guys were hanging out, and the man in the black leather coat happens to be the author. However, one of them had to ask the question that's been plaguing them.
"How come you're outside the house?" the teen in blond asked him.
"I've been wondering that myself," the brunette male in the red blazer said. "Usually, you're inside and on the computer all day, but this is a bit of a sudden change."
"I'm taking my psychiatrist's advice," the author said. "I was starting to get Cabin Fever and needed to get out of the house for a while."
"Liar," the man with orange hair said. "Andrew, you KNOW you hate crowds with a passion, and you didn't just come here to escape the place."
The young man, now known as Andrew, had sighed. "Alright, I did it in order to escape the wrath of the women I created."
"What did you do to piss them off this time?"
"Nothing." All three of them were confused at that. "It's just when you have a bunch of females in the house, their periodic timer has a bad habit of synchronizing."
"Ohhh…" everyone said. They knew that feeling well.
"By any chance can you guys find me a place to hide until the end of the week?"
"You don't want to stay at my place," the orange-haired man said. "You know how my dad is like, and Rukia's already sleeping in my closet." Yeah, that was Ichigo Kurosaki, and no, that was NOT a South Park joke.
"And let's not forget about my landlord," the blond-haired teen said. That was Naruto Uzumaki. "He'd charge me extra for a roommate, and it would be because of bias."
The teen in the red blazer was Jaden Yuki, by the way.
"Normally, I'd be able to help," he said, "but you've seen what Yubel is like first-hand, and she's still urked about your last encounter with her."
Andrew flinched. "I'm assuming calling her a transsexual she-devil was too much?"
"ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!" Ichigo and Naruto yelled. If it were Majide time, they would've been hit in the stomach by now. However, the looks on their eyes proved that they were.
"Three words: Dead Man Walking," they heard a familiar voice say. All four of them flinched at the sound of that voice, and it wasn't because of the fact that it was the aforementioned Duel Spirit that Jaden knew.
"Okay," Ichigo said, "what are you doing here, Light?"
Yeah, that was Light Yagami, much to the shock of all four of them. And he's not power-hungry mass-murderer Kira, but he STILL had Ryuk floating behind him.
"I was just in the neighborhood," he said. "Now, are you guys going for the Mallrats look, because I just saw Kevin Smith walk past you guys."
"If we were," Andrew said, "I'd fail my role as Silent Bob instantly. And unless you've found a place for me to stay…"
"No, but I know of someone who does."
That caught Andrew's interest immediately.
"Who has an available room?"
"An old friend of Ryuuzaki's, who's considered a chocoholic."
"Mello," everyone said, immediately.
"No way, Light," Andrew said. "I can't exactly go near chocoholics after I took the door-to-door delivery sale." There was a bit of a pause. "What, no cutaway? I thought we had a cutaway there…"
"It's because that joke's done to death," Naruto said. "Other than that, I don't think a Spongebob reference is good enough for a joke."
"Yeah," Jaden said. "It would have to take something extreme in order to get a plot moving." That's when a rumbling sound was heard.
"You had to open your big mouth," Light said to the Slifer. "It can't be the Kira Fan Club, can it?"
"Angry Yaoi fangirls?" Naruto asked.
"Angry SasuNaru fangirls?" Ichigo asked. Naruto had GLARED at Ichigo for that.
"Angry Edward Cullen fangirls?" Jaden asked. Everyone stared blankly at him. "It's possible…"
"Looks like someone more interesting than Light," Ryuk said, making everyone look at him in surprise. "If it's not for the Aura of Chaos, I'd see his time of death."
"Other than THAT disturbing revelation," Andrew said, "the Kira Fan Club doesn't exactly exist, there's no set series, Sasuke's not here, and the only other guy who hates Twilight is in another state. With Ryuk's input about the Aura of Chaos, it can only be one person."
"OUT OF THE WAY!" he yelled.
"RANMA SAOTOME, PREPARE TO DIE!" That one was from a guy with a tiger-striped bandanna with an umbrella.
"If you'll excuse me," Andrew said. He then went between Ranma and the Nerima Wrecking Crew. "Do you guys mind? I'm trying to have a peaceful day here."
"And who are you, peasant?" the man with the bokken said.
"Just your friendly neighborhood Author, and he's pissed right now."
"You can't exactly hurt us," the old man said. "If you're an author, you can give us what we want!"
"True, but I have no intention of submitting to the likes of you, Old Man. Other than that, I basically have the strongest Duelist from Duel Academy, the Jailor of the Nine-Tailed Fox, a Soul Reaper who doubles as a Hollow, and the infamous Kira with me right now, so if you want to test my patience, fine, but unlike Ranma, they're not as intent to let this horeshit continue any longer. And some of you happen to be wanted for property damage, so…blood will be shed."
Everyone gulped at that, but Kuno then said, "What was that part about the Nine-Tailed Fox?"
"You'll see if you don't leave by the count of three," Naruto said.
