So I have had "One More Night" By Maroon5 and "We are Never Getting Back Together" By Taylor Swift on repeat for the past week. And they both are essentially the same story. And while I've been listening to them I've been writing my Niff story "Stole My Heart". So I've been thinking about Niff in the lyrics of these songs. And this is what came of it.
Disclaimer: I own not Nick, not Jeff and not "One More Night" by Maroon 5
One More Night
Did you do this?" I asked.
"Do what?" Jeff asked, not taking his eyes off of the TV.
"That!" I said pointing to the umbrella stand. It was a blue, nondescript object that matched absolutely nothing in our apartment, but my brother made it when he was in high school and he gave it to me the night before he shipped out to Afghanistan.
Six months later he was dead.
And I was looking at three different pieces of my umbrella stand.
"Oh yeah, I was carrying the laundry basket in earlier and tripped over it." He was still looking at the TV.
Everything turned red.
Because Jeff knew what that umbrella stand meant to me.
"And you just- you-"
Jeff finally turned to look at me. "What?" He asked.
"Seriously?" My voice was dangerously low.
"Nicky, what's wrong?" He stood up and started to walk towards me.
I held up my hands and took a step back. "Do not come near me."
"Nick, what the hell is your problem!"
"You broke," I said pointing my finger at him. "You broke my umbrella stand and you are just sitting there, watching TV?!"
"Nick I seriously don't understand why you care so much about," He looked over at the pieces. "This stupid, ugly umbr-" His eyes widened and he snapped his head back to look at me. "Oh fuck. Fuck Nicky, baby-" He took a step in my direction. I shook my head and he stopped. "Baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"Just- just give me some time to calm down." I whispered. I walked passed him, reaching onto the bookcase to grab the pack of cigarettes Jeff always kept there. I climbed out onto the fire escape and shook one out.
I lit it up.
…
"Nick," I said, standing by the window. He didn't respond.
"It was an accident," I said lamely.
"I know." He said.
"I'm sorry," I told him.
"I know."
"Then why are you still sitting out there?" I ran my hand through my hair.
He scooted around so that he could look at me. "I'm not mad that you broke it." He sighed. "I mean, I was, when I first saw it. But I get that it was an accident, that's okay."
"So what are you mad at?"
"I am mad." He flicked the cigarette over the railing. "No, I am fucking pissed that you forgot what it meant to me."
"Nick," I said softly.
"It was the first personal thing that I told you about myself. It was the most personal thing that I told you about myself. I showed you this vulnerable part of me, and I have never let anybody else see that part of me." He put his attention on the cigarette box as he pulled out another. He twisted the tube in his fingers. "I feel like- like that doesn't matter to you, Jeff."
"Nick," I said, willing him to look at me. "You are my whole world."
…
You and I go hard at each other like we're going to war
You and I get rough we keep throwing things and slamming the door.
You and I get so damn dysfunctional we start keeping score
You and I get sick and I know that we can't do this no more
…
I covered my eyes. "Jeff," I yelled. "Are you serious right now? I was not flirting!"
"Yes you were Nick! Right in front me!" Jeff screamed.
"This is ridiculous! I'm so sick of you making all of these accusations!" I pushed my hair out of my face. "You need to fucking trust me!"
"Trust you?" Jeff asked incredulous.
"The jealous boyfriend bit is getting old." I told him. "It so not sexy anymore! It's just fucking annoying! We have been doing this for the past year and I have not flirted with a single guy but you!"
"The jealous boyfriend bit?" Jeff exclaimed. "Are you fucking serious?"
"Yes! This is fucking exhausting, Jeff." I pointed at myself. "I don't know how much more of this I can take."
"How much more of what?" Jeff demanded.
"Of you picking fights with me over nothing. Of you claiming that I'm not faithful to you." I sighed. "Don't you think we deserve better than that?"
"Better than you flirting with someone else every time we go out, you mean?"
"Oh my god Jeff!" I screamed. "This is exactly what I mean! I can't take this anymore! I'm done!" I grabbed my jacket off of the couch and marched to the door.
"Don't walk away from me Nick!" Jeff yelled. I ignored him.
I felt something wizz past my ear and a water glass shattered against the wall in front of me.
