Hey Arnold! does not belong to me, although it should. This story is better than almost anything the writers developed and far better than nearly every story on this entire site. A true work of genius. It should be required reading for anyone attempting to write a fanfiction. Read and learn.
It took years of planning, daydreaming, and hoping. Ever since she was a little girl, Helga only wanted one thing, one person. She didn't desire paternal affection; she never wanted anything completely out of her grasp. She only wanted Arnold. In the past, she tried bullying him, being nice to him, ruining his dates, spying on him, and she even tried to tell him how she felt. None of it worked. But Helga finally found what she was looking for. A plan, one that would not fail. One that could not fail. A way to reach Arnold's heart, give her courage to express herself, and finally live the life she longed for. And there was only one way. She would grow a beard.
Her plan did not involve gypsy potions or therapy. She didn't need testosterone shots or to bully Phoebe. Helga only needed Bob's hair tonic. He used it to avoid a comb over. She saw it and knew it was the break she was waiting for.
On the night she slapped it onto her cheeks, she looked into the mirror and saw only her nine-year old face staring back. No beard, just a unibrow. She was nervous; maybe it wouldn't grow. Maybe beards needed love and attention to grow; she wasn't sure she could give any of those things to her upcoming beard. Or maybe she could. Either way, she had to be at school bright and early the next morning, and she knew it better be grown by then if this week's plan was to work. She looked in the mirror, but only saw her face, shiny and wet with tonic. She went to bed, dreaming of a beard. It has to grow, she thought.