Author's Note-
Hello my dears! I am so so so so so so so sorry that it's been such a long time since I've written anything. I also know that many of you have messaged me or reviewed me with some questions, and I apologize for not getting back to you. I have officially graduated college, and due to the fact that I broke my leg in early August, I am currently cooped up with nothing to do but let my creative mind go to work. As a result, I've had plenty of time to become inspired again, do more writing, and update some of my works. I'm going to try my best to remain consistent with this story, as well as any others that I write afterwards.
This story below is inspired by all the moments I've wanted my own, personal Damon to come and take care of me while I've been bed ridden, and during the times I've been sick since the accident. It's taking me a LONG time to heal, unfortunately, and while I'll spare you the details, I will say that I've gone back and forth between depression and contentment over not being able to walk or move as freely as I used to. Writing stories like these bring me absolute solace and comfort.
The setting of my story takes place around the 3rd season of VD, and is not based on any particular episode. This will probably be one of my longer ones, and I will gladly accept any help or advice my lovely readers can give me in order to keep this story flowing.
WARNING: There will be some spanking in later chapters of a teenager, so if this is not your thing or you don't agree with it, then PLEASE DO NOT READ IT! I seriously cannot stress that enough; I will accept constructive criticism, but flames are unnecessary, rude, and all together unkind. Please, if you don't like my story, all you have to do is leave. If you decide to leave a flame despite these warnings, they will merely be ignored and laughed at; so please don't waste your time.
This story will also contain quite a bit of fluff in it, as I just can't resist showing Damon's sweet side. As much as I love his dominant side, I also like to remind others of his teddy bear heart lol. Over all, there should be a pretty good balance of everything. I really hope you guys like what I have so far! Please feel free to message me if you have any ideas to contribute to this story; I will gladly listen to all suggestions and will make sure you're recognized for helping me :)
Disclaimer: I do not own this tv show or any of the characters within it.
Misery Loves Company
Elena woke up feeling cold…not the kind one feels when they step outside on a crisp, wintery day, but the kind that produces uncomfortable, feverish chills within the body. "Noooo please not today." She moaned while forcing herself to sit up in bed, hoping that maybe some movement would warm up her body.
She felt heavy, and everything seemed to be spinning as she tried to focus on an object on her vanity, hoping it would calm her dizzy vision. "Wonderful…wonderful that's just-!" she let the frustrated removal of her covers be the exclamation that finished her sentence as she got out of bed.
The dizziness and pressure in her head hit her even harder as she stood up. "Dammit! Nope! Listen body, I refuse to be sick, I just can't! I have a test today, and I studied REALLY hard for it last night!" She exclaimed out loud to herself, almost chuckling at the fact that she was scolding her body.
Jeremy laughed from the other side of the door as he gave it a knock. "Elena, you alright in there? Can I come in?"
"Sure Jer bear!"
Her brother's smiling face greeted her as the door opened, but disappeared when he took in the sight of his sister.
"Elena, what the-?! You're pale as a ghost!" He rushed over to her side with worry and proceeded to examine her. She was too weak to protest as his hand rested upon her forehead. "Good grief Elena you're burning up! I don't even have to use the thermometer to know that; you're hot to the touch!"
Elena's eyes widened in mock disgust at his words, "Eww Jer, I didn't know you swung that way! Incest is definitely not best."
Jeremy rolled his eyes while smirking despite the situation. "Seriously Elena?! You know I'm not going to be able to get that horrible picture out of my head now right?"
"Oh please, see that was neither a yes or no. I'm starting to worry about you Jer, maybe we should tell Alaric and get you some help."
Jeremy quickly took his hands away from his sister, slightly glaring at her teasing tone. "Remember who you're talking to sis; I'm am artist, I draw pictures, I'm extremely visual. You can't tease me about stuff like that and expect me not to see it in my head. Plus I know you're trying to distract me from the obvious fact that you are DEFINITELY not well enough to go to school today. So stop trying to change the subject-"
Elena huffed while pushing passed him. "Jeremy quit fussing over me, I'm fine. I have a test today and I am NOT going to miss it because of a stupid little fever. It'll probably be gone by the time I get dressed, you'll see."
Jeremy sighed at his sister's willfulness as she walked into the bathroom.
"Fine," he said while following her, "be stubborn and just make it worse. Can you at least promise me that if you feel any worse while you're at school, you'll come home early?"
Elena smiled at Jeremy through the mirror, touched at his concern for her. "Yes Jer, I promise. I'll be fine, don't worry."
Her brother returned her smile with his own concerned one. "Okay, meet you at the car."
Jeremy knew that there was nothing he could say to convince Elena to stay; his sister wasn't one who really like to be fussed over, as she preferred to be the one to took care of others when they weren't feeling their best or having a good day.
As he walked into the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast, Jeremy tried to contemplate other ways to persuade his sister to stay home and rest.
He would've pursued the matter further, but he already knew that arguing with her accomplished nothing. Well, most of the time it didn't...every now and then, there were extremely rare situations when Jeremy was able to expel an unusual amount of motivational authority, and make Elena relent to his worried commands. Those were usually reserved for emergency situations, and Jeremy just wasn't able to muster that kind energy at the moment. He figured if nothing else worked, she might just have to learn the hard way by letting herself be miserable in school.
However, he wasn't willing to give up so easily...he knew Elena had been going through a lot lately, especially since their aunt's tragic death and Stefan being forced to go with Klaus. Jeremy could only imagine the kind of stress Elena was going through: handling school work, having to be constantly protected from other vampires who wanted her killed, worrying about and missing Stefan, trying to still have a social life and smile through the emotional pain when with friends, etc.
Man, no wonder she's not feeling well! All that mental trauma can't be good for the body; I'm surprised she didn't get sick even sooner. Jeremy mused while munching on a blueberry bagel.
He already knew that Stefan wouldn't be able to make his sister stay home, since he was obviously gone and no one really knew where he was. Nope; out of the question. Stefan probably wouldn't even answer the phone. Even if he was still here, Elena didn't always listen to him before.
Jeremy thought of seeking the help of Bonnie or Caroline; he knew they were like sisters to Elena and would definitely worry about her being sick, but even they'd never be able to force her to stay home. Not unless I could convince Bonnie to put some kind of binding spell on her; He laughed at the thought, knowing she'd never agree to use her dark powers for something so simple as a fever.
