How to Write an Original Harry Potter FanFiction Chapter 1: Introduction, a harry potter fanfic

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter. Or the cliches that come with the fandom.

Today we'll be teaching you how to write a very...non-stereotypical, non cliche, and original Harry Potter fanfic. Please do not continue reading if you a) do not have a sense of humor, b) do not understand what sarcasm is, or c) seem to lack something like a brain.

The first thing you need to do is to learn a very important principle: Remember that grammar does not matter (ever), and what matters is updating quickly. I'm sure that the readers will understand what you are writing, no matter how horrendous your English is.

Hurry up with the summary and just get on with the fic. An excellent example would be the one below:

dreco and harmoine liek fell in luv n stuff sumry socks but fic is rlllllllllly good !11! R &R OK NO FLAMENG!1111!1111

Perfect summary right there. 10/10. You just got an Outstanding in the first lesson. Congratulations!

Next, remember that nothing is too extreme for the sake of (oh-so-glorious) reviews, this includes begging and whoring around for reviews. We will provide a very good demonstration of this:

R & R!111! I WON'Y UPDETE UTINL I OLNY GET 200,000,000 REVIEWS OKA PIEEPS SEEW YAU! remmeber to reveiw, fav, folow, pm, prmoote, avdetrise, sahre wif all of yuor freidns, recomend wif all of yuor freidns, and stuff!1! so i can gotting sooooomeny reviws!1!1 tahnk yau xxxzzzzxxxzxxcxxxxxxxcxxxxssxzx

Advice: Never be too shy with inserting A/Ns right in the middle of the story. It doesn't matter if it interrupts a very dramatic moment or the world is about to end, it won't hurt if you just add a (A/N: ;) get the renfrecee?) in the most intense part of the plot. No one will mind if you completely disrupt the flow of the story and destroy your whole story.

How to write in the angst genre: Remember to put the characters into horrid situations that would never happen, nothing is too tragic! Just have them angst about it and fall in love. And angst more. Have some drama happen and then have your character angst even more. If you read it and it makes you feel like committing suicide, you probably have the perfect amount of angst in there. Oh, and be very repetitive. An example will be below:

Herry wailled tragicaly as he releived his perants veryyy tragical death, it was soo tragic, liek he was stil so tragic :((( He agnsetd abt da tragicnesss sedly, why was his life soo tragic lik it was SOOOO knot feeaeiiirrr D: :'( :'(!11!111!

How to write in the humor genre: Make bad jokes. Make Chuck Norris jokes. Make lame jokes. Make knock-knock jokes no one will ever understand. There is no borderline to horrible jokes and don't be shy to reference it to something that you, and only you will understand. So long as you "get" the joke, everyone will.

How to write in the romance genre: Pairings? More like write all the characters' names into an empty shoebox, close your eyes, and then randomly pick two slips of paper out! We assure you that the two characters will undoubtedly be the BEST couple in the universe and they will always have so much chemistry, no matter how big an age gap, how problematic the situation, how stupid the idea of combining the two, how they clash with each other's personality in every way... They will be the best couple in the fandom, don't worry.

Right, we forgot to tell you about the hassle that comes with using an OC. If you ever decide to make an OC, remember that he or she must look absolutely perfect, and they must have dated all the young canon characters of the opposite gender (and a couple of older ones too). They must have multi colored eyes [example: her eyes were mesmerizing, like a beautiful blending kaleidoscope of colors] and any color used to describe them must be associated with food or the environment. Chocolate-colored eyes? Nah. Why not mud-colored eyes? Icy blue eyes? Of course! It's the most original thing I've seen since "sky-colored eyes" (ocean-blue eyes was a close second, though). But you should totally use the idea! It will add a lot of depth to your character, trust me. If they have brown hair, it MUST be "chocolate" colored hair, not "brown", because food makes everything sound better. Right? Right.

Never ever hesitate when it comes to completely destroying your characters (or, well, JK Rowling's characters). Hermione can have the intelligence of a box of crayons, Harry can have the immortality of a dying snail, Ron has blue hair and red eyes (no, I didn't mix them up), and Professor Snape can be the most cheerful person you ever meet. Oh, and did I mention that Draco is very friendly to everyone (especially Neville Longbottom) and is always a total Gryffindor to the heart!

Yup, I think we've covered some of the basic topics today. We've made some fantastic progress today. Look forward to the next lesson of How to write an original Harry Potter fanfic!

Just kidding! xD No, really, we're not serious (*insert a "I'm totes sirius" joke here if you want to make the most non-cliche joke in the fandom*). Thanks for reading, and tell us what you would like to see for the next chapter! :)

-Vanillanchocolate