Growth
Chapter One – Roxas – Year 1: Part 1
Man, this took waay too long to get out. But, here we go. :D She's startin'. Warning now, I have no confidence in this chapter what so ever, I personally think it sucks, but, bare with me dudes.
Summary – Roxas started to believe in love at first sight. Axel made him regret it. Sequel to Rookie.
Disclaimer – You wish. :P Like I could ever own any of these beauts. Or Pulse, Bioshock, Brawl or CoD
Warnings – Boylove, alcoholism, Emo!Roxas, swearing, blahdeeblah
Pairings – too many. Same ol' same ol'.
June
Stuck in bed for the third day in a row since his heart was ripped out and handed to him on a silver platter, Roxas clamped his eyes shut against the grating scream of the phone. He couldn't move to get it, too sick from having the love of his life vanish out from underneath his feet. Just four days ago, his stomach had been fluttering with anticipation. Then, the only thing he had on his mind was dancing all night and how that was possible in such a fancy tuxedo. He hadn't believed life could ever change.
But of course it had to. Though so quickly and violently, leaving his head spinning? Was that really necessary? It wasn't fair.
Axel lead him on and made him fall head-over-heels, hopelessly in love before sleeping with him and leaving the moment he had finally gathered his prize. His first everything had been given to the teen with the blood red hair. First kiss, first fuck, first love. It destroyed him inside to know that all of that had been given in vain.
The phone continued its insistent screeching until Roxas heard his mother's voice on the answering machine.
"You've reached Yuna, Roxas and Axel. Sorry we're not in right now but we'll be sure to get back to you as quickly as possible. Name and number, kay?" Roxas felt the stone sink in his stomach and fresh tears dripped down his cheeks at the mention of the third occupant. He made a mental note to get his mom to change the message the moment she could but he forgot it when he heard his name come from a painfully familiar voice.
"Hey, Rox? Rox, c'mon, pick up? I know you're there. You've gotta be. Well, even if you're not, you'll still get this, right? Call me, please? I miss you. We could still be friends, couldn't we?"
The voice broke with the effort to keep going, the speaker hanging up before he could let on how weak he was feeling. Roxas cringed, hearing the broken sadness in his ex-lover's words. It tore him up inside.
So he rolled over, letting the tears fall.
xXxXx
Roxas was finally up. His stomach won out on him. Yuna was only home periodically, jumping between work and her boyfriend, so he couldn't just ask her to fix something for him. Having been eating less and less over the week, he'd grown smaller, beginning to resemble the Axel he had first met. Pausing with a sigh in the middle of the hallway, Roxas tried to force the thoughts of the redhead out. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, he calmed himself.
He no longer teared up at the thought of Axel. He ignored the call days prior and planned on blocking the redhead out of his life completely. It was the easiest way he could think of to go about things.
The phone started to ring as he made his way to the kitchen, but he didn't bother to answer. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to anyone. If it was important, they would leave a message. If it was Yuna – which he highly doubted – he could easily go pick it up.
The message washed over him as he ventured towards the machine, hoping to hear something that would lift his spirits. The third name in the recording still made him cringe, but he ignored it for now.
"Rox? Man, it's been a week. You can't keep ignoring me like this! I'm doing my part."
"Oh really now?" Roxas asked the machine angrily, waiting for the redhead to continue.
"Dem and Xig are back together. They made it."
"Good for them."
"And, if they can, we can too, right? I mean, we'll make it. Just pretend that I'm only off at college. Or that all those months never happened. Let's be friends though, Rox. Please? I miss you so much."
There was a small pause before another beep, signifying that Axel had hung up. Roxas just stared at the phone for a minute before sighing. "I miss you too, asshole." He turned on his heel and went back up to his room, crashing into bed like the phone call had never happened.
xXxXx
"Hey, Roxas! You in there, bud?"
Roxas groaned at the sound of banging at his front door, waiting for Yuna to go answer it, but he remembered vaguely that she had told him the night before that she and Tidus would be going out for the day.
Everything was always Tidus. She had no time for her broken-hearted son. Maybe it was because he was broken that she didn't want him anymore. He was so damaged right now that even the woman that was supposed to love him unconditionally had no further use for him.
"Roxas?"
But someone cared. Someone cared enough to practically break their knuckles by knocking on the front door. He knew the voice that was calling his name. He'd grown up with that voice.
"I'm coming, Hayner! Take it easy!" he hollered back, clutching at his throat at the strain of forcing the words out, the loudest he had issued in three weeks. The last time that he'd been that loud was during his first full-out fight with Axel when the elder teen had been leaving him.
Forcing the memory away, Roxas got himself out of bed. He'd thrown hygiene to the wind, only taking a shower when his mother had taken the interest into his cleanliness and forced him into it. His blonde spikes hung limp with body oil, slicked up on the side that he laid his head when he slept. His clothes, the same that he had put on after his last shower four days ago, hung loose on his shrinking frame.
