I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK
Based off of 'Ninety Things Japan Cannot Do'.
I'm gonna do a multichapter fic about this with all the characters from South Park. Tell me who I should do next.
Ninety Things Stan Marsh Cannot Do:
...
1. Do not wear your 'Save the Whales' bracelet.
2. Even if you really want to.
3. People will call you a hippie fag.
4. Being called a hippie fag is really disheartening.
5. Do not deny that you are a hippie fag.
6. Because you are.
7. Do not visit Kenny's grave.
8. The dead bodies are piled up in a heap.
9. And they smell really bad.
10. Do not be alarmed if your alleged father, Randy Marsh, glues a waffle cone to his forehead.
11. He is a Brony, and he wants to be Twilight Sparkle.
12. Do not tell him that the neighbors are getting worried about his mental health.
13. He will berate you on tolerance for two-and a half hours.
14. He will only stop once he realizes My Little Pony is on.
15. Do not be alarmed if Eric Cartman is a Brony.
16. You already knew that was bound to happen.
17. Do not act awkward if Craig asks you where Kenny is with a heart-shaped card.
18. Craig blushes a lot.
19. And he punches you if you bring it up.
20. Do not be surprised if Craig uses the heart-shaped card to give Kenny several paper cuts.
21. Do not forget to say, "Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" When Kenny bleeds to death.
22. Do not be surprised if Tweek runs to you screaming about how Craig is trying to give him a blood-covered card.
23. Do not allow Tweek to hug you.
24. Craig will find out.
25. And he will hurt you.
26. Badly.
27. Do not call Tweek clingy.
28. Because he is.
29. And Kyle complains about not being able to hang onto your arm as much.
30. In a totally non-gay way.
31. Do not give roses to Wendy.
32. Wendy is allergic to roses.
33. And you will figure out why Wendy gets so pissed off when you puke in her face.
34. Do not ask Kenny to help you clean off the puke.
35. He will use Jack Daniels in place of proper cleaning supplies.
36. And your skin is very sensitive to Jack Daniels.
37. And you will get red boils all over your face.
38. And they are really noticeable, even if Kyle says they look fine.
39. Do not let Kyle put cover-up on your face.
40. Cover up is itchy.
41. And Kyle gets very frustrated if you scratch your face right after he applies it.
42. Even if it DOES look better now.
43. Do not complain when Kyle tells you that you have to put it on every day.
44. Because you do.
45. Kyle even gave you a whole container of make up.
46. And he won't tell you where he got it.
47. Do not punch Cartman if he makes fun of you and your 'fagginess'.
48. Mr. Mackey hates violence, M'kay?
49. Even though he didn't care when Craig killed Kenny.
50. Even when he only didn't care because Craig was off school property when he murdered Kenny.
51. Do not open random closets at school.
52. Especially if you hear Kenny's voice from the inside.
53. Especially if you hear another voice besides Kenny's from the inside.
54. Especially if the other voice sounds strikingly like your best friend.
55. Because it is your best friend.
56. And he is doing things that you don't even want to know about, much less SEE.
57. Do not run around screaming, "MY EYES, MY EYES!"
58. Kyle is surprisingly strong for a diabetic Jew.
59. And now you have to go to the nurse.
60. With only Tweek for company.
61. Do not have Tweek for company if you can help it.
62. Now you are afraid of sleeping because he placed all of his paranoid thoughts in your head.
63. Do not hang out with Kyle until he gets out of his 'hopelessly in love' phase.
64. He gets really annoying.
65. And really graphic.
66. Do not eat tacos when it is not taco night.
67. Shelly gets angry because she thinks you're getting unfair taco privileges.
68. And so does Randy, who is somehow your father.
69. And amazingly, your mom does too.
70. Do not call Kyle for consolidation when you're grounded.
71. He is about as useful as a can of old tuna.
72. Apparently, he and Kenny are celebrating their one week anniversary.
73. And you just happened to call them when they were on their 'romantic date' eating Cheez-itz by Stark's pond.
74. Do not mention Brittany Spears to Cartman.
75. Cartman will not punch you.
76. He will start singing Brittany Spears' 'If You Seek Amy' and dancing.
77. Cartman is a surprisingly good singer.
78. Or maybe you're just going insane.
79. Do not go to the statue of John Elway at midnight when you're bored.
80. Butters still worships the provider.
81. He likes kissing the feet of the statue.
82. No wonder the statue's toes are all sparkly clean.
83. Do not play Guitar Hero in a ten-mile radius of Kyle.
84. He will know.
85. And he will want a rematch.
86. Do not challenge Kyle to a rematch.
87. Kyle loves the song, "Barracuda", and he makes you listen while he plays it time and time again so he can beat your high score.
88. You should clear your high score.
89. Do not fight with Kyle about the so-called, 'Good songs' on Guitar Hero.
90. He always wins the arguments.