In Loving Memory

by EGB Fan

As Pagan's old age finally catches up with him, Kylie and Eduardo look back on the life of their pet.

Disclaimer: Ghostbusters and Extreme Ghostbusters © Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Fil Barlow and Columbia Pictures. All original characters are © the author.

Extreme Ghostbusters: In Loving Memory

Friday, October 17th 2008

Roland Jackson had just taken an urgent phone call from his friend and colleague, Eduardo Rivera. Eduardo was taking the day off (which turned out to be a fortunate coincidence), but Roland should really have been working. He had been reluctant to leave at first, but then within minutes he found himself driving to Eduardo's apartment block. Once there he made his way up to the appropriate floor, and knocked on the door. Some sound came from inside the apartment, and then the door was opened by Eduardo. A strong odour of fish-scented urine wafted out into the hall.

"Where is he?" asked Roland.

"He's in our bedroom," said Eduardo, and he began to lead the way. "He slept there all night, and then Kylie fed him before she left - he was eating fine." (Kylie Griffin was with her PhD supervisor, Roland had been told, and Eduardo was unable to get hold of her.) "I took the girls to school, and when I got back he was on the bed again, but he spends most mornings asleep - I didn't know there was anything wrong with him!"

"It's okay," said Roland, as they entered Eduardo and Kylie's bedroom, where the stench of cat urine was overpowering. "It's not your fault."

"But then the smell hit me," Eduardo went on, looking tragically down at the black-and-white cat lying on the bed, "so I came in, and he was like this."

The cat, Pagan, was slumped across the foot of the bed, next to a dark stain on the quilt cover, and Roland guessed that Eduardo had moved him out of a puddle of his own urine. There was a similar but smaller stain under his hips, but Pagan seemed neither to notice nor care. He was lying perfectly still, his eyes half-closed and his breathing laboured. Eduardo put out a hand, and stroked him gently. The cat closed his eyes, and Roland thought for a moment that he looked contented.

"Eduardo," he said. "He's just old."

"We have to take him to the vet," said Eduardo. He paused, then added, "Kylie would."

Roland exhaled heavily. Eduardo was right, of course - Kylie would want them to do everything she could in her absence, although he was doubtful that the vet could do anything to help.

"All right," said Roland. "You get him into his carrier, and I'll put this stuff in to wash."

"Thank you," Eduardo said quietly. Then, with all the tenderness of a lover, he gathered Pagan into his arms and carried him from the room.

Roland, holding his breath to try and stave off the smell, began to strip the bed.

.-.-.-.

Minutes later, they were in Roland's mustang. Eduardo sat in the passenger seat with the cat carrier on his lap, looking terrified. Already Pagan had soiled the towel provided for his comfort, and the smell was filling the car. Eduardo was on his cell phone, trying to call Kylie and getting increasingly frustrated each time she didn't answer.

Roland was surprised by the strength of Eduardo's reaction to it all. He would have expected concern from him, and perhaps some sadness, though it would be like him to try and suppress it. But this display of fear for the cat's life was completely unexpected.

"How old is he?" asked Roland.

"Um." Eduardo gazed forlornly through the holes in the plastic cat carrier. "Sixteen."

"That's a good life for a cat," said Roland.

Eduardo looked up sharply, and glared at him. "He's not dead yet!"

"I'm sorry," Roland said quickly.

Eduardo sighed deeply, shook his head and looked back down at Pagan. He took in a deep, shaky breath. Then he said, "Kylie's gonna be crushed."

"Yes," said Roland. "But she must have known this would happen one day soon."

"And, and Chita and Rose, they're gonna…"

His voice broke, almost as though he were about to cry, and he stopped talking. Roland said nothing. It was true that Eduardo's two small daughters would be distraught if - or when - Pagan did not get better, and there was nothing anyone could do to change that.

.-.-.-.

Because they didn't have an appointment, there was a little while to wait before the vet could see Pagan. The woman at the reception desk was a young, kindly looking blonde whom Eduardo called by her first name, Carol, while she called him "Mr. Rivera" - although Roland noticed that she did not call him anything before she had consulted her computer. Pagan, on the other hand, she knew by sight even when he was almost entirely obscured by a plastic pet carrier.

"Doctor Holliday will be with you as soon as he can," said Carol, gazing anxiously into Pagan's carrier. Roland vaguely wondered whether she was in the right job, as sick animals seemed to distress her.

"He will," Eduardo told Roland, in response to what Carol had said about the vet. They both took a seat in the waiting area. "He saw us pretty quick when I was, uh…"

"Possessing him?" said Roland.

"I wasn't possessing him."

"But that's the time you're talking about, isn't it?"

Eduardo nodded mutely. Though Kylie had talked a lot about her pet almost from the first day she had met her fellow Ghostbusters, Eduardo had had no contact with Pagan until a wish-granting demon had transplanted his soul into the cat's body. Eduardo, unwilling to admit even to himself at that point that he was in love with Kylie, had felt snubbed when she had used Pagan as an excuse to get away from him after - being young and inexperienced as a Ghostbuster - he had accidentally attacked a hotdog vendor's van in Central Park. Then the demon had shown up. Eduardo's wish had been, "Get Kylie to quit disrespecting me," and then he had just happened to mention her cat.

(His colleague Garrett Miller, when he learned of the situation, had got the idea that Eduardo had used an alternative word for "cat" in his wish, and he would not let go of that idea even now, eleven years later. Eduardo had tried to persuade him a few times since, but he was still protective of his actual words and refused to divulge them, so he'd had to resign himself to letting Garrett believe he would actually express his intimate desires to a stranger in the park - and using very course language, at that.)

The whole thing had come to an end, of course, and Eduardo did not dwell on it. His few hours as a cat had been interesting, certainly, and he never forgot it - but as a Ghostbuster, he soon had a great many more interesting days such as that. Pagan, on the other hand - who did nothing more stimulating than eat, sleep and occasionally visit his litter box each day - seemed to forget the incident entirely. When Eduardo first went into Kylie's attic room with her, many months later, Pagan looked at him with no recognition at all. His face held only contempt for the person who had disturbed his sleep.

Shortly after that, Eduardo and Kylie started sleeping together. Pagan was not impressed. He grudgingly let Kylie take her place in the bed, but when it became clear that Eduardo intended to get in too, Pagan was appalled. He hissed and scratched at the first attempt to move him, and Eduardo then had to wait while Kylie took the cat onto her lap and assured him that she still loved him.

So at first, Eduardo and Pagan did not have the most amicable of relationships. For quite a few nights, Pagan slept on the padded window seat and pointedly made himself look as uncomfortable as he could. Then one night Eduardo woke at about one o'clock to find Pagan's tail moving back and forth across his face, while the rest of his body was cuddled up against Kylie. There was no doubt in Eduardo's mind that this positioning was deliberate. Where before Pagan had probably been hoping that Kylie would soon tire of her new toy, and the inconvenience would simply go away, he now realised that this wasn't the case at all, and was determined to do something about it.

Pagan did his best to make Eduardo's nights uncomfortable, but Eduardo refused to give in. This annoyed Pagan, to whom the delights of a sexual relationship were at best a distant memory. He was not going to give up without a fight. One morning, Kylie woke to find Eduardo trying to pull his clothes out from underneath Pagan's body. The cat was feigning sleep, and occasionally opening one eye with a look of annoyance.

"I wish you two could get along," Kylie said sleepily. Through all of it, she refused to take sides. She said she loved Eduardo, but she loved Pagan too, and she even seemed to think that the fact of his having been there first allowed him some rights.

Eduardo said, "Will your dad be better than this when I meet him, or worse?"

He was dropping a hint. He already knew about Kylie's difficult relationship with her feckless mother, Jill, as it had been catalytic in bringing Kylie emotionally closer to him. Her father, however, he had never met and heard little about.

Kylie had looked faintly surprised at the idea of introducing her father to the man she loved. Then she said, "Oh, my dad won't object to you."

This hypothesis proved to be correct. Steve Griffin didn't object to Eduardo at all, and Pagan did not approve. In the first instance, he rubbed his head against Steve's legs and purred. Steve did what any normal person would, and stooped to stroke him. Pagan rolled on the floor with an expression of ecstasy, doing his best to get the man on side. Then he stood up, trotted over to Eduardo and looked expectantly at Steve. Eduardo could imagine exactly what the cat was trying to get across. Steve, look what keeps coming here and staying all night. I need you to help me to get rid of it.

But the message did not reach Kylie's father. Steve shook Eduardo's hand, and Pagan mewed loudly. Again, Eduardo caught the subtext. I don't think you understand. Do you know what this person does to your daughter? And do you know that I have to sleep on the window seat while it's going on?

Kylie was there too, of course. She picked Pagan up and cradled him in her arms, leaving Eduardo to make small talk with her father. Pagan purred and nuzzled her neck, perhaps still hopeful of winning back his territory. Later, when Steve left and Eduardo stayed, Pagan was not happy.

But it did not go on for long. Eduardo and Pagan soon grew used to each other, though Pagan often had a discontented air about him. He made no effort to be civil even on mornings when Eduardo was the one wielding a fork and a tin and cat food, but rather he would yowl impatiently, knowing perfectly well that he would get his breakfast whether he exercised good manners or not.

Then, when Eduardo and Kylie had been together for two years, everything changed when Kylie fell pregnant. For her and Eduardo, it meant all kinds of things. Huge, frightening, life-altering things, many of which could not be put into words. For Pagan, it meant very little at first. For a few weeks he seemed not to sense their fear, long though it lingered before it changed to excitement. Then, when they began to plan their next move in earnest, the cat would occasionally prick up his ears and look at them suspiciously.

"He won't like it," said Kylie, looking anxiously at Pagan, when they had eventually decided that it would make financial sense to live in the apartment above Eduardo's brother's garage. Eduardo had officially been living there for quite a few years, though he rarely spent a night in the place nowadays. "He didn't like it when I brought him here."

"He got used to it, though," said Eduardo, thinking it best not to point out that Pagan's happiness should not be their top priority. It was not that he wanted Kylie's beloved pet to be discontented, but honestly, Pagan had nothing to complain about. He would make the best of the new arrangement once he realised that he had no choice.

As it turned out, the move did a great deal to improve the relationship between Pagan and Eduardo. For two years they had been rivals for Kylie's affection, with the three of them isolated up in that attic room of hers. But there is nothing to bring people together like a common enemy, and Eduardo's brother Carl soon became just that.

"Y'know, those things cost money," he said, frowning at Pagan as he wandered around the small apartment, sniffing everything and occasionally shooting Eduardo a dirty look.

"He's not a 'thing'," said Eduardo. "He's our cat."

Carl raised his eyebrows, and said in a voice heaped with sarcasm, "You mean like something you can both nurture and care for? Something you can project your shared love onto, to bring you closer together?"

"Sure," Eduardo said coolly.

"She's having a goddamn baby!"

"I know she's having a baby."

"Those cost money too, you know. More than a cat costs."

"Yeah, well, you own the place," said Eduardo. "Are you saying we can't have a pet?"

Carl sniffed loudly. Then he said, "Maybe I am."

"Oh." Eduardo then walked over to Pagan, lifted him into his arms and turned to look at Carl. "Well, in that case we can't stay here."

"What," said Carl, with the inflection of a statement rather than a question, wearing an expression of impatience and fury that his brother was quite used to. It did not sway him.

"Kylie won't get rid of him," said Eduardo.

To this, Carl replied, "What kind of a man are you?"

Carl liked the word "man", and often used it to try and make his brother feel emasculated. Sometimes it worked, but in this instance, Eduardo felt faintly smug in the knowledge that he was above making himself feel strong by asserting authority over a woman. (Carl's wife Beth was happy for their marital roles to be determined by gender, and Kylie seemed to think she shouldn't be. Eduardo did not agree with her on that point. He was satisfied that Carl and Beth had a good marriage, as they had agreed on an arrangement that suited them both. However, Eduardo also suspected that Carl could never be happily married to a woman who would want anything much unlike that arrangement.)

"Carlos, don't be so sexist," said Eduardo, and Carl simply scowled at him. "You know, none of this is Pagan's fault. He did everything he could to stop her getting pregnant."

"Do you think this is funny, Eddie?"

"No, not really."

"Because you won't be laughing when you're up to your eyeballs in debt, feeding your kid scraps from the trashcan outside McDonald's."

"No, I guess not," said Eduardo. "It would be better if you let us stay here with Pagan, but if you really insist…"

Carl lost his temper then. He stood there yelling about the responsibility of having a child, and said that whether or not they could afford to keep a cat, they could not afford to be cocky. Eduardo, who had finally begun to feel positive about the prospect of fatherhood, let it all wash over him without getting angry. He stood with Pagan still in his arms, scratching the cat's ears and looking down at those wide green eyes of his. Pagan stared back at him, clearly alarmed by the large angry man who had come into this already horrible place he was expected to call his home. Eduardo stroked him soothingly, trying to put him at his ease, and began to think about how it would be if they really did get rid of Pagan. In one way or another, he realised, he would miss him.

Eventually Carl left; Pagan settled into the new place, and then before they knew it Eduardo and Kylie had a daughter. When Conchita arrived, Pagan's whole world went into turmoil. He no longer had everything his own way. At night, he was shut up in a room away from where the baby slept. The first few times, he yowled incessantly until daybreak, but Kylie would not give in to it.

When Eduardo asked her why she did it, she said, "Because cats lie on babies' faces and suffocate them."

"Are you sure?" asked Eduardo. She made it sound like an indisputable fact, as though she were telling him that the cheetah was the fastest animal on land, or an elephant was pregnant for two years.

"Do you want to take the chance?" Kylie asked sharply.

"No."

Conchita had an inoffensive cry, and troubled her parents only when she deemed it absolutely necessary. Pagan expressed the smallest discomfort in a yowling voice that could drive anybody crazy. But it didn't work. Conchita always took priority. At times, Kylie even became impatient with Pagan, and one day she chastised him so severely for getting under her feet that Eduardo began to feel quite sorry for him. He found himself being increasingly nicer to Pagan, and getting increasingly fonder of him.

By the time they moved into their new apartment, Pagan was used to playing second fiddle to Conchita, but in spite of this he had begun to like her as she grew. She quickly established herself as an animal lover, and would always rather play with Pagan than any of her toys. Then when Rose came along, Pagan spent his nights exiled to the kitchen to avoid danger of suffocation, and this time he didn't complain.

The second time around, Pagan had grasped the idea that if he wanted Kylie to go on loving him, he had to love her children. Eduardo couldn't help worrying about how he and Rose would grow into each other. Where Conchita had quickly realised that she liked people and animals, Rose clearly liked neither - and astonishingly, Pagan seemed to understand this. He never approached Rose unless invited to, and when she did want to play with him, he never got rough. Conchita was happy to suffer a few shallow scratches, knowing that it was all in good fun, but Pagan never allowed Rose to overexcite him.

He never mentioned it to Kylie, but Eduardo was impressed. He felt a little silly thinking of a cat in such terms - even only to himself - but he thought that Pagan was making a real effort to adjust to the changes life threw at him, and to love the new members of his family. Since he had become a father, Eduardo's good grace had been a lot easier to win. All anybody had to do was like his children, and be liked by them in return. Pagan had done everything he could in that respect, and had a generally positive effect on the family unit. Now, Eduardo could not imagine life without him.

.-.-.-.

Roland went in to see the vet with Eduardo and Pagan. Dr. Holliday examined the cat thoroughly. He weighed him and took his temperature; he pulled open his eyelids with his fingers, and prised apart his jaws to look at his teeth. When Pagan dribbled urine onto the table, Dr. Holliday took a white stick from a drawer and soaked it in the small puddle.

"He's just old and sick," the vet said at last. "I'm afraid I can't treat him."

Eduardo nodded. "That's pretty much what I figured. How long do you think he's got?"

"It's difficult to say," said Dr. Holliday, "but I don't think it'll be long. A few days at best. He ate this morning, you say?"

"Yeah. He seemed fine then."

"Well, I doubt he'll want to eat again. But he's a little dehydrated - he'll want some water soon. I'm… sure you realise that he isn't going to regain control of his bladder. And he's having difficulty breathing." He paused. "It might be best to put him to sleep."

Dr. Holliday's eyes were sad and apologetic as they focused on the emotional pet owner. Eduardo caught his breath and raised his hand to his mouth, very much thrown by this idea. He stood looking down at Pagan, clearly agonising over the decision. Roland, feeling useless, put a hand on his friend's shoulder. He wasn't sure whether Eduardo really wanted him to do that or not, but he didn't object.

Finally, Eduardo lowered his hand from his mouth, and asked, "Is he in much pain?"

"It's impossible to know for sure," said the vet. "He certainly isn't comfortable."

Eduardo took a deep breath, and let it out shakily. "I don't know what to do."

"Eduardo," Roland said timidly. If Eduardo had been able to make a decision, Roland would not have interfered, but he seemed to need guidance. "It's probably kinder to put him to sleep now. Think of the girls - they won't want to see him like this."

"They're at school," Eduardo said quietly.

"They'll be upset whatever you decide to do," said Dr. Holliday.

Eduardo nodded slowly. "I know." He looked up at the vet. "Do you think they could handle seeing him like this?"

"Well," said Dr. Holliday, "in my opinion… yes, I think they both could."

"I can't have him put down," said Eduardo, his voice suddenly firm and decisive. "I can't let him die while they're at school. And Kylie… I can't decide that for her."

"All right," Dr. Holliday said, stroking Pagan's heaving side with obvious sadness. "All you can do is take him home and try to make him as comfortable as possible. I can give you some waterproof sheets, but apart from that there's really nothing I can do for him."

"That's okay," said Eduardo. "Thanks, doc."

Together, Eduardo and the vet packed Pagan as comfortably as they could back inside his carrier. Then Carol and Dr. Holliday apologetically made up a bill, and took Eduardo's money. Roland stood holding the cat carrier, one hand on the bottom to make sure that Pagan's weight did not become too much for it. He was impressed with Dr. Holliday. Not only did he seem to know everything about Pagan himself, but he also knew all about the other members of his family, and their relationship with their pet. Surely, Roland thought, a vet could not know every one of his patients that well.

Eduardo came to take the cat carrier just as Roland's cell phone rang. He took it from his pocket, looked at the caller display and saw that it was one of his bosses, Peter Venkman, who was calling. Roland wondered anxiously what he wanted. After being called by Eduardo, he had run away from work insisting that he was needed for an emergency.

"What are you doing with Eduardo?" Peter said, in furtive tones. "Kylie's just got here, and I don't know what to tell her."

"Kylie's there?" said Roland. "Can I talk to her?"

"Sure."

Peter sounded concerned, and Roland felt sure that he had not guessed the emergency was with Kylie and Eduardo's cat. From the tone of his own voice, coupled with his earlier actions, Roland knew that it would be easy to imagine something terrible had happened to Conchita or Rose - or perhaps to Eduardo himself.

"Roland?" Kylie's anxious voice reached him, and he knew she was imagining the worst. "What's wrong?"

"It's Pagan," said Roland.

"Pagan?" said Kylie. She didn't sound too concerned at first, probably relieved that it was not one of her daughters she had to worry about. But then the feeling passed, and she asked urgently, "What's wrong? Is he…?"

"He's sick," said Roland. "He's still alive, but we've been to the vet and it doesn't look good. We're taking him back to your place now."

"All right, I'm on my way there," said Kylie. Somewhere in the background, Peter started to object, but then Kylie hung up and Roland heard no more.

When they were back in the Mustang, Roland's cell phone rang again. He had not yet started driving, and when once again the caller display said it was Peter calling, Roland thought it best to answer.

"How much time are you taking off for someone else's cat?" he said, the clear implication being that taking time off work without notice for one's own cat was bad enough.

"Kylie's not still there, is she?" said Roland.

"No, she's left. So you're not needed now, are you?"

"I'm taking Eduardo and Pagan home. And I'll stay as long as they want me to."

"It's a cat!"

"This is serious, Dr. Venkman. Pagan may be just a cat to you, but he means more than that to Eduardo and Kylie, and to their kids."

"But not to you!"

"They're my friends," said Roland. "Are things really that desperate there?"

"Well," said Peter, "not at the moment, no, but - "

"I'll be there as soon as I can," and with that, Roland hung up. He glanced at Eduardo, who was looking even more upset than before. "Hey, don't take any notice of him."

"Do you need to go?" asked Eduardo.

"It's fine," said Roland. "I'll stay as long as you need."

.-.-.-.

Pagan, of course, had started life as a kitten as cute as any other. Kylie would always remember arriving home from school, a cynical thirteen years of age, and seeing him chasing his tail in the middle of the kitchen. When he heard her come in, he looked up and mewed sweetly. Kylie, though puzzled by him, was in love with him almost at once. She dropped her schoolbag, walked over to the black-and-white kitten and sat down on her heels. When she reached out a hand the kitten batted her fingers, and then rolled over onto his back. Kylie tickled his tummy, and he attacked her hand playfully. His teeth weren't too sharp, but his claws were. It was slightly painful, but bearable.

"You're beautiful when you smile," said a familiar voice, and Kylie jumped to her feet.

"Um… what's with the cat?" she asked, feigning nonchalance.

"He's yours," said Rose, Kylie's much loved great-grandmother.

"Who says I want a cat?"

"Don't tell me you'd forgotten. I'm teaching you responsibility, remember?"

Kylie blinked in surprise. "Are you?"

"Yes. You were being… shall we say, a little unkind about your father, and I tried to explain to you how difficult it is for him to look after you. But you didn't seem to be listening to me, so I said I'd get you a pet." She paused. "Remember?"

"No. Oh! Yes, I do - that was months ago!"

"I'm a busy woman," said Rose, smiling. "I've only just gotten around to it. Now, don't pretend you're not pleased - I know you like cats. If I had been feeling in an awkward sort of mood, I would have got you a puppy. Cats are very independent, you know."

"Everyone knows that."

"He won't be too much trouble."

"Then how is he going to teach me responsibility?"

"Sweetheart, you're just a child. I only want you to grasp the principle - I wouldn't force you to look after anything too challenging."

Having said this, the old lady left the room, clearly with the intention of giving Kylie and her new pet a chance to bond. Kylie spent a few moments just watching the kitten's play. Then she lifted him up with one hand, and held him against her chest.

"Y'know," she said, "I like black cats better. Black all over, I mean - you don't count. Anybody could have a cat like you. In fact, I think most people do."

The kitten mewed again, then reached up and batted her nose. It was just too cute, and Kylie laughed.

"Oh, okay, you're totally cute," she said. "You win - I've fallen for it. I love you. Aww, kitty." She cuddled him tightly to her chest, and began to feel sad about things. "I know how this goes. You're going to run away from me, or die or something, aren't you?"

She cuddled the kitten until Rose came in and told her to do her homework. Kylie put the kitten down on the floor, but then minutes later he jumped onto the table and batted her pen as she tried to write, which was both adorable and frustrating.

"Look," said Rose, smiling, "he's helping you."

"Ah-ha," said Kylie.

"What are you going to call him?"

Kylie sighed, and said, "I was afraid you were going to ask me that."

"Why? Don't you have a name?"

"Yes." She kept her eyes on her homework.

"Well, what is it?"

"Pagan."

Rose blinked in surprise. "Pagan?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"I've been reading about pagans."

"And…?"

Kylie shrugged. "It suits him."

Rose obviously did not approve, but she said no more. Later, when Steve Griffin came home and found that he was now expected to support a cat as well as a daughter, he seemed surprised - but he said nothing until he got Kylie on her own. Then he asked, "Will a pet make you happy?"

"Happier," said Kylie expressionlessly.

Steve nodded. "Good." He looked into her face for more information, but found none.

As Rose had predicted, Pagan grew to be more independent. He did not mind being left on his own, but when Kylie was with him, he was very affectionate towards her. He had a phase of making love to the furniture, which horrified Rose and had Kylie in hysterics. Then Steve arranged for him to be castrated, and it was after this that he grew particularly fond of food. At every mealtime he hung around the table, batting at everyone's knees and mewing for scraps. Rose told Kylie not to give him any, but she did anyway.

When Pagan was four years old, Rose died and Kylie's heart broke. It was sudden. Rose had been out shopping the day before. Then, about twenty-four hours after that, she had checked herself into hospital when she felt unsteady, and died an hour later. Steve was at work. Kylie broke down in tears whilst leaving a message on his office answer phone, and he came home as soon as he could, but inevitably he had to leave again.

For the next twelve months, the big family home was a lonely place. Steve was still away a lot, and there was nobody around when Kylie got home from school - except, of course, for Pagan. When she came in, at first the emptiness would hit her. Then Pagan would trot in from the living room or the kitchen, and rub himself against her legs, and she felt ten times better. Four weeks after Rose's death, Kylie was suddenly hit by it, and broke down in tears over her history homework. Within moments Pagan had found her; he jumped onto her lap, and stayed there until she stopped crying and moved him.

After that, they quickly established a routine. Kylie would get home from school, and they would share a few cookies in front of the TV. Then she would do her homework in the kitchen while Pagan had a nap, and at around seven o'clock they would both have dinner. Kylie would then entertain herself for a couple of hours, often with a book, but sometimes with the TV. Then she would go to bed, and sleep with Pagan at her feet.

Kylie often thought that if Pagan had not been there during that lonely time, she would have gone completely mad. It lasted for a year, and then Kylie started college. She and Steve agreed that it was sensible for him to sell the house, and much of the money he got for it went into her college fund. Steve went to live closer to his work - after being assured a few dozen times by his daughter that she was fine with that - and Kylie moved into her attic room with Pagan. She had planned for them to carry on as they were, keeping themselves to themselves - but then of course she had met her friends, helped form the new team of Ghostbusters, fallen in love and done all kinds of things she could not have anticipated.

Kylie knew that if she had still been friendless and alone when Pagan died, she would not have coped. As she sat in the taxi home on that fateful day, she was glad to know that Eduardo was waiting for her, and that Pagan had someone with him. She knew that her beloved cat was going to die, if not on that very day, then soon.

.-.-.-.

After what seemed like an age, she was finally home. She went up to her apartment, stumbled in through the front door and immediately saw Pagan, lying on a waterproof sheet in the middle of the floor. He was on his side, with all four legs stretched out in front of him. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing heavily. Kylie felt her eyes filling with tears as she walked towards him.

"What happened?" she asked, when she felt Eduardo's arm around her shoulders.

"He got back on our bed after he ate," said Eduardo, "and then a couple of hours later I found him lying in a pool of his own piss. I called Roland, and he took us to see Dr. Holliday. He said… that he'd put him down if I wanted, but I said no. He's obviously suffering, but I thought you'd at least want to see him. Did I do the right thing?"

"Yes," said Kylie, her voice choked and unclear. "Thank you." Then she saw that Roland was there as well, and added, "Thank you, Roland."

She then started to cry freely, and pressed her face against Eduardo's chest. He put both of his arms around her, and stroked her hair.

"It's two thirty," Roland ventured timidly. "Would you like me to go and get the girls from school?"

"I can't ask you to do that as well," said Eduardo.

Kylie pulled her head back, sniffed, wiped her eyes on her wrists and said, "Babe, one of us should go. And… and tell them about Pagan."

"All right, I'll go," said Eduardo. "They're expecting me today. You stay with him."

"Would you like me to stay with you, Ky?" asked Roland.

"Well, I would," said Kylie, as Eduardo moved away from her, "but you don't have to. Y'know, Peter isn't happy with either of us."

"I'm gonna have to have words with him," said Eduardo, as he climbed into his jacket.

"Oh, don't," said Kylie. "He just doesn't understand because he doesn't have pets."

"But he has kids."

"And he's taken time off work for them, as I recall," said Roland. "I'm sure he'll realise how important this is, if he really thinks about it. You don't need to get mad at him."

"Besides, this is supposed to be about Pagan," added Kylie.

Eduardo was still and silent for a moment, looking at her with damp eyes. Then he walked over to her, hugged her, kissed the top of her head and said, "I'll see you soon."

He left, and Kylie looked back down at Pagan. She crouched next to him, put her hand on his side and said gently, "At least hold on until the girls get home, hey?"

Pagan took in a deep breath, and let it out heavily. Once again, Kylie burst into tears, and within moments Roland was on the floor next to her with his arm around her.

"We knew this was going to happen one day," said Kylie.

"That doesn't make it any easier," said Roland.

Kylie nodded. Then she said, "Why are you being so nice?"

Roland blinked. "Well, because… you're my friends and you want my support."

"Roland, I don't know anyone else who would do this for someone whose cat was sick."

"Yeah, well, I know how much he means to you."

"Part of it's worrying about the girls," said Kylie. "When you have kids, seeing them upset is the most horrible thing in the whole world. There's no point in hoping they'll take it well. Peter may have kids, but he doesn't understand about having a sensitive daughter, does he?"

"Well," said Roland, "no. But he does have a sensitive son."

Kylie nodded. "True."

.-.-.-.

The school was not too far away from Eduardo and Kylie's apartment, and it was within walking distance for anyone who was fairly fit, and whose legs were much longer than Rose's. Conchita could manage the walk, but for her little sister's sake, they always took a bus home if one of their parents was collecting them (anyone else who might do the school run had a car). Eduardo decided to break the news at the bus stop, rather than on the bus or in the schoolyard, as there would be fewer people around.

As was often the case, Sarah Kendall - Garrett Miller's mother-in-law - was waiting at the school gates for her grandson Max. He was in the same class as Rose, and both of them tended to be disliked by the teachers, though for very different reasons. Max was a happy and enthusiastic child, but he lacked focus and understanding. Rose, on the other hand, was perfectly capable but she hated school, and simply refused to comply.

"Hi, Eduardo," Sarah said pleasantly. Then she said, wincing, "Ooh, are you okay?"

"Pagan's really sick," Eduardo said at once. He was not usually so free with details about his family life - nor any aspect of his life, come to that - but he liked Sarah, and it occurred to him that she might even have some words of comfort. She had three children, all grown up now, but Eduardo happened to know that they were a dog-owning family, and had suffered at least one bereavement when the kids were young.

"Oh no!" said Sarah, her face full of sympathy and understanding. "And he's quite old, isn't he? I don't suppose he'll get better."

When Eduardo had first met Jo, now Garrett's wife, he had not imagined that he would become so friendly and familiar with her mother. But Max and Rose being so close in age meant that the two families had come to know all about each other's allergies, food preferences, nighttime routines and pets.

"No, he won't," said Eduardo. "Um… can I ask…?"

"What did we do when our first dog died?" Sarah guessed.

Eduardo nodded mutely.

"Well, there's not really very much you can do. Just comfort them, and try not to leave his stuff lying around - Scott trod on a squeak toy coming downstairs and cried for forty minutes straight - and just give it time. They'll soon get used to him not being there."

"Right," said Eduardo. "That's pretty much what I figured."

Max and Rose came out of school together, and Rose had to point Max in the right direction before he noticed that someone had come to collect him. He was not fond of routine, and couldn't quite grasp that school happened the same way each day. Rose then spotted her father, and she knew immediately that something was wrong. She was a sensitive child, but Eduardo knew he was gazing at her with intense sadness, and anybody - with the possible exception of Max - would have known something was wrong.

Conchita came out moments later, and she too realised that something was amiss. But unlike her sister, she didn't stare suspiciously at Eduardo until he felt smaller than she was. Instead she came right out and asked him, "What's wrong?"

Eduardo began walking them to the bus stop, and broke the news as gently as he could, but with a certain degree of bluntness. He had entered into parenthood without too many plans about how it would go, but Kylie had a lot of ideas about how to raise children, and she had quickly instilled those ideas in her corresponding unit. One was total honesty, without the patronising use of fluffy euphemisms. The girls were familiar with the concept of death, and a lot of unpleasant words that went with it. (They even seemed to know a bit about sex - even Rose, who was four - but Kylie had never admitted to telling them about it, and Eduardo didn't ask because he did not want his suspicions confirmed.)

Upon hearing the bad news, both children reacted much as Eduardo had expected them to. Conchita cried. She had an open and honest nature, and was demonstrative when it came to her emotions. But Rose had a different coping method, which reminded Eduardo very much of his younger self. She said nothing, and outwardly she expressed no emotion. Her father did not press her, because he remembered what it was like. When he was unhappy as a child, he had just wanted to be quietly miserable on his own, and he felt sure that Rose now wanted exactly the same thing.

On the bus home, Conchita - through her tears - was full of questions. The first thing she asked was whether Pagan was in pain, so Eduardo repeated Dr. Holliday's answer to that same question. Then she wanted to know everything that had happened. She had a perpetual desire to understand, and to know what was going on. It was here that she showed shades of her mother, which was somewhat reassuring, as both of her parents saw very little of themselves in her.

In Rose, however, Eduardo saw himself constantly. He understood her ways, but at the same time, she was harder to deal with - especially now, when the problem was the death of a pet. Eduardo did not know how he would have felt in that position, at her age, because they had never had pets. He had experienced loss as a child - when he was older than either of his daughters were now - but he could not relate Pagan's condition to the death of his father. This time, he had no way of knowing what Rose was feeling.

When they reached the apartment block, Conchita had run out of questions. Eduardo had eventually had to tell her about Dr. Holliday's suggestion of putting Pagan to sleep, and upon hearing this, Rose had become tight-lipped as well as silent.

They took the elevator up to their floor, and as they walked towards their front door, Eduardo began to worry about Conchita and Rose seeing Pagan in that sorry state. When he opened the door to the apartment, Roland and Kylie were kneeling by Pagan, who looked exactly as he had before - no better, and no worse. Conchita had stopped crying by this time. She went over to Pagan, knelt at his side and placed a gentle hand on his heaving flank. Rose went straight for Kylie, wrapped her arms around her neck and burst into loud sobs. Eduardo had never heard anything like it from her, but he felt relieved. Kylie, looking extremely surprised, simply held her daughter while she cried. Roland got to his feet, and discreetly moved a short distance away.

"Do you want to go?" asked Eduardo.

"Only if you want me to," said Roland.

"Don't you have someplace you should be?"

"I'm happy to stay if you need me to."

"That doesn't answer my question," said Eduardo, suddenly gripped with the uneasy feeling that Roland really did have to be somewhere. There were a lot of people Roland loved, and went out of his way to keep happy. He had a girlfriend, who had an eight-year-old daughter… and he had a lot of brothers of sisters… and he had a niece…

Then Eduardo remembered. Roland's niece! That was it.

"It's Dawn's birthday!" Eduardo said accusingly.

"There's no hurry," said Roland.

"Were you going to go see her? You were, weren't you? You wouldn't not!"

"Well… yes, but - "

"Go! We're all here now - we'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! Oh, wait… we got her something," and Eduardo went off in search of Dawn Jackson's birthday present. That had been Conchita's idea. She had a giving nature, and she liked Dawn immensely. In fact she had even started saying she wanted to have a baby, which alarmed Eduardo slightly, but Kylie insisted that he didn't need to start worrying until Conchita was of childbearing age.

Eduardo quickly found the neatly wrapped present - again, Conchita's work - and handed it to Roland, who was immensely touched. Eduardo almost thought he was going to start crying, and he felt sure that Roland wouldn't have been quite so moved by the gesture if it wasn't for the already emotional atmosphere.

"It's just some stupid toy," said Eduardo, keen to avoid the shedding of any more tears. Kylie had started crying quietly into Rose's hair by the time Eduardo came back into the room, and Conchita now looked like she was welling up again.

"But it's so nice of you!" said Roland. He sounded positively overwhelmed.

Then Conchita burst into tears again. Eduardo, surrounded by the crying of the three people he loved most in the world, felt suddenly compelled to say, "I can't stand this!"

"Do you want me to -?"

"No! For God's sake, Roland, go."

"She's only a year old," said Roland. "She's not going to remember that I was a little bit late for her first birthday party."

Eduardo was overcome with guilt. "What - she's having a party?"

"Only a small one."

"Please go," said Eduardo, feeling that Roland was not making the situation any better. Everything was intensely emotional - more so than it needed to be - and Eduardo felt choked with despair in the knowledge that Roland, in helping his family through their time of need, was missing his only niece's first birthday party.

So Roland went, and Eduardo went to sit with his wife and daughters around Pagan's death bed. Rose was not leaving much of Kylie free to comfort Conchita, so Eduardo took her into his arms, and they all cried until they could cry no more.

Then it became very quiet. They stroked Pagan in turns, Rose or Conchita occasionally shedding a few more tears, but Kylie seemed to be out of them and Eduardo no longer felt the need.

Then at last Kylie said, "I suppose we'd better eat something."

"I'm not hungry," said Rose.

"We should eat," said Conchita, in a very small voice, not taking her eyes from Pagan.

Eduardo made a plate of sandwiches, and put it down on the floor in the middle of them. Conchita said, "Thank you, Daddy," most politely - though it was a little subdued - and took one. But Rose refused to eat. Both of her parents tried to persuade her, but it soon became obvious that - short of force-feeding her - there was nothing they could do.

It began to get late, and when it was a little past Rose's usual bedtime, Kylie said, "Rose, honey, you should start getting ready for bed."

"I'm not going anywhere!" said Rose.

Kylie said nothing. She did not have the emotional strength for an argument with her impossibly stubborn daughter. She knew that eventually, Rose would start to get drowsy of her own accord - and soon enough, she did. When she could no longer argue that she wasn't tired, Eduardo pulled her to her feet and said, "Come on, Rosie - time for bed."

He guided the sleepy child through the process of cleaning her teeth and washing her face. He changed her clothes for her, and brushed her hair. Then he put her into bed, and returned to the living room.

The atmosphere had changed. Kylie had stood up, and Conchita was hovering over Pagan with an anxious look on her face.

"What is it?" Eduardo asked urgently.

"Daddy, I think he's in pain," said Conchita.

Eduardo crossed the room, and looked down at Pagan. Conchita was right. His breathing had become more laboured, and each breath was accompanied by a most unnatural noise.

"Mom," said Conchita, gazing anxiously up at her mother, her eyes filled with tears. "I… I think we should call Dr. Holliday."

Kylie nodded, and even started to reach for the phone. But then Rose came in, wide awake now, screaming, "NO!"

"Oh, Rose…" Kylie said helplessly.

"You can't let him kill him!" wailed Rose. "You can't! I hate you!"

Either of her parents could have handled an outburst like this, but she was directing all of it at Conchita, who was shocked and hurt.

"Rose, stop it," Eduardo said firmly.

"I HATE YOU!" screamed Rose. Then she turned and ran back to their shared bedroom.

Conchita burst into tears. Kylie rushed to comfort her, saying, "Oh honey, honey, she didn't mean it!"

"Yes she did!" sobbed Conchita.

Eduardo was shocked. Conchita and Rose were already close as sisters, and this was certainly the first time either of them had anything really hurtful to the other. He knew he ought to talk to Rose about it before she cried herself to sleep, which she would surely do… but first, he called Dr. Holliday.

"He really seems to be suffering," said Eduardo. "Could we maybe bring him in now?"

"I was just closing up," said Dr. Holliday. "I'll tell you what - why don't I come by and do it there? It'll cause minimum disruption that way."

"Oh," said Eduardo, "you don't have to - "

"It's no trouble, really. You're on my way home anyway."

Eduardo doubted that this was true, but he decided to believe the lie and take it as a reason to accept Dr. Holliday's kindness. It was beyond the call of duty, and Eduardo felt the urge to cry again - but he didn't, because he had two little girls in tears, and he had to deal with them. He went into his daughters' bedroom, and found Rose facedown on her bed, crying into her pillow. He touched her shoulder, and she screamed, "GO AWAY!"

"Your sister's crying because of what you said to her," said Eduardo.

"I don't care! I hate her!"

"No you don't, you love her."

"I HATE HER!"

"No," Eduardo insisted, "you hate what's happening to Pagan. We all do. But none of it is Chita's fault, and you mustn't say that. She's very upset."

Rose didn't say anything. She just sobbed quietly.

"I want you to go and apologise to her," said Eduardo, trying to sound firm, though he knew it was nearly always impossible to get Rose to do anything she didn't want to.

This time, however, Rose did not argue. She stood up, her eyes red and her face and hair drenched with tears. She went into the living room, threw her arms around her weeping sister and burst into a fresh torrent of tears. They both cried profusely, clinging to each other. Rose tried to apologise with words, but she couldn't speak through her tears. It was incredibly intense; Eduardo and Kylie couldn't help staring.

"Wow," Kylie said at length, to Eduardo. "Well done."

"You were right, she didn't mean it," said Eduardo. "Oh, I called Dr. Holliday - he's coming to do it here."

"He's what?"

"He's going to come here to… put him to sleep."

"Oh!" Again, Kylie started to cry. "That's so nice of him!"

"Do you think we should put them to bed before…?"

"Probably. They must be exhausted."

