We have to keep it a secret. And thats what tears me inside.
I see you with those girls, only ever girls, I see you smiling and laughing and having 'fun'.
But all I feel is my heart slowly crumbling.
I wait for you at night, curled up on that crummy old couch in your lab. I wait for the sound of your footsteps on the stairs.
Sometimes I wait until dawn before I give up.
Other times I don't.
But when you do come, when you come to me with that smile and that laugh I feel whole.
I open my arms and you fall into them, your face pressing against my neck as you whisper sweet words, words that you say to so many.
But I cling to them, by god do I cling to them as if they're for me and I try not to tremble as I reply with my own.
We love each other, thats what I tell myself when you rise so early.
I pretend to be asleep, and I watch as you move silently around the room, pulling on your clothes.
My breath hitches when you kiss my forehead, and whisper a broken apology.
I see you pause at the door, your hand tightening and I watch as your body seems to turn back to me.
But despite my silent pleas to listen to your body, to come back and sleep in my arms, nothing happens.
You leave every time, closing the door silently behind you.
And I slowly sit up and stare through the thick haze of tears, begging you to come back.
You never do. Not then.
I have to wait. And be patient.
Because we have to keep it a secret, our love. And that's all it can ever be.