Always, 1
INTRODUCTION: Okay, so I decied to post this series here now, instead of once the Adultery series is finished. To sum the background for this series up, it's a few years into the future, C&M are married and have a daughter. I think that sums it up real nice, lol!
DISCLAIMER: The "Friends" characters aren't any more mine now than they've been before... And the lyrics for "My All" belong to... someone other than me... I don't know whom... And the title for the series was Ashlee's idea... Wow, I'm starting to wonder of any of this is actually mine, lol!
Monica sighed and got out of bed. It was no use. She couldn't go to sleep.
Next to her in bed lay Chandler, fast asleep and apparently dreaming something nice. Monica shook her head and grabbed her robe from the floor. When was the last time she'd dreamt anything nice?
Out in the living room she sat down on the couch, pulling her robe tighter. She looked around in the room, and her eyes fell on the VCR clock. It was two am in the morning. She had about four more hours to fall asleep in before she had to get up again, a thought that wasn't too encouraging. But she knew she didn't have a choice. Weather or not she would go to work she still never got to sleep any longer than 'til 6 am. She should be totally beat every night when she went to bed, but she wasn't. She was constantly tired, but hardly ever able to go to sleep.
"Maybe I just need some fresh air…" she mumbled, and got out on the balcony. She looked out over the city, still full of noise even at this late hour. Cities never slept.
She stood outside for a while, breathing in the cold air, trying to hold the tears back. In case Chandler woke up when she got back into bed she didn't want it to show that she'd been crying.
She sighed and went back inside. It was too cold outside to stay out for long. And catching a cold wouldn't do her much good, even if it might let her sleep some.
She sat down on her bedside and carefully took her robe off and let it lay by the side of the bed. She didn't bother to care about it right now. She carefully got back into bed, and welcomed the warmth underneath the covers.
Chandler rolled over and put an arm around her, probably still asleep. He frowned and grunted, probably noticing that she was cold. But his breath was steady and he was most likely still asleep.
Monica stared at the ceiling. Sleep wouldn't come to her. A glance at Chandler's alarm clock told her that it was closing in on 3 am, but she still couldn't go to sleep. She sighed and closed her eyes.
*
The next morning Chandler was already up when Monica woke up. He'd gotten up at the first ring of the alarm clock, but he'd decided to let her sleep and set the clock to ring 30 minutes later, so she'd still wake up in time. She smiled and sent him a quiet thanks as she shut it of. She needed several more hours of sleep, 30 minutes didn't really do much difference, but she appreciated the gesture.
She got dressed quickly and went out to the living room. Chandler was finishing off a cup of coffee while at the same time trying to feed their 15 month old daughter Regina baby food from a jar.
"Hey…" Monica said, placing a kiss on his cheek and grabbing the spoon. "Thanks for letting me sleep." She sat down on the chair on the other side of Regina's baby chair, and continued the task of feeding the child.
"You really looked like you could use it" Chandler said. "I actually tried to shake you awake when you didn't react to the clock, but when you didn't wake up I thought I might as well just set it again. And then check to see if you were breathing."
Monica smiled and kept in a yawn.
"Mon, were you out of bed last night?" Chandler asked. Monica raised an eyebrow. "I woke up for a minute, rolled over on your side, and you were really cold."
"I… went outside for a sec…" Monica said. "Just to catch some air."
"Catch some air in the middle of the night? Well no wonder you're tired."
Monica ignored the comment. She didn't understand if he was mad or just making a comment, but either way she didn't feel like continuing the discussion.
Chandler eyed her for a second as she fed the baby the last food in the jar. Regina had most of her breakfast outside of her mouth at the moment, it was obvious that Monica was too tired to be focused.
"Honey…" Chandler said. Monica looked up. "You know, why don't you let me take care of her, I'm done with my breakfast now anyway, you've got 30 minutes to catch up on after all. You should get something to eat."
Monica shook her head.
"Don't worry, I'm done feeding her now."
"I know that," Chandler said, "so why don't you let me clean her off and get her ready?"
Monica shrugged her shoulders and let him pick up the baby. He held Regina with his left arm while cleaning up after her with his right.
Monica rose and made herself some breakfast while Chandler took the baby to get her ready to go to day-care.
*
Monica sat down on the couch, her head spinning. It was later that day, she had just gotten home with Regina. She closed her eyes and begged for the spinning to stop. She knew she needed sleep, but she also knew her daughter needed her. And she knew what Chandler would say if she went asleep right away without giving Regina something to eat and then a new diaper. He would remind her that if you bring a baby to the world it's your responsibility to care for it, and your own needs come in second.
She opened her eyes and cast a glance on Regina, who was toddling around in the living room, carrying with her the bunny Joey had given her once, that was like her security blanket.
"Come here, sweetie…" Monica said, and lifted her daughter up when she got closer. She placed her in her knee and kissed her on the cheek. "What do you say we get you something to eat, huh?"
"Mommy!" Regina said, and waved her bunny. Mommy was the only noun she ever said. Chandler was a bit disappointed that she'd never called him daddy, but on the other hand everything got to be called mommy. It wasn't something that their daughter reserved just for Monica.
"Yes, mommy's gonna get you something to eat" Monica said, rising with her daughter in her arms and going into the kitchen. She wished Chandler would be home soon, even though she knew he worked for another two hours today. As soon as he got home she would go into the bedroom and try to sleep
*
About a week later Chandler woke up in the middle of the night, sensing that something was wrong. He sleepily glanced over on Monica's side and saw her twist and turn, obviously having a nightmare. She was soaked in sweat and looked ready to burst into tears in her sleep. She was mumbling something, but he couldn't make out what it was. He decided to wake her up. He knew she wasn't sleeping much these days, but he didn't want her to continue in the nightmare.
"Monica…" he said, shaking her. "Honey, wake up. You're having a bad dream, wake up!"
Monica woke up and sat up in bed with a start. She was breathing heavily, stroking her sweaty hair away from her face.
"What, what is it, is it Regina?" she asked, apparently quite frightened.
Chandler sat up and put an arm around her, leaning her back down with him.
"No. You were having a nightmare. You woke me up."
"Sorry."
"Don't be sorry for me…" Chandler said, stroking her forehead and wishing she would calm her breath. "I just wanted you to wake up so you could dream something nicer, that's all…"
Monica sighed and looked at him, looking unhappy.
"Chandler thanks… but I can't even remember what I was dreaming, it probably wasn't all that bad… You know, I haven't been sleeping well lately, that might explain why I had a bad dream, being so stressed out and all…"
"Dr. Bing has a better idea" Chandler said, putting his hand against her forehead. "You've got a fever."
"Oh. That explains it."