Maybe it was one or all of these factors that made Hayner's jaw drop in horror when Roxas opened the door. "Oh my God, Roxas! What the fuck happened to you?" Hayner pushed his way inside, placing a hand on each of Roxas' sagging shoulders. "You look like you've been attacked by sewer gremlins! Smell like it, too. You're going upstairs and taking a long, hot shower, right now. Pence's already on his way with goodies. Go make yourself presentable, bud."
Roxas groaned at the barrage of words and Hayner's strong hands pushing him up the stairs. Just before he was shoved into the bathroom, the phone started to ring. Hayner moved to grab it, but the younger blonde grabbed his arm. "Let the machine get it, okay? It's probably Axel. He's already called three times since he's left."
"Is that why you're such a mess?"
"Yes, now shut up."
Roxas held his breath when his mother 'answered' with that recording that the blonde practically had memorized by now and gave Hayner a warning glance.
"I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, Rox. I feel like I've messed up. I've messed up bad. Just call? Please. I need you."
Shaking, Roxas released the teen he hadn't seen since before Prom, not looking at him.
"Rox-"
"Don't, okay? Just don't. He's going into one of his fits right now. I don't want to talk to him, so don't even say it. He'll just have to suffer through it. ... Don't look at me like that!"
Hayner's gaze softened and a look of understanding dawned on his features. He took a breath before asking "Fits?"
Roxas shrugged him off before continuing into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. "Yeah, he used to have panic attacks sometimes. Apparently I stopped them while we were together. By the sounds of it, he's been having more and more lately. Whenever he calls, he's either crying or you can tell he's gonna lose it. But it doesn't matter. I'm fine. Just let me go take a shower."
"Roxas?"
"What?"
"You're not fine. But me and Pence are here for ya man. We're here for ya."
There was no answer from the blonde on the other side of the door so Hayner waited until he heard the shower start before going down to get things ready for Pence. When Roxas was sure his best friend was gone, he let the tears roll down his cheeks. He hated hearing Axel so broken up, hated knowing that it was all his fault.
Hot water filtering over his grimy body, Roxas placed his forehead on the white wall of the shower. This had to stop. He didn't know how much longer he could listen to the distress lacing the elder teen's words.
Half an hour later and Roxas was all washed and dressed, on his way down to see Pence and Hayner lounging on the couch downstairs, watching TV.
"Jeez, bud. I thought you drowned or something. C'mon, we've got a movie and chips and popcorn and pop and we're just gonna sit down and chill, kay? Please? I'm starved." Pence patted the spot on the couch beside him, giving the blue-eyed blonde a pleading pout. Roxas sighed, flopping down beside the black-haired teen.
"Fine, what movie?"
"That Pulse movie that came out a long time ago."
"Where ghosts made people kill themselves or turn to dust?"
"Yeah."
"De-cent." Roxas nodded his consent while Hayner popped the DVD into the player.
xXxXx
July
xXxXx
Roxas looked up from his spot on the couch when he heard the front door open. Sitting when he realized who it was, Roxas eyed his mother suspiciously. "You're home early."
"It was slow today."
"Then why aren't you out with Tidus?" Roxas couldn't hide the hint of venom in his voice with the question.
Yuna raised her eyebrows at her son in confusion, clearly picking up the amount of anger and jealousy. "Because I'm making supper. We're eating here tonight."
"That's different," Roxas hissed, lowering himself back down onto the couch. "Not afraid I'll get in the way?"
Yuna made her way over to the couch, looking down at her son. "Roxas, what's gotten into you?"
Bright blue eyes stared up at their mother, a glower covering the blonde's features. "Axel called again."
"Again?"
Roxas rolled his eyes. "Yeah, mom, again. If you were here more often, you would know that he keeps calling."
"Aww, I'm sorry I keep missing him." Yuna placed a small smile on her lips, her voice quiet, knowing from her 'keen' motherly instincts that her son wasn't pleased with her habits as of late. "How's he been doing?"
The blonde tensed, looking away from his mother. "Pretty bad. But he doesn't really know that I know that."
"Why not?"
"I don't answer the phone. He leaves messages."
Yuna frowned, going over to the phone by the couch. If Roxas had wanted to answer, he would have barely had to move. "Six unchecked messages?"
"Axel."
The brunette dialled in the button combination that would let her hear the redhead's voice. Roxas felt his body curl in on himself when he heard the breaking point in each message.
"God damn it, Roxas! It's been a friggin' month! Yuna? Tidus? Anyone? You guys told me to stay in touch! I'm staying in touch, but none of you will return my calls!"
Looking down at her son, Yuna shook her head. "You've just been letting him get hurt? I thought you said once that he didn't have to worry anymore because you'd be there to protect him. Sounds to me like you're doing a lot of damage by not answering the phone. Promise me you will next time, okay? Promise you'll answer."
