He'd never had such a good friend before. At least, not still alive, anyway. And it had concerned him - everything he'd ever loved died. But he tried not to think of it. Maybe, just maybe, this one time, he'd finally have a friend who didn't constantly put him down. A friend that wouldn't just use him and betray his trust. He was a friend who had saved his life Toki had never been more grateful because for once, when he expressed this gratitude, it wasn't met with scathing sarcasm or rejection. That simple smile and "you're welcome" had given him a light in the darkness.

It was unimaginably refreshing having someone who he could trust and rely on. They hung out together more and more and Toki was thoroughly convinced this would be a new chapter in his life. He could finally have fun with someone who enjoyed his company and stayed away from the rest of the band, unlike a certain clown.

He loved it.

But of course, he thought to himself. Of course.

He loved their friendship. He loved their time together. He loved being in Dethklok. He loved finally being happy.

But of course, everything he loved was taken from him.

And here he was, immobilized by both the psychological and physical pain that ravaged him so incessantly. Chained down like an animal by a collar to the cold, filthy stone floor, where only a single shaft of light barely reached. He'd fought so hard in the beginning to keep from falling back into the memories of his childhood, to fight tooth and nail against the resurfacing trauma. He had to be strong, just for a few days, just until his brothers would come save him and Abigail. But the days turned into weeks, and he finally understood that he'd never had the ability to be strong. Abigail had assumed that role instead. She comforted him through the day and held him through his nightmares. And truthfully, without her, he knew he would have been long gone by now. But he was too afraid to talk to her too much, to express his gratitude and his growing appreciation of her out of fear that she, too, would die. If he were to be alone once again...

They leaned against the jagged, rocky wall, the cold seeping into their spines as they attempted to sleep the miserable night away. Although they both were assaulted by chills, the cold of the wall felt soothing against their stab wounds, which were still raw and hot with infection, despite Magnus' attempt at sewing them up. Abigail's skin felt cooler against his, but he knew it was only because her fever wasn't as high. Still, they welcomed each other's warmth and company while they still could. It was only a matter of when Magnus would return with the nightly slop he expected them to eat and a needle in hand. If the nightmares and cold weren't enough, the fall of dusk always promised that tall figure would be looming in the doorway. And of course, just as Toki felt himself drifting off, a loud clang echoing through the hollow silence sent a jolt of dread through him like electricity. Any trace of sleepiness was erased. Abigail squeezed his hand tightly, her gaze downcast. She was afraid too, but he always left her alone.

Toki couldn't bring himself to look up. He remained focused on his shaking hands, the chains from his neck rattling slightly against each other as his breathing grew rapid. Each nearing footstep shook in his heart until a loud metal clang struck the ground before them. Even such an expected sound caused Toki to jump. It was the metal dog food bowl again, filled with scraps from God knows where. The deep indentation in the bowl's side served as a nightly reminder to their captor's fondness for humiliation. The food was disgusting but as their only meal, after growing accustomed, they quickly came to welcome it. He felt his stomach growl at the sight, suddenly reminded of his terrible hunger. He knew he shouldn't have reacted at all - shouldn't even moved... but he did. His hand had barely risen from clutching his knife wound -

Fingers dug through his hair, violently jerking him up from the ground, nails scraping against his scalp. The back of his head was slammed into the wall.

"I didn't say you could eat, did I?"

Toki shook his head as faintly as he could under Magnus' grip. He felt blood tickle its way down his scalp. If not for being held up by his hair he would have collapsed to the ground. His muscles had begun to atrophy in their time of disuse and starvation, and the fear had rendered whatever he had remaining useless.

Magnus moved in closer.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you." His voice was a low, poisonous growl.

Toki, trembling, moved his eyes up from Magnus' boots, reluctantly meeting eye contact. That grey and cloudy eye had never bothered him before. As best friends, he never gave it a thought and never found it important enough to ask how it came to be. He had actually come to like it, at some point. It had looked cool in contrast to the grey streaks in his hair and it made him seem so much more metal.