Jeremy was beginning to feel frustrated as he went through the list of people that could help his sister. He knew Alaric was already at the school preparing to teach, so it would be no use to call him and have him play "dad" to Elena. Even though the man had become like one to the siblings, and they respected him very much, they all knew it would take some more time before their guardian felt comfortable enough to really exercise firm authority over either of them.
Not that they had ever given him a reason to before; both Jeremy and Elena tried to make things really easy for Alaric. Even when he did ask them to do something or was worried about them, they usually had no problem obeying, or were able to come to some kind of agreement that would make everyone happy and decrease the chances for any unnecessary drama.
Alas, Jeremy knew that Alaric still had yet to really encounter the intense stubbornness of his sister. No...no Alaric was definitely not going to do it; he'd have to be a last resort.
Speaking of last resorts...the teen growled to himself as Damon suddenly popped into his head. Even if he wasn't crazy about the guy, he begrudgingly had to admit that the smarmy vampire was the only one who had ever been able to really keep Elena from danger, even when she tried to fight him to get her way.
Jeremy remembered the time Damon had stormed in with Elena and seemed really put off with her about something. He never found out what it was, nor did he remember what had happened afterwards. He did remember that Elena didn't want to talk about it though, and that her eyes had looked red as if she'd been crying after she and Damon both woke up from their unintentional power nap later that same night.
It was after seeing them that he remembered Stefan was still trapped in the tomb with Katherine, the "Queen of the Damned," and the three of them had immediately rushed to his aid.
While he didn't go into the tomb with them, Jeremy distinctly remembered hearing Damon stop Elena from trying to go after Stefan. He remembered hearing her struggle and yell at Damon to let her go, begging him to let her get to Stefan. A second later, she had stormed out of the tomb with a pout on her pretty face and tears glistening in her eyes.
Yes, he had to admit that Damon was the only one who could stand in his sister's way. Even if the vampire was kinda full of himself, his boldness and fearlessness enabled him to protect Elena without caring how much she hated him for it.
Jeremy groaned as he realized there was no other option that would really benefit his sister's well being. Taking out his cell, he found Damon's contact under the term of endearment "Douche Bag," and pushed the "call" button.
"No, Jeremy I am not going to compel Bonnie to have sex with you, so don't even bother9 to ask. Have you considered looking up some of the potions they used in Harry Potter? Maybe Snape could give you the instructions to create a 'love potion;' then you could slip it into her tea, and the witch would be obsessed with her infatuated muggle and do whatever you like huh?"
Jeremy couldn't stop the "WTF" look that spread across his features at Damon's bizarre way of answering the phone. He might've even laughed if he had actually liked the guy, but he didn't want give him the satisfaction.
"First of all Damon: you're a friggin nerd. Second: shut up about Bonnie and don't talk about her that way! Third: what in the hell kind of a greeting was that dude?!" Jeremy exclaimed into the receiver, unable to disguise the morbid curiosity in his voice.
"Dude? Really? Dude?" Came Damon's snarky reply. "Seriously though little Gilbert, you'd better have a good reason for disturbing my sleep this early in the morning. I have half a mind to kill you again; I was having such a lovely dream."
"That's a touching story, really, not my problem your highness. I actually do have a good reason for calling, so shut up and listen. It's about Elena."
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Nearly an hour later, Jeremy and Elena were in the car and on their way to school.
The shivering girl sipped some hot tea from her mug, as Jeremy drove on in perplexed silence.
He was trying hard not to feel angry towards his older sister. After he had gotten off the phone with Damon, Elena had come staggering down the stairs, wearing a black trench coat and red boots.
It was plain that the poor girl was having trouble with balancing herself as she walked, and had Jeremy not been at the foot of the stairs, she would have hurt herself when she finally collapsed from the overwhelming dizzy spell she was experiencing.
Jeremy had caught her with little effort, and proceeded to scold her about not listening to his suggestion of staying home and resting.
Elena had merely ignored him and asked where the car keys were.
"Oh right Elena, like I'm really going to let you drive in your state?! You're lucky I'm letting you go to school at all after that lovely little stunt on the stairs! I'm driving; don't argue please, just get in the car before I change my mind."
Elena had scoffed indignantly at her brother's response, before grabbing the mug of tea he had offered her and walking into the crisp autumn air.
Stupid girl! Can't she see she's not well?! Jeremy thought as he continued to drive.
He was grateful he had made the call to Damon earlier that morning. He felt reassured that it was in his sister's best interest, and was hoping she wouldn't hate him for the results that were about to occur.
The school finally came into view, and Jeremy quickly put the car into park.
Neither said anything, as they proceeded to get out of the car and walk towards the school.
"And just where do you think you're going Elena Gilbert?"
Elena whirled around at the familiar voice, and found Damon leaning against her car with his arms crossed and a stern expression on his handsome face. She looked at him with confusion and annoyance; "Well, obviously I'm going to school Damon, what else would I be doing?"
"Staying at home, taking medicine, lying in bed and recovering from the fever you so obviously have."
Jeremy tried not to look guilty as his sister slowly turned and pointed an accusatory glare in his direction. "You called HIM?!"
"I had to Elena, you wouldn't listen to me and you're obviously not feeling well enough to be at school today."
"I have a damn test in History class today Jeremy!" She shrieked while slapping her brother on the shoulder. "I studied hard for that test and I sure as hell am not going to miss it because of a stupid fever!"
"Think again sweetheart." Damon's voice said in her ear.
Elena nearly shrieked as the older Salvator brother was suddenly by her side; she fumed and tried to push his hand away as he lifted it to feel her forehead.
"Stop that." Damon admonished while lightly slapping her hands away and resuming his inspection. He frowned as he felt the heat of her skin penetrate his own. "Of all the idiotic-Elena, seriously?!" He scolded as his hands came to rest on her warm cheeks. "Even without feeling your temperature, I can tell just by looking at you that you're not feeling well! You have dark circles under your eyes, you're shivering uncontrollably, you're a sickly pale, your cheeks are flushed; not only that, but you're standing outside in the middle of the chilly autumn weather, completely exposed to the even colder wind while feeling like this?! I don't think so Elena; there's NO way you're going to school today!"
"Oh?! And I suppose you're going to try and stop me huh? I will NOT going home Damon! I. Will. Not!" Elena stated while stomping her foot like a petulant child.
Jeremy chuckled at his sister's childish response, he could already see that her resolve was melting in Damon's presence, and he instantly felt better.