Monica yawned, seeming prepared to let it go. She closed her eyes and snuggled closer to him. Chandler closed his eyes as well, shaking off the troubling thoughts. So what if she had a fever? Everyone gets sick at times. It was probably just a result of the stress in her life the past weeks. He slowly stroked her back, calming her down and rocking her to sleep. But all of a sudden he stopped.
"Monica… The small of your back is feeling hot."
"Mmhm?" Monica mumbled, feeling sleep coming and welcoming it. She got wide awake again when Chandler almost brutally sat up in bed and started to feel her on the small of her back.
"Chandler I don't know about you really, but I'm too tired for anything sexual, and my back is not an erogenous zone" she mumbled, hoping to be able to fall asleep.
Chandler didn't listen. He frowned ands tried to remember if it was just a sign that she was having a cold, or if her hot back meant something else.
"Mon, would you turn around and lay on your stomach?" he asked.
She mechanically rolled over on her stomach and wanted to tell him to quit pressing his fingers along her spine like that and just leave her alone, when all of a sudden she felt a sharp pain where he pressed his fingers. Chandler quickly lifted them off her and gave her a nervous glance.
"Monica--" he began, but she rolled over on her back and started talking, interrupting him.
"Don't do that, that hurts, just let me sleep Chandler!" she said, annoyed, and then sighed and tried to fall asleep again.
Chandler lay down next to her and glanced at her. He could soon hear on her steady breath that she was asleep again, but he was worried. He knew she'd been having trouble sleep, been feeling depressed and also felt some nausea. It could be a cold, but it could also be something else. But when he the next morning felt her forehead and didn't find it hot he decided to forget about it.
*
His thoughts came back to him a few days later when he was in the kitchen reading the news. Ross had taken Regina to visit Carol, Susan and Ben, so him and Monica had a calm afternoon by themselves. He could hear Monica be sick in the bathroom. She came out and sat down opposite him.
"This is one of those days when life really sucks…" she muttered, rubbing her eyes.
"Mon?" Chandler said, asking her by saying her name if she was okay.
"Nothing's really wrong, I'm just unfazed" Monica said. "I've probably eaten something I shouldn't have. Or maybe I'm getting the flu or something."
"What else? You've been having trouble sleeping, right?"
"Yeah… a little… And to be honest I've been feeling kinda' depressed lately. No offence" she added with a crooked smile.
"No, none taken…" Chandler assured her. "You know, I was thinking…" he continued, putting his thoughts into words., "I was in Memphis the week you realized you were pregnant with Regina. So I'm not really sure of how you realized you probably were. But I was thinking that maybe all of this is a sign that you're expecting another child…" By now he had started to smile, liking the thought of having another child in the family.
"You think I might be expecting?" Monica said, surprised.
"Well…" Chandler said, shrugging his shoulders. Monica broke out in a smile.
"You really mean that honey? I haven't thought about it, but you're right! Nausea! Feeling tired, feeling a bit low… I might very well be pregnant!"
They looked at each other, smiling big. Then Monica rose from her chair and in the next moment she was in Chandler's lap, kissing him lovingly. Chandler kissed her back and held her close, overwhelmed with joy.
*
It was eight o'clock at night a few days later that the phone rang. Chandler and Monica had called it an early night since Regina had seemed tired, and they were already in bed when the phone rang. Chandler reached out his hand to answer.
Monica only listened with half an ear to the conversation. She was still very tired, but a lot happier now than she had been earlier on. She and Chandler had visited a doctor the day before to check if she was pregnant and get her examined at the same time. She was busy dreaming away about the baby she knew she might be expecting.
She heard Chandler hang up the phone and waited for him to tell her who it was. When he said nothing she rolled over and snuggled up to him, asking him who it had been.
"Well, it was the doctor" Chandler said.
"Really?" Monica smiled and gave him a loving kiss on the cheek. "And what did the doctor have to say?"
*
Chandler stared on the white walls in the doctor's office, trying to swallow the anxiety that was like a lump in his throat. He had one arm around Monica, and he knew it was gripping her tight. He could feel her body next to him, but he couldn't look at her.
Monica was looking down at her hands. The doctor had given them a few minutes to let it sink in. But she knew she would need weeks, if not months to let it sink in. She was not pregnant at all. She was sick. Mortally ill. She had somehow gotten leukaemia, a disease that some people survived and others died from. She didn't even dare to think about which category she belonged to. She could feel Chandler's arm around her and somehow she got strength from it. And for some reason she started to wonder what he was thinking. It was a whole lot easier to concentrate on that than to get lost in her own thoughts.
Chandler took his eyes from the walls and looked directly at the doctor.
"Will she make it?" he asked straight out. He could feel Monica freeze. He knew it was mean to her to ask that in front of her, but he needed to know and he didn't want her to spend every day wondering either.
"I'd say the chances are about 70%…" the doctor said. Judging by the tone of his voice he might as well be speaking about the chances that they would get rain the next day. "The numbers do of course change a little depending on what sort of the disease we are talking about…"
"Doctor, will I die?" Monica asked, staring on the wall to her right.
"Hopefully not" the doctor said, flashing them what probably was meant to be an encouraging smile.
Monica didn't look at him. She stared into the wall and hoped she would wake up and find it all to be another nightmare.
*
"How are we going to tell HER?" Chandler said that evening when the two were sharing a bottle of wine on the couch. "I mean, how to you explain something like this to a person who's not even 1½ years old?"
Monica bit her lower lip.
"I can't believe this has happened…" she said. She looked up at him. "Chandler what if I never get to see Regina grow up? Seriously, that is my only wish, to get to see her grow up. What if I…" She drifted off and stared into her glass.
"You'll be around to see it" Chandler said.
Monica smiled slightly. She loved the way he'd said that in. He'd said it in a way that could actually make her believe he might be right. He'd said it as if it was obvious, not as if he was trying to encourage her.
"But still though…" Chandler said. "I mean, how are we going to tell her? We can't ignore that there's a small chance that you'll die. And I mean, 'mommy's going away for a while' would really screw her up in case…" He drifted off and smiled slightly. "Gosh, I can't even believe I'm thinking so… rationally about all of this. Or more correctly, PRACTICALLY."
"I guess that's one way of letting it sink in…" Monica mumbled. "You know, I have to admit that it's almost a relief to at least know why I've been so sick lately… I would have preferred a pregnancy, but at least now I don't have to wonder if I'm going insane."
"You know this is going to be tough." Chandler said. "Having cancer is no game. But on the other hand, you're going to be one of the lucky ones who survive. A year from now this is all going to be over."
Monica sighed and put her glass down on the coffee table. She took a look around.
"It's gonna be a long time before I see this apartment again… I mean, once I've been admitted to the hospital… I'm gonna miss it." She looked straight at Chandler. "I'm gonna miss YOU. And Regina…"
"I understand the apartment bit, but… Regina and I will be around. Don't think you can keep me away, and I think you and Regina both need to see each other…"
"I don't know sweetie…" Monica said. "I'm not sure I would want her to see me so sick."