Roxas rolled his perfectly blue eyes, tears still able to run down his cheeks at the sound of Axel's pain. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He wasn't supposed to be hurting. No one was supposed to be hurting. But the law that forced so many happy couples apart did nothing but make people hurt.
"Roxas?"
"Fine, mom, I'll answer it, okay? Just leave me alone!"
Roxas refused to eat with Yuna and Tidus that night.
xXxXx
The three of them were scattered around the living room, the first time they had sat peacefully in a long time. Yuna was wrapped up in her boyfriend's embrace while Roxas lay sprawled over the chair that had once been a favourite to the redhead. Roxas took in a deep breath, loving how this one chair and the redhead's bed still managed to smell like him, if only faintly. A small smile graced his lips, forgetting for the moment that he hated Axel. He needed to feel those long, strong, warm arms around him again; needed them now more than ever as Yuna giggled at something that was whispered into her ear. It was like he didn't exist when the elder blonde came over.
Ignoring his feeling of loneliness, the blue-eyed blonde focused on the smell of his missing loved one and the television showing the evening news. He hardly noticed when the phone started to ring, having become so accustomed to masking over the noise in his mind.
"Roxas, could you get that, honey?" Yuna managed past a giggle, squirming in her boyfriend's grasp. Roxas pretended like he didn't hear the woman. "Roxas, answer the phone please." The brunette's voice grew more stern.
"Let the machine get it."
"I ... I didn't mean to hurt you, Rox."
"Roxas, go answer it. You promised."
"I still think about you every day, you know."
Roxas glared over at his mother, shaking his head. He didn't want her to interrupt the redhead anymore.
"I haven't been with anyone. For over a month, all I've been able to think about is you. Leon tried to cheer me up, but I refused."
"Roxas," his mother warned, sensing that the end of the message was coming soon enough.
"Fine!"
"So, Rox, please." The blonde got up out of his chair, secretly wishing he had of moved faster before so that he could have talked with the one that he missed so badly. He reached out his hand, begging not to have been too late. "I just want to hear your voice."
"I hate you, Axel." Roxas brought the phone up to his ear. "Axel?" No response. "Axel? I picked up. I did what you told me to do." Still no response and Roxas was filling with dread. Maybe he was too late. But he had to stay calm. He needed Axel. "Axel, please. This isn't funny. I'm ser-" Roxas was cut off by the dial tone kicking in. Slamming the phone down, Roxas ignored his mother when she asked about what had just happened, choosing instead to stomp up to the second floor.
At first, his sights were set on his own room but he stalled before he got there. The door halfway down the hall stood open, taunting him, teasing him, drawing him in. He moved tentatively at first, feeling like he had stepped into the room of a dead person. In some ways he had.
Being surrounded by something that had once been labelled as Axel's, Roxas could imagine hearing the elder's soft breathing during a good night's sleep, his barking laugh, his seductive chuckle. All he could smell was Axel. Even after such a span of time, everything about the room was still Axel.
Roxas reached up, grabbing at the pendent he had nearly forgotten about that hung around his neck, clutching at the chakram that had been left behind by the redhead. He stepped farther into the room, going over to sit on Axel's bed, looking around at all the things he had last seen when they were still together. It was then that glazed eyes took in the picture sitting innocently on the bedside table. A younger Axel and Reno were smiling up at him, laughing from their positions in the tree.
Stuck between staying strong and breaking down again, Roxas opted for lying back, staring at the ceiling. Axel's strong smell washed over him and he welcomed it.
"Roxas, honey? What's the matter?"
Yuna stood in the doorway, hesitant to go into the room they had dubbed Axel's so long ago. Roxas didn't answer his mother's question, not even wanting the woman in the room, defiling what he and Axel had shared. Overlooking the silence and what it meant, Yuna stepped in through the door, sitting gingerly on the edge of the bed. She sensed her son's pain.
"I want him to stop calling, mom. I either want him all the way in my life or all the way out of it. He's not allowed to be with me, so I don't want to have to sit there and listen to him. How would you like it if Dad managed to find a way to talk to you every once in a while without you actually being able to see him or be with him? It would hurt you real bad, wouldn't it? Every time he would talk ... You remember everything you guys had and then you clue in to the fact that it won't ever be like that again. You would want him to stop, wouldn't you? You wouldn't want to sit there and hear that and know that there was nothing at all that you could do ..." Roxas held Axel's picture to his stomach, his sight wavering slightly.
Yuna sighed, searching her mind for the best answers that would make the pain lessen for her son. "I loved your dad, Roxas. But he's gone. He's dead. I know that he's never coming back. It was hard at first, but after a while, you learn to accept that he's gone, that he would want you to move on. I still love your dad, but I love Tidus too. But Axel's not really gone, Roxas. He's still able to come back, he's still alive. So you've got to decide what to do. Do you want to keep on hurting like this without him or do you want to go right ahead and talk to him? Just because you two aren't able to show how much you love each other doesn't mean you actually have to stop."