"Well, I can see you're in good hands Elena. Don't worry, I'll tell Alaric and make sure to bring you home any homework. Thanks for this Damon." Jeremy acknowledged while nodding his head towards the vampire and walking away.
"No prob Jeremy; I'll make sure she gets home and straight to bed." Damon assured, while wrapping his arm around Elena's waist.
"Let me go Damon! You can't do this! I'm perfectly fine I swear!" Elena protested while shoving out of his grasp.
Damon smirked as she folded her arms angrily. "Why are you being so difficult about this Elena? It's not like we're asking you to do something impossible here, we just want you to go home and rest; you NEED it! I'm sure Alaric will understand; I mean he's your teacher and guardian, and this sort of thing happens all the time. You don't want to get worse and then have to be stuck in bed longer now do you?"
Elena merely shook her head, before walking closer to Damon and getting in his face, "I appreciate your concern, but you cannot make me go home! I want to be here; I NEED to be here okay? I don't care if you don't approve Damon; if it were Caroline or Bonnie who were sick, you wouldn't even blink. So please, stop wasting both of our time and just saunter back to the direction in which you came."
She tried to ignore the iciness that grew in Damon's piercing blue eyes at her defiant answer, and attempted to turn and walk away. "Woooh! Someone's in a feisty mood today!" He called after the incensed girl.
Elena tried to push his voice out of her ears as she continued to storm off. For a split second, she thought she had won the argument and felt victorious! Damon hadn't come after her yet…hopefully he would just let her be.
But then, her triumph was interrupted by the sudden overwhelming spinning sensation, and she couldn't stop herself from wilting to the ground.
Strong hands immediately scooped her up before she hit the cold earth, and being too weak to fight back, Elena merely rested her head against Damon's chest as he carried her back to the car.
"Uh huh, I can see that you're perfectly fine Elena, you stubborn, defiant little thing you." Damon murmured gently as she curled up in his arms.
Elena felt herself being put in the seat and strapped in, and her eyes began to close as Damon got in the driver's seat and turned on the ignition.
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Elena jerked awake when the car stopped and saw that they were back at her house. She glared at Damon as he opened the door and waited for her to get out. "Take me back Damon, I feel rested now. We can probably make it back in time for the test if we leave now."
Damon rolled his eyes at her words. "You don't know when to quit, do you? Come on Elena, I'm not taking you back. Now are you going to get out of the car? Or am I going to have to make you?"
Elena grumbled before furiously unbuckling her seatbelt and jumping out the door. She hastily pushed past Damon and didn't allow him to assist her as she unlocked the main door and went inside; it must have been her time of month on top of feeling sick, for she found herself surging with rage and slamming the door in Damon's face right as he was about to walk in.
Elena plopped herself on the couch and crossed her arms as she heard the door open with surprising gentility. "I'm going to let that slide since you're not feeling well Elena." Damon said calmly as he came to stand in front of the livid girl. "Now then, stop with the adorable pout, and go upstairs and get into bed. I'll make you some delicious soup, and bring up some hot tea with honey and lemon. It'll help you feel better luv."
"No."
Damon's eyebrows lifted in surprise at her response. "I'm sorry, what was that?"
"I said NO Damon!"
The vampire shook his head before sitting next to the sick girl. She tried to scoot over as he sat down, but he merely took her cold hands in his own. "Elena, I am really trying to be gentle and patient here with you, alright? I understand you don't want to be here; I understand that you prepared yourself very diligently for that history test, I get it. But you seriously need to be reasonable right now okay? You. are. sick; you are not feeling well, and you are not going to get any better by trying to make it through the day at school while you're like this. You need to rest Elena; you're acting ridiculously stubborn for something so trivial as staying home and getting better. Heck, I'm surprised you're not basking in the fact that you get to sleep the day away and relax. All I'm trying to do is help you, and Jeremy was the one who called me to tell you about your situation. You both have been through a lot Elena; but you're having to deal with the brunt of it, because you're trying to act like everyone's mom. Trust me, you need this and your body is begging you to just power down. So stop treating me as if I'm trying to do something horrible Elena…I'm here now, and I am going to take care of you until you get better, end of story."
Elena shifted uncomfortably at the truth of Damon's words, annoyed that he was the one in the right. "Fine…do what you have to then. But don't expect me to be easy about it!"
The famous smirk appeared on Damon's face as he chuckled quietly. "Why do you think they asked me to be the one to watch after you? Now, go upstairs please Elena, I'll be up in a bit."
The brunette wasn't willing to obey just yet, despite how horrible she felt. She hated the fact that Damon was one of the few, if not ONLY people-scratch that-vampires who wouldn't give in to her demands, even if they seemed to be ones that could result in a good benefit. Oh no…there was no arguing with this one.
Damon's eyes turned to ice as Elena shook her head at him with a look of obvious glee-filled defiance; she was testing him.
"Maybe I'm not making myself clear Elena Gilbert." He growled while seizing her arm, and carefully hoisting her up on her feet. "Hey! Get off me Damon, stop!"
Her protest was ignored as she was firmly marched to the stairs. "Do I need to remind you of what happened the last time you told me no?" He spoke lowly in Elena's ear, watching with satisfaction as her face turned even paler at the reminder of the time when Damon had spanked her for attempting to give herself over to Klaus. "You're ill Elena, I really don't want to have to be stern with you today. But I will if you continue to make this far more difficult than it needs to be, do you understand?"
"Perfectly." Elena hissed before jerking her arm out of his grasp and shoving him into the wall as she prepared to walk up the stairs. She yelped when she felt Damon grab her arm and apply a warning swat to her behind. "Remember Elena, I swore I would look out for you like an older brother or guardian, as long as your love remained loyal to my brother. Even though he's not here right now, that promise still remains and my duty is to keep you safe. Do NOT test me."
Feeling suddenly overwhelmed, Elena sniffled back the tears that were fighting to well in her eyes as she rubbed away the sting and turned to face the vampire. Damn time of the month! Making me overly emotional! "Safe from what?! From being sick?! Damon-!" Her breath hitched as her voice began to waver at the choked up sensation that was clogging her throat.
Damon could tell that her being sick was making her more sensitive than usual, and allowed his resolve to soften. "C'mere," he soothed before picking her up and carrying her up the stairs. Elena was exhausted, and succumbed to his comforting actions, biting her lip as she buried her face in Damon's shoulder. "No, darlin. I meant protect you from being vulnerable to the rest of the vampires that want to kill you. When your body is in a state like this, you're not only physically more weak and exhausted, but your emotions are heightened ten times their normal levels. So how can you be expected to defend yourself at all or be on your guard, when there are others still out there, prowling around, looking for you and wanting you dead? Hmmm?"
"I just…I don't like feeling weak and useless Damon. If I can do anything to help find Stefan, bring him hime safe and sound, and find a way to get those other vampires off our trail, I want to be involved. I mean is that really such a bad thing?"
Damon shook his head as they entered Elena's bedroom. "There is nothing wrong with you wanting to help Elena, that is definitely understandable."
"Then why won't you let me?" Elena asked as Damon tucked her into bed, making sure the quivering girl was nice and warm. He paused for a moment to contemplate his response, before sitting next to Elena with a sigh.
"Look, I know it's probably frustrating from your standpoint, but try to see it from mine. I honestly don't want you to think I'm trying to keep you from making choices of your own, because I do believe in the right of independence. Yes, I can tell you're trying not to laugh at how hypocritical that sounds coming from me, but let me elaborate. There have been times where Stefan and I have gone with some of your plans and they worked out nicely, I'll give you that. But that was because we planned them together and were in agreement, and knew how to keep you safe in the midst of some of those dangerous situations. However, there have also been too many times where we've allowed you to do what you wanted, and it has nearly gotten you killed. Either that, or you snuck away from our protection when we least expected it, and tried to take matters into your own hands. Did any of those situations truly work out well for you? Because it seems to me that we always came to your rescue right in the nick of time."
Elena felt her cheeks grow red as she tried to avoid Damon's rather paternal sounding lecture. "Didn't we already discuss this before Damon?" She grumbled, embarrassed at how childish she was feeling under his gaze.
He gently took her chin and tilted it so that her eyes were pinned on his. Elena was surprised to see a wry smirk across his face; "Yes, we did discuss this before. But you seem to have already forgotten about said discussion, otherwise you wouldn't have asked me that same question. Did it help you to remember better in that other…circumstance? I mean because we can totally re-stage that situation-"
"Alright, alright I get it! Geez Damon!" Elena protested, her eyes wide at that reference, before lightly hitting the chuckling vampire. She pinched the bridge of her nose while laying back in the bed tiredly.
"My point, Elena, is that you are a kind and caring girl who is wiling to make sacrifices for others. Well you're not the only one; Bonnie, Caroline, Matt, Tyler, Stefan, Jeremy, Alaric, me; we're all willing to do the same for you. Yes, while like Matt and Jeremy, you do not have any supernatural powers in your favor, the difference from all of us together is that you are the most wanted person by the vampires in the world right now. Being human makes you even more exposed to danger; do you really think we're just going to hand you over so easily? Nuh-uh, nope, no way, forget it, wrong answer, never gonna happen, THAT'S a laugh!"
Elena rolled her eyes at the purposefully dramatic inflection Damon kept using when stating each word in that last sentence. Truth be told, she snorted with laughter when he decided to punctuate his sentence with an unexpected, drawn out impersonation of a time buzzer that sounds during a sports game. Why was it that he could so easily integrate humor within a serious conversation?
"Ah, finally, there's that beautiful smile I've been waiting to see." Damon crooned while beaming in return at her mirthful giggle. Elena tried to hide her face behind her pillow, but the shaking of her shoulders still gave her away. "Alright, fine Damon, you win. I won't try to go on a crazy goose chase on my own." She said in surrender once the laughter had stopped.
"And?" Damon prompted, his eyebrows raising expectantly.
"And…I won't especially do that while I'm sick."
"ANNNND?"
She threw her hands up in frustration "I don't know, what else is there Damon?"
"And you'll rest and let me take care of you so that you can heal quickly and painlessly." He added.
Elena couldn't help but pin Damon with a begrudging expression of adoration at his words. "Yessss…that too."
"That's my girl." He replied with satisfaction while stroking her soft hair in a comforting gesture.
That sweet moment was interrupted when Elena began to cough violently, and fell back against her pillow thanks to another wave of vertigo that literally rocked her world.
Concerned, Damon brushed his hand against her forehead, holding it there until the fit stopped.
"You feel even warmer to me Elena; stay here and rest okay? I'm going to make you some delicious warm soup and bring you other medicine you might need as well."
Elena nodded her head in gratitude. "Well, thank you Doctor Damon." She replied weakly with a wink in his direction.
"Hey, no flirting from the sick patient. It's not professional." He replied with a playful wag of his finger as he walked out of the bedroom.
Elena smiled softly at his retreating form, before closing her eyes and shifting to find a more comfortable position. Her head was pounding, her throat felt sore, her chest hurt from the rough coughing, she felt weak, she was uncomfortably cold, even with the covers over her, and she still felt as if she were spinning, despite the fact that her eyes were closed.
Everything hurt or ached…and yet, even though she was wishing it was Stefan who was taking care of her, she was extremely…happy…and grateful to have Damon looking after her. Even if he had given her a swat earlier for being a bit of a brat. She rubbed the spot where his palm had struck, and admitted to herself that even though it had hurt, it was still a strangely comforting reminder that he loved her, and would always be there to take care of her whether she liked it or not.
Elena felt her eyes growing heavier as she waited for Damon to bring up her soup. She was looking forward to having that warm liquid soothe her throat and appease her chills. The sickly girl began to doze as she listened to the rhythm of her clock ticking…for some reason, it was too quiet in that room.
She reached over to her little stereo and turned it on, pushing play on her iPod. The serene voices of the "Civil Wars" began to play, causing a contented sigh to escape her lips. Elena had created a special playlist called "Comfort," for the times when she was down or having an emotional day, and that particular band took up the majority of her playlist, among the other random songs she had on there. It proved to be effective though, as the girl instantly felt the lyrics embracing her fragile form. She knew the song that was playing at the moment was technically a combination of Taylor Swift and the "Civil Wars," but she still absolutely loved the melody, harmonization of their voices, and meaning of the words.
"Just close your eyes,
the sun is going down;
You'll be alright,
No one can hurt you now;
Come morning light,
You and I'll be safe and sound."
Elena snuggled under the covers and hugged a pillow close to her chest, wishing that Stefan were there to hold her. She missed him so much and hated that he was having to make such sacrifices in order to keep her safe.
