Harmony and Igor (250 words)
According to dulcinea, this should apparantly have a spew warning. So there. You've been warned. Don't come crying to me if you don't like my 'Rantth of Igor'. Or, after reading the 'Monstrous Regiment', Igorina.
Disclaimer: You know the deal. The Discworld books belong to Terry Pratchett, Buffy the Vampire Slayer is Joss Whedon's brainchild, not mine.
My contribution from the 'Evil Overlord Harmony' ficlet session that was held a while ago on the TtH boards. Harmony tries to live by the Evil Overlord's List (eviloverlord . com / lists / overlord . html).
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"What did you just say?"
"Do you have an appointment? Acording to the new ruleth, every vithitor to the cathle mutht have thuitable identification paperth ath well ath an appointment. It'th a load of codthwallop, if you athk me, but that'th management for you. Bloody beurocratth." There was a pause, which often necessary after an Igor makes a long speech. The conversation has to be translated.
"Doesn't he know who I am? Harmony, the cold, beautiful, evil overlord, on the path to world domination? Vampiress who kicks ath? I mean, ass!"
"Yeth, yeth, we got the memo. Another bloody piethe of 'technology'. What wath wrong with thtage coacheth, I athk you? Thometimes the mathter really putheth it . . ."
"Is there any reason why I have to have an appointment? Because, it used to be, 'run in, seduce evil overlord #2, conquer evil overlord #2'. Now I have to phone ahead?"
"In direct adherenthe to Rule 231b. Bloody ruleth. Do you know that half of them are banning flickering torthes, cobwebth, ruthty pipeth and thothe really high doorth? Do you know how long it taketh to get a torth to burn down to jutht the right height for it to flicker? Thome of thothe cobwebth took thodding monthth to put up! But even after all the thodding yearth that I've thpent here, it'th all, 'Igor, don't you like the flourethent lighting, thraight corridorth with no blooming alcoveth and fire ecthtinguithers?'. I'm telling you- hey, where did the go? Thit. Come back! Not that way! That'th the way to the thuithide chamerth. Thit!"
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Please review, more for feedback and tips on how to improve my writing than ego-boosting, but ego can always be boosted.