Pausing for a moment, Yuna placed her hand over her son's. "I don't like seeing you so upset."
Roxas felt a small wave of anger flash up inside him. "This is nothing." His words were less than a whisper so Yuna leaned forward, trying to hear him.
"What?"
"I said," Roxas sighed, a little louder this time, just enough for the brunette to hear him. "'This is nothing.' You've missed the worst of it because you're too busy with Tidus. I didn't notice it before Axel left, because I always had him, I was okay with you being away. But now that he's gone, I realize that I didn't just lose him. I lost you somehow too. You never have any time for me anymore."
There was a small silence between mother and son and Roxas just wanted to run, to be alone, to escape from all of his plaguing thoughts.
"Is that really how you feel?"
Roxas refused to answer. Instead, he pulled the picture up to his chest, rolling over onto his side. His nose burrowed into Axel's pillow and his legs curled up to his chest.
After a few sad attempts to get her son's attention, Yuna left the blonde alone, heading down stairs. She didn't realize that her actions hurt the boy further.
xXxXx
Roxas was lonely. It had been a month and a half since Axel moved out and a month and a half since the blonde had been held by someone, been told that someone was really there for him. Hayner and Pence dropped by whenever they could but it wasn't enough. Roxas needed Axel. Even just a stand-in for the redhead, just to make him feel less lost and alone.
The sun was streaming down through his window and Roxas groaned, not understanding how the universe could still go on when he had lost everything he held dear. Axel was gone, stealing Demyx, Xigbar, Leon, Cloud, Reno, and Rude away with him. But then again, had he not been warned? Had Axel not gotten him to make nice with Hayner and Pence? Axel had known since the beginning that when he left, it wouldn't just be him leaving. He knew that the blonde's ties with all of the other teens would be cut.
"Screw you, Axel! Let me get on with my life!" Roxas threw himself out of his bed, filled with the most energy he had in a month. Anger at the redhead was what drove him over to his closet, grabbing whatever clothes he could, pulling them on hurriedly. He didn't match in the least but he wasn't in the mindset to care. His stomach growled, but he ignored it as he tramped down the stairs. Shoes slipping onto his feet, his hand rested on the door handle, contemplating whether to push it open or just run back up to his room and never leave it again.
The phone ringing made up his mind. Waiting until he heard his mother's familiar voice, Roxas shoved the door open, jumping straight into a run, turning onto the sidewalk and racing up the street. Within seconds his body was screaming at him to take it easy but he couldn't. He had to put as much distance between himself and all of the memories as he could. He tried to forget Axel, but how many times had they driven on this very street? He stumbled, his feet losing the drive to go any further. Throwing his hands out, he caught himself before he scrapped his face against the concrete. It was then that he noticed the tears blurring his vision.
Panting and shaking his head to clear his mind, Roxas shoved himself to his feet. He was being ridiculous. He had to calm down. Easing himself into a walk, he let his burning feet lead the way. He'd only been running for a couple minutes, but the July heat was already making him sweat. The whole-body burning sensation finally got his mind off of Axel, so he wasn't complaining.
Turning down random streets as he went, Roxas realized he would most likely end up lost somewhere and he had left his phone at home, but the fear of possibly never returning to his house didn't even faze him. He just kept walking.
When he felt like he was going to pass out, he stopped, sitting on the raised ledge of the sidewalk, clutching the stitch in his side, cringing. He hadn't felt this much pain since Seifer beat him up back in September. Axel saved him then, but there was no way that he would be saved this time.
"Hey, kid!" A voice called from across the street and Roxas started. He'd heard that voice before. Only once, when his mind had been hissing with panic, but it was still painfully familiar. Roxas whipped his head up, groaning at the pain that movement caused, his body screaming at him to not move. But he had to be sure. His cerulean orbs went wide when he took in the hulking figure leaning against the door frame. It had already nearly been a year but he recognised the house, the man, the voice and he couldn't understand how he had led himself there.
Axel's father growled dangerously as he stumbled out of his house.
Somehow Roxas managed to find his way to Axel's old house. He had forgotten just how close the redhead had lived. Horror overrode his befuddlement, forcing him onto his feet when the crazed, drunken man sauntered towards him.
"You're one-a-them fags that stole my son, ain't ya?"
Roxas stepped back a few feet, still unable to believe his pure dumb luck. He was shaking, wondering vaguely if he would be able to start up running again.
He didn't know what forced the words out of his mouth as he glared daggers at the monster across from him. "Axel deserved better than to be tortured by an asshole like you!" he called, angling himself so he could follow the straight-forward path Xigbar had taken all those many months ago. "Him and Reno both! And now they don't have to worry about hiding from you anymore! They're safe!" Feeling the lump building in his throat at the mention of the two redheads, Roxas forced himself to move, darting away from the man that was stumbling towards him.
