Fandom: Avengers Movie
Rating: M for sexual situations and violence.
Pairing: Not really
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them, Marvel does. If I did, THAT'S what the comic books would be full of.
Author notes: This is based on a story about a burglar and a dog told to me by Uncle Emile. Also, do leave feedback, and if you find any typos, spelling or grammar mistakes, be so kind and let me know. Feedback is always a yes.
It was a lovely morning, by the standarts of any realm, when Loki decided to try and sneak into the Stark Tower, in order to wreck chaos directly upon the cause of his previous failure. Just in case he was detected, the Trickster changed his appearance to mimic the original owner of the tower. So far, the few workers he met on his way fell for the disguise and either giggled (younger members of both genders), snapped angrily at him (a feisty strawberry blonde he just might despoil later) or greeted him politely (older men). After an hour of walking around and finding nothing of use, he returned to the room with a bar and was about to pour himself a drink (after all, Stark did offer him one) when he noticed a painting sligtly out of place on the wall. He tried to set it right and suddenly a hidden entance opened on the opposite wall, leading to apparently a secret lab.
Loki wasn't stupid, but he was curious, so he cautiosly walked into the room. The door slid shut behind him, but he saw a code panel on the other side, so he assumed there was a way out. Should the worst happen, he could always teleport out. The room was practically bare, save a metal chair covered with a silk sheet and what looked like a control panel made of light. Having no better ideas, Loki approached the chair cautiously and touched it.
"Welcome back, sir." A mechanical voice spoke from the ceiling. Apparently, his disguise was good enough to fool spirits, and even here he was mistaken for Stark.
"Thank you." Loki replied, fascinated.
"A rough day?"
"Indeed." The god replied, deciding to humor the invisible servant.
"Indeed?" The voice sounded amused. "Mr. Rogers and Thor are a bad influence on you. Care for a drink?"
A panel opened on the door and a mechanical being rolled out, carrying a tray with a bottle of something clearly alcoholic, a glass and a bucket of ice. A lonely, small reddish lied by the bottle, looking almost pleading to be saved from it's solitude.
"What is that?" Loki poked it with a disdain, while helping himself to the liquor.
"Ms. Potts insists that you need more vegetables in your diet."
Loki actually started laughing, recalling that "Ms. Potts" was the name of the blonde that annoyed him earlier. She did seem like a person that could scare Stark into obedience.
"I'll humor her this time."
Chewing on the simbolic snack he decided to study the illusion of a screen. It held many labels, such as "I hate me life", "Genius needs a break", "Somebody shoot Tasha" and so on. The fake Tony pondered over the options, before deciding to poke the one saying "Should've let Loki take over". His hand went through the screen and it vanished without a trace.
"THAT bad a day?" The servant asked. "Well, sit back and let me fix it."
Loki raised an eyebrow, then settled on the chair. The metal frame started vibrating, the back reclined and the leg supports rose a bit.
"Another drink? Something more relaxing?"
"Sure, why not?"
This time, the bottle was smaller, and had the word Tussosedan on the label, along with the warning not to drive after drinking it. The god of mischief decided that he intends to teleport anyway, so pathetic human warnings don't apply to him, so he drank a full glass of the sweet syrup and felt a nice lazy feeling spread through his body. Loki honestly couldn't recall the last time he was offered such a fine relaxation potion.
"That's a great choice." He actually bothered to compliment the servant.
"You have no idea." Now that didn't sound quite like his ghostly host, pardon the pun. That sounded more like... "Stark!"
The screen of light shimmered to form the familliar smug grin of the real Tony Stark. At the same time, thick metal cuffs locked around his arms, chest, neck and legs.
"Whoever you are, welcome to Air Stark. Congratulations on getting so far into my tower. JARVIS, tell our guest what he wins!" The recorded message sounded suspiciously cheerful.
The spirit, JARVIS, replied dutifully, with the same cheerful tone:
"You win a Stark Special Spanking. But wait, there's more! You also get a dose of 'up yours' and a trip to SHIELD once we get around to it!"
"Have fuuun!" The engineer finished smugly and his image vanished.
"What? Unhand me, you foolish Midgardian!"
Loki tried to shift back to his basic form, assuming that the cuffs will remain fit to Starks' bulkier arms, giving him leeway in order to escape. Instead, the cuffs only tightened. Also, the buzz in his head was getting stronger, making it impossible to concentrate. What in the name of the Nine was in that potion?
Two metallic arms rose from hidden panels on the floor, each armed with a cutter.
"I strongly recommend to avoid any movement right now." JARVIS warned.
