OOOKEY. Emby here, with her first -cough- fanfic!

Warning: Is not edible. Contact Poison Control immediately if eaten.

Warning: Is spontaneously combustible.

Warning: The author cannot and will not reply to any suing made by readers.

Warning: Warnings are overrated.

Enough of that, now. My sister would like to point out that 'okay' is not spelled with an E, and-

Wait a sec.

She's not typing.

I am. Muaha.

I do not claim to own Fruits Basket. It belongs to Natsuki Takaya. The plot is mine.

Me: Welcome to Fruits Basket (of Doom), where I randomly make fun of all the characters!

Kyo: What the hell! You can't do that to us!

Me: Say, "Like a llama."

Kyo: Like a llama. WHAT THE-

Me: Okay, Kyo, we all know that you're like a llama. Anyways. In this chapter, you meet Yuki, Tohru, Kyo, and everyone els-

Kyo: What are you talking about! Yuki's here? DAMNIT! Stop this madness, woman! Why is his name before mine!

Me: …For one, I'm a girl. Two, I'm the author and I can do whatever I freakin' want. And three, Yuki beats you at everything. No offense intended. It's only the truth, yes?

Kyo: ….She's right….

Me: Now, to get back to what I was saying glares. And everyone else. So, pretty much, it's Akito bashing all around. The curse of the Zodiac has nothing to do with me, and Akito can't hurt me! MUAHAHA!

Akito: What…. I am GOD! of the Zodiac and Kyo! You cannot order me around! Ooh… A fire extinguisher…

Me: Yup. This proves that Akito is actually… A woman!

Hatori: Well, you really have no proof as to that. What proves it?

Me: Shut up, Hatori. No one cares what you think.

Hatori: …She's a psycho.

Me: Heh heh… See me after this chapter, Hatori… We have business…. Teh Evi1 Author! Anywho. In other news, Shigure and Ayame have decided to re-enter high-school. Most likely to cause pain and havoc.

Ayame: We want to cause no pain! Isn't that right, Gure-nii!

Shigure. Yup. Only to sell my evil giggle books, and to make Aya's business prosper!

Me: shiver I don't want to know…. Why did they let you guys back in, anyways? Aren't you a little old and perverted to be going back into high-school? The Force says you used blackmail.

Shigure: Of course not!

Ayame: Don't be silly! We just have a few friends in the business!

Me: …Onion rings?

Kyo: WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?

Me: I can make you do anything. Like kissing Yuki.

Kyo: WHAT THE-

Me: No, I won't subject Yuki to that. We don't know what you've done with those lips. Scary, huh?

Kyo: My lips are just fine, thank you!

Yuki: Make him kiss me and I will strangle you.

Me: Threats from a prince? Who d'ya think you are, anyways? You're not exactly in a position to threaten anyone.

Yuki: I'm a character with his own series. I have my face on a few million books. I have more fan girls than you could ever count who are probably planning your demise as we speak.

Akito: Yes! I am planning your demise!

Hatori: You're a fan girl?

Akito: No, but she shall die!

Me: …Scary….

Ayame: You should be scared! You should see what she- cough -he did to Rin last night. Chopped all her hair off with a chainsaw.

Shigure: Yeah, I have the hair in a ponytail. It serves two purposes! A bookmark, and a toupee!

Yuki/Kyo together: You wear a toupee?

Shigure: Of course not! I just keep it handy just in case I'm ever bald. I can then glue it to my head.

Haru: …You took Rin's hair?

Me: Back away from the bovine, everyone.

Haru: I'LL KILL YOU! GIVE IT BACK! YOU WANNA FIGHT WITH ME? LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE, BUDDY! YOU SHOULD KNOW TO NEVER CROSS ME OR THE PERSON I LOVE! GIVE IT BACK TO HER, OR I'LL USE EMBY'S CHAINSAW TO HACK NOT ONLY YOUR HAIR OFF, BUT YOUR HEAD TOO!

((Authors note: At one point in time, Emby was totally obsessed with chainsaws. She went around hacking people's heads off online, and finding pictures of chainsaws on the internet. It was a great threat on Habbo Hotel, an online chat room. She soon stopped being obsessed with chainsaws, but keeps one just in case.))

Shigure: I'll give it back! I'll glue it on her head!

Shards of glass fly to the ground

Haru: Thank you, Sensei. I appreciate it. Now, where did Rin go, anyways?

Yuki: To a spa.

Kyo: She ran away.

Me: …How should I know? She doesn't really show up much till the 14th book.

Ayame: One, which I regret to say, I am not in! I am sorry, my beloved fans! My shop had taken all my time, with men and women's fantasies overflowing! Yuki, I shall make you a special outfit for Tohru!

Yuki: -sweat drop-

Me: Where is Tohru?

Shigure: Cleaning.

Kyo: Taking a bath.

Me: -mutters- Pervert….

Ayame: Yes! A maid outfit for Tohru!

Yuki/Me/Kyo: BACK OFF!

Ayame: …Gure-nii, I'm scared.

Shigure: I shall always shelter you from any storm, Aya!

Ayame: And I will always hold your hand in times of danger, Shigure!

Shigure/Ayame: YES!

Me: Eh…. Scary. If you two don't stop, I'll use my chainsaw. -vroom-

Shiver

Yeah, bad first chapter.

Gimme a break, peoples, who do you think I am? Harry Potter? Geeze!

Review?

Next chappie coming soon to a computer near you!

♥- Emby!

P.S. Disclaimer: I do not own the Force, or any Furuba charries. But I do own all the threats, and the chainsaw. Thank you!