"I may not be sane in the head," Light said, Death Note at the ready, "but even I would know when I've crossed the line. I'm pretty sure Ryuuzaki knows that all of you would have the Death Penalty if you were actually caught…"
"…and after Light's done with you," Ichigo said, "I'm going to be the one that's sending your sorry asses to Hell."
"So you have to ask yourselves this question," Jaden said, biochromatic eyes glowing. "Do you feel lucky…punks?"
Everyone had screamed, then ran out of the mall in fear (Ryoga had disappeared into the Louvre for some odd reason), and everyone in the group was laughing. Even Ranma and Ryuk.
"Looks like I was right," Ryuk said. "You guys ARE fun."
"Sad part is," Light said, "I can actually back it up."
"Now," Andrew said, "what brought you here?"
"Same thing you are, Andrew," Ranma said. "Trying to find some peace and quiet, but I KNOW Pops is going to get pissed at me later for it."
"You could always ask me to take care of him," Light said.
"NO!" everyone else (except Ryuk) said.
"Other than that," Naruto said, "nice to see you again, Ranma."
Ranma smirked. "You too, Uzumaki. Haven't seen you since that FUBAR loop some time ago."
"You two know each other already?" Ichigo asked him.
"Both Ranma and Naruto usually meet each other in a FUBAR loop," Andrew said, "other than you meeting him when he's a Soul Reaper himself. And for those who don't know Military Terms, FUBAR stands for Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition."
"Fourth Wall breaking is a pain," Jaden said. "Anyways, we're trying to find a place for Andrew to hide in for the week because of his creations' PMS cycles."
"Oh," Ranma said. "Well, tough luck, because Genma had sent the annoying song somewhere in the basement of the mall."
"What annoying song are we talking about?" Naruto asked him. "The one with the leek, the robot, or the fat guy dancing?"
"He sent a video of himself doing it."
In the basement of the Mall (if such a thing is possible), a lot of guys were screaming and guns were being fired all around the place because someone had sent a panda dancing to that song by O-Zone.
"Yeah, I can't imagine that went well with the crazy postal workers," Andrew said, sweatdropping. "Ranma, no offense, but I can see why you're adopted in a lot of fan fiction…"
"I'm used to it by now," Ranma said, knowing what's coming.
"Your dad's an idiot," everyone else said. Heck, even Ryuk said it, and he wasn't familiar with most of human life.
"Actually," Jaden said, "we're going for a Mallrats look, somewhat, considering we're trying to avoid the shops during this time of year."
"Good luck with that," Light said. "Everywhere you see, there are people trying to crunch time, and that doesn't include the Twilight fans. By the way, Ryuk and I know how you feel about Edward Cullen."
"I like his taste in apples, though," Ryuk said. "However, he didn't get as dazed as I usually do."
"He's a half-human vampire," Andrew said. "You're the God of Death. And I'm starting to look like I'm crazy. Besides, if Alucard and he got into a fight, the man wouldn't even need to transform into a Hellhound. And there's no cutaway because I don't know his personality."
"There may not be a cutaway," Naruto said, "but there are women in the vicinity. You know what happened last time you expressed your opinion in public."
"Don't…remind me." It wasn't pretty.
As the six people and Shinigami were socializing, they had decided to find a place to hide out for the week. The attempts were unsuccessful, but there was only one place that Andrew could hide in, and that was Ryuuzaki's mansion.
However, there was one condition that had to be met.
"Remind me again," Andrew said to Ryuuzaki, "WHY am I doing this?"
While Light was handcuffed to L (NO YAOI HERE! I'M NOT LIKE THAT), Andrew had to be handcuffed to Ichigo.
"Basically, it was for that reference you made to my own dub actor," he replied, "and you stole my cake."
"You mean the Kid Icarus role in Captain N? I had to find a costume for you in the one-shot, and Pit seemed to fit you. I already knew Light and Teru."
"And why me?" Ichigo asked him. "Is it because I'm a Soul Reaper?"
"Partly."
"It could be worse," Naruto said, sitting there. "You did remember to make the house fangirl-proof, right?" L nodded at that response. "Well, they're getting restless, and you and Light in the same room with handcuffs can make their yaoi sense go wild."
"It's times like this I wish I was a Shinigami," Light said. "Ryuk happens to be lucky that Rule 36 forbids sex and rape with anything and anyone."
"Well, it's speculated," Andrew replied, "so you might be lucky that you won't go into Nothingness and meet up with Xemnas."
"About that," Ryuk said, "Nothingness is actually a relative term for erasure. How can you meet up with someone if they're erased?"
"Through the power of fan fiction, Ryuk. That, and humor crack."
Everyone gave Andrew a blank stare.
"I just realized something," Light said. "That Sexy Jutsu of yours, Naruto. It makes you look like Misa a bit."
"Don't get any ideas," Naruto said. "If anything, through sheer crack and idiocy, Naruko's real. Same goes for Ranko in Ranma's case and Kyonko for Kyon's."
"Don't remind me," Ranma said, groaning. "And don't give him any ideas!"
