Author's Notes
In case you're confused about the spelling, I can explain. According to the credits of season 3 of Get Smart, his name is spelled "Larrabee." According to the credits of seasons 4 and 5, his name is spelled "Larabee." I prefer to use the latter spelling.
Like "D.W. and Brain Haiku" and "Michelle and Joey Haiku," "Max and Larabee Haiku" is a part of my "Synchronous Twosomes Haiku" series. These haiku are arranged in chronological order. The haiku that have quotation marks are based on quotes from the show and often paraphrase conversations between two characters. The haiku that end with "Hints of Lucy R, " "Hints of Ricky R," "Hints of Ethel Mertz," and "Hints of Freddie Mertz" mean that they are possible allusions to I Love Lucy, the haiku that end with "Hints of The Beaver" and "Hints of June Cleaver" mean that they are possible allusions to Leave It to Beaver, and the haiku that end with "Hints of Lisa D" and "Hints of Eb Dawson" mean that they are possible allusions to Green Acres. Apparently it's a television tradition for pairs of characters who have a lot in common to have a lot in common with other pairs of characters who have a lot in common. Did you get that?
I think that season 4 had so many great moments that it was difficult for me to decide which moments to write haiku about. But then I decided that my haiku would consist of specific things that Max and Larabee have in common, Get Smart moments that were very likely inspired by sitcoms I Love Lucy, Leave It to Beaver, and Green Acres; any funny moments involving Larabee; and moments that were very likely the inspiration for plots and gags for TV shows Green Acres, Full House, Arthur, and Monk. Even after all that, this story still ended up being twice as long as "D.W. and Brain Haiku Season 1" and three times as long as "Michelle and Joey Haiku Season 3." Each haiku is numbered, so you can read them at your own pace.
In memory of Robert Karvelas (1921-1991) and Don Adams (1923-2005)
1 Max in "The Impossible Mission" 1
Max pretends that he
Knows how to play the trumpet
Hints of Lucy R
2 Max in "Snoopy Smart vs. the Red Baron" 1
Maxwell likes Snoopy
The Chief is not interested
"You like Charlie Brown?"
3 Max in "Snoopy Smart vs. the Red Baron" 2
The potato crop
Is as American as
Pizzas and tacos
4 Max in "Snoopy Smart vs. the Red Baron" 3
"It's the Red Baron!"
He's too involved with Peanuts
Is what the Chief thinks
5 Max in "Snoopy Smart vs. the Red Baron" 4
Ninety-Nine's mom thought
That Maxwell Smart was in the
Greeting card business
6 Max in "Snoopy Smart vs. the Red Baron" 5
"Look, there's a chicken;
"Let's tie a note around it"
"But chickens can't fly"
7 Max in "Closely Watched Planes" 1
Smart's in the restroom
The trapdoor opened for him
Missed it by that much
8 Max in "Closely Watched Planes" 2
Cleveland had two guns
One of them was a kid's toy
Ninety-Nine saved Max
9 Larabee in "The Secret of Sam Vittorio" 1
The Chief was told twice
That Connie and Floyd escaped
Sorry, wrong number
10 Max in "Diamond's Are a Spy's Best Friend" 1
A ring, vase, and urn
All got stuck on Max's hands
(Lucy and Beaver)
11 Larabee in "The Worst Best Man" 1
The men applauded
When Larabee's band took five
Hints of Ricky R
12 Max in "A Tale of Two Tails" 1
The teacher is sick
So Max is taking his place
How sick is this spy?
13 Max in "A Tale of Two Tails" 2
When Max wrote his name,
He used invisible chalk
So he erased it
14 Max and Larabee in "A Tale of Two Tails" 1
Maxwell and the Chief
Use Control's Secret Word File
Larabee joins in
15 Max in "A Tale of Two Tails" 3
Why is Santa Claus
In Washington in August?
Hints of The Beaver
16 Larabee in "The Return of the Ancient Mariner" 1
Larabee asks Max,
"Little Women the picture?"
Hints of June Cleaver
17 Max in "With Love and Twitches" 1
Late for his wedding,
Max has to stand in the car
Hints of Lucy R
18 Max in "Temporarily Out of Control" 1
Ensign Maxwell Smart
Tells Sailor Chief what to do
Hints of Ricky R
19 Max in "Schwartz's Island" 1
Max uses a match
He lights it near the motor
Lights would've been good
20 Larabee in "Schwartz's Island" 1
Smarts are lost at sea
The Chief learned this very late
Memo irony
21 Larabee in "Schwartz's Island" 2
"There is a great deal
"At the delicatessen"
"That's not important"
22 Max in "Schwartz's Island" 2
Max finds a footprint
Details you will not believe
Hints of Lucy R
23 Max in "Schwartz's Island" 3
What's red and U-shaped
And is really, really big?
Don't be a horseshoe
24 Max in "Schwartz's Island" 4
Siegfried tells Maxwell
To look in the telescope
Put a dime in there
25 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 1
Maxwell cannot cook
The lunch room food makes him sick
Hints of Ricky R
26 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 2
TV dinners are
Not as good as they once were
Edible reruns
27 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 3
Maxwell doesn't want
To buy a Spiffy Vacuum
Hints of Lucy R
28 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 4
"Here's how the spray works
"Listen very carefully"
"There's gum under here"
29 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 5
"Please let me explain"
Max becomes invisible
Hints of Ricky R
30 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 6
"How can a floor lamp
"Fall with no one touching it?
