DISCLAIMER: Attack on Titan belongs to Hajime Isayama.
~ Beads of Bitter Glass ~
It is rare that the newest members of the Survey Corps get a chance to visit the market in Wall Sina, but Hanji has "borrowed" a couple of them to carry things for her while she restocks the research subdivision's supplies.
"You can also pick up some souvenirs for your friends while we're here, if you should so desire," the scientist announces cheerfully to the two boys who are trailing behind her, laden with packages.
Reiner has already been keeping an eye out for items that Bertolt or Annie might like, but he supposes it's good that any purchasing of souvenirs has been approved by their mission leader, and proceeds to browse more conspicuously.
"I guess I'll get something for Connie," Jean grumbles. But it is Mikasa that he is thinking of when he stops short in front of a sweets seller.
He jumps when Hanji claps him on the shoulder.
"Good idea!" the overly-excitable scientist exclaims. "Everyone loves candy! I'll bring bring back some chocolates for the rest of my squad." She pauses to wink at him. "I'll be their hero! And," she says with an evil smirk, "I'll get something dusted with powdered sugar for Levi because it's hilarious watching him try to eat them while making the least mess possible."
Jean breathes a sigh of relief when she moves away from him.
Is she really going to buy a present for Corporal Levi just to annoy him? he wonders. He can't tell if those two actually hate each other or are such close friends that they can casually interact with each other in such an unrestrained way.
Jean has a hard time deciding what to pick. Chocolate doesn't seem fancy enough for a love confession, while candied rose petals would be be too over-the-top...
Then he spots the most amazing, incredible thing - candy that looks like colored glass. There is no way he will be able to afford a full sheet of it, much less one of the sculptures made from pieces of it that looks like a picture from a stained-glass window.
The merchant sees him staring and smiles, pointing out a bin filled with tiny beads of the glass-like candy in a rainbow of colors.
"They're almost pure sugar. They melt quickly, but the taste lingers. If you plan to actually eat them rather than display them, it's best to buy the sugar drops anyway."
Jean purchases a small pouch full of the pretty candy.
It rains on the way back, and most of Jean's attention during the trip is consumed by his efforts to protect the packet of candy from getting wet.
By the time they arrive at the Survey Corps encampment, the rain has stopped and the sun is out, but the ground is a mess of mud. The younger members of the group are called upon to help unload and put away the supplies, and Jean uses this as an opportunity to find a way to give Mikasa the present he brought her.
As many times as he's practiced it in his mind, when it comes time to actually make his move, Jean is a nervous wreck and stammers as he awkwardly shoves the gift at Mikasa.
"H-here, I got this f-for you. It's candy from the market in Wall Sina."
Mikasa stares at him with a blank expression for a moment, then glances down at the pouch in her hand with a slight frown, and looks at him again before her eyes wander off to the side.
Jean traces the path of her gaze, and sees that she is looking at Sasha, who is staring at the bag of candy with an unabashedly covetous expression. Before Jean has a chance to even think of stopping her, Mikasa turns away from him and strides over to where Sasha is standing.
"Here, you wanted this, right?" Mikasa says, attempting to hand the pouch to her.
"No, no, I can't accept it," Sasha replies, sounding slightly panicked as she holds her hands up in front of her in the 'surrender' position.
"But you want it, right?" Mikasa persists.
"I can't take that! It was a gift!"
The string holding the bag shut comes loose as Mikasa tries to stuff it into Sasha's flailing palm, and tiny bits of candy spray everywhere, landing in the mud at their feet.
Mikasa turns and walks away as if unconcerned with the outcome of this event, as Sasha panics and drops to her knees to collect the fallen sugar drops.
"You're not... going to eat those now, are you?" Jean asks, looking at the pathetic girl in disgust as she scoops up mud-covered candies from the ground.
"They should be fine if I rinse them off," Sasha replies somewhat uncertainly, looking up at him with a shaky smile.
"If you try to rinse them off, they'll dissolve."
Whatever. She can do what she wants with them. The girl he loves threw his present away as if it were trash. He doesn't care what happens to the candy now.
Sasha pinches one small blue sphere between her thumb and forefinger. She cleaned as much of the clinging mud off of them as she could but when she holds it up in front of her so that the light shines through it, she can see a few tiny dark specks embedded in it.
No matter how much she rubs it on the hem of her shirt, it isn't going to get any cleaner. She can either get rid of it, or eat it as it is.
She can't bring herself to just throw them out. Besides the fact that Jean was the one who bought the candy (even if she wasn't the intended recipient), it's from the market in Wall Sina. She isn't likely to have a chance of acquiring such a rare luxury item again anytime soon.
But am I really going to eat dirt for a cheap shot at a secondhand love?
Apparently the answer to that is yes, because in the next instant she pops the piece of candy into her mouth.
She has never tasted anything so sweet before in her life. The taste of pure sugar nearly overwhelms the subtle earthy flavor, which is not supposed to be present.
I'm stupid.
Hot tears begin to flow as she burns with humiliation over what she has lowered herself to doing. She rolls the sweet bead against the inside of her cheek with her tongue, wincing at the unpleasant texture of the dirt particles ingrained in its surface.
Once the candy fully dissolves, she spits the remaining grit from her mouth.
"I'm stupid," she says aloud - as if she needs to be told, as if just thinking it to herself isn't enough. Even so, she dips her fingers into the tattered wrapper and extracts another piece.
The sugar drops are gone long before she runs out of tears.
~end~