I turned around, mouth hanging open and glared a Jeff. "Don't walk away from me," He repeated.
"Fuck you," I said. I turned back around and walked out the door, slamming it behind me.
…
…
I was sitting on the fire escape, lighting up yet another cigarette when I heard the door open and close.
"Jeff?" He called out.
I took a drag, not responding.
"Babe?"
I let out a chuckle, watching the smoke curl in front of my face.
"Jeff?" He called again. I heard him enter the room behind me. His footsteps quieted as he reached the rug in the center of the room. I heard him sigh. "Jeff, baby, come in here," He said quietly.
I let out my own sigh and flicked the cigarette over the railing. I climbed back in through the window and straightened up, looking at him, the half empty pack dangling in my hand.
"You only smoke when you're angry." He said.
I nodded. "Angry I am."
"At what?"
I leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling. "At you."
I heard Nick sigh again. "For walking out, or for 'flirting'?"
"God, Nick," I said looking at him. "It's that fucking tone that I'm mad at!"
"My tone?"
"The tone that implies you think I'm full of shit!"
"Well Jeff, I do." He said. "We have been together for more than a year." He took a step closer. "I love you Jeff, do you even know what that means? I love you! That means that the only person my eyes are on is you! The only lips I want to kiss are yours, and the only guy," He took another step. "That I want inside of me," Another step. "The only guy that I want to make me writhe," He dropped his voice, taking one last step. "That I want to make me moan," He placed his hands on my chest. "Is you."
I stayed quiet. My eyes staring at the wall behind Nick.
He said nothing else, just stood there, his eyes on me, waiting for me to look at him. When I finally did he said: "I don't want to be with anybody but you Jeff. Now could you please admit that you were wrong so we can get naked?"
But baby there you go again, there you go again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
I chewed on my lip for a moment, thinking. I tossed my cigarettes on the coffee table and reached up grabbing his face. I looked down into his eyes for a second, then I kissed him.
…
As Jeff kissed me, his fingers tangling in to my hair, my hands curling around fistfuls of his shirt, I reminded myself that this was it, this was the last time. Tomorrow I was walking away and I was walking away for good.
I kissed him, ignoring the burn in my eyes as I accepted this as a goodbye kiss. One more night and I was done.
But a nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me that this wasn't the first time I had promised myself that.
And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid crawling back to you
So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that I'll only stay with you one more night
And I know I said it a million times
But I'll only stay with you one more night
I moved my hand down and started pushing Jeff's shirt up, up, up and off.
I kissed down his neck and sucked on the spot where I could feel his pulse.
"Nick," Jeff moaned.
One more night, I repeated to myself.
I took one last look at Jeff's sleeping body, admiring the way that the rising sun fell across his face and lighting up a halo around his head.
I leaned over and kissed his forehead before getting out of bed and getting dressed.
"Hey," Jeff said sleepily. I jumped and turned to face him. "Where are you going?" He asked. "Come back to bed." He rubbed his eyes the way someone does when they wake up and I grinned at him.
"Hey," I whispered.
Jeff hoisted himself up onto his elbows. "What's wrong?" He said. "You're nervous."
"Nothing," I said. I sat down on the bed, placing my hand on his stomach.
"Seriously Nick," He said. He sat up reaching his hand out to my cheek. "I can tell something is up with you."
"It's nothing." I whispered. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. "What do you want to do today?"
"This," He said with a grin. And he kissed me again, but more passionately, with his tongue in my mouth and his hand playing with the button on my jeans.
And I kissed him back thinking, this is the goodbye kiss.
"Nick," Jeff said breathing heavy. "Nick I love you."
I jerked myself back.
"What? What's wrong?"
"That's," My eyes were prickling as the got teary. "Jeff, that's the first time that you said that. That you said that you love me."
I searched his eyes, looking to see if he was telling the truth.
He was.
"I love you Nicholas Duval," Jeff whispered. "I love you so much, that it- it scares me." He reached up and brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes.
I threw myself forward, attaching our lips and pushing him back on the bed.
One more night.
Trying to tell you no, but my body keeps on telling you yes
Trying to tell you stop, but your lips they got me so out of breath
I'll be waking up, in the morning probably hating myself
And I'll be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell