I am messed up chapter 1

I am Anastasia Steel and I am a fucked up daughter of a crack whore. I don't deserve to be loved at least that's what her pimp said when his was using me as an ash tray.

I don't remember much of my childhood with my mum except that she died at the hands of her pimp when I was four she was shot in the head while I was left to rot there for two fucking day until my neighbour found me just staring at my mum's cold dead eyes, after that I got admitted to hospital with two broken ribs and one fractured, three broken fingers, heavy bruised face, malnourished and major blood loss the whole time I remember screaming in my head for them to leave me alone and not to touch me it burned but I couldn't speak.

Luckily I was adopted I now live with my foster dad Ray he is my light in a world of darkness but I always feel like I am not good enough for him but the truth is I am not good enough for anyone... He can't even touch me.

Till this day men scare the living shit out of me especially ones with black hair and brown eyes even the thought of the pimp sends shivers down my spine.

I just wish I was normal that I could hug my dad and have a good night's sleep without waking up screaming for my life or drenched in sweat, the only thing that calms me down is books I could get lost in them for hours and be someone else someone who isn't fucked up.

I live with my roommate Kate she is good to me and knows most of the stuff about me apart from why I am out of the house all the time she just thinks I am a party type of girl but really I have to go is my Dom Jack Hyde he would punish me if I was late or went near any boys that's why Kate thinks I am still a virgin, please if only she knew.

Master Jack has been my Dom since I was fifteen he taught me everything he helped me when I was on the path of self destruction, I am everything I am today because of him.

He says love is for fools just like my pimp so I started to believe them and gave up on dating from them on I only slipped further into Jacks web and now I have to go to Jack every weekend otherwise he gets mad as hell the next time I come round.

Oh no, I groan I have that interview with Christian Grey today and I have to go to Jack's afterwards if Jack finds out I have been near a man he will beat me till I am black and blue this is all because of Kate and her stupid interview, I heave out a loud sigh and get up off the sofa.

Kate looks up from her breakfast she is in her bunny rabbit pyjamas, she has a bright red nose and red rimmed eyes but she still looks beautiful unlike me with my scars.

She gives me an apologetic look "thank you Ana so much for doing this" she gives me her big green puppy dog eyes.

Ya she should be sorry Jack will kill me if he finds out about this and no doubt he will, stupid interview and stupid Christian Grey.

I walk towards her kiss the top of her head and look into her eyes "Kate you are my best friend of course I will do the interview but I have to a friend's house for a sleep over tonight, is that ok?" now it's my turn to give her an apologetic look.

Jack would not be happy if I didn't come like last time

He would beat and fuck me till I can't walk for a week, he doesn't like to wait but Kate said this interview was really important to her and I don't want to let her down like I let everyone else down.

"awww but Ana you are always sleeping over at your friends house" she starts to whine I hate it when she does that it hurts my ears.

"Yes but Kate my dad said I have to since she has no friends" plus Jack has his ways of making me come back he helps me. He made me who I am today and for that reason he will never let me go, he says no one but him will take me in which he is right and that I belong to him which is also true. One day my dad will see my demons and realise I am a disgrace and leave me never looking back.

I continue "so Kate here is your chicken soup" I carefully hand her the soup as to not spill it. She takes the bowl with shaky hands; her cold must be getting to her.

I slowly walk to my room as I always set the alarm for an hour before whatever I have to do I hate being late.

The transition from the carpet to wood floor is cold on my feet making me shiver but continue walking, making my way to my wardrobe I get a pair of black heels as Jack's favourite colour is black and I don't want to get punished if he finds out about the interview. Then a black pencil skirt ending just above my knees and a white silk top paired with a formal black blazer.

I look in the mirror nothing about me stands out; I have boring brown hair, skinny body littered with scars. The only thing that is different about me is my blue eyes and even then all they show you is my hidden pain and constant fatigue due to my nightmares.

I sigh; I poke my head round the door of my room to find Kate curled up on the couch with an empty bowl of chicken soup next to her teetering in her limp hand.

I tip toe over to her and grab a blanket and drape it over her whilst balancing the empty soup bowl in my other hand. Placing the bowl in the sink I pick up my bag with all the stuff I need in it and head out to face the interview.

Making my way outside I spot Wanda my beetle she is looks like herby the car I saved up ages to get Wanda because although my dad offered to buy me one I didn't want him to waste money on a worthless piece of shit, I don't deserve it.

Getting in my car I steer it out of the parking space, I stop at the first traffic lights and get the feeling that someone is watching me, I dismiss the thought immediately because that would be stupid but I always have been paranoid that my mum's pimp would try and find me and take me back he always did think I was pretty.

Gross, that thought sent shivers down my spine but I can't shake the feeling of being watched no matter how hard I try.

I glance at the rear view mirror and see something that makes my blood run cold, one of Jack's BMW cars with his signature number plate on the front but I don't think Jack's in there I think it's one of his Hench men.

Of course Jack would have Hench men following me to make sure I don't do anything wrong I mean his rich for God sake.

Its funny Jack's actually friends with the Grey's most of all Carrack Grey is Jack's best friend and that's why I really shouldn't be here, has that thought pops into my head my foot presses down on the accelerator and I'm knock back into my seat from the force of the boost.

Although I know I will deal with the literal backlash later, driving to GEH I see the black BMW turn left just as I pull in to the parking lot, no doubt to report back to Jack.

I press my head to the steering wheel and groan this is going to be a long day I think to myself as I head out the car the cold wind making my scars burn but I don't feel it all feeling is gone to me. I tuck my blazer tighter around me craning my head to stare at the colossal building in front of me all sleek chrome and steel framework towering over me and my awe struck expression.

Stepping into the doors of GEH it's all glossy marble floors and white walls, it's beautiful really but has sterile feel to it. I spot a blond women behind the reception desk her lips twisted in a smile a fake smile they reserve for customers I'm sure "let the games begin" I mutter to myself with a slight smirk tugging at my lips.