"Yeah," said Eduardo. "And I don't think they should see it - it'd be too much."

"All right," said Kylie, drying her eyes and moving away from him. "I'll try."

She went to her daughters, crouched beside them and suggested very gently that they go to bed. She did not mention anything about Dr. Holliday coming, but they seemed to know - or they at least knew that they would never see Pagan again, if they left him now.

There was a silence. Then Conchita said, "I think we'd better."

Kylie disappeared with them for about twenty minutes, and Eduardo stayed with Pagan. He stroked him gently, and then stopped, afraid that he was causing him more pain. It had been a very emotional day. Eduardo had always known that, when this happened, the grief expressed by his family would be distressing for him. But he was surprised by the extent of his own sorrow. He had grown fonder of Pagan than he realised, and he would certainly not have guessed that the loss of a pet would be so upsetting - especially not as he had already experienced the loss of a parent.

This was very different, of course. When his father had died everyone, including Eduardo, had taken their time accepting and getting used to his sudden absence from their lives. Then, when it finally hit each of them in turn, the grief had been all-consuming. It wasn't anything like that now. The grief was less intense, and more immediate. Pagan was a pet rather than a relative, and well past his prime. Acceptance was not an issue, and the implications of his no longer being there were not drastic. That was why it was different - but still, it was horrible, and very upsetting.

Kylie came back, and knelt with Eduardo by Pagan. "They won't sleep, you know."

"Rose seemed pretty tired earlier."

"Yeah, but now she knows Pagan's going to…" Her voice broke, and she erupted into fresh tears.

Eduardo put his arm around her. "Maybe you should go to bed too."

Kylie shook her head. "I want to stay with him."

They were still kneeling there, and she was still crying, when Dr. Holliday arrived. When the knock came Eduardo went to let him in, and Kylie reached instinctively for Pagan. She stroked his side, and whispered, "I'm so sorry."

His eyes were closed - they had been for hours - and Kylie was not sorry about that. If he had looked at her then, she would have sent Dr. Holliday straight back out of the door.

"Kylie?" she heard the vet's gentle voice behind her. "Are you ready?"

Too overcome with tears to talk, Kylie nodded and got to her feet. Eduardo put his arms around her, and pulled her gently away from Pagan. He could sense Dr. Holliday's sadness as he knelt by the helpless cat, and started to prepare the injection. Kylie was trembling, and when the time finally came, she couldn't watch. She buried her face in Eduardo's chest, and her tears soaked through to his skin.

Dr. Holliday injected Pagan in his right foreleg. Eduardo vaguely wondered whether that was the best place to administer the dose, or it was just that it was the easiest part of Pagan to access without disturbing him. Eduardo watched the whole thing, tears pricking the backs of his eyes. When Dr. Holliday stood, and stepped back, Pagan was still breathing. Then the breaths came less frequently… until finally they stopped.

"Kylie…" Eduardo said quietly.

She pulled away from him, immediately turning away from Pagan, and went to stand in the far corner with her back to the room. She tried to stop crying, wanting to talk to the vet and thank him, but she couldn't.

"Do you want me to take him?" Dr. Holliday asked gently.

"What'll you do with him?" Eduardo asked at once. If Pagan going with him meant that he would end up in some veterinary clinic incinerator, there was no way it would happen.

"You know how much I care about Pagan," said the vet. "And about you guys. I'll give him a proper burial, I promise."

Eduardo looked at Kylie. "Kylie…?"

She simply nodded, without turning round.

"Yes," said Eduardo. "Thank you."

"It's no problem." Dr. Holliday pulled a large towel out of his bag, and began to wrap Pagan in it. "How are the girls taking it?"

"Not great," said Eduardo.

"Are they in bed?"

"Yeah, but I doubt if they're asleep."

"All right," said Dr. Holliday, once he had finished packing away his chemicals and syringes. "I'll leave you to it."

"Thanks," said Eduardo. "For everything."

"Yes, thank you," said Kylie, turning slightly to face him, though she still could not bring herself to look at Pagan. "You…" Then she broke into fresh sobs.

Dr. Holliday discreetly left them to it. Eduardo went to Kylie and put his arms around her again. It was a long time before she could speak. Then suddenly she wiped away her tears, and said, "Oh my God, that was horrible!"

"I know," said Eduardo.

"I mean… all the crying… and the yelling! I didn't think it would be like that!"

"Well, we didn't think he'd actually be here, did we? It went on for hours. Maybe I should have just let the doc put him down earlier."

Kylie shook her head. "I'd have been furious if you'd done that. And the girls… well, Conchita might have forgiven you one day, but Rose wouldn't."

"Maybe one of us should go check on them," said Eduardo.

"Let's both go," said Kylie. "Oh look, I got makeup all over your shirt!"

"Do you remember you said you'd stop wearing that stuff when you were thirty?"

Kylie nodded. "I guess Pagan didn't think about that, or he'd have hung on a few more months." She breathed in shakily, then out again, and then said, "Come on."

They went into Conchita and Rose's bedroom, but found the bunk beds empty. This was rather alarming at first, but when they went to their own bedroom, Eduardo and Kylie found their daughters weeping all over each other on the double bed. Evidently they had decided that they were too distressed to sleep in their own room. It had been a long time since they'd all slept in the same bed, but this occasion certainly warranted it. In the past, when this had happened, Eduardo and Kylie had always been kicked out at some point during the night and gone to sleep in the bunks. But Kylie knew that she, at least, would be staying with them that night. They needed her there, and she needed them.

Rose was busy crying onto her sister's shoulder, but Conchita was able to look up at her parents, and she had the saddest pair of eyes either of them had ever seen. They both went to the bed, climbed on and smothered the two children in their arms.

"What are we going to do now?" Conchita said quietly.

"We should try to get some sleep," said Kylie. She was exhausted from all that crying, and didn't think sleeping would be a problem, in spite of her emotional state.

"Then what?" asked Conchita.

Kylie stroked her hair, and leaned over to kiss her forehead. "We'll be okay, honey."

THE END