"Mon, you can't just not see your daughter for several months! I don't think it's going to affect her. Actually it might be positive. It might show her that sick people deserve as much respect and are mostly as mentally normal as anyone else."
"I don't think a child of one year will be able to pick that up" Monica pointed out.
"I do. Wouldn't you miss her?"
"Desperately…" Monica said.
"Okay then…" Chandler said, putting his wine down. "Now come here, let's not worry about this anymore tonight. We can't do anything until tomorrow anyway, let's just go to bed and try to forget about it for now."
Monica nodded, and realized she was trembling. She was frightened to death, and it scared her that there was nothing she nor Chandler could do about her illness. Her life was pretty much in the hands of doctors, and she'd never trusted doctors too much.
Chandler pulled her into a hug and slowly rocked her back and forth, hoping she would stop trembling. He was scared too.
*
Monica held Regina in her arms and felt proud of herself for being able to keep the tears away. Phoebe was giving her a ride to the hospital, she would be there any minute. Joey, Ross and Rachel would come as well, but Chandler had decided to stay at home with Regina so she would have at least one parent at home. Ross's girlfriend Dana had offered to baby-sit, but in the end Chandler had chosen to stay at home. He would visit Monica the next day.
Chandler and Monica had just tried to explain to Regina what was going on, but it was very hard to even know if she'd understood them. But she at least seemed to sense that Monica was going away, she had been very mommy-sick all day long.
Chandler gave Monica a kiss on the cheek and stroke the hair from her face. Part of him wanted to go with her and help her feel better, but on the other hand she would have the other four there with her, and he didn't want to make Regina believe that both her parents were going away.
"Mon?" Phoebe said, entering. "Are you ready to go?"
Phoebe looked nervous, and she didn't really know what to say. She had no experience of what to say or do when one of her friends was seriously ill.
Monica and Chandler rose and Chandler took Regina as Monica walked to the door. Joey and Ross had come with Phoebe and they grabbed Monica's two bags while Ross told Monica that Rachel was waiting in the cab.
"Bye sweetie" Monica said, kissing her daughter on the cheek. "Mommy loves you." She gave Chandler a kiss as well and then she walked towards the door.
"Mommy!" Regina started to cry out. "Mommy!"
Chandler tried to calm her down, he knew she was upsetting Monica, but she wouldn't stop crying out for her mommy. Monica broke into tears and Phoebe grabbed her by the waist and led her out of the apartment, closing the door behind them.
Chandler walked back and forth in the apartment, shushing his daughter and telling her that mommy would be back soon. His cheeks were wet from both his own and Regina's tears.
*
Monica sighed and looked down on her hands that lay on the yellow quilt on her bed. She was very uncomfortable being in a hospital bed. To her hospital beds represented death, since so many people died in them.
Four of her friends were in the room with her. Her brother Ross was trying to figure out how to connect the TV to the VCR. Monica knew exactly how to do it, but she didn't feel like talking.
Joey was sitting in a chair next to her, pretending to be looking through the CDs on her nightstand that Chandler had told her to bring in case she got bored. Monica knew that Joey was as uncomfortable in a hospital bed as she was, but at least he wasn't in this one.
Rachel was hanging up her clothes in the small closet. She'd only brought one pair of jeans and one shirt except for what she had been wearing, plus socks and underwear, so there wasn't really too much to hang up. But Rachel seemed to want everything to hang in perfect order, and partly Monica appreciated it, since it showed her that Rachel knew that Monica would have made sure it was if she'd hung the clothes herself. But partly Monica couldn't care less about it at the moment. Who cared about weather or not her clothes hung straight or not? She sure didn't. Not when she had so much else to think of.
Phoebe was looking out the window, straightening the curtains and moving around the plastic plants. She seemed distant.
Monica looked up at them, and then back down again. She loved them all, and she was really thankful to have four so great friends who would be there for her. But she would have wanted them to be five. Five of her friends, six friends in total. The most important one wasn't there. She knew why he wasn't, and she knew it was better, but she missed him deeply. And she couldn't comprehend that for the first time in four years she would go to sleep without him. He wouldn't be there for her to say goodnight to.
She also missed Regina, although that was different. Missing her daughter was different from missing her husband, and somehow it was easier to bare. Regina was still so small that she didn't really comprehend what was going on, and unlike her five friends she hadn't been there by Monica's side for so many years. She had only lived for a little more than one. Monica tried not to think of how her daughter had cried out for her when she'd left. She knew Regina called everything mommy, it was the only noun in her vocabulary, but it didn't help to think of it like that since she'd known that her daughter had cried out for HER.
"You okay Mon?" Joey asked.
"Peachy, just peachy…" Monica said, trying to hide her emotions. She wasn't really afraid right now, she was mostly depressed.
'When I get out from here Regina will be saying a whole lot more nouns than just mommy…' she thought. 'She'll be a talking person. And she'll no longer be used to having me around in the regular life. If Chandler hires a nanny she'll probably see HER as mommy, or if he lets Phoebe or Rachel help him out…'
"You know, Chandler's gonna be here all the time" Phoebe said, guessing what Monica was thinking and almost being right since she'd thought about it earlier. She sat down on the bedside. "He needed to stay with Regina tonight, she would be so disoriented if he didn't, but he's gonna spend a lot of time here every other day."
"Only not as much as I'm used to spending with him" Monica pointed out. "He's got Gina to look after."
"So he'll bring her!" Ross said. "Come on Monica, he's probably going to stop by with her almost every day. You'll get to see both him and Regina every single day."
Monica smiled without being happy at all.
"Ross, she won't be here every day. Maybe at first, but when I get really sick she's not going to come here a lot. I don't want my daughter to have to see her mother in that state."
"So what if she does?" Phoebe asked. "She's a kid, she's probably mommy-sick. She'll be eager to see you."
Monica bit her lower lip and decided to let the subject go.
"Don't you worry Monica!" Rachel said, giving her a hug. "You'll be better soon and you'll be able to go home soon. The doctor even said you'd get to go home a few days in-between the treatments."
"I wish I was home" Monica whispered.
"I don't know if this makes you feel any better or not, but I can bet you a million dollars that your family would like you to be home too." Rachel said.
"You guys are my family too" Monica said.
"Not as much as the two at home" Phoebe said with a smile. "And you'll get to see them both tomorrow."
*
Chandler stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. It was way past midnight and he was tired, but not tired enough to sleep. Next to him his daughter slept, hugging her mommy's pillow. Chandler wished he was able to hug her mother.
He turned his head and looked at Regina, who was fast asleep with one thumb in her mouth. Her face was in a frown and her black hair that was just like her mothers, only a lot shorter, was spread out over the pillow, just like Monica's usually was. Chandler knew Regina had his smile, but when her face was serious she looked just like Monica. It was like having a little version of Monica sleeping next to him.
