Firewhiskey and Werewolves
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt." –John Green
When you walk into the Leaky Cauldron, the very last person you expect to see is Remus Lupin. It's as if you were destined to have the worst luck possible on top of, well, everything else.
It's nearly empty, but then again, it's two in the morning. You can't tell if Remus is awake or passed out, but just to be safe, you take a seat several spots down from him. Tom hears you, apparently, because he appears out of the back room.
"Ah, Tonks," he says, smiling sleepily. "What can I do for you at this hour?"
"Firewhiskey, please, Tom," you reply, setting a couple Sickles on the counter. You rest your head in your hands and survey the wall in front of you. How on earth did you get to this point?
"That's a little strong for so late at night—or so early in the morning, I suppose."
"Yeah."
He stares at you for a minute, and on the inside you're thinking please go away, because you need to be alone with your intoxicating beverage and your shattered thoughts. Finally, after what seems like an eternity of yelling at him in your head, he gets you the firewhiskey and returns to the back room. You drink slowly, at first, but it does nothing to alleviate your pain. That bloody pain, always pushing itself in front of everything else and making itself the center of your attention. So bossy. So…painful.
The next time you take a drink, you down the entire glass in one go, then accidentally slam it down on the counter. You cringe, and Remus sits up with a start.
"What?" He looks around, and then squints when his eyes land on you. "Tonks?"
"Hi," you mumble, feeling the burn of the firewhiskey in your throat and in your stomach. It feels good—a different pain to numb the one you were seeking to get rid of. Unfortunately, it looks like you're going to need more firewhiskey as Remus moves down a couple seats to be closer to you.
He doesn't say anything, and you're not about to say anything either, so you sit and stare at your empty glass, willing it to fill back up, if only so you would have something to do with yourself instead of just thinking about him. You're starting to feel a little buzz in your mind, and so you push the glass away.
"So, what brings you here?"
You start. It was Remus, of course it was Remus, and he couldn't leave well enough alone.
"A sleepless night," you reply, and you have to try hard not to add it's all your fault onto the end of that sentence.
"That's a familiar phrase," he says, and you think you detect a hint of bitterness in his voice. "Anything I can do for you?"
"Go out with me," you blurt. You're not sure if it's the fire that's now burning in your body or if it was just meant to happen, but you feel bold.
"What?"
"Go. Out. With. Me. It's just English, really."
"Tonks, you know I can't. We've been over this," he says.
"And we've also been over the fact that I don't care!" You swivel around in your seat. "Remus, I honestly don't care about the fact that you're…"
"A werewolf?" he asks, and you sigh. "You can't even say it. What makes you think you'd want to live with one? I'd be putting you in danger, Tonks, and I can't do that!"
"Why not?" you retort quickly. "I know perfectly well what I'm getting into, and I know that I do not care."
"Because I love you!"
Silence.
"You love me?"
He runs his hand through his hair. "Yes. And because I love you, I can't be with you." As he begins to pace, you get annoyed.
"Of course you can, don't be silly, Remus."
He turns on his heel. "My heart has scars you will never understand!" His shout echoes throughout the empty room, and you close your eyes. "I have all sorts of scars. There are the physical scars, to start with. The bite that made me a werewolf. That made me the most dangerous person you will ever meet, Tonks, because I can't stay away from you and I've tried, Merlin knows I've tried. You're making this difficult for me. And if we were together, you would have to live with…with this!" He gestures to himself. "And I can't do that to you. I just can't."
You stand up and walk across the room until you are centimetres from his face. "Yes, you can." And you kiss him. You can feel him giving in, and then—
"No!" He pulls away. "Tonks, we can't. I can't. You can't."
"You can do anything if you want to," you whisper. There is a tear streaking down his face.
"Don't make this harder than it has to be. I'm already making this sacrifice, and you have no idea how much I want to be with you."
"It doesn't have to be hard! We can be together!"
He sits back down. And for what seems like hours, he doesn't speak. Anything would be better than this—when you came in, you didn't want to talk to him, and now you want to speak with him more than anything in the world.
"Please."
"No."
And with that, Remus stands up and walks out of the Leaky Cauldron.
"One day, you'll love me," you say, but he's already gone and you're talking to yourself. Tom slides another firewhiskey onto the counter.
"It's on me," he says, and you nod blankly, taking the drink to a corner. You sip from it slowly, relishing the burn for a while.
Footsteps come around the bend, and you fully expect Tom to nicely kick you out for the night, but an entirely different face came to greet you.
"What do you want?" you ask.
"I was wrong."
"About what?"
"Everything."
This time, Remus kisses you, and you're smiling through the kiss—if that's even possible—and you're completely and maddeningly in love. When you finally pull away for air, you're staring right into his eyes.
"Why?" you ask him.
"I was hurting you more by staying away from you."
You sit with him, in the tiny booth in the corner of a pub at four in the morning, sipping firewhiskey you don't need any more and holding hands that you promise yourself won't separate until you're dead and gone. The light peaks in through the smudged window above the table and you don't care that you've been there for the entire night.
You love Remus, and finally, he loves you.
You've never wanted anything more.
A/N: This was written for Nayla's Last Ship Standing Competition, in which I am battling for my ship: Remus/Tonks! I used the action, quote, and dialogue prompts.
As per usual, I am not a highly successful English author named J.K. Rowling, all characters belong to her.
I hope you enjoyed this! Please leave a review-you'd make my day.
Allie