But that was before. And now it terrified him, that unseeing eye. How it stared straight into him as if digging for more ways to psychologically torture and degrade him... as if his body weren't enough...

"Walk."

In his terror, Toki hadn't realized the collar around his neck had been unlocked. He cursed himself internally for reacting to the food. He knew all too well what was coming next.

Gathering all his strength, he attempted to step forward one foot at a time. Magnus' hand was still lodged firmly in his hair, keeping him close and guiding him like a dog.

Magnus came down usually for only two things; bringing them food and Toki's shots. But all too often he was bored or frustrated and wanted something more. Some days were better than others, but each time, he was taken from Abigail's side to a room connected to the one where they spent most of their days. Here, he could be "interrogated properly." Although it was a short distance, it was a harrowing walk for him, and each time he stumbled or slowed such as now, the grip in his hair tightened and his was body jerked forward.

Just as dark and decrepit, this room was no different than where they were usually chained, save for the blood that had dried on the walls and floor. Toki could still feel the sting of the wounds each bloodstain had dripped from.

Magnus violently threw Toki by his head into the room, slamming the door shut behind him. A clump of his filthy brown hair had been torn out and fell from Magnus' fingers. Toki tried to push himself up from the ground but before he realized what had happened, the tip of Magnus' boot dug its way straight into his knife wound, twisting and pushing without restraint. The pain sent him curling inwards, trying desperately to shield his stomach. He felt like he was about to puke.

"Why haven't they come for you yet?!" His scream had probably been loud enough for even Abigail to hear. At no response, he brought his foot down into Toki's ribcage. Toki had always done his best to not to make a sound at times like this, but he could not restrain the sharp cry that rang out simultaneously with the sound of cracking bone. He was drenched in a cold sweat now while his entire torso felt like it'd be lit ablaze. His rapid breaths became shallow as each gasp was now accompanied by a sharp and excruciating pain. His ribs had been broken.

"You and that bitch better hope they're not just wasting my time," he snarled, beginning to pace about the room as Toki writhed in pain, choking back tears. "Because if they are... Oh, I know Ofdensen. The fans may be looking for you, but he's a sneaky bastard. He can do anything, you know. He could make you disappear from the public mind just by replacing you." His voice had become coaxing, but just as venomous as ever. He let out a low chuckle as he turned and knelt over his "friend," lifting his face with a knobby hand. Tears welled at Toki's eyes, finally overflowing and pooling at the fingers that dug into his cheeks.

"Ohhh, Toki... You look terrible..." He almost sounded genuinely concerned, but there was laughter hidden in his words. As he wiped the still warm tears away with his thumb, the dirt and dust caked into Toki's face muddied and smeared against his skin. "Oh, that's right. You haven't had your insulin."

Magnus' nightly visits were always dreadful, but the nights he was late, such as tonight, Toki couldn't help but worry that he wouldn't come at all. He detested this dependence and had grown to hate his body more and more with each injection. It always took him back to the day in camp where Magnus had saved his life, an eternal reminder of how foolish he'd been. Magnus removed his hand, reaching into his shirt's pocket for the syringe. Taking this moment to catch his breath, Toki instinctively attempted to curl back up, but the pain in his ribs shot through him like a gunshot.

"Stand up."

Toki could only freeze at the command, his body still quivering violently. There was no way he could sit up, let alone stand. Between the pain and hunger and shot that was hours late, he was surprised he was still even conscious. The back of his head still burned and ached, and as he clutched at his stab wound he realized it must have reopened at the earlier kick.

"I said stand."

He had no choice but to try.

He pushed his upper body up, head pounding and arms shaking under his weight, but everything felt like gelatin. Nausea washed over him a second time. It was impossible.

"I... I can'ts..." Speaking for the first time, his voice was dry, quiet, and sounded so far away.

