Notes: Standard Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or the characters, but the story is mine, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't post it elsewhere without asking.

Warnings: There are DRUGS, LANGUAGE, PROSTITUTION AND PROBABLY NCS in this story. (NCS will be marked.) This is not a pretty romance; I'm trying to get a good look at what drugs do to your life. Obviously, if you choose to do drugs, that's fine, and there's no judgement here. However, Heero doesn't want to do drugs, he just can't stop taking them, so that is the point of view this story will be from.

This is a continuation of my story Drug Trip. You could read this one first, but it probably won't make much sense to you, so you might want to go read that first.

Pairings: 1x2, 5x6, SxOC, and current 3xR. This is not a 3xR fic. If you like 3xR you probably don't want to read this, because Relena is going to be a total bitch.

Action and Consequences

Prologue

Journal - June 1st, AC 204

It's been three weeks since Duo made me start keeping a journal. It's supposed to help me keep track of my cravings, I guess. He knows I won't go to counseling, and Sally's been on both of our backs to get me some kind of help. She means well, I guess. Expressing my feelings is...difficult, at best. I'm actually high right now, trying to just...let it out, you know?

Duo and I have been together 'officially' for a month now. It's surreal. I really never thought I'd ever be in a relationship with anyone, especially with Duo. It's hard sometimes; I kind of suck at relationships. The sex is great, but everything else is hard for us. Not that I wasn't expecting it to be, but it still sucks.

The last couple weeks...Duo's been jealous. I go off to work, and he just...looks at me. He swore over and over that it wouldn't be a problem. Now I keep looking over my shoulder expecting him to be following me. It's not like he's angry at me, but he's disappointed. It's the same with the drugs. If I'm just smoking pot he doesn't care; he even joins in sometimes. But he gets that look on his face when I go to Cornelius' to do heroin.

Right, the drug thing. I'd like to say that I'm making progress with that; that's what this stupid journal is for, right? Well, I'm not. The nightmares have been getting worse, even though I've been going to Cornelius' for a hit at least once a week. Methadone doesn't do anything for the cravings; it makes me not completely miserable, I suppose, but other then that? Nothing. I guess I've been hitting the heroin a little hard lately.

I've tried to talk to Duo about it, but he doesn't really understand. I can't quit, he knows that, I guess, but he doesn't really understand. I don't even know how to function without drugs at this point. I barely even remember what it's like not to have drugs. Who the hell is Heero Yuy, anyways? It was just a code name anyways, I don't know if I ever had a real name. So how the hell am I supposed to focus on who and what I am without drugs if I don't even know my own damn name! What, am I supposed to do... make it up? Fuck!

Duo thinks he should be able to help me through this. Like he should be able to define me or something. I'm not his fucking bitch! ...I don't mean it like that. It's just...He's been acting weird lately. Like he expects me to just change everything about myself and become something else. I don't even know what. And maybe I should. At least then I'd be something. But if he can't just accept me for who I am now like he promised he would; a drug addict and a whore, well then I just don't know if this is going to work out.

I want it to. I want to be with Duo so bad it hurts. I just...fuck, I don't know. Sex I get. But emotions and relationships and all this jealousy crap – fuck. I don't know how people put up with that shit.

Well, writing this was a waste of time. I'm gonna...I'm gonna go get a hit now. At least I can say I wrote in it. Maybe things will be better tomorrow. I've got a party tonight; we'll see how Duo reacts to that. I hope he doesn't take it badly, I really don't want to deal with his shit right now.

End Prologue

Notes: Yes, I know it's short. Sorry! I still hope you enjoyed it. The formatting on FF sucks, btw. I wanted to have this in a separate font so it would be obvious it's a journal entry. I promise the whole thing won't be like this, it will be 3rd person as before.

Enjoy, and as always, comments and feedback are very welcome!