Damon's here though; he can always comfort you too. Look at all he's doing for you now; her conscience reminded her. It was true, the older Salvatore brother was a pro at being a kind caretaker when he wanted to be. Elena's fondness for Damon had continued to grow ever since the incident at Slater's house, and the events which took place afterwards. However, she was afraid that without Stefan being there, her heart was beginning to melt even more for his brother. She prided herself on being a loyal friend and girlfriend, and despite her feelings, she would try and suppress them as best she could for both her and Stefan's sake.
Elena began to reminisce of when her mother was still alive, and how they had at one point discussed the fact that the world seemed to base most of its decisions upon emotion rather than rationality.
She had argued with Miranda about how one's heart could feel something so strong, so passionate, and for the feelings to seem so right when "in the moment," only for it to either be wrong or lead to some kind of horrible pain later on.
"Your heart may have the right intentions sweetheart; your heart may desire the right thing, but sometimes even your heart can deceive you into believing what YOU want to believe, as opposed to what you NEED for yourself. For example: I remember when your father was struggling with a weight issue in college. He had gotten so stressed out with his studies, that he began to eat a lot of comfort food in order to help ease and distract his mind while he was still doing his work. Of course, none of us judged him because we loved him so much, plus judging never helps anything. However, it got to a point where he became very unhealthy and it was disrupting his sleeping schedule, energy levels, awareness, moods, etc. We had to be patient with him and help him understand that while we knew it was difficult, that him treating his body in such a way was not helping him at all. He begged me and your Uncle John to help him at one point, and we had to be his accountability partners for at least a year before he was able to hold his own again. We were happy to help him of course, but it was difficult sometimes, because he would fight us and try to convince us that he needed it. See Elena, your mind can tell you 'do whatever you want; do what you feel like doing; it's your choice, live life to the fullest. It must be right because it FEELS right.' True, that's a more fun and adventurous way of looking at it, but in many cases, there are consequences that accompany those decisions. Many people in our world suffer because they base their choices purely on 'feelings,' instead of taking the time to look ahead and see how their choices could affect them in the long run. I don't say this in a condemning way Elena, I say this as someone who has both witnessed and experienced what it's like to be in that position. Trust me, if you can avoid those results at all costs, then do it. That's why it's good to have a balance between emotion and logic, and to have self control. Once you achieve self control, you can pretty much overcome any other parts in your life that you struggle with. Make no mistake, you'll never be able to perfect your weaknesses, because that's what makes us human. It's a lifelong battle…but you learn how to beat it, how to win against it, how to overcome it during your most exhausting wars, so that when you're older, you know how to deal with it if it ever tries to control you again. And if you fail, the best thing you can do is forgive and forget, pick yourself up, and keep persevering, even if you have to endure some of the consequences along the way."
"Yes mom…" Elena responded out loud to her flashback as she heard her mother's voice in her head. It was funny how she understood those words perfectly now compared to then. 'Sense and Sensibility' makes so much more sense to me now.
After a few more minutes of idle thinking, Damon walked back into the bedroom with a tray of perfectly arrayed food, drink, and medicine upon it. "I brought you soup! Delicious chicken soup!" He sang out while doing a funny little dance up to Elena's bed. She snorted at his goofy little song while covering her face with a pillow, the laughter becoming more and more apparent as she attempted to muffle it.
Feeling quite pleased with himself, Damon set the tray down on her bedside table and pulled up a chair so that he could sit next to her. "You coming out of there anytime soon miss giggle-pants?" He grabbed the pillow and lifted it up to see Elena's eyes shining with amusement at his words.
"Did you really just sing a quote from that old disney show 'Even Stevens?'" She asked while sitting up.
"Impressive, you caught my reference. And hey, how could I not? I saw an opportunity, and I seized it." Damon replied while taking the tray and carefully placing it on Elena.
"I don't know what's funnier, the fact that you of all people actually watched that show, or the fact that you actually sang a quote from it." Elena continued to giggle as she took a drink of the water he had provided for her.
Damon shrugged at the comment while casually folding his arms behind his head. "It was one of the few shows I could stomach after they took away the awesome cartoons. I used to think that Ren Stevens was kinda hot, and her brother was just a fun character over all."
"Eww…hitting on an 8th grader Damon? Really? You're old…" Elena commented while snickering.
The vampire waved his hand nonchalantly at her words; "Yeah yeah, be quiet and eat your soup." He replied while taking up her spoon and dipping it into the broth before offering it to her.
"Um…Damon…I can eat this without help you know…"
"Your point? Come on Elena, you're weak and tired. How about just letting me serve you for once, huh?"
Elena grinned with a little embarrassed shake of the head. "Noooo."
Damon jutted his lip out in a playful pout while giving her his best 'puppy-dog' eyes. "Oh don't be such a big baby. Come now; choo choo! Choo choo!" He joked while inching the spoon closer to her lips. Elena started to laugh against her will again, and Damon joined her this time as she finally gave in and let him feed her.
"Mmmm this is delicious Damon. Thank you so much for doing all of this for me." She said with gratitude while swallowing another bite he offered her.
"Oh it's nothing Elena; it's not everyday I get to play male nurse to someone I actually want to."
"Nurse? I thought you were a doctor."
Damon pinned his patient with a rather seductive glance as he replied in a joking manner, "For you doll, I could be both." Elena snorted into her orange juice at his response. "Stop making me laugh Damon, you're making me be all messy!" She scolded lightly while wiping herself down with a napkin. "You can be really cheesy, you know that?"
"Cheesy? No…charming? Yes." Was the reply as Damon continued to spoon feed the slightly flabbergasted girl.
The two of them continued to have a pleasant conversation throughout the meal, joking around and talking about random, fun topics that they usually didn't get to partake in, especially with times being as dangerous as they were.
As Elena continued to enjoy her meal, she noticed that Damon had taken the time to make her some special coat throat tea with honey and lemon in it; he had also brought her a packet of Hall's cough drops for colds, some Mucinex, and some tylenol to help with the fever and headaches. To say she was touched was an understatement, as she had never been this sick before in her life, thus she wasn't accustomed to being served a special, lovely cuisine, designed for those who were ill.
At one point, the sound of her cell phone ringing interrupted their pleasant conversation. Damon walked over to the dresser and looked at the caller. "Hey luv, do you want me to take this call or should I tell them to bite me?" He asked, while smirking at his own quip.
Elena chuckled while shaking her head."Who is it?"