Only able to run for the first few minutes, it took Roxas half an hour to see any street names he recognized. Mildly surprised, he found himself at the end of his street within an hour. Collapsing through the front door, he realized just how exhausted he was. Unable to even think about climbing up the stairs, he crumbled down on the couch, ignoring the sweat still dripping over his body.
Remembering the fact that the phone had been ringing when he left hours ago, he forced himself to reach around and hear the message, even though he was dreading what would come.
"Hey, Roxas! Pick up, man! It's Hayner, not Axel. You around? ... Well, guess not or you would pick up, right? I would say 'call me when you get this' but I'll either be gone or you've already chosen not to pick up, hunh? Well, me and Pence are gonna head to the beach, just wanted to see if you wanted to come. Just let me know at some point that you're still alive, kay?"
The blonde smirked slightly, hearing his best friend's voice, feeling honoured that he'd been thought about while another person went about their daily life. Choosing to delete the message, vowing to call Hayner back after a small nap, Roxas raised a confused eyebrow when the computerized female voice said that he had missed two other calls.
"Heya Roxas!" The blonde cringed at the beginning of the next message, his heart clenching at the happy-go-lucky tone of the voice. "It's Demyx! We miss ya, bud! Axel said you haven't been returning his calls." Roxas could almost see the pout on the elder blonde's lips. "We're kinda worried. Call me, okay? You'd wanna keep in touch with superstars, wouldn't ya?" The excitement bubbled back into Demyx's voice. "We're gonna be big someday! You'll see us on the TV! And I'll write a song for you and sing it for you! But only if you call back, okay? Miss you, Roxas!"
Roxas contemplated whether or not to save the blonde's message but decided to just delete it. It wasn't like he was going to call back, tempting bribe or no.
The last message now loomed in front of him and he could only assume who it would be.
"What happened to being my friend, huh? You were the best friggin' thing that ever happened to me and I'm stuck yelling at your answering machine because you won't pick up. How the hell am I supposed to know you haven't died? Or is that it? Am I yelling to an empty house right now? Have you packed up all your shit and moved outta town?"
Roxas cringed at the harsh tone of his ex-lover. It was painfully obvious Axel was enraged as his voice exploded from the answering machine.
The blonde didn't wait to be prompted before deleting the message. Pain rocked through him, his muscles aching and his heart broken. The only thing he could think of doing was to roll over onto his side, forcing himself to sleep.
xXxXx
"Heya Roxas!" The blonde was grabbed in a tight hug, his cerulean eyes widening with his shock. That was the last thing he had expected when he opened the door.
"H-Hey Sora... What are you doing here?" Roxas stepped back to allow the brunette inside and was surprised to see Riku, Hayner, and Pence standing in the doorway. His best friends held huge smiles on their faces as they followed Sora's lead, but Riku just stood there, looking awkward. "You comin' in too or what?" Roxas waited a moment before gripping the silver haired teen's wrist, pulling him in.
Sora stretched, cracking his back as he looked around. "I missed you guys so I got Leon to get me Hayner's number, since I heard you don't answer your phone. We're gonna go to the beach, so, you wanna go too?"
Roxas raised a blonde eyebrow, trying to figure out everything the brunette had said, "I'm sorry I've been so hard to reach lately." He hung his head but Sora just smiled "But I thought you guys lived pretty far away."
Sora's smile faltered slightly. "We do. Well we did. But Riku's parents wouldn't let him keep any of the money he was making so he got em... emacerated?"
"Emancipated." Riku corrected automatically. Sora blushed, beaming.
"Yeah that. Well he declared financial independence, which really ticked off his dad, so he got kicked out. Mom's too busy to have someone else in the house, so he couldn't live with me. So we ran away together. We're livin' with Grammy until we get on our feet, since he's only seventeen and all. But, yeah, sorry, kinda ranted there. Go get your stuff. I didn't come all the way here to be rejected." Roxas smirked when his wrist was grabbed and he was pulled away from the door.
"Okay, okay! I'm going!" Roxas laughed, stumbling slightly towards the stairs. "I'll be back in a little bit." As he climbed the stairs, his mind got to thinking.
Riku was seventeen? But Sora had said back at the party that he himself was only sixteen, his birthday later in the year. Which meant they would have at least half a year apart when Riku turned eighteen.
Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Roxas shuffled through his dresser, picking out a pair of swim trunks he hadn't seen in a while. He shrugged, deeming them decent. Going to the bathroom, the blonde pulled out a towel.
Without fail, as soon as he was down two stairs, the phone started. "God damnit. Don't answer!" He warned, seeing Sora moving to pick it up.
"It's Axel."
"I know."
Sora scowled at the blonde. "Do you know how much he misses you! Like, really? Just pick up. Listen to him for once. Let him explain. He's hurt, Roxas!"
Roxas refused to meet any of the other teens' gazes. He just watched the phone as it screamed at him. "So am I."