"Where did you come from?"
31 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 7
One man from KAOS
Is knocked out by a "Fredericks"
Hints of Lisa D
32 Max in "Hurray for Hollywood" 1
Max pretends that he
Is an actor; he will take
The place of Becker
33 Larabee in "Hurray for Hollywood" 1
Standing in the back,
Larabee discovers that
Maxwell cannot act
34 Max in "Hurray for Hollywood" 2
Ninety-Nine shoots the
Gun in Max's direction
This is not a play
35 Larabee in "The Day They Raided Knights" 1
"Maybe Ninety-Nine
"Could babysit like my wife
"The hours are great"
36 Larabee in "The Day They Raided Knights" 2
Where's the best place for
KAOS to deliver guns?
Delicatessen
37 Larabee in "The Day They Raided Knights" 3
The KAOS agents
Are sure to recognize them
Larabee's flattered
38 Larabee in "The Day They Raided Knights" 4
Larabee's wearing
His dress from a college play
Hints of June Cleaver
39 Max and Larabee in "The Day They Raided Knights" 1
Max will first untie
The Chief and then Ninety-Nine
The old woman's last
40 Larabee in "Tequila Mockingbird" 1
Larabee translates
Esperanza's castanets
But she dies too soon
41 Max in "Tequila Mockingbird" 1
Maxwell complains to
The Chief about a ticket
Hints of Ricky R
42 Max in "Tequila Mockingbird" 2
The Chief provided
Maxwell with "Rent-a-Burro"
Hints of The Beaver
43 Larabee in "To Sire, with Love, Part 1" 1
King Charles is inside
A mummy case that got lost
Some royal treatment
44 Larabee in "To Sire, with Love, Part 1" 2
"The Chief is busy;
"Call back when it's important;
"It's the President"
45 Max in "Leadside" 1
"Security? Smart
"Heh? Smart! S-m-a-r-t"
Hints of Ricky R
46 Max in "Leadside" 2
Max has an idea
Of Leadside's plan for Phase Two
Potato salad
47 Larabee in "Leadside" 1
"Did you say, 'Dragnet'?
"I'm a big fan of that show"
"That's not what I meant"
48 Larabee in "Leadside" 2
"I know just the brain"
"Just give me the question, Chief"
"Not you, Larabee"
49 Larabee in "Greer Window" 1
"Come out, if you please
"I'm getting the teargas gun
"Hey, look! A yo-yo"
50 Max in "Greer Window" 1
"There's no one inside"
"Did you try the second floor?"
Shot in the behind
51 Max and Larabee in "Greer Window" 1
Ninety-Nine asked where
Max got wounded; Larabee
Said, "South Poplar Street"
52 Max in "Greer Window" 2
Max is tired of
Looking out the window and
Reading magazines
53 Larabee in "Greer Window" 2
Larabee gave two
Theories that did not make sense
The third time's the charm
54 Larabee in "Greer Window" 3
Larabee's supposed
To keep calling Maxwell Smart
"Hi, honey; guess what?"
55 Max in "Greer Window" 3
The TV is fixed
But the remote doesn't work
Max gets shot again
56 Max in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 1
Kendall will be fine
So will the secret papers
Sorry, wrong number
57 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 1
The four remaining
Agents meet in Chief's office
The silent treatment
58 Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 1
Harvey closed Control's
Delicatessen because
No one's eating there
59 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 2
"Who should be the Chief?
"It should be someone quite smart"
"Let me call my wife"
60 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 3
"What should I do first?"
"Tell Harvey to reopen"
"I mean after that"
61 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 4
Larabee tells Max
He should go in Max's place
Larabee's married
62 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 5
Larabee asks Max,
"Max, have you disappeared yet?"
"No, I'm still right here"
63 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 6
"What should I do, Max?"
"Make me sound more important"
Max is president
64 Max in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 2" 1
The Chief's diagram
Looks like the game tic-tac-toe
Hints of the Beaver
65 Max in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 2" 2
"Chief, Kendall told me
To shut up; that is not right"
"Maxwell Smart, shut up"
Haiku Notes: One, Lucy in "The Saxophone;" Ten, Lucy in "Lucy and the Loving Cup" and Beaver in "Beaver's Ring;" Eleven, Ricky in "Ragtime Band" (they both have a saxophonist, a pianist, and a drummer); Fifteen, Beaver in "Beaver Becomes a Hero;" Sixteen, June in "Voodoo Magic;" Seventeen, Lucy in "Country Club Dance;" Eighteen, Ricky in "Drafted;" Twenty-Two, Lucy in "Desert Island;" Twenty-Three, Ricky in "Job Switching;" Twenty-Seven, Lucy in "Sales Resistance;" Twenty-Nine, Ricky in "Don Juan and the Starlets;" Thirty-One, Lisa in "Who's Lisa?"; Thirty-Eight, June in "Wally's Play;" Forty-One, Ricky in "Lucy in the Swiss Alps;" Forty-Two, Beaver in "Three Boys and a Burro;" Forty-Five, Ricky in "The Saxophone;" Sixty-Four, Beaver in "Beaver's Bike."
Author's Notes (October 4, 2012): Recently I realized that Larabee has something in common with Ethel Mertz and Eb Dawson: dissatisfaction with the amount of money they are given. I haven't thought of any haiku with that particular theme yet. I'd probably have to watch seasons 4 and 5 of Get Smart again.