"It's Jeremy."
"Yeeeeeah I'm still a bit annoyed with him. Just tell him to bite you."
"With pleasure." Damon responded with glee, totally surprising Elena by answering the phone with those exact words. "Bite me Jeremy."
"I didn't mean literally you jerk!" Elena exclaimed as he hung up, mildly horrified that he actually did it.
"Whoops." Damon replied unapologetically, "my bad; major herp derp on my part."
"Herp derp?! What the heck does that mean?!" Elena asked, a mixture of confusion and amusement etched across her face.
"Just an expression I picked up at college. Now then, are you finished with your meal? If you are, you should drink your tea and take your meds." He responded while sitting back down.
"Yessss Dr. Damon."
After taking all of her medicine and drinking down the tea, Damon took her tray downstairs, and returned with a thermometer and a cold, wet washcloth. "Still warm." He muttered after feeling Elena's temperature again. "Open wide pumpkin."
She groaned in response, as she hated having her temperature taken. "Damooon-"
"Now Elena."
The drowsy girl sighed at his no-nonsense tone, before complying to his command. "101. 5…" Damon read, worry spreading across his face. "Well, that's not good is it?"
"I'll be fine, the medicine still needs time to make it through my system." Elena tried to reassure him, not happy with the diagnosis either.
"You're right, and do you know the best way to pass the time while waiting for it to take effect?"
"A movie?" She asked hopefully.
"No, you silly girl. A nice long nap." Was the reply as the cool washcloth was placed upon Elena's feverish brow.
"But Damon…I'd much rather watch a movie." She pleaded, already knowing what the answer would be.
"Oh I know you would prefer that," Damon began while walking over to the other side of the bed and flopping down next to his charge. "But you are in some serious need of sleep my dear. And whether you admit it or not, I know you are tired. I saw those yawns you tried to stifle a little while ago."
"Or maybe, I just wasn't getting enough oxygen because I wasn't taking enough deep breaths." She argued, knowing that source of information to be medically true.
Damon smiled at her cute reply, still refusing to budge. "Nice try Elena, but you're going to bed; you need to shut down for a bit. No arguing."
The frustrated girl gave a growl of annoyance before pulling the covers up over her chest and settling down beneath their warmth.
"Aww don't be like that Elena. I'm just looking out for you, that's all. If you don't rest, you could get worse you know?"
Elena merely sighed before settling her gaze upon her caretaker. "I know you are…and I'm grateful to you Damon, I really am. I guess I'm just feeling a bit grumpy…I hate being sick."
The vampire nodded in agreement at her statement, before using his free hand to stroke her hair in a calming motion. "I understand Elena…if you feel better when you wake up, maybe we could watch a movie downstairs ok?"
"That'd be nice…" She replied with a sleepy smile before yawning widely.
Damon looked over Elena with adoration, wanting nothing more than to hold her in his arms while she fell asleep. "Sleep now beautiful." He whispered as he continued to stroke her dark locks. He watched as she closed her eyes, seeming at peace under his touch.
Elena forgot how needy she could be when feeling sick. Even though she didn't get sick a lot, she remembered that the last couple of times, she had felt like a little girl in need of her parent's care. In fact, the last time she felt this bad was when her parents were still alive. She remembered having to stay in bed all weekend, and her mother had never left her side that whole time. The memories, precious though they were, also brought on a wave of painful nostalgia, as she knew she'd never get to hear her mother's soothing hum by her bedside again.
Elena squeezed her eyes shut even tighter, not wanting to dwell on such painful thoughts. She whimpered without meaning to, and felt tears slowly trickle down her face.
"What's wrong Elena?" A kind voice cut through her thoughts, bringing slight relief to her tormented mind.
"I just…I want my…I miss my mom…" came the soft, choked up reply.
Damon was surprised when Elena suddenly rolled over and snuggled up to his side, clearly in need of comfort and distraction from her reverie. He wasted no time in accommodating her needs, and slowly wrapped his arms around her as she cried quietly in his embrace. He gently rocked her as she lamented her mother's absence, whispering sweet nothings into her ear to lull her sorrows.
"She used to take care of me like this Damon…when I was sick-" she couldn't finish the sentence as it was just too much.
"Shhh shhhhh…I'm here, please don't be sad Elena. I've got you…shhhh…" His heart ached for the girl he was holding; he hated to see her cry, it was one of his ultimate weaknesses. Elena was feeling refreshed by their tender moment, relishing in the feeling of his warm embrace. She felt herself quieting down as Damon began to hum a beautiful tune…a lullaby to put her spirit at rest.
As she began to fall asleep, she couldn't help but think again about how her feelings for Damon were growing. It worried her, bothered her…because the last thing she wanted to do was break Stefan's heart. She knew that feelings were liable to change, especially since he was out being his ripper version with Klaus, while Damon stayed behind to look after her and help find Stefan.
Mom, what if I end up failing in this situation? Elena asked in her head, wishing her mother was alive. I love Stefan so much…there are so many things about him that make me feel just…happy and right. He protects me and respects my decisions, even when he disagrees with them. And yet…here's Damon, the one who also protects me; but he does it in a way that I don't always like. He usually makes me stay put, no matter how much I protest, and doesn't budge in most cases. Yet, I feel challenged by him in that way, and sometimes I feel even more protected, because he doesn't always give in to what I want.
The emotionally, physically drained girl could feel her body going limp as she succumbed to the wave of sleep that finally enveloped her.
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Elena could feel herself floating between the worlds of reality and dreams, vaguely aware of what was happening around her.
Someone's hand was caressing her face…it felt soft and feminine, and smelled of a familiar perfume. Elena wanted to open her eyes when she heard a soft voice whispering her name…one she hadn't heard since the accident.
"Elena…Elena…don't try to open your eyes sweetie. You're tired and you need your rest."
"M-mom?!" She gasped while blindly grabbing for the air, frustrated that her eyes felt as if they were glued shut.
She felt a pair of hands take hold of her flailing ones, rubbing them in a soothing gesture as the voice hushed her frantic actions.
"It's alright Elena…calm down, I'm here…don't be afraid."
Elena could almost feel her mother's tender smile, and she instantly felt appeased as peace took over her form.
"Why…why are you here?"
"You fell asleep honey…you're dreaming right now."
"But why can't I see you?"
"Because your body is sick sweetie, and it really needs to rest. If you continue to fight with yourself any longer, you'll just get worse. Now, try to relax and just listen to my voice. I've come to be with you for as long as I can."
