Yumichika honestly didn't have a clue where this ridiculous idea came from. Really, where the shinigami of Seireitei idiots or something? Because everyone seemed to get it wrong. Everyone! He would have gotten a sign to save time, but it would have ruined his beautiful profile.
This was the third one this week, though, and the idea of the sign was growing on him. Which was uglier, the sign, or the waste of time? The 11th division member sighed as the dejected boy stumbled away. The Academy must have just graduated a new class for there to be this many.
"Heads up, Yumi," Ikkaku muttered into his drink beside the beautiful fifth seat. "Here comes another one."
The feathered man didn't look up from his own drink. "Is that so?" he sighed. "This is ridiculous."
His bald companion chuckled. "That sign looking better?"
Yumichica didn't get a chance to reply, since a suave-looking young man slid into his view, sitting on the empty barstool next to the 'beautiful' man.
"Hey, good-lookin,'" the new shinigami cooed. "How're you tonight."
Great, Yumichika sighed in his head. A playboy. He hated the playboys. They could barely flirt, let alone fight, and they thought rejection was playing 'hard-to-get'. Although, it was fun to watch them cry when they did realize they were being rejected like last year's garbage. Turning to the wannabe-Casanova, the Soul Society's Queen of Beauty said in an unmistakably male voice, "No."
The wannabe-lover-boy looked stunned for a second, then shook it off. "Really, honey, you don't have to be like that, it's ok, I mean, they let you dress like that, why not let you have a little fun how you want?"
Ikkaku snorted into his drink. "Like they could stop him," he muttered. "If he wanted."
This subtle hint was lost on the Stud-failure. "C'mon, we can," he leaned closer to Yumichika, and whispered something into the other man's ear.
Who promptly smashed his drink on the head of the unlucky shinigami. "Enough!" he yelled. "Why does everybody think I'm gay! Honestly!"
"Here we go again with the speech," Ikkaku muttered into his drink. Peering at his beverage, he noted it was empty. He tried to coax the bartender over to his corner while his friend gave his 'speech' for the fourth time in a week.
"While I acknowledge the beauty of symmetry," Yumichika fumed, "I am not a participant! Really! What gives you that idea? What? Do I look like I'm interested? Do I? Do you people use your eyes? I only have feathers on one side of my face! One! That is not symmetry!"
Ikkaku couldn't even get the bartender to raise his head above the counter, much less pour him a drink. He groaned. Yumi's speech could go on for hours if he fealt like it, and Ikkaku wanted that drink NOW. "Just get a damn recorder, Yumi," he snapped at his friend, disturbing the flow of rightfully angry words. "You know, one of those human thingies. Then you could tape this damn speech, and I could get my drink. Besides, I think this fucker's passed out."
The rampaging pretty-man looked at his target for the first time since his informative speech had begun. Ikkaku was indeed correct. The pathetic man had passed out already. For a moment, Yumichika considered moving him, however, he decided as he went back to his seat, smiling encouragingly at the cautious barkeep, the fool made an attractive warning sign, for now.
A/N: I don't really have an excuse for this. The idea of Yumichika always yelling at guys who are flirting with him just makes me crack up, and we don't know if he actually IS gay or not. He could be asexual for all we know. Not that I mind people making him gay, I just think it's funny to put him in that situation, so no hatin'.
And, to give credit where credit is due: the idea of 'the beauty of symmetry' is something I got from Ouron High School Host Club's Hitachiin Twins. They prefer the idea of, you guessed it, 'the beauty of symmetry' when it comes to gay relationships. At least, that's what they said. Or, what I thought they said. Don't quote me on that. In any case, that's where I got the idea, so back off! And I can totally see Yumichika using that phrase.
Disclaimer: I, Tite Kubo, owner of Bleach, am NOT using my time to think up stories that actually get me money. I'm using it to make weird little oneshots in English on a FANFICTION site.
If you think that was the truth, I pity you. Deeply.