"Then no shot."

Before Toki could attempt to stand again, Magnus closed in on him, knelt down to his level, and opened the syringe. His eyebrows cocked nonchalantly, as if saying Toki had brought this upon himself. He waved the needle before Toki's face in a taunting manner before pressing down on the plunger. Toki recoiled slightly as the insulin squirted into his face and eyes. It was pure dominance, pure humiliation, and Toki didn't know how much longer he could take... And now without the shot, he certainly wouldn't last much longer either way.

"Please..." He wiped at the medicine that now mixed with tears and dirt.

Magnus ignored him, throwing the empty syringe at his feet and turned away.

"Please..." 'You can't just leave me here alone...'

"I bet you're wondering just as much as I am why they aren't coming for you."

Toki stared at the floor in silence. Of course he was. How could they leave him for so long...?

"You know, you really should be on my side. They don't give a flying fuck about you, and I bet you they already forgot that girl even exists. We should have known they'd be so fucking cowardly..." He turned around, gazing down at Toki with pitying eyes. "They watched you get stabbed and they didn't do a single thing about it."

A silence followed that was so heavy Toki could hear the faint tap of his tears rolling from his chin to the ground. It was the truth he'd been hiding from. Abigail had tried to keep his hopes up and convince him otherwise, but deep down he knew they'd been abandoned. Hearing this from Magnus sounded so much more honest, unlike the sugar-coated dreams Abigail provided. No one was coming for them.

"Who'd you like the most, huh? Skwisgaar?"

Toki felt his heart skip a beat.

"How does it feel? Knowing that he's probably been partying every day since you've been gone? Fucking chicks left and right, so high he can't even remember your name?"

Toki covered his ears, vigorously shaking his head despite the horrendous dizziness it caused.

"No! He-! They ams not likes that!"

"But you know they are. You know better than me that they are." He let out a dark laugh and his eyes narrowed. "Maybe we should have taken him instead. You can't replace the world's fastest guitar player as easily. But you..."

It was true, wasn't it? Everyone in the band was the best at what they did, otherwise they wouldn't still be there. But he was so pointless he wasn't even necessary to replace. If they wanted to, Skwisgaar could take care of all the rhythm parts. He already rerecorded Toki's parts anyway when he fucked them up too bad. In fact, once he'd been so mad he yelled something about always wanting to be a one-guitar band, but Toki hadn't taken him seriously. He had had too much faith and trust in people.

"Have you ever wondered how many lives they've ruined? Trust me, they belong in prison. "

"Trust you?" It had accidentally slipped and Toki regretted it immediately. Before he could even look up to see if he'd struck a nerve, an incredible pain shot into his right hand, forcing a scream from the pit of his stomach. Magnus had stomped down on it with as much force as the earlier kick, but now dug and twisted his heel into it mockingly.

"Yes. Trust me like you did before." Lifting his foot, he knelt down again with judging eyes at the poor, miserable creature that now grasped at his raw and bloody hand. "You're just lucky the one you fret with wasn't as close."

A rough, calloused hand closed in on Toki's neck. Through tear-blurred vision he could see the dirt caked under short chipped nails. There was a terrible pressure around his throat, pushing his Adam's apple in and blocking any of his shallow breaths. He clawed at the crushing grip in futility until Magnus had had enough. He was violently pushed back down on to the cold ground. His spine, which was lately more pronounced than ever, took the brunt of the impact, knocking out whatever air remained in his lungs. Completely immobile, he was now straddled by the man he once considered his best friend, whose two bloodthirsty hands grasped at his neck. Toki stared up into darkness, blinded by the sheer panic of asphyxiation and pain. How he longed for his insulin shot. They were the only things that brought him any sort of physical relief these days, and he would take whatever relief he could get no matter how small... Magnus was screaming something again, but Toki couldn't understand a word.

Yes, any sort of relief would be fine.