Elena took Miranda's hand and brought it up to her trembling lips, cherishing the feel of her soft touch. "I've missed you so much mom. I'm glad you're here."
"I've missed you too sweetie…so, looks like you've had quite the adventure with all these new changes in your life huh? Don't worry, I'm not upset or anything; I want to be able to answer some of the questions you have for me. Try hard to focus on my words okay? Remembering them will help you a lot in the near future."
Her daughter nodded in response, eagerly awaiting to hear the words of wisdom.
"I heard your question before you fell asleep honey, and here's what I have to say. You're with Stefan right now; you two have already been through quite a bit together, but you're in a spot where your loyalty to him is being tested, and it's even harder than before. It's at times like these that you get a glimpse of what it will be like to be married; it's actually great practice. My mother used to tell me, that it actually takes a few years before a person's deepest colors are shown, especially in a relationship that's working well. In fact, she dated your grandfather for four years before they got married."
"Good grief! Four years?!"
"Yes my dear, four years. They weren't in a hurry, nor were they afraid of commitment. They waited, mostly because they wanted to get through college and make sure they were financially stable to start a life together. In the end, they were able to have the wedding they desired, and lived a happy marriage. Yes, there were many times when they fought each other and were tested to the point that they almost got a divorce. Yet, they never allowed things to remain broken. They always found a way to glue back the pieces, even if they needed the help of others. And there were times, Elena, where they struggled with their feelings and even fell out of love with each other. But that vow, that promise they made at the altar was what kept them together. They learned how to move past the mere 'feelings' of their relationship, and worked on rebuilding and healing the grey and weak areas in their life. They learned how to fall back in love with each other, even when it seemed like it was a never-ending process."
Elena felt tears in her eyes at her mother's words. She knew such things were possible in marriages, but it still amazed her that such loyalty ever existed. It was inspiring…empowering.
"Is that what kept you and daddy together?"
"Yes Elena, it was. We experienced those moments as well. The difference was that we didn't date each other as long as your grandparents did before we got married. Something people don't realize is that you don't really fall in love, you GROW in love. It seems like you fall in love at first sight or when the relationship first begins, but honestly sweetie, that's just puppy love. It's the incredibly happy, lovey-dovey, innocent, and cutesy feeling that accompanies the beginning of almost every relationship. You grow in love when you go through the trials and overcome them as a couple; falling in love is the rare stage that not many people get to experience after all that; it's what happens when you come out on the other side, and realize you can pretty much accomplish anything as a couple. At that moment, things almost seem to get easier, even when difficulties come your way, and your love grows even stronger as a result; almost overwhelmingly strong compared to when you and your beloved first met, which is why it seems like you're falling in love all over again, except it's more real. It's because you learn how to become a pro at picking your battles and keeping the peace; how to keep yourself from getting offended easily on yours or other people's behalf; how to know when to deal with the drama in your life, and when it's better to just walk away. You never stop learning something new as you grow Elena, especially when you get married. One of the keys to a successful relationship or marriage, is selflessness and humility. If your father and I didn't learn how to say 'I'm sorry, I was wrong,' to each other, even during the times when one of us wasn't wrong, we probably wouldn't have lasted. It's easier for some and harder for others, but if you want it that badly, then you'll get over the discomfort and work for it. Elena, I know you're someone who wants to marry and have a family someday as well…so while you continue experience love, make sure to ask yourself if the person you're with is someone you can see yourself being with for the rest of your life. Is he worth all the struggles you'll experience together as husband and wife? Is he someone you can love completely, despite his flaws? Is he someone you're willing to fight and die for? Because if you ever reach a point where divorce seems like a possibility, you're going to want to fight it with every fiber of your being."
Elena laughed quietly at her mother's passionate tone while nodding. "Yes mom, I understand. You clearly have never been a fan of divorce, and hey, I'm right there with you. But I'm just curious mom, would you still stand by all that you've just told me, if you were in an abusive relationship or if say, Daddy ever cheated on you?"
There was pregnant silence that followed her question, and Elena began to wonder if her mother's presence had left the room. She felt relieved when her mother's voice broke through her thoughts.
"That's a tough question Elena, but a very good and important one as well. Before I explain my opinion about that, I think it's very important to remember that people make mistakes all the time, it's a part of the growing process. I'm not saying that you should justify all of your mistakes with that excuse, but it's definitely something that needs to be remembered before you reach a verdict on how to deal with or judge the guilty party. I'm someone who believes in second chances Elena; your father has never raised a hand to me in his life. If he had, I would've been shocked and probably horrified as well. But I would take some time for myself to think about the reason behind him doing that, and after calming myself down, I would talk with him and see how he would react to our discussion. Honestly, Elena, I would give him a second chance, because sometimes people do things on impulse that they would never do in a million years. The stress of growing usually opens doors for change in the body and the mind. You never think about it until you experience it luv; I've learned from personal experience, that people sometimes develop chemical imbalances later on in their lives, it's not only something that accompanies one from birth. A lot of times, it goes unnoticed too, and then that person with the imbalance is labelled as crazy, or bad, or strange, or unstable, or rejected, etc. In those cases, it's an absolute necessity to have someone help you, so that you can learn how to handle it, share it with others who don't understand what it's like to be in that position, and be there for those that go through the same thing. Again, this doesn't mean that it should be used in every situation as an excuse or justified explanation, because there are some sick, disturbed people out there Elena. But it's still something that one should think about before deciding on a course of action after being wronged. Anyway, you get the point; I'd give your father a second chance if that were to ever happen. However, if he were to do it again after that, even if it were to pain me, I'd most likely have to separate from him. If one ever has an accurate need for divorce, I believe that abuse and adultery are definitely good reasons for that."
"Yeah, you never answered that question mom. What if dad cheated on you?" Elena asked, really curious to know how her mom would respond to that.
