A/N- Ok Hi Fanfiction goers! Before I get any complaints, I have adopted this story from ShiniRoza. I hope you can enjoy what I've done! For all you people who decided to give this story a chance, I welcome you and promise you won't be disappointed (hopefully...) but I strongly recommend you read the first few chapters which are directed through a link on my profile because I have started off exactly where ShiniRoza left off.
For all you old readers, I hope you can give me a chance! :) My style of writing differs from ShiniRoza. The first being my chapters are extremely long...those of you who know me, know that. But I'll try and limit myself to only 2,000 words per chapter for He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. I'm sorry this took so long to get up but you can expect regular updates for this fic. Abeit not right away but it will come. I hope you enjoy it!
I walked upstairs going to get changed because I don't think sparring in pajamas was the best idea even if it could be done. I quickly threw on a pair of black short shorts and a blood red tank top. I pulled my hair back into a tight French braid and internally prepared myself for what was about to come.
We were only sparring right? That could do no harm. I wasn't afraid of what the outcome might be for that, but the outcome emotionally. Being in such close contact with the man I still loved with everything in me, touching him, but not having him reciprocate nearly killed me.
It's a wonder that I didn't say no because I would've immediately if it weren't for Paul who asked. I couldn't resist, he was just so innocent and oblivious to what was really happening between his uncle and me. For all he knew, he thought we were still together.
Taking a few deep breaths, I braced myself and put on that guardian mask and kept my face hard, showing no emotion. I told myself all emotions were going to be cut off, and I wasn't going to feel for the time being.
As I walked down the stairs, Viktoria gave me a small smile, sympathy shining through in her eyes. I gave her a glance to let her know that I had acknowledged her and moved to the front door, opening it. I stepped out and felt the morning sunlight on my bare skin. It felt honest to god good and I had missed it. The rays felt good and my skin absorbed them like a sponge absorbs water.
"It's beautiful isn't it?" I jumped hearing the voice that has constantly come to ring in my ears. I turned around to see the man I was going to be sparring a few minutes.
"Yeah it sure is isn't Belikov?" I kept my face hard as understanding shot through those deep brown pools that I made a reference to us to once. His eyes flickered to me and stared me down looking for something but I don't know what.
"Aunt Roza!" I heard Paul's voice call as he came bounding out of the house. I let myself smile as he ran up to me and grabbed my arm pulling me to the backyard. There mats were laid on the asphalt and a pool was situated to one side of the yard.
"I'm sure you're going to win Aunt Roza!"
"Thank you Paul but I'm sure your Uncle has more tricks pulled up his sleeve that he never taught me. I bet he's just waiting to use them on me." Talking about Dimitri like this, so carefree and easy was really hard. I worked to let my words no show to broken heart I was feeling through the false bravado I put up.
"You'll do just fine Roza. Remember that time you finally beat me during the field experience?" Said, said person.
I smiled tightly and nodded sharply. His affectionate nickname for me tore me to pieces and talking about us like nothing was wrong was killing me internally. How could he not think that it would? I mean, look at how I reacted to him asking us to be friends? Did he think reminiscing would do me a little good and take my mind of him? If anything it made me think of him more and the experience that came after the fight.
No Rose. I promised myself that I would not let this interfere with our fight. I promised myself my emotions would be locked away until I could handle them again. Not now Rose, not again. He won't hurt you again. You won't let him. Just get through this fight, call Lissa and you can go home. Easy as 1, 2, 3.
I took my place on the mat, immediately hopping into my offensive stance, Dimitri mirroring mine. I was acutely aware of the scent that filled my senses, and often shut my brain off on more than one occasion. But I was determined not to let that sweet musky aftershave get in my way.
For the first while we circled each other, trying to get a sense of what the other might do. I watched Dimitri's face closely, to see if he gave off any indication of what he might try. Even though I told myself no, I couldn't help myself from studying his face. It was probably the last time I might get to and I was going to savour it, no matter how much it killed me.