"I saw you that day holding my chackram you know." Roxas instinctively gripped the ruby covered circle around his neck. He didn't want his friends to be there, listening to the words that were only meant for him. "I still have your key. I keep it on me at all times. Because I know that if I lost it, I would never have a chance to tell you for real how sorry I am." The blonde could hear the sincerity in the voice that still sent shivers through his body.
"Roxas, can you call him back or something? I told him we'd be here today. That's why he called. He asked me to get you to pick up! He's such a mess now! It's like he's broken! He hasn't even hit on me since our party! He-"
"Sora," Riku cut over his lover. "What he does is up to him. If he doesn't want to talk to Axel, no one can make him."
Sora turned defiant orbs away from Riku, gazing hard at Roxas. "I just want them to know that someone is fighting for them to be together."
Roxas had never believed such a raw look could cross the brunette's features, but there it was, plain as day. A moment of tense silence passed between the friends before Roxas finally sighed. So much guilt washed up inside of him that he resigned himself to the fact that he'd only get out of the house by calling Axel.
"Let's just go, okay? I wanna get in that water before I'm too old to swim." Hayner diverted, seeing the distress on his best friend's face and wanting to save him any way he could. A stone sank through the younger blonde's stomach. Now that Hayner wanted to go, he wanted to stay and call Axel.
"Y-yeah. Stop worrying about me and Axel, Sora. I appreciate it, but there isn't even a point, you know. We wouldn't be able to get back together or anything." Roxas felt something click as he realized his own words. But he wouldn't show the pain he was feeling. He missed Axel and he somehow knew that the feeling wouldn't go away any time soon. He was upset, he had just gotten over that pain and now it was back.
Sora sighed, seeing it was three against one, Pence holding back and keeping his mouth shut. "Fine. C'mon guys."
"Sora, can I talk to you for a second? You guys go wait out there."
The brunette raised an eyebrow but stayed behind while the others pumped themselves back up for the beach. When everyone else had made it outside, Roxas made his way over to the elder teen, putting his hands on Sora's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Roxas, I was out of line. But Axel's my friend." Roxas surprised the brunette by leaning his head on the elder's chest, looking down with tear filled eyes at the floor.
"Don't tell anyone, Sora. Please .. don't tell anyone. But ... I miss him. I miss him so bad it's driving me crazy. There's nothing I wouldn't want more than to just pick up that stupid phone when he calls and just talk to him. But then I would end up missing him even more because he's 'too old'. Stupid law." Roxas tensed when he felt Sora's arms wrap around him in a tight hug. "I really do miss him, Sora."
"I know you do. And he misses you a lot too. I'm sure he told you that he's never bothered with loving someone before, right?"
Roxas sighed, backing away slightly, the movement causing Sora to release him. "And he was stupid enough to fall for an asshole like me. I'm not even fifteen yet, Sora. I'm too young for this shit." Sora chuckled slightly at the blonde, feeling only a little bad when Roxas glared at him.
"I know you know, but me and Riku have been together for a while now. We were together when I was your age. I knew just as much then as I do now; I love Riku. Love doesn't count on age, you know. If it's meant to be, it will. Me and Riku are gonna get married and adopt a bunch of babies some day. We're bothering to plan ahead because we've already been through so many bad things and overcome so much in just two years, we know we're gonna last that long. I know our biggest challenge'll be next year but Riku said he'll call me lots when he goes to college because he's my best friend, too. Axel was your best friend, wasn't he? Why can't he still be your best friend?"
Roxas shot his eyes away from the older teen, feeling that sorrowful tightness in his chest. Looking at the brave smile on Sora's face made Roxas realize just how stupid he had been since Axel left. What was a little time away from the redhead? "Demyx and Xigbar managed, so why not me and Riku? I think that if you just spoke to him ag-"
"C'mon guys! Hurry up! Quit your gibber jabber and get out here!" Hayner's impatience got the best of the two holding back and Sora forced Roxas into going first, patting the blonde on the shoulder for reassurance. Their conversation was put on permanent hold, just as Sora promised. But Roxas felt better knowing that he wasn't really alone, that if Sora could do it, he could too.
xXxXx
August
xXxXx
"Another year! Oh my baby boy is growing up so fast!" Yuna smothered her son in a hug. Roxas tried to struggle out of her grasp but she was too strong and he actually didn't want her to let go anyways.
"Mom! Not in front of friends," Roxas argued half-heartedly, seeing the teens around him snickering.
"Oh Roxas, get over it, we've all seen it before." Hayner wrapped the mother-son duo up in a hug, being followed by Pence, Sora, Tidus and lastly a hesitant Riku.
"Okay, okay! I can't breathe!"
The friends broke apart to sit at the birthday-boy's table once more, having already finished the beautiful meal that Yuna and Tidus had worked on all day. All that was left was the home-made cake, then they were all going to watch movies in the living room with a bunch of little goodies. Yuna and Tidus were in the kitchen, setting up the final preparations for the cake.
"What're you gonna wish for, Roxas?" Sora asked, sitting back and patting his full belly. The blonde thought about it for a moment before shrugging.