"While that would be horrible Elena, I'd still give him a second chance if he was repentant. It would hurt…I'd feel like I was dying inside…but then again, if I didn't forgive him and give him another chance, I'd be a hypocrite. Like I told you when I was still alive, feelings can't be stopped, because they happen even when we don't want them to. If your father occasionally looked at another woman while being with me, he never told me, which is honestly fine with me. I mean, if he had told me, I'd appreciate his honesty, but then I'd probably start to feel self-conscious and like I needed to make myself more appealing for him so that he wouldn't leave me. I'd also probably start to feel a bit jealous and worry all the time about what he was thinking, especially when around other women. That can drive a woman up the wall, and sometimes turn her into a crazy person. I know that honesty is important in a relationship Elena, but I firmly believe that there are some things that are better left unsaid for the sake of peace or protection. Believe it or not, there are very few cases where honesty can come across as selfish, even if it's unintentional. For example: If I had called my parents in college every single time I did something that was either wrong or that affected me negatively, then they would've been worrying about me all the time and think that I was miserable; they'd only know the negative, even though deep down I was really having a great time; that kind of worry is unnecessary. It'd be one thing if your father were to confess to me that he was struggling with a 'wandering eye' and it was a legit problem that could affect our marriage; in that case, we would get counseling. But if he were to randomly tell me when he was checking out some other chick for a split second, every time it happened, then that wouldn't really benefit us in a positive way at all. There are some things that people just have to learn on their own, without people helping them, or at least from someone who's outside their family or friends; like a counselor or psychologist."
Elena's mouth dropped open in awe at the truth of her mother's words."Wow…I never though of it that way. That's actually a very good and accurate point mom. Thanks."
She felt her Miranda's hands caress her brow. "I'm happy to help sweetie. So, despite the fact that I explained everything in the form of a novel, do you pretty much understand what I've said so far?"
Elena chuckled at her mom's joking tone while nodding her head. "Yes mom, I do. Although, you might have to sum it all together for me after I ask you another question. Everything you've said so far makes sense, and makes me feel more relieved and confident about my personal struggles. But…out of curiosity…I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but…well…even before Stefan was forced to leave with Klaus, Damon kind of…he sort of put himself in a more authoritative position over me. I mean, he's been fairly protective of me since the day we met; but his protectiveness over me has grown. That much was evident when he…well…he kinda spanked me one time."
Miranda was shocked at that confession; she asked her daughter to tell her the story of what had happened to put her in that position.
It took Elena a couple of minutes to explain what happened, as she was feeling rather embarrassed at the memory and paused frequently in between sentences. When she had finally related every tiny detail, including the things Damon has said to her before, during, and after the experience, Elena waited to hear her the reaction.
She was surprised to hear her mother giggling quietly in response. "Wow…well I must say, that was definitely not something I expected. You've always been very stubborn Elena; we often had to resort to that same method when you were a little girl when you acted that way."
Elena huffed indignantly at the words; "Hey, who's side are you on mom? I'm just curious to know your thoughts on how Damon handled me. He's promised me a repeat of that treatment if I ever endanger my life like that again, or pretty much whenever Stefan isn't around and I act like a brat."
"Well…it does seem awfully old fashioned. But after all you've told me and from what I've seen of Damon, it seems like that's the one thing keeping you from really endangering yourself Elena. I know it seems rather odd that I'm agreeing with him, but trust me, if he hadn't already been alive for as long as he has, and if you guys hadn't already been through a lot of intense moments and matured together as friends, I would've probably protested otherwise. I can definitely see why you've struggled with your feelings with him. It sounds like Stefan is definitely a gentleman who loves you, but he doesn't seem to challenge you in quite the same way that his older brother does. Stefan respects your decisions, even when he's protested them at times, am I right? But he's never really been able to stop you from going through with your plans even when they were really dangerous. Forgive me for saying this sweetie, but even though you two are adorable together, it looks like Damon has been able to keep my baby alive better than anyone else so far. Plus, he seems to demonstrate the most self control and restraint with you compared to anyone else in the town, which has helped in the process of redeeming his own flaws. He'll do anything to keep you safe Elena, and he'll do anything for you as well, except allow you to put yourself into danger. I think he knows when it's necessary to prepare and go into battle sweetie; but he also knows when you need to sit them out. Personally, that makes me have a great deal of respect and admiration for him, even though the mother bear inside of me doesn't want to admit it. Besides, every girl likes to feel protection from her man, whether she admits it or not. You admitted earlier that it makes you feel safe when Damon gets strict with you like that, because it assures you that he'll go through any lengths to ensure your well being, even if it means disciplining you. And you've never asked him to really stop doing that before, have you? Because if you haven't, that pretty much sums up the fact that you appreciate him taking you in hand, right?"
The half conscious girl nodded her head while sighing in defeat. "Yes, you're right mom…even if I don't like to admit it, you're dead right. It's not a very pleasant position to be in, that's for sure…but I never felt abused either when that happened, just embarrassed really. Afterwards though, the comfort that he bestowed upon me was just…absolutely…beautiful and welcomed. It was what I needed."
Miranda smiled knowingly at her daughter's confession, pleased with her reply. "Anyway, for right now, he remains one of my best friends and other guardians aside from Alaric. He's also proclaimed himself as a surrogate older brother over me, so long as I am dating his brother."
Another chuckle was heard. "Oh Elena, you really are lucky if you think about it. You have loyal friends and family who are willing to go through every length to keep both you and Jeremy safe. I'm grateful for that too sweetheart; you pretty much have your own earthly guardian angels, since I can't be there with you. That's every mother's prayer, for her children to be protected and loved when she can't be there."
Elena felt tears gather in her eyes at her mom's words. "I miss you so much mom…you have no idea how much I wish you were here."
"I miss you too baby." She responded while planting a kiss on her daughter's cheek. "But never forget that I'm always watching over you, and am still with you even though you can't see me."
Tears continued to pour out of the young girl's eyes at the comforting words. Trying to compose herself, Elena stifled a yawn before asking her mother one last question. "What if I fail you mom? What if I do something stupid? Hurt myself, fall in love with Damon while I'm still with Stefan, succumb to the weakness of my flesh…?"
"You could never disappoint me Elena, you're my daughter. And don't worry about all of that right now sweetie. I know you love both Stefan and Damon; if there ever comes a time where you need to make a decision between them, and it happens to be Damon, it might mean that you're supposed to move on from Stefan. I just hope that you're able to make that decision based on something other than mere attraction. But regardless of what you do, I love you and I always will Elena. I just know that your future is going to be full of wonders amidst the tough times, and I will be smiling with you during your moments of triumph and happiness. Now, rest sweetheart…you're sick and you need to heal."
"Don't go mommy…" Elena mumbled, feeling sleep take over her as her mother's voice continued to comfort and soothe her.
"Shhhh…I'll never leave you baby…I'm right here…always…always…"
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