Chandler was thankful that he had her. He wanted a constant reminder of his wife, and who would be better than a living one? He found some amount of comfort in knowing that whatever happened with Monica's cancer he would never truly loose her. As long as Regina was around he would always have part of Monica alive and in his life.
Once she'd calmed down earlier during the night Regina had become very daddy-sick. It made Chandler feel nauseous, since it was as if she was afraid he would go somewhere too. He'd decided to let her sleep in his and Monica's bed instead of in her crib in the nursery, to make her feel better and also to comfort himself. He wasn't used to sleeping alone, hearing somebody else's breath in the darkness had become such a big part of his life that he needed to hear it to sleep.
Chandler closed his eyes and turned his head back so that he would see the ceiling if he opened them again.
'Mon, I wonder how you're doing…' he thought to himself, knowing that she was probably a lot worse than he was. 'Are you scared? Do you feel abandoned? You can't fall asleep either, can you?'
It was only the first night and already he missed her like crazy. For as long back as he could remember them together, she'd mostly snuggled up to him in the night. She always said his shoulder was her favourite pillow, and she would drape her arm across his chest in sort of a hug. It was her favourite way of falling asleep in. Chandler usually let her drift off before he rolled her over, since he still needed his sleeping space, but he sometimes found himself missing her. Those nights he would roll over to her again and wrap his arm around her waist, snuggling close to her and trying not to wake her up. This night he would give anything to have her head resting on his shoulder and her arm wrapped around his chest. And he knew he wouldn't roll her away but hold her close and breathe in the scent of her hair, knowing that his life was like a dream. A dream which might quickly turn into a nightmare if things went wrong.
'I'd give my all to have just one more night with you' he thought, remembering a song he'd never cared much for but that had been one of Rachel's favourites. 'I'd risk my life to feel your body next to mine, 'cause I can't go on living in the memory of our song. I'd give my all for your love tonight.'
*
Monica felt tired. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. It had been her first night in years sleeping alone in a room. But she managed to stay awake since she knew Chandler couldn't stay long. He was only stopping by on his way to work. He had about 10 minutes.
"So how was your night?" he asked.
"Yours was better" was all Monica said. Chandler gave her a crooked smile.
"I've got some news for you" he said.
"If it's bad news I'm gonna force them to give my first cell treatment to YOU instead of me" Monica threatened, but she knew her joke wasn't funny. Chandler only smiled at her crookedly, not commenting on her little threat.
"You know, Christmas is only about 5 weeks away."
"Wow that IS news" Monica said, slightly sarcastic.
"I talked to your doctor when I ran into him in the hallway just now, and he says you can come home over Christmas."
Monica's face lit up.
"This will all be over so soon?" she said, her voice filled with joy, relief and hope.
Chandler didn't dare to look at her. He hadn't seen her genuinely happy in a while and he didn't like having to make her sad again.
"No, not exactly…" he said, and looked up at her. Her smile faded and her shoulders slumped. "But see honey," Chandler continued, "they're planning on making a pause in the treatment around January, and I managed to get the doctor to move it up to December. So you'll be home for about 12 days or so."
Monica smiled, but only for Chandler's sake. She didn't want him to think she was ungrateful.
Chandler rose and kissed her on the forehead.
"I've gotta run" he said. "See you later!"
*
Monica woke up and noticed that the snow was falling outside her window. It was the second week of December, a little more than a week until she would get to go home for a while. And she couldn't wait.
Regina was in Chandler's lap, eying the falling snow with wide eyes. She didn't remember the last time it had snowed, since she'd only been around 6 months old then. Chandler was looking out the window as well, pointing at the snow and whispering to Regina.
Monica wondered when they had gotten here. She didn't know at what time she had fallen asleep. But each time she woke up and found Chandler there she was happy, especially if Regina was there too. There seemed to be someone present all the time with her these days. Once they had started her treatment her friends had made sure that there was always someone there with her so that she'd never have to feel lonely. But no matter how much she loved her friends it still couldn't compare to having her husband and daughter there.
"Hey…" she said, almost whispering.
Chandler turned his head and saw she was awake. He smiled slightly.
"Look who's awake, Regina!" he said and rose. He walked over to Monica's bed and sat down, handing Monica her daughter.
"Hi little one…" Monica said, hugging Regina. "I've missed you since the last time you were here…"
"Not as much as she's missed you" Chandler said with a smile. "You've never seen a mommy-sick child until you've seen Regina when she wants to see you."
Monica smiled and hugged her daughter again.
"Mommy" Regina said, and waved with her bunny.
"Careful now…" Chandler said. "You don't want to hit mommy in the face with the bunny."
"Come here Chandler…" Monica said and pulled him closer for a hug. "I've missed you too, you know."
"Good" Chandler said with a smile. "Because you should."
"I know" Monica said with a small laugh.
"So how do you feel?"
"Pretty bad… I threw up twice before I went to sleep…"
Chandler made a sad face and stroke her forehead.
"Hopefully you'll feel better at Christmas honey" he said. "When you're on a break from the treatment."
He picked Regina up and put her down on the floor. She started to walk around in the room, examining it from a child's eyes.
"She walks much better now…" Monica said, slightly melancholy. "I've only been here for about a month but I've still missed a lot."
"She's learned a new noun too" Chandler said.
"Which is it?"
Chandler smiled.
"Well I had hoped for a 'daddy', but actually it's 'sandwich'."
Monica laughed slightly.
"Joey's been babysitting?"
"Uh-hu."
Monica looked at her daughter and wondered how much else she would miss before she got out from the hospital.
"Does she say anything else?"
"Well, her amount of verbs has always been large… and this week she added 'play' and 'jump'."
"Play and jump…" Monica said, thoughtfully.
Chandler leaned in and kissed her on the mouth.
"Don't give me that melancholy look" he said. "You'll be out of here before you know it. And you're gonna get to hear her learn so many new words that you're gonna wish you were back to this stage."
Monica chuckled.
"And by the way…" Chandler continued. "Guess what Ross is getting you for Christmas."
"A new body?" Monica said sarcastically.
"Nope, pretty close."
"Pretty close?"
"Yeah. Whoa, wait a second!"
Chandler hurried out of his chair and chased after Regina, who had figured out what the knob on the door was for and decided to take a stroll in the corridor. He returned after a few seconds and sat down, this time with Regina in his arms.
"Okay, where was I?" he asked, then remembered. "Right. He's giving you some bone marrow. You know, for after the treatment. He turned out to be a match, luckily enough."
"Then I hope you'll get me something romantic…" Monica said with a slight smile. "Something I can be guaranteed to be able to use."
"Oh. So that means no male deodorant then."
Monica rolled her eyes at the lame joke.
So review please. Tell me what you think of it.