"I dunno, I haven't really thought about it yet."
The lights were turned out and a beaming smile worked its way onto Roxas' features as the customary song started up. The phone added its own voice to the song but no one moved to answer it, going along as though they couldn't even hear it. Yuna's message played when the cake was placed in front her son. Roxas kept smiling but everyone waited with baited breath to see what his reaction to the call would be.
"Happy birthday."
That was it. Two words. Two happy-sounding –not angry or desperate for a change - words. "Thanks Axe." Roxas had to fight to keep his voice level as happy tears formed in his eyes. "But I know what I wanna wish for now." Taking in a deep breath, Roxas blew out the candles. "You need to change that message on the answering machine now, mom."
xXxXx
"Ya know what, fuck you. I'm hurting too, damn it! I've lost twenty pounds and Cloud even said that the way I am now reminds him of how I used to be when Dad hurt me. I never knew you could hurt me like that too."
"Technically, I'm not. I'm not beating the shit outta you. Why can't you just be as happy as you were for my birthday? I'm coping, you should too." Roxas didn't find it odd that he was talking to the answering machine, rather than the actual person talking. He would pick up some day, but he just didn't have the nerves to do it, with his stomach flipping with ever word. "Next time. Next time I'll talk to you."
xXxXx
"No way, man! I totally got you beat!" Roxas boasted, tapping the buttons on the controller in his hands. Hayner was mashing at his own controller, jumping up and down with each hit that was dealt on the screen.
"Nope, Roxas, I think you're losing right now!"
"Shut up, Pence! I got this!"
"Uh, Hay ... your phone's going off."
The winning blonde rolled his eyes, slamming his finger down on the pause button with a glare in Roxas' direction, assuming the younger would be cheating when his back was turned. "Well, toss it over!" Catching the tossed phone easily, he brought it up to his ear, a scowl on his face when he heard the voice. "Oh, it's you." When he was met with puzzled glances, he mouthed Axel's name, sending a shockwave through Roxas' body. "What do you want? ... About ..."
Roxas knitted his brows, thinking about what his friend was saying, piecing the snippets of conversation together.
"I wouldn't say okay. ... Pissed. Kinda broken." Hayner eyed his glaring friend, looking him over, sizing him up. Roxas lashed out, keeping his glare trained on the elder blonde. "Hey, ouch, don't kick me, you bastard."
"Don't call me broken then!"
Hayner shook his head, rubbing at his sore leg, falling back into conversation with the redhead. "Why do you think, you asshole?" A snort of laughter. "Oh, I'd say he knows. Hey! Be nice!"
Roxas shifted, shoving on his friend's shoulder. "Stop talking about me!"
"Ask him yourself." Roxas' eyes went wide when the phone was passed to him. "Talk to him," was hissed, too low for Axel to hear.
"I can't!"
"Do it!"
"Ask me what?" was the first thing that came to Roxas' mind. He didn't know what to say. His heart hammered in his ears, threatening to drown out anything that the redhead would say.
"Why didn't you return my calls, Rox?"
A pang of guilt, of longing, of need rushed through the blonde and he shook, but he would be damned if he let Axel know how he really felt. "Because I'm done with you. You pranced out of my life and that's where I want you to stay. So stop calling me. It's not gonna work. I hate you, Axel." The last four words were a lie, they had to be. Didn't he love Axel? He used to. But he had decided over the past two months that his feelings had changed. That there was no such thing as love.
"N-No! You can't! You said you loved me! You said it, Rox! You can't just unsay it!"
Roxas tingled at the sound of his nickname, that special one that only Axel had been allowed to call him. But he wasn't going to back down. Never. He had felt too much pain. "Stop with the 'Rox' shit! I'm not 'Rox' anymore." So he decided to get rid of the last reminder that the redhead still held over him.
"Rox ... as. Roxas, I'm not just going to give up on you."
"If you don't stop calling my house, I'll call the cops and file a harassment claim. I don't want you around anymore, Axel."
There was a brief pause in which Roxas was sure he heard a muffled sob but he refused to feel anything, biting on his lip to keep up his resolve. He didn't care that Axel was slipping into one of his fits again, this time with Roxas the true cause.
"R-Roxas ... Roxas, I need you! You can't just throw me away!"
"You threw yourself away, asshole." Roxas couldn't look up at the puzzled faces that were questioning him. He was numb now. He wasn't going to cry anymore, there was no way that he could. Even though he could almost hear the tears that now covered his ex's face.
"We promised, Rox! We promised to wait for each other!"
"No, Axel, you promised. You said you wouldn't whore around. I didn't say a go damned thing. I'm over you. I'm with Zexion now." Three gasps met his ears and he realized what he had just said. He didn't even know where the name had come from, why he had chosen Zexion, why he would even make up such a lie in the first place. He was in shock, that had to be it. Shooting a glance at his two best friends that said that he would explain later, Roxas concentrated on the hurt that filled the redhead.