Andrew sighed. "You guys aren't any fun."
"You're in writer's block," Jaden said. "Besides, you should cheer up. It's not every day you get in a situation like this."
"Cheer up? I can't exactly do that, Jaden."
Light had paled. 'Here we go again…'
Instead of Jaden throwing the punch, Ichigo did so.
"You should consider yourself lucky that I'm the one who did that," Ichigo said. "If it had been Light doing that to you, it would've been a worse right hook."
"And you're making a big mistake, Strawberry," Andrew said. In reply, Andrew had used a similar kick to Ichigo's face. "It's called Capoeira, you arse!"
"Remind me why this kind of fight scene is popular again?" Naruto asked Jaden and Ranma.
"It's unexpected," Jaden said, "and that adds a bit of humor to Death Note's atmosphere."
"Well," Ranma said, "It's going from the fight scene between Light and Ryuuzaki to Ichigo and Ganju in intervals."
"Wow," Light said. "I didn't think he'd have experience in your fighting style, Ryuuzaki."
"It's actually hard to believe he had leg braces in his youth with THAT kind of skill," L said.
Before they could continue, the phone had rang.
"Yeah?" Andrew asked, copying L's stance.
"Is this L-kun?" a female voice said.
Sweatdropping, Andrew hung up the phone.
"Who was that?" Ichigo asked him.
"L fangirl," he replied. Andrew then turned to L and asked, "Can't you keep a filter for these kind of numbers?"
"There's a difference between telemarketers and fan girls," he replied.
"Not exactly the best time to say this," Naruto said, "but they're taking desperate measures. PUT YOUR TOP BACK ON!"
Andrew groaned. "You wouldn't happen to have a vat of liquid metal for this kind of occasion, would you?"
"Even better," L said, answering his cell phone. "Watari, release the decoy."
"Decoy?" Jaden asked him.
In a split-second, a man who was dressed like L but obviously older was released in a moment.
"I like where this is going," the man said. "Gigity gigity gigity goo!"
Everyone else just slapped their foreheads in frustration. 'Why didn't WE think of that?' the anime characters thought.
"I don't get it," Ryuk said.
"Anime rule number 46 AND the fact that it's one of Glenn Quagmire's preferred ways to die," Andrew said. "Which reminds me, how did you get Quagmire, of all people, QUAGMIRE to do this?"
"It's a win/win situation," L said, simply.
(Cutaway)
"Who else but Quagmire?" the announcer said.
He's Quagmire! Quagmire!
You never really know what he's going to do next!
He's Quagmire! Quagmire!
"Giggity giggity giggity giggity, let's have sex!"
(End Cutaway)
----
The next day…
"Hello," the newscaster said. "I'm Tom Tucker…"
"…and I'm Diane Simmons," the woman said. "Later in the news, the Edward Cullen fangirls seem to be in shock of the death of Robert Pattinson by gunshot wounds."
"Our top story today is that there is a law passed by President Bush that it's illegal to form a mob outside of Ryuuzaki's mansion because of an STD epidemic by a decoy L. It happens to be the second good thing he's done during his whole Presidential running, although the shoes were thrown by fangirls who DIDN'T know about the incident."
It was no surprise to anyone. L had been using decoys for YEARS in order to keep the fangirls off his back in Japan, but the other article got them questioning.
"Light," Ranma said, "did you have something to do with that?"
"Who, me?" Light said. "No."
"Andrew?"
"What?" he asked. "I'm not the one with the Death Note."
"But you found out about the actor that played Edward Cullen," Ichigo said. "And weren't you in production of a story that let you kill iconic stars?"
"I don't think Andrew did it," L said. "Take a look at this. It's not just gunshot wounds, but someone had used a wooden stake and some kind of blade."
Jaden noticed it immediately. "Looks like the vampires thought it was a matter of pride. I think I see evidence of the Midnight Bliss."
"…Witnesses believe the actual killer had a red trenchcoat, red hat, blueblocker sunglasses, and red eyes, but he was accompanied by others, one of them being the damphir known as Blade."
"And it looks like Edward had his soul taken," Naruto said. "Camula's work."
"Shadow magic evidence proves it," Jaden said, with his eyes changing color again.
"Don't tell me I'm the one who has to reap his soul," Ichigo said, groaning.
"This just in," Diane said. "Apparently, he's not dead…or mortally wounded for that matter. We'll have an interview with him when he gets better."
Andrew, at that point, had changed the channel. "Whatever they did, they did a LOT worse than killing," he said.
That week went by without much incident…
The end.
----
(A/n: For those of you who don't know, Robert Pattinson was the guy who played Edward Cullen in Twilight and the vampires who tortured him were Alucard from Hellsing, Demitri Maximov from Darkstalkers, Camula from YuGiOh GX, and Blade himself. If there are any Twilight Fans out there…please DON'T get on my case about this.
Also, the name Waiting Room is a reference to the doctor's office, and it's not just MY crossovers that are involved, but everyone else's.)