INTRODUCTION: Okay, so I decied to post this series here now, instead of once the Adultery series is finished. To sum the background for this series up, it's a few years into the future, C&M are married and have a daughter. I think that sums it up real nice, lol!
DISCLAIMER: The "Friends" characters aren't any more mine now than they've been before... And the lyrics for "My All" belong to... someone other than me... I don't know whom... And the title for the series was Ashlee's idea... Wow, I'm starting to wonder of any of this is actually mine, lol!
Monica sighed and got out of bed. It was no use. She couldn't go to sleep.
Next to her in bed lay Chandler, fast asleep and apparently dreaming something nice. Monica shook her head and grabbed her robe from the floor. When was the last time she'd dreamt anything nice?
Out in the living room she sat down on the couch, pulling her robe tighter. She looked around in the room, and her eyes fell on the VCR clock. It was two am in the morning. She had about four more hours to fall asleep in before she had to get up again, a thought that wasn't too encouraging. But she knew she didn't have a choice. Weather or not she would go to work she still never got to sleep any longer than 'til 6 am. She should be totally beat every night when she went to bed, but she wasn't. She was constantly tired, but hardly ever able to go to sleep.
"Maybe I just need some fresh air…" she mumbled, and got out on the balcony. She looked out over the city, still full of noise even at this late hour. Cities never slept.
She stood outside for a while, breathing in the cold air, trying to hold the tears back. In case Chandler woke up when she got back into bed she didn't want it to show that she'd been crying.
She sighed and went back inside. It was too cold outside to stay out for long. And catching a cold wouldn't do her much good, even if it might let her sleep some.
She sat down on her bedside and carefully took her robe off and let it lay by the side of the bed. She didn't bother to care about it right now. She carefully got back into bed, and welcomed the warmth underneath the covers.
Chandler rolled over and put an arm around her, probably still asleep. He frowned and grunted, probably noticing that she was cold. But his breath was steady and he was most likely still asleep.
Monica stared at the ceiling. Sleep wouldn't come to her. A glance at Chandler's alarm clock told her that it was closing in on 3 am, but she still couldn't go to sleep. She sighed and closed her eyes.
*
The next morning Chandler was already up when Monica woke up. He'd gotten up at the first ring of the alarm clock, but he'd decided to let her sleep and set the clock to ring 30 minutes later, so she'd still wake up in time. She smiled and sent him a quiet thanks as she shut it of. She needed several more hours of sleep, 30 minutes didn't really do much difference, but she appreciated the gesture.
She got dressed quickly and went out to the living room. Chandler was finishing off a cup of coffee while at the same time trying to feed their 15 month old daughter Regina baby food from a jar.
"Hey…" Monica said, placing a kiss on his cheek and grabbing the spoon. "Thanks for letting me sleep." She sat down on the chair on the other side of Regina's baby chair, and continued the task of feeding the child.
"You really looked like you could use it" Chandler said. "I actually tried to shake you awake when you didn't react to the clock, but when you didn't wake up I thought I might as well just set it again. And then check to see if you were breathing."
Monica smiled and kept in a yawn.
"Mon, were you out of bed last night?" Chandler asked. Monica raised an eyebrow. "I woke up for a minute, rolled over on your side, and you were really cold."
"I… went outside for a sec…" Monica said. "Just to catch some air."
"Catch some air in the middle of the night? Well no wonder you're tired."
Monica ignored the comment. She didn't understand if he was mad or just making a comment, but either way she didn't feel like continuing the discussion.
Chandler eyed her for a second as she fed the baby the last food in the jar. Regina had most of her breakfast outside of her mouth at the moment, it was obvious that Monica was too tired to be focused.
"Honey…" Chandler said. Monica looked up. "You know, why don't you let me take care of her, I'm done with my breakfast now anyway, you've got 30 minutes to catch up on after all. You should get something to eat."
Monica shook her head.
"Don't worry, I'm done feeding her now."
"I know that," Chandler said, "so why don't you let me clean her off and get her ready?"
Monica shrugged her shoulders and let him pick up the baby. He held Regina with his left arm while cleaning up after her with his right.
Monica rose and made herself some breakfast while Chandler took the baby to get her ready to go to day-care.
*
Monica sat down on the couch, her head spinning. It was later that day, she had just gotten home with Regina. She closed her eyes and begged for the spinning to stop. She knew she needed sleep, but she also knew her daughter needed her. And she knew what Chandler would say if she went asleep right away without giving Regina something to eat and then a new diaper. He would remind her that if you bring a baby to the world it's your responsibility to care for it, and your own needs come in second.
She opened her eyes and cast a glance on Regina, who was toddling around in the living room, carrying with her the bunny Joey had given her once, that was like her security blanket.
"Come here, sweetie…" Monica said, and lifted her daughter up when she got closer. She placed her in her knee and kissed her on the cheek. "What do you say we get you something to eat, huh?"
"Mommy!" Regina said, and waved her bunny. Mommy was the only noun she ever said. Chandler was a bit disappointed that she'd never called him daddy, but on the other hand everything got to be called mommy. It wasn't something that their daughter reserved just for Monica.
"Yes, mommy's gonna get you something to eat" Monica said, rising with her daughter in her arms and going into the kitchen. She wished Chandler would be home soon, even though she knew he worked for another two hours today. As soon as he got home she would go into the bedroom and try to sleep
*
About a week later Chandler woke up in the middle of the night, sensing that something was wrong. He sleepily glanced over on Monica's side and saw her twist and turn, obviously having a nightmare. She was soaked in sweat and looked ready to burst into tears in her sleep. She was mumbling something, but he couldn't make out what it was. He decided to wake her up. He knew she wasn't sleeping much these days, but he didn't want her to continue in the nightmare.
"Monica…" he said, shaking her. "Honey, wake up. You're having a bad dream, wake up!"
Monica woke up and sat up in bed with a start. She was breathing heavily, stroking her sweaty hair away from her face.
"What, what is it, is it Regina?" she asked, apparently quite frightened.
Chandler sat up and put an arm around her, leaning her back down with him.
"No. You were having a nightmare. You woke me up."
"Sorry."
"Don't be sorry for me…" Chandler said, stroking her forehead and wishing she would calm her breath. "I just wanted you to wake up so you could dream something nicer, that's all…"
Monica sighed and looked at him, looking unhappy.
"Chandler thanks… but I can't even remember what I was dreaming, it probably wasn't all that bad… You know, I haven't been sleeping well lately, that might explain why I had a bad dream, being so stressed out and all…"
"Dr. Bing has a better idea" Chandler said, putting his hand against her forehead. "You've got a fever."
"Oh. That explains it."
