Clint sat in bed, leaning against the headboard, and watched as Phil puttered about the room getting ready to join him. Brow furrowed, he noted with concern how quiet Phil was, and had been since getting home earlier that evening. They'd been apart for too long and were looking forward to some much needed time together, but something was weighing on Phil and Clint didn't know what to do.
He knew that the SHIELD psychologists were always telling the agents that they should learn to talk about their feelings and experiences, at least those that they were allowed to share. The nature of their work was secretive though, and it just became a habit for most of them to keep those kinds of things to themselves. They saw so many bad things happen on a daily basis, it seemed better to just ignore it all once you were at home. He and Phil had been working on communicating better, but Clint knew that sometimes bringing it up just made things worse.
Phil walked over to his side of the bed and slid in slowly, groaning a bit at some soreness left over from his mission.
"Rough day?" Clint asked gently, knowing that Phil might not want or be able to discuss where he'd been or what had happened. They rarely talked about missions they weren't on together, just to keep things simple.
"Yeah, you could say that" Phil replied with a smile, but Clint could see that it didn't reach his eyes.
"You're ok though, right? You would tell me if something had happened?"
"Of course" Phil said, leaning over and kissing Clint softly. "It was business as usual; taken hostage and knocked around a little…you know how it goes. Had a close call with two guys on the team too, but everything worked out just fine."
Clint bit his lip, debating whether to say what he was thinking. Finally, worry won out, "Have you thought about not