A/N: A quick one-shot I just thought of for your amusement.
Let's All Go Shopping!
"Ooh! Let's go clothes shopping!" Zhang He pointed to a packed shop.
"No, I want to find everyone else," Sima Yi said.
The street was packed and the two men from ancient China REALLY stuck out. People walked past giving them funny looks. Zhang He grabbed on tight to Sima Yi's arm.
"Get off me!" Sima Yi tried to free his arm from Zhang He's clutch.
"B-but I might get lost or someone might kidnap me!" Zhang He gave the strategist a pleading look. "You can protect me though, you are strong and tough!"
"Whatever, you freak. Now, we must meet Cao Cao and the others at McDonalds."
"Is that a clothes shop?" Zhang He asked.
"No – I mean yes. Yes, McDonalds is the biggest and most best clothes shop ever!" Sima Yi lied. "I reckon that right now Cao Cao is buying a lovely dress for his wife."
"YAY!" Zhang He screamed. He then walked much, much faster.
"NOOOOO!!!!" Zhang He screeched. "You lied to me Sima Yi!!!!" Then he ran off somewhere.
"Oh well, at least I got him here. Now – what's the plan, my lord?" Sima Yi asked.
"WHAT?" Cao Cao yelled. "You're the strategist! You think of a plan!"
"Oh – yes. Of course… Erm…I suggest that we go to a book shop!"
"What good will that do us?" Xiahou Dun asked.
"All the smart people go to the book shops – they can help us," Sima Yi explained.
"Let's do it!" Cao Cao said.
They made their way to a book shop – but halfway there they passed a game shop, a girl had just exited the game shop and was now screaming at them.
"Just back away slowly…" Xiahou Yuan whispered in their ears.
They moved away in the direction of a jewellery shop. But the girl ran up to them faster than they were backing away.
"OMG!" she screamed.
The Wei officers were scared stiff. What do we do now? Cao Ren thought.
"Are you cosplayers?!" she asked.
"What is a 'cosplayer'?" Sima Yi enquired. "We are the officers of the best kingdom – WEI!!!"
"REALLY?!"
"Yes, we came from the Three Kingdoms era and need to find our way back," Cao Cao explained.
"What Orochi put you here?" she asked.
"Yeah, he did actually…he come down to Xu Chang and done some freaky magic!" Xiahou Dun said.
"Where are the rest of them???" The girl looked around.
"The rest of them?" Zhang He echoed.
"Yeah – the SW people and the other DW ones."
The Wei officers had no idea what DW and SW meant.
"…? ………???"
"You know – Liu Bei, Sun Ce, Xiao Qiao, Lu Bu! And Nobunaga, Oichi, Hideyoshi…" she explained.
"I know who the first four are… But who is Nobunaga?" Sima Yi asked.
"Come on, we're going now," a woman said.
Then the girl was dragged away.
"What the hell was that?!" Cao Ren yelled.
"That…" Cao Cao said in a grave voice, "was a fangirl."
"OMG! I can't believe that we survived," Zhang He said.
"Yeah, I heard that Zhao Yun was in hospital after seeing some fangirls…" Xiahou Dun said.
The men gasped in horror.
They reached the book shop.
"What do we do now?" Cao Cao asked Sima Yi.
"Let's look around." He walked off. The other officers followed.
"LOOK!" Dian Wei shouted. They looked in the direction that he was pointing. They saw a long blue cape and another person in a dark corner.
"I know that cape!" Cao Cao said. He walked over and gave the cape a yank.
"HEY!" the man yelled.
"CAO PI!!!???" the officers said in union.
"Son?!" Cao Cao said.
"ZHEN JI?!"
"Fancy seeing you here…" Cao Cao was in thought.
"Well, let's get a move on. That man there, he is reading a book about Chinese history." Sima Yi tapped the man on the shoulder. "Excuse me, would you happen to know how to get back to the Three Kingdoms era?"
"Huh? Are you mad? It's not like there's a time machine." The man turned back to the history book.
The asked a few more people, but they all gave them funny looks.
"It's hopeless!" Cao Pi said as they sat squashed up on a bench.
"What do we do now then?" Dian Wei asked.
"Go home."
"We don't have a home to go to," Cao Cao said glumly.
"I can get you home."
"Time machines don't exist. That's what everyone says."
"I have one."
They all looked up to see a mysterious looking man in a long black coat, his face was covered and he wore black sun glasses.
"Will you take us home?" Sima Yi asked.
"Perhaps," the man said.
"We can't leave yet!" Zhang He said. "We need to bring back a souvenir of some sort."
"No," Sima Yi said.
"Come on!!!" Zhang He pleaded.
"No." Sima Yi began to walk to towards the exit. But Zhang He grabbed his ankle and it ended up with Zhang He being dragged along the floor. Sima Yi was getting really stressed.
"FINE!" he yelled. "We'll go on one shop, but only ONE!"
Zhang He picked the biggest clothes shop he could find. He looked at everything. Every single piece of clothing in the 3 storey shop.
He got to the last bit of the first floor – "Hey, Sima Yi, do you think this would suit me?"
But Sima Yi and all of the other officers had died of boredom and the fact that they hadn't eaten for 2 months. Yep, Zhang He had taken that long – for the first floor!
The End.
A/N: Well, it's a one-shot. I hoped you liked it and please review.