Some common sense must've been knocked into Loki by Thanos, because the As froze in place, while the cutters ran over his body, shredding his clothes and boots, leaving him exposed to the room air.
"Stop this!" Loki demanded. "What are you doing?"
"We'll start with the Stark Special Spanking. The sooner you appologize, the quicker we'll get to your other prizes."
The god actually used his full strength this time, or so he thought, to try and break free. He was rewarded with a nasty zap of electricity.
"About that appology..." JARVIS insisted.
"I'm a god, you insolent servant. I won't be told what to do..."
One of the arms vanished under the floor, only to be returned with a Cat'o'Nine Tails made from softest leather.
"I'll take it as a no." The AI concided. "A spanking it is."
-Scene Cut-
Tony was busy ignoring Fury on an Avengers breefing, when his Starkphone buzzed in his pocket. He read the message and first paled, then blushed. Then he opened the attached file and started laughing.
"What is it, friend Tony?" Thor was never good in being secretive.
Tony covered the screen with his hand.
"Nothing. Got to go." He rose to leave.
"What can be more important then the fucking world, if you don't fucking mind me asking?" Fury growled.
"Fucking indeed." Tony managed to say before the laughter got the best of he dropped the source of his amusement from his hand.
Clint used the distraction and snatched Tony's phone, only to start laughing at the screen too. After getting a death glare from Natasha and the Eyebrow of Disapproval from Steve he let them see too, making great effort not to show the image to Thor.
"I see. It is a matter of importance." Steve said, while showing the Starkphone to Banner, both turning lobster red. "We'd better go. All of us... the human us..." He gave Thor an odd look.
"Show me." Fury ordered.
Steve offered him the phone, but his hand was shaking so bad that he dropped in on the table, which triggered some sort of setting in it, enlarging the picture into a full holographic display. Tony let out a terrified squeak when a life size projection of a machine-fucked Loki filled the room. The fallen god was on his hands and knees, and his face was twisted in as much bliss as one could express with a large probe stuck in one's mouth. Another probe filled Loki from behind. The choice of appliance made Bruce raise an eyebrow, especially since the (ahem) posterior toy was a surprisingly realistic replica of what the Other Guy had to offer. A large banner floated above the image, spinning and glowing in ranibow colors. It read: "Stark Industries Proudly Presents: Up Yours".
Clint let out a pathetic whine and fell to the floor laughing. Steve covered his burning face with both hands and was rocking back and forth, muttering something about "should've listened to the nice priest, should've stayed in school." Bruce looked morbidly fascinated. For once in his life, Fury wished he had both eyes, because this was truly a sight to behold. Thor turned red in the face and started shaking, gripping on Mjolnir tightly. Tony looked at the door, hoping he'll be able to reach it in time before the god of Thunder blows a gasket.
Natasha broke the silence:
"Well, is there a video too? For my hentai collection... I mean for professional records."
Tony muttered something about live feed.
Six and a half pairs of eyes looked at the playboy. One pair with lust, one with glee, three with shock and half with poorly hidden approval.
"Where?" Fury demanded to know.
"Tower."
"Why?" Thor asked.
"Too many SHIELD agents creeping around. Hoped to get blackmail material."
Natasha gave him an approving look.
"Oh, look, Barton, our little dimwit grew up."
Nicks' approval dimmed somwthat. He could easily imagine some of his agents in such a trap. Although as far as Maria Hill was considered... He allowed himself an unprofessional internal smirk.
"But... my brother is not a SHIELD agent..." Thor finally managed to ask.
That shook Tony from his timidity bout.
"And the blond comment award goes to... Point Break. Well, if you don't mind, I have a prisoner to let out. I think he's having a bit too much fun."
-Scene Cut-
An hour later, the Avengers entered the locked area, only to freeze at a surreal scene. They saw Loki sitting on the floor, hugging Dumm-E and crying his eyes out. The drone let out mechanic coos and croons and tried to fix the sheet that kept falling off Loki's body.
Tony came closer to him and sat on the floor by his side, suddenly feeling bad for the joke getting out of hand.
"What's with the waterworks, Rudolph?"
"You wouldn't understand." Loki sobbed.
"Try me." When did Tonly learn to sound so caring.
"For my whole life I struggled against my heritage, faced unrealistic expectations, fought meaningless battles, only to be scorned. And then this place... so cared for, loved, tended to, all without even asking who I am and what I did... your servant was so good to me, treated me like I was the center of his world... The only being to ever care enough for me not to care who I am... isn't even alive."