"Zexion..."
"Yeah, you know, my 'crazy, rapist' ex? He's not my ex anymore. I went to him when you left." Roxas' eyes closed in concentration, trying to beef up the lie as best as he could. He couldn't believe how easy that was becoming. "That's why I haven't answered your calls – I've been busy getting my lights fucked out. So I don't need you anymore, asshole." He didn't know how convincing he was sounding, but he knew that Axel was buying it.
Another loud sob and the sound of Axel sliding down the wall he must have been leaning up against. "R-Roxas... Roxas, I love you!" The words were loud, angry, heartbroken, rushed, frustrated and told the blonde exactly what his once-best friend was feeling.
As Roxas hung up the phone, he refused to let his friends see just how hard the end of that conversation had been. He couldn't help but go back to the panic that filled his ex-boyfriend's voice. A small hint of fear was trickling through his body but he couldn't tell the two that were gaping at him. Instead, he forced himself to ask "Hayner, you've got Sora's number, right?"
"Yeah, why? And what the hell, man? You're back with Zexion? That's bullshit!"
A small, sad sigh escaped the younger's lips. "It is, yeah. But I hope Axel bought it. But if he did, that's why I need to talk to Sora."
Hayner waited a moment, letting the conversation sink in, processing all of the information. When he was ready, he held out his hand, gesturing for the phone that Roxas clutched with an iron grip. "Here, gimme my phone. I'll get his number up for you."
Anxiety threatened to overwhelm Roxas. Who knew what Axel was capable of doing when he was so upset? What scared the blonde the most was that he could still upset the redhead so. Hayner handed him the phone and Sora picked up on the third ring. Roxas didn't even give him time to even say hi.
"Hey, Sora. I need you to do me a favour. It's Roxas. Can you get someone to check on Axel? I don't care who, just someone."
"Whoa, slow down. Why does Axel need to be checked on? I was talking to him yesterday; he seemed fine then."
"I was talking to him today."
"That's good a good thing though! ... Right?" Hopeful excitement entered the brunette's voice, breaking Roxas' heart and making him feel like a villain.
"Eh, not really. I told him I was back with Zexion. Remember what we've said about Zexion?"
"What? Why would you do that? I remember, yeah! He's a total creep! You wouldn't!"
"I lied, Sora. I lied to him so that he would just leave me alone. I kinda ... regret taking it that far right now, ya know, so I don't need a lecture. Just make sure he's okay, please?"
A sigh from Sora told Roxas that the elder teen would do it, now concerned himself for his friend's safety. "Yeah, I'll make sure he's alright. Want me to call you with the answer when I get it?"
Roxas had to think about what he wanted for a second. Did he want to hear that Axel was absolutely fine and not disturbed by their conversation at all? Did he want to hear that Axel was dangling himself off a ten story building? No, he didn't want to hear another thing mentioned about the redhead. "No. Not unless it's really bad."
"How bad is really bad?"
The blonde couldn't form an answer, feeling sick to his stomach with thoughts of what could go wrong concerning Axel. What Roxas thought impossible happened, tears finally slipping down his cheeks. Seeing this, Hayner reached over, taking the phone from his best friend.
"Just text me with how he's doin', kay? ... Yeah, it's Hayner... No, I don't. I have no sweet clue what's goin' on with him. ... Okay, talk to you later. " Hayner shut the phone, tossing it away onto his bed before reaching over to rub at Roxas' back, the only thing he could think of doing to comfort the teen. "I thought you stopped caring about him, bud."
The younger blonde forced himself to stop crying, to stop being such a little girl. Knees coming up to press against his chest, gripping his ankles, Roxas took in a deep breath. "You can't just stop caring. It doesn't work like that. He was my best friend and I think I actually kinda loved him and then he just left. I won't be able to see him for years. It's basically like he just died. I don't want dead people talking to me."
"Aren't you being a little over dramatic, man? You could still talk to him."
Tired of repeating himself, Roxas only sighed, shaking his head. "Too late now."
Hayner put his hands up in defeat at the harsh tone of his friend's words. "Okay, okay. I'm not tryin' to start a fight, kay? Here, let's play some Brawl, you could let your stress out that way by firin' some com's off the stage. Or CoD! We could play some CoD and shoot some people in the face. Bioshock? Burn up some splicers?"
"Yeah, that sounds good. I need to burn up some crazed psychos."
"It's dancin' daddy, it's dancin'!" Pence piped up, the first thing he had said in well over ten minutes, a grin on his face at his mockery, which he could do eerily well. A small smile worked its way onto Roxas' face, glad that Axel had got him back in with his two best friends.
When Sora messaged Hayner with Axel's well-being an hour later, Roxas refused to hear it.
xXx
To be Continued
xXx
So, that was a little over-due. Guess I better go start work on part two of chapter one. I'm a lazy-bones.
~xbuttonsx~