Monica yawned, seeming prepared to let it go. She closed her eyes and snuggled closer to him. Chandler closed his eyes as well, shaking off the troubling thoughts. So what if she had a fever? Everyone gets sick at times. It was probably just a result of the stress in her life the past weeks. He slowly stroked her back, calming her down and rocking her to sleep. But all of a sudden he stopped.
"Monica… The small of your back is feeling hot."
"Mmhm?" Monica mumbled, feeling sleep coming and welcoming it. She got wide awake again when Chandler almost brutally sat up in bed and started to feel her on the small of her back.
"Chandler I don't know about you really, but I'm too tired for anything sexual, and my back is not an erogenous zone" she mumbled, hoping to be able to fall asleep.
Chandler didn't listen. He frowned ands tried to remember if it was just a sign that she was having a cold, or if her hot back meant something else.
"Mon, would you turn around and lay on your stomach?" he asked.
She mechanically rolled over on her stomach and wanted to tell him to quit pressing his fingers along her spine like that and just leave her alone, when all of a sudden she felt a sharp pain where he pressed his fingers. Chandler quickly lifted them off her and gave her a nervous glance.
"Monica--" he began, but she rolled over on her back and started talking, interrupting him.
"Don't do that, that hurts, just let me sleep Chandler!" she said, annoyed, and then sighed and tried to fall asleep again.
Chandler lay down next to her and glanced at her. He could soon hear on her steady breath that she was asleep again, but he was worried. He knew she'd been having trouble sleep, been feeling depressed and also felt some nausea. It could be a cold, but it could also be something else. But when he the next morning felt her forehead and didn't find it hot he decided to forget about it.
*
His thoughts came back to him a few days later when he was in the kitchen reading the news. Ross had taken Regina to visit Carol, Susan and Ben, so him and Monica had a calm afternoon by themselves. He could hear Monica be sick in the bathroom. She came out and sat down opposite him.
"This is one of those days when life really sucks…" she muttered, rubbing her eyes.
"Mon?" Chandler said, asking her by saying her name if she was okay.
"Nothing's really wrong, I'm just unfazed" Monica said. "I've probably eaten something I shouldn't have. Or maybe I'm getting the flu or something."
"What else? You've been having trouble sleeping, right?"
"Yeah… a little… And to be honest I've been feeling kinda' depressed lately. No offence" she added with a crooked smile.
"No, none taken…" Chandler assured her. "You know, I was thinking…" he continued, putting his thoughts into words., "I was in Memphis the week you realized you were pregnant with Regina. So I'm not really sure of how you realized you probably were. But I was thinking that maybe all of this is a sign that you're expecting another child…" By now he had started to smile, liking the thought of having another child in the family.
"You think I might be expecting?" Monica said, surprised.
"Well…" Chandler said, shrugging his shoulders. Monica broke out in a smile.
"You really mean that honey? I haven't thought about it, but you're right! Nausea! Feeling tired, feeling a bit low… I might very well be pregnant!"
They looked at each other, smiling big. Then Monica rose from her chair and in the next moment she was in Chandler's lap, kissing him lovingly. Chandler kissed her back and held her close, overwhelmed with joy.
*
It was eight o'clock at night a few days later that the phone rang. Chandler and Monica had called it an early night since Regina had seemed tired, and they were already in bed when the phone rang. Chandler reached out his hand to answer.
Monica only listened with half an ear to the conversation. She was still very tired, but a lot happier now than she had been earlier on. She and Chandler had visited a doctor the day before to check if she was pregnant and get her examined at the same time. She was busy dreaming away about the baby she knew she might be expecting.
She heard Chandler hang up the phone and waited for him to tell her who it was. When he said nothing she rolled over and snuggled up to him, asking him who it had been.
"Well, it was the doctor" Chandler said.
"Really?" Monica smiled and gave him a loving kiss on the cheek. "And what did the doctor have to say?"
*
Chandler stared on the white walls in the doctor's office, trying to swallow the anxiety that was like a lump in his throat. He had one arm around Monica, and he knew it was gripping her tight. He could feel her body next to him, but he couldn't look at her.
Monica was looking down at her hands. The doctor had given them a few minutes to let it sink in. But she knew she would need weeks, if not months to let it sink in. She was not pregnant at all. She was sick. Mortally ill. She had somehow gotten leukaemia, a disease that some people survived and others died from. She didn't even dare to think about which category she belonged to. She could feel Chandler's arm around her and somehow she got strength from it. And for some reason she started to wonder what he was thinking. It was a whole lot easier to concentrate on that than to get lost in her own thoughts.
Chandler took his eyes from the walls and looked directly at the doctor.
"Will she make it?" he asked straight out. He could feel Monica freeze. He knew it was mean to her to ask that in front of her, but he needed to know and he didn't want her to spend every day wondering either.
"I'd say the chances are about 70%…" the doctor said. Judging by the tone of his voice he might as well be speaking about the chances that they would get rain the next day. "The numbers do of course change a little depending on what sort of the disease we are talking about…"
"Doctor, will I die?" Monica asked, staring on the wall to her right.
"Hopefully not" the doctor said, flashing them what probably was meant to be an encouraging smile.
Monica didn't look at him. She stared into the wall and hoped she would wake up and find it all to be another nightmare.
*
"How are we going to tell HER?" Chandler said that evening when the two were sharing a bottle of wine on the couch. "I mean, how to you explain something like this to a person who's not even 1½ years old?"
Monica bit her lower lip.
"I can't believe this has happened…" she said. She looked up at him. "Chandler what if I never get to see Regina grow up? Seriously, that is my only wish, to get to see her grow up. What if I…" She drifted off and stared into her glass.
"You'll be around to see it" Chandler said.
Monica smiled slightly. She loved the way he'd said that in. He'd said it in a way that could actually make her believe he might be right. He'd said it as if it was obvious, not as if he was trying to encourage her.
"But still though…" Chandler said. "I mean, how are we going to tell her? We can't ignore that there's a small chance that you'll die. And I mean, 'mommy's going away for a while' would really screw her up in case…" He drifted off and smiled slightly. "Gosh, I can't even believe I'm thinking so… rationally about all of this. Or more correctly, PRACTICALLY."
"I guess that's one way of letting it sink in…" Monica mumbled. "You know, I have to admit that it's almost a relief to at least know why I've been so sick lately… I would have preferred a pregnancy, but at least now I don't have to wonder if I'm going insane."
"You know this is going to be tough." Chandler said. "Having cancer is no game. But on the other hand, you're going to be one of the lucky ones who survive. A year from now this is all going to be over."
Monica sighed and put her glass down on the coffee table. She took a look around.
"It's gonna be a long time before I see this apartment again… I mean, once I've been admitted to the hospital… I'm gonna miss it." She looked straight at Chandler. "I'm gonna miss YOU. And Regina…"
"I understand the apartment bit, but… Regina and I will be around. Don't think you can keep me away, and I think you and Regina both need to see each other…"
"I don't know sweetie…" Monica said. "I'm not sure I would want her to see me so sick."
