Wow. It's been months since I've been on FanFiction, I'm sorry about that, to the few of you who have taken the time to read my stories. Thanks for that, by the way! I know I already published this, but I lost the document for it and I have decided to delete and republish it, so I can fix my grammatical and spelling errors and make it better! I'm still pretty new to writing fanfiction; I've only had about a year of experience. I hope you enjoy it!
(P.S)- A little note, I noticed how in the trilogy nothing was said about the surname of Natalie's Dauntless mother, or what became of her Dauntless father, so I'm making that up.
Chapter One:
I sit quietly, no longer observing the other Dauntless, trying desperately to make myself like them. At first, that's what I thought I had to do, become one and the same with the people I had infiltrated. Then I discovered that not everyone in the faction system was in place with their original faction, which is why you could transfer factions. But at the same time, faction defectors can be considered traitors by their families. Not everyone can let go, I guess. At least that won't be a problem for me. Despite the fact that my "mother" at least cares for me a little, she's a bit detached about it, like she's a guardian, rather than a mother. That would make sense, as that's a true fact. I'm not her daughter, if she ever had one. I'm merely an infiltrator.
I'll have to switch. It's my job, my duty. I must join the Erudite. I like how that gives me one less confusing thing to think about in this odd world, but the fact that my fate is practically sealed doesn't comfort me either. I guess that's the price of the freedom I gained from my real mother, from that cruel, violent and furious being.
I redirect my thoughts to math class. How can I possibly present myself as an Erudite if I can't even pay attention in class? The teacher, an Erudite named Professor Wendell is pressing papers on our desks. A test probably. I glance at mine. B is marked on it. I exchange a glance with my only Dauntless friend, who is behind me, a girl named Hana, who is bold and adventurous like the other Dauntless, but she also possesses a quietness, serene but also demanding respect. She may also be somewhat short, but only a foolish person would dare bullying her.
She flashes me a grin and shows me her grade. C. She shrugs carelessly. "Like I'll ever need math anyways, right?" I nod and pull my self out of my gloomy cloud, but she still notices. "Are you alright, Natalie?"
"I'm just tired."
She clearly doesn't believe me, but she doesn't push the topic. Instead, she tries to distract me from my thoughts. "You know James? He challenged my to see if I could get to the top of the statue faster than him after school. Whoever loses writes 'pansycake' on the other person's forehead. I'm not all that worried though. Want to come and watch?"
I nod gratefully, and open my mouth to say yes before I remember someone else. "I'm sorry, but I'm have to do something, but don't worry, tomorrow I will most certainly search his head for the word pansycake."
Hannah nods. "See you tomorrow then." The bell rings, and we gather our things and stream out of the class, heading our separate ways. I make my way to the library, where Andrew waits.
"Hello Natalie," says Andrew from the back table. He's surrounded by papers and school books, his bag hanging empty from his chair. As usual, his glasses are slightly askew. He runs his hands through his brown hair, gray-blue eyes peering at me, his face clouded, thinking intently.
"Hello." I sit down at another chair on the table. "What's wrong, and don't say the homework?" I'm never know how I know these things, but I've always had this intuition, even when the signs aren't as obvious as they are now.
"It's just something kinda stupid, but I'll tell you anyway. You know Evelyn Johnson? She's in Erudite like me."
"I think so. At least, I know who she is..." Evelyn is a little different from the other Erudite. She is very nosy, always poking into other people's private matters, and often running around with her boyfriends, changing them every week, taking in multiple ones at a time, but it's still very obvious to me she has her eye on one Abnegation in particular.
"She wants to know why I spend so much time in the library."
"Did you tell her that you're just remaining true to your faction?" I ask innocently.
He frowns at me. I know he's not mad, but he despises Erudite. He can't wait for Choosing Day, when he can move out. "I told her to keep her gossip and crap to herself for once. She looked like I slapped in the face, which I would say is probably because she's not used to someone telling her off. But then she went and responded how she sees you come to the library to. 'Very suspicious' is what she said. I'm honestly quite surprised she could think of that, but honestly, she was just probably pissed."
"Okay then let's not worry about it then. Let's get started on all this stuff. I still don't get why you don't know everything, mister Erudite." Andrew ignores the joke. We laugh and talk quietly as we try to make short work of Andrew's homework. For those 45 minutes, I feel like I belong. Like this is my life, not just a task. But when it's done, and Andrew and I return back to our homes, the feeling is gone.
When I get home, the woman I live with, whom I pretend is my mother, is not home. She's probably at a meeting. She has plenty of those, after all, she is a Dauntless leader. Since she's gone, I guess that means I can check up on David's letters. I find the reader device tucked under my bed and pull it out. One New Message, it reads. I tap on the letter icon and tap the highlighted bar. The letter reads:
Natalie, Don't forget your duty. -David.
A bitter feeling rises in my chest. It's easy for David to say that. But not me. He never suffered the way I did, and he never is faced with these decisions. He had a choice. Not like me. I put it aside though, to respond. If I don't, David might suspect. So I carefully input the letters. How can I forget? I tap send, then slide the reader back into it's place.
The rest of the day passes quickly. My not-real mother returns from her meeting. We eat dinner. I shower. She make some idle chatter with me, as always. And as always, I don't feel a connection, a bond, or anything. I go to bed, and lull myself to sleep with thoughts of what I would do if I could choose. I'd go with Andrew. I fall into a dreamless sleep for the first time since I escaped my home.