Soo Um yeah. I'm gonna try to write a one shot tell me if it sucks.

I Can't Get Back Up

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. It's finally happened. The apocalypse is near. In fact it's today. Otherwise this would make no sense. It's the only way it could possibly happen.

I have fallen for James Bloody Potter. I highly doubt that's his middle name, but that is besides the point. I have fallen and I can't get back up. This is not good. It can't be happening. I can't tell anyone. They'll all think I've gone nutters.

I mean, I can't just up and change my mind one day. I've been rude and heartless towards the sorry S.O.B. I understand that now I have a horrible problem on my hands. And I also understand that this can not end well. I have to tell someone. But who?

HELP! HELP! S.M.S! SAVE MY SOUL!

Ok that is now out of my system. I'm good. Really, I am.

I have to go to the great hall. I'm hungry and I can't avoid people. I mean, they don't even know.

I love toast. It's so simple. I wish life were like that. Simple that is. This is so frustrating. He's just sitting there like nothings wrong. Oh wait, nothing is wrong. Ahhhhh! Look away. Look away. Eyes listen to me. LOOK AWAY! Grrrr. You should've listened. Now he's looking back. Oh no, he is talking to his mates while he looks at me and I stare back. What is wrong with me? Do I have no dignity? Crap. Black is coming over here. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOK AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

"Excuse me Lily-flower, but I noticed you noticing James and I just came to say that he has noticed you noticing him noticing you noticing him."

I tried fiercely to hide the smile that was trying to creep its way onto my face. "Listen Black, I haven't a clue what you're rambling on about."

"Ahh, Lily-flower, are we really going to play the river game?"

"The river game?" I asked furrowing my brow.

"Da Nile."

"I am not in denial."

"What on earth are you talking about, flower, I was simply mentioning a river in Africa."

"Oh, shove off."

"Now, now flower. I love you dearly, but if we have to keep this up, I might just leave."

"Just leave."

"Your wish is my command. But before my departure I must say, I know your secret."

I opened my mouth to say something but he put his finger on my mouth to shut me up. Before I could utter a word he turned and walked back to where he was sitting before. I was fuming. I got up and, since I passed him on my way out, saw fit to hit Sirius upside the head as I walked by. He cried an indignant 'hey' as I went. I walked contemplating the talk I had with him. I admit it wasn't very substantial. But still it held information. Not much, but some. I must've wandered off course when going to DADA. I ended up running to class and still came in late.

"Ms. Evans, your late."

"So kind of you to notice." I replied cheekily. I heard a gasp. And someone, Sirius, whisper.

"She knows how to be sarcastic."

"Ms. Evans, as you are one of my best students so I will allow that comment slide, but-"

"-but I will say more."

"No you may not."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Yeah, whatever, professor."

"There is no need to call me professor, sir. After all no matter how inept at the job you are you still hold a higher standing than I do." The whole class was laughing quietly.

"Detention, for the rest of the week and the weekend."

"Aww, pity I was just getting started."

"Sit down." He said through clenched teeth. I sat down in the very back, even behind the Marauders. I cast a heating charm on the whole room. Professor Dean was starting to sweat. I smirked slightly. "EVANS, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CLASSROOM?"

"Well, sir, I was getting a little cold so I saw fit to cast a heating charm. It is rather cold in here, don't you agree?" I smiled sweetly up at him as he approached my desk.

"Miss Evans, leave my class and don't come back until you have your attitude back to normal."

"Aye, aye Cap'n." I walked out of the class and waited until he started talking again then walked in. "Hey Prof? I got my 'tude in check now. Am I allowed to learn?"

His teeth were clenched and his eyes were bugging out. I smirked. "DETENTION! For the rest of the month!"

"Okie dokie."

"Get. Out. Of. My. Class. Room." I saluted him and turned on my heal and left the room.

I've fallen and I can't get back up.

I've fallen and it's got me going crazy.

"Hey Lily?" I looked up and saw James. This whole 'avoiding thing' just doesn't work if the thing you're avoiding keeps looking for you.

"Yes?"

"What was that? Back in DADA?"

"Don't know what you're talking about." I replied snobbishly. He cocked an eyebrow.