"Mon, you can't just not see your daughter for several months! I don't think it's going to affect her. Actually it might be positive. It might show her that sick people deserve as much respect and are mostly as mentally normal as anyone else."
"I don't think a child of one year will be able to pick that up" Monica pointed out.
"I do. Wouldn't you miss her?"
"Desperately…" Monica said.
"Okay then…" Chandler said, putting his wine down. "Now come here, let's not worry about this anymore tonight. We can't do anything until tomorrow anyway, let's just go to bed and try to forget about it for now."
Monica nodded, and realized she was trembling. She was frightened to death, and it scared her that there was nothing she nor Chandler could do about her illness. Her life was pretty much in the hands of doctors, and she'd never trusted doctors too much.
Chandler pulled her into a hug and slowly rocked her back and forth, hoping she would stop trembling. He was scared too.
*
Monica held Regina in her arms and felt proud of herself for being able to keep the tears away. Phoebe was giving her a ride to the hospital, she would be there any minute. Joey, Ross and Rachel would come as well, but Chandler had decided to stay at home with Regina so she would have at least one parent at home. Ross's girlfriend Dana had offered to baby-sit, but in the end Chandler had chosen to stay at home. He would visit Monica the next day.
Chandler and Monica had just tried to explain to Regina what was going on, but it was very hard to even know if she'd understood them. But she at least seemed to sense that Monica was going away, she had been very mommy-sick all day long.
Chandler gave Monica a kiss on the cheek and stroke the hair from her face. Part of him wanted to go with her and help her feel better, but on the other hand she would have the other four there with her, and he didn't want to make Regina believe that both her parents were going away.
"Mon?" Phoebe said, entering. "Are you ready to go?"
Phoebe looked nervous, and she didn't really know what to say. She had no experience of what to say or do when one of her friends was seriously ill.
Monica and Chandler rose and Chandler took Regina as Monica walked to the door. Joey and Ross had come with Phoebe and they grabbed Monica's two bags while Ross told Monica that Rachel was waiting in the cab.
"Bye sweetie" Monica said, kissing her daughter on the cheek. "Mommy loves you." She gave Chandler a kiss as well and then she walked towards the door.
"Mommy!" Regina started to cry out. "Mommy!"
Chandler tried to calm her down, he knew she was upsetting Monica, but she wouldn't stop crying out for her mommy. Monica broke into tears and Phoebe grabbed her by the waist and led her out of the apartment, closing the door behind them.
Chandler walked back and forth in the apartment, shushing his daughter and telling her that mommy would be back soon. His cheeks were wet from both his own and Regina's tears.
*
Monica sighed and looked down on her hands that lay on the yellow quilt on her bed. She was very uncomfortable being in a hospital bed. To her hospital beds represented death, since so many people died in them.
Four of her friends were in the room with her. Her brother Ross was trying to figure out how to connect the TV to the VCR. Monica knew exactly how to do it, but she didn't feel like talking.
Joey was sitting in a chair next to her, pretending to be looking through the CDs on her nightstand that Chandler had told her to bring in case she got bored. Monica knew that Joey was as uncomfortable in a hospital bed as she was, but at least he wasn't in this one.
Rachel was hanging up her clothes in the small closet. She'd only brought one pair of jeans and one shirt except for what she had been wearing, plus socks and underwear, so there wasn't really too much to hang up. But Rachel seemed to want everything to hang in perfect order, and partly Monica appreciated it, since it showed her that Rachel knew that Monica would have made sure it was if she'd hung the clothes herself. But partly Monica couldn't care less about it at the moment. Who cared about weather or not her clothes hung straight or not? She sure didn't. Not when she had so much else to think of.
Phoebe was looking out the window, straightening the curtains and moving around the plastic plants. She seemed distant.
Monica looked up at them, and then back down again. She loved them all, and she was really thankful to have four so great friends who would be there for her. But she would have wanted them to be five. Five of her friends, six friends in total. The most important one wasn't there. She knew why he wasn't, and she knew it was better, but she missed him deeply. And she couldn't comprehend that for the first time in four years she would go to sleep without him. He wouldn't be there for her to say goodnight to.
She also missed Regina, although that was different. Missing her daughter was different from missing her husband, and somehow it was easier to bare. Regina was still so small that she didn't really comprehend what was going on, and unlike her five friends she hadn't been there by Monica's side for so many years. She had only lived for a little more than one. Monica tried not to think of how her daughter had cried out for her when she'd left. She knew Regina called everything mommy, it was the only noun in her vocabulary, but it didn't help to think of it like that since she'd known that her daughter had cried out for HER.
"You okay Mon?" Joey asked.
"Peachy, just peachy…" Monica said, trying to hide her emotions. She wasn't really afraid right now, she was mostly depressed.
'When I get out from here Regina will be saying a whole lot more nouns than just mommy…' she thought. 'She'll be a talking person. And she'll no longer be used to having me around in the regular life. If Chandler hires a nanny she'll probably see HER as mommy, or if he lets Phoebe or Rachel help him out…'
"You know, Chandler's gonna be here all the time" Phoebe said, guessing what Monica was thinking and almost being right since she'd thought about it earlier. She sat down on the bedside. "He needed to stay with Regina tonight, she would be so disoriented if he didn't, but he's gonna spend a lot of time here every other day."
"Only not as much as I'm used to spending with him" Monica pointed out. "He's got Gina to look after."
"So he'll bring her!" Ross said. "Come on Monica, he's probably going to stop by with her almost every day. You'll get to see both him and Regina every single day."
Monica smiled without being happy at all.
"Ross, she won't be here every day. Maybe at first, but when I get really sick she's not going to come here a lot. I don't want my daughter to have to see her mother in that state."
"So what if she does?" Phoebe asked. "She's a kid, she's probably mommy-sick. She'll be eager to see you."
Monica bit her lower lip and decided to let the subject go.
"Don't you worry Monica!" Rachel said, giving her a hug. "You'll be better soon and you'll be able to go home soon. The doctor even said you'd get to go home a few days in-between the treatments."
"I wish I was home" Monica whispered.
"I don't know if this makes you feel any better or not, but I can bet you a million dollars that your family would like you to be home too." Rachel said.
"You guys are my family too" Monica said.
"Not as much as the two at home" Phoebe said with a smile. "And you'll get to see them both tomorrow."
*
Chandler stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. It was way past midnight and he was tired, but not tired enough to sleep. Next to him his daughter slept, hugging her mommy's pillow. Chandler wished he was able to hug her mother.
He turned his head and looked at Regina, who was fast asleep with one thumb in her mouth. Her face was in a frown and her black hair that was just like her mothers, only a lot shorter, was spread out over the pillow, just like Monica's usually was. Chandler knew Regina had his smile, but when her face was serious she looked just like Monica. It was like having a little version of Monica sleeping next to him.