'Hvorfor kan han ikke bare drepe meg allerede.'

"Vær så snill." He mouthed the words. It was all he could manage.

And suddenly, the hands were lifted from his throat. Air came rushing into his lungs and he began to choke and cough. Chest heaving, he tried to twist around, but both his broken ribs and the man pinning him down prevented all movement in the slightest. Toki flinched as Magnus reached towards his face once again, but was caught off guard as he gently cupped his face. His thumb traced along Toki's wet, tear-stained cheekbones and sunken in cheeks to the heavy bags under his eyes and finally to his lips. He was still violently trembling but for the briefest of moments, it almost felt comforting. Mentally and physically exhausted, his eyelids drooped until they finally fell shut. But they hadn't even been closed for a full second before he felt something enter his mouth. Opening only halfway, he saw that Magnus had shoved his thumb into his mouth and was glaring down at him expectantly.

"You don't actually want to die and I don't need you dead. So obey."

Toki stared up through half-lidded eyes, too deep in a daze to understand. He felt Magnus roughly push down on his tongue.

"Suck."

Toki obeyed.

Wasn't it easier this way? To just turn off and do what he was told... If he just obeyed, he wouldn't be subjected to near as much torture. He sucked and swallowed and licked. His tears had run dry. The taste of salt and dirt had initially filled his mouth, but as he continued on he could no longer taste anything on Magnus' finger. Another wave of nausea struck him, this time, he assumed, from his newfound disgust with himself. He ignored it. What had Abigail said for moments like these? Think back to your happy place? Hah.

He no longer had a happy place. He'd been abandoned and betrayed and abused and beaten by the ones he loved more than anything in the world. If he were to fall, then at least let him fall into the disgusting, filthy reality where someone as disgusting and filthy as he belonged. There was no room in those perfect happy rainbow worlds for something so incredibly despicable as he.

Magnus removed his thumb creating a trail of saliva, and suddenly his lips were upon Toki's, ravenously meeting the other's still hungry mouth. The pain in his body was dulled now, and nothing else mattered. Toki's eyes remained closed as his uninjured hand reached up and caught itself in Magnus' hair, nails dragging lightly against his scalp as if in response to when Magnus had done the same at the beginning of this mess.

He imagined Skwisgaar.

This would have made him feel more vile if he any longer had the capacity to care. He imagined his hand running through long, straight golden locks instead of gnarled brown and grey ones. He imagined two beautiful blue eyes peering down at him with playful contempt instead of the sinister, mismatched ones that haunted his nightmares. He imagined the mouth that met his could speak to him in calming, familiar Swedish, and that it tasted of alcohol instead of cigarettes. He imagined it was Skwisgaar's billion dollar fingers that were undoing his pants now, pulling them down slightly, touching his thigh...

There was a sharp prick against inside of his thigh, but it felt like a drop in the ocean compared the pain of the rest of his body. He was only removed from his thoughts as Magnus broke for air and pulled away. Opening his eyes proved heartbreaking as his golden haired god reverted back into the demon he so much feared. There was a light clatter upon the stone floor, and Magnus finally stood. Toki's eyes drifted to the glint of metal in the darkness. It was a second syringe. He looked down to see his tattered pants still partially removed. A tiny bead of blood from the needle rested like a gorged flea against the white of paled skin. Magnus was still standing over him and gazing down with an expression so full of condescension and pity that Toki's shame felt palpable. Without a word, he turned and walked out of the room, his footsteps echoing hollowly against Toki's mind.

Gasping, dry sobs overcame him. He felt as if he were hyperventilating as he curled up again like a pillbug in dirt, pulling up his pants and clutching at his stab wound with trembling hands. His body shuddered over and over as his breathing alternated between groans and sobs. Self-loathing and revulsion violently washed over him like waves upon a shore.

He was drowning and no one was going to save him.

Shivering against the dark and empty night, he let out a whimper.

Toki Wartooth was alone again.