"Really? I recall you being cheeky towards a teacher, being late, and ending up get a months worth of detention."

"Hmm." I acted as if I was contemplating this. "A fine day's work, if I do say so myself."

"Oh yes. Remarkable."

"I feel very accomplished. But seeing as I missed that class now, I have to go. Oh and I have a detention to do."

"Right you are, Lily-flower." He said standing up.

"Where are you going?"

"Detention."

"When did you get detention?"

"I think it was a week ago. I've been going everyday. So let us be off."

"I have detention with you?"

"Yep. I must've forgot to tell you. McGonagall told me that we were going to help Hagrid and that she wanted to express how deeply disappointed she was in you."

"Oh well that's nice of her," I muttered sarcastically. I started walking towards the portrait hole.

"Hey Evans, wait up!" See what I mean. Avoiding him is so not working. I just kept on walking. No use in waiting when the person following matches one stride with every two of yours. Not that I noticed how he walks or anything. I had just been looking at something and he so happened to walk in front of it and…oh it doesn't matter. He is now walking beside me. It's really very distracting. I mean really! He's just walking there. All nonchalant. And with his tie loose and his first three buttons undone and… the list goes on forever. It's not that I look at these things it's just they can be so distracting when there are walls to not walk into.

Which is lesson number one in Walking Next to Potter. When walking next to said Potter look in front of you instead of beside you. Because if you do you end up walking into walls. Example one:

I was walking next to James and he was rambling on about Quidditch. But I was obviously looking at, ahem, other things. So as he was about to finish I walked strait into a wall. I mean, I didn't even realize it was there. How sad is that. Now I've literally fallen for Potter it's very depressing.

Oh, example's over seeing as he's about to talk to me. "Lily, are you all right?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, just dandy. Walking into walls has no effect on me whatsoever. I do it every now and again for kicks." He's looking at me strangely. Well at least he realizes that he doesn't like me anymore for a reason. Who wants to be with a crazy person? I most certainly wouldn't.

"Really?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, not really. I was kidding." It's actually quite painful landing on your bum without realizing how you got there at first. "Ow, my bum hurts." He offered me his hand to help me get up. I took it, gratefully. "Thanks." We started walking again. I was rubbing my bum trying to get rid of that tingling feeling. It's not very pleasurable.

We finally reached Hagrid's hut. He was standing on his porch with Fang by his side. He is such a cute puppy. "Hi Hagrid." I said walking up to Fang. Fang trotted up to me. I sat down and he crawled into my lap.

"Hey, Lily. Firs' time you go' detention, innit? An' you go' it fer a mon'"

"S'not so bad. I wasn't exactly being proper, or whatever it is I am." I went back to scratching Fang's ears.

"Alright there James?"

"Yeah, I'm good. How 'bout you?"

"Oh, I've been alright. The thestrals been actin' up 'gain. But I go' it un'er control."

"How are the thestrals? Last I saw them they were looking a bit harsher than usual?" I asked.

"There ok now. But I think sommat was messin' wit 'em. Don' know what or who."

"So what're we going to do for detention?"

"Well, we gotta go into the fores'. We actually gonna go see the thestrals. Gotta feed 'em. They ain't gettin' 'nough meat." I nodded. They do always have that issue now and then. I mean everyone thinks it's really cool to see the thestrals, but it's not. Everyone forgets that there's a burden to bare before seeing them. You have to see someone die. I saw both my parents die. We were going home from King's Cross Station and a drunk driver swerved off the road and hit them up front. I was in the back seat so I didn't get hit. It was just another thing for my sister to blame on me. I mean, it's not like I got the guy drunk. It was his fault, but no. Blame the 'freak'. Stupid alcohol.

"Let's go." Oops. Forgot James was here. My brain is stupid. I wonder if he's gonna ask. Hagrid led the way with Fang following behind him. I stood up from my spot and James walked next to me. He lent down a little so that his lips were beside my ear. His breath tickled. A shiver went down my spine. "Who did you know?" Damn you Potter. Damn you.

"My parents." My answer was soft. "You?"

"My sister."

"I didn't know you had a sister."

"Yeah, she was premature. I watched as she stopped breathing. She was asleep so it was pretty painless."

Wow. I had no idea. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

Misinterpretation alert!

Is he sorry for me, or sorry that she died. Confusion. Confusion! CONFUSION! Ok whatever. I can see the thestrals now. And I didn't hit any trees. A great feat.

I walked up to one and asked Hagrid for some meat to feed it. The baby thestrals are so cute. I have a pet thestral. It wears a blue anklet on his ankle. "Hey Hagrid? Where's Frederick?"

"Umm…There was an' acciden'. He kind o' go' hurt. He didn't ge' through."

"Oh!" I felt the tears prick in my eyes. I blinked them away. "Oh." I said more sullenly as it sank in. "What attacked him?"

"No' real sure. So many creatures. Mighta been wolf." I nodded. I heard James asking who Freddy was. Meanwhile, I found a baby thestral. She was cute. I picked up a stick and transfigured it into a pink and black band. I walked back over and tied it to her ankle. "Now for a name." I murmured. "You look like a Whispa."

"Whispa?"

"Yes. Whispa. It's like whisper in name form. Leave me alone I am in mourning," I snapped at James.

"All right. It was just a question."

"A'right. You kids can ge' goin' they all go' fed."

"Kay. See you Hagrid."

"Bye Hagrid. Thanks for trying to save him."

"No prob'em Lily." I smile up at him and turned to leave. James caught my wrist. I looked at him questioningly.

"Wait a sec." I nodded reluctantly. He went to talk to Hagrid. What about, only they knew. Not that I care. I'm going to miss Freddy. He was always so energetic. He reminded me of a puppy. And James. I mean, James is like a puppy, too. A lot of energy. I felt the tears prick in my eyes again but this time I didn't blink them away. I let them flow, running down my cheeks as I thought of Freddy. James walked back over to me and saw me crying. He put an arm tentatively around my shoulder. I leaned into him even though I'll regret it later. He held me as we walked back and I cried. He calmed me down. He helped me. "Thank you." I said into his shoulder.

"Your welcome."

I've fallen and I can't get back up.

I've fallen and saw a different side of James to make me want to stay.

Dinner is a great creation. We would all die without it. Really we would. I have found a problem with dinner though. Just one. James Potter. I can't look away from him. Even as I tell myself to do so, over and over again. Oh great. Now he's looking back. Oh I hope he doesn't send Sirius over again. And another thing. When did I start calling them by their first names. Was there a transition I missed? It's pathetic. Oh he's sending Remus over instead. Remus is nice. I like him. As a friend. "Hey Remus."

"Hey Lily."

"I think I love you."

"Why?"

"You don't use that annoying nick name."

"You mean Lily-flower?"

I cringed. "Yes that one."

"Ah well, I'm afraid I have some bad news. I have come to deliver a message."

"Proceed."

"A-hem. James says, and I quote, 'Lily-flower you look exceptionally gorgeous this fine evening considering all that happened at Hagrid's. I send you the Marauders' condolences. And these on behalf of Moony.' I'm Moony." And with that said he conjured me a bouquet of dark red roses.

"They're beautiful. Thank you."

"Your welcome."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did but you can ask another."

"Why hasn't James come over himself. It's been twice and he's sent messengers."

"I'm not really sure. I would've thought he'd want to do it himself, also. But keep in mind they were all his ideas."

"Right. Okay. Brilliant." He got up and walked away. Okay I'm going to do it. I've been planning to do it. I just haven't had the courage to put the plan into action. So here goes nothing. I'm going to kiss him. I'm getting up. I am walking to where the Marauders sit. I am now sitting down very close to James. Very close.

"Hey Lily."

"Hey James. I just wanted to thank you."

"Really?" We are now facing each other.

I am moving even closer. Is it just me or does it feel like everyone is watching? "Yeah, really." I whispered and closed the distance between us. He didn't react at first. Probably from shock. After a second though he got into the kiss. He wrapped his hands around my waist as my hands went up around his neck and combed through his hair.

I've fallen and I can't get back up.

I've fallen and I don't want to get back up.

I've fallen and I'm happy where I landed