Chandler was thankful that he had her. He wanted a constant reminder of his wife, and who would be better than a living one? He found some amount of comfort in knowing that whatever happened with Monica's cancer he would never truly loose her. As long as Regina was around he would always have part of Monica alive and in his life.
Once she'd calmed down earlier during the night Regina had become very daddy-sick. It made Chandler feel nauseous, since it was as if she was afraid he would go somewhere too. He'd decided to let her sleep in his and Monica's bed instead of in her crib in the nursery, to make her feel better and also to comfort himself. He wasn't used to sleeping alone, hearing somebody else's breath in the darkness had become such a big part of his life that he needed to hear it to sleep.
Chandler closed his eyes and turned his head back so that he would see the ceiling if he opened them again.
'Mon, I wonder how you're doing…' he thought to himself, knowing that she was probably a lot worse than he was. 'Are you scared? Do you feel abandoned? You can't fall asleep either, can you?'
It was only the first night and already he missed her like crazy. For as long back as he could remember them together, she'd mostly snuggled up to him in the night. She always said his shoulder was her favourite pillow, and she would drape her arm across his chest in sort of a hug. It was her favourite way of falling asleep in. Chandler usually let her drift off before he rolled her over, since he still needed his sleeping space, but he sometimes found himself missing her. Those nights he would roll over to her again and wrap his arm around her waist, snuggling close to her and trying not to wake her up. This night he would give anything to have her head resting on his shoulder and her arm wrapped around his chest. And he knew he wouldn't roll her away but hold her close and breathe in the scent of her hair, knowing that his life was like a dream. A dream which might quickly turn into a nightmare if things went wrong.
'I'd give my all to have just one more night with you' he thought, remembering a song he'd never cared much for but that had been one of Rachel's favourites. 'I'd risk my life to feel your body next to mine, 'cause I can't go on living in the memory of our song. I'd give my all for your love tonight.'
*
Monica felt tired. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. It had been her first night in years sleeping alone in a room. But she managed to stay awake since she knew Chandler couldn't stay long. He was only stopping by on his way to work. He had about 10 minutes.
"So how was your night?" he asked.
"Yours was better" was all Monica said. Chandler gave her a crooked smile.
"I've got some news for you" he said.
"If it's bad news I'm gonna force them to give my first cell treatment to YOU instead of me" Monica threatened, but she knew her joke wasn't funny. Chandler only smiled at her crookedly, not commenting on her little threat.
"You know, Christmas is only about 5 weeks away."
"Wow that IS news" Monica said, slightly sarcastic.
"I talked to your doctor when I ran into him in the hallway just now, and he says you can come home over Christmas."
Monica's face lit up.
"This will all be over so soon?" she said, her voice filled with joy, relief and hope.
Chandler didn't dare to look at her. He hadn't seen her genuinely happy in a while and he didn't like having to make her sad again.
"No, not exactly…" he said, and looked up at her. Her smile faded and her shoulders slumped. "But see honey," Chandler continued, "they're planning on making a pause in the treatment around January, and I managed to get the doctor to move it up to December. So you'll be home for about 12 days or so."
Monica smiled, but only for Chandler's sake. She didn't want him to think she was ungrateful.
Chandler rose and kissed her on the forehead.
"I've gotta run" he said. "See you later!"
*
Monica woke up and noticed that the snow was falling outside her window. It was the second week of December, a little more than a week until she would get to go home for a while. And she couldn't wait.
Regina was in Chandler's lap, eying the falling snow with wide eyes. She didn't remember the last time it had snowed, since she'd only been around 6 months old then. Chandler was looking out the window as well, pointing at the snow and whispering to Regina.
Monica wondered when they had gotten here. She didn't know at what time she had fallen asleep. But each time she woke up and found Chandler there she was happy, especially if Regina was there too. There seemed to be someone present all the time with her these days. Once they had started her treatment her friends had made sure that there was always someone there with her so that she'd never have to feel lonely. But no matter how much she loved her friends it still couldn't compare to having her husband and daughter there.
"Hey…" she said, almost whispering.
Chandler turned his head and saw she was awake. He smiled slightly.
"Look who's awake, Regina!" he said and rose. He walked over to Monica's bed and sat down, handing Monica her daughter.
"Hi little one…" Monica said, hugging Regina. "I've missed you since the last time you were here…"
"Not as much as she's missed you" Chandler said with a smile. "You've never seen a mommy-sick child until you've seen Regina when she wants to see you."
Monica smiled and hugged her daughter again.
"Mommy" Regina said, and waved with her bunny.
"Careful now…" Chandler said. "You don't want to hit mommy in the face with the bunny."
"Come here Chandler…" Monica said and pulled him closer for a hug. "I've missed you too, you know."
"Good" Chandler said with a smile. "Because you should."
"I know" Monica said with a small laugh.
"So how do you feel?"
"Pretty bad… I threw up twice before I went to sleep…"
Chandler made a sad face and stroke her forehead.
"Hopefully you'll feel better at Christmas honey" he said. "When you're on a break from the treatment."
He picked Regina up and put her down on the floor. She started to walk around in the room, examining it from a child's eyes.
"She walks much better now…" Monica said, slightly melancholy. "I've only been here for about a month but I've still missed a lot."
"She's learned a new noun too" Chandler said.
"Which is it?"
Chandler smiled.
"Well I had hoped for a 'daddy', but actually it's 'sandwich'."
Monica laughed slightly.
"Joey's been babysitting?"
"Uh-hu."
Monica looked at her daughter and wondered how much else she would miss before she got out from the hospital.
"Does she say anything else?"
"Well, her amount of verbs has always been large… and this week she added 'play' and 'jump'."
"Play and jump…" Monica said, thoughtfully.
Chandler leaned in and kissed her on the mouth.
"Don't give me that melancholy look" he said. "You'll be out of here before you know it. And you're gonna get to hear her learn so many new words that you're gonna wish you were back to this stage."
Monica chuckled.
"And by the way…" Chandler continued. "Guess what Ross is getting you for Christmas."
"A new body?" Monica said sarcastically.
"Nope, pretty close."
"Pretty close?"
"Yeah. Whoa, wait a second!"
Chandler hurried out of his chair and chased after Regina, who had figured out what the knob on the door was for and decided to take a stroll in the corridor. He returned after a few seconds and sat down, this time with Regina in his arms.
"Okay, where was I?" he asked, then remembered. "Right. He's giving you some bone marrow. You know, for after the treatment. He turned out to be a match, luckily enough."
"Then I hope you'll get me something romantic…" Monica said with a slight smile. "Something I can be guaranteed to be able to use."
"Oh. So that means no male deodorant then."
Monica rolled her eyes at the lame joke.
So review please. Tell me what you think of it.