His hair; the silk threads running through my fingers was one of the best feelings in the world and I would never forget what it felt like. My fingers would always yearn for it and nothing would ever compare. His forehead; which had a few stress lines and worry lines. Oh how I used to trace them and wished them away. And sometimes it worked, when we were all alone. Like in the cabin, I traced my finger along them and saw Dimitri relax under my touch, the lines disappearing.
His eyes; the brown orbs that I could stare into forever and wouldn't mind getting lost in. Eyes that held a million words that would not be uttered. Eyes that once held love and passion for me.
My eyes made their way down to his smooth cheeks that I would just be content with stroking and his nose, I would enjoy nuzzling with my own and whispering sweet nothings into the other's ear. My eyes finally made their way down to his lips.
They were plump, rosy and just kissable. I lived for his moving along mine in perfect harmony. Our lips would glide over the others in a sealed promise. The kisses that were sometimes allowed but most that were forbidden. When his lips would ghost over mine in a sly smile, the smile that he rarely did, goosebumps arose over my skin.
The laugh that would come from that mouth was deep, and was full of intensity. It was even rarer than a half smile and I would be so overjoyed when I heard it, especially being the one to cause it.
But the thing I missed the most was him whispering to me that he would always care about me, he would always be there for me, he would always love me.
While I was busy studying and mourning what I had lost for good this time, I didn't notice his hand whip out and grab onto my waist, pushing me backwards and tripping me with his foot. Luckily I reacted fast enough and grabbed onto him and spun us around with all my might. I threw my fist out at his face and he caught it. While I still had the momentum going, I delivered a roundhouse kick to his stomach to which he blocked with the palm of his hand.
He grabbed the underside of my calf and yanked me forwards. I dropped to a crouch and stuck a foot out, tripping him when he moved backwards. But he rolled over and straddled me, pushing me back down to the ground. I aimed an uppercut to his jaw and he blocked.
Series of punches and kicks were exchanged, all heavy blows. Some landed but most deflected. We were too evenly matched.
Dimitri held nothing back on me as I realized this soon enough when his fist slammed into my jaw, not breaking but serious enough to cause major bruising tomorrow. I saw the apology in his eyes and his hesitated for a moment. That was all I needed to flip us over and I straddled him, locking his legs to the ground with my own. I struggled to restrain both his arms with just one of mine but thankfully I did it. And with that, I placed my hands over his chest, signaling that I had staked him and our fight was over with.
My hands were still laid on his chest, fingers splayed wide while I laboured to breathe. Dimitri's hands found my hips and held me there, almost afraid if I was going to fall off him. Our legs were still tangled together and I still straddled him though not on his stomach anymore. I had moved up unintentionally so my butt was now on his on upper stomach.
My shirt had ridden up so a good amount of skin showed and it was dishelved. My top rode low and a good portion of my own chest spilled out. I was still leaning over Dimitri so he got an eyeful. My lips were dangerously close to Dimitri and I leaned in closer, wanting it so bad.
Then I remembered the last time we were like this. The cabin. All I could feel was his touch, all I could hear was his strong heartbeat, all I could see was him, all I could taste was his kiss. His every touch ignited a fire within me and made it hard to breathe.
Dimitri leaned in closer and I noticed a droplet running down his cheek. When I looked in his eyes I didn't see any trace of hurting, all I saw was confusion. And that was then I realized, I was the one who let loose that tear.
Quick as lightning, I jumped off him and ran around the house and up to Viktoria's room. I slammed the door and slid down to the floor. It was just too much. I couldn't handle it. I thought I could, but I can't.
Him not being able to love me, him not reciprocating. It killed me on the inside. The tears slid down my face freely. I made no sound as I cried.
It was just too much.
The door rapped and I jumped up, hastily wiping away the tears with the back of my hand. I heard a voice call, "Rose?"
A/N- Alright, so will you tell me how I did? I know I could never be the same as Shini but I'll try my best to. Please review and tell me what I did good and what was not so good so I can fix that for next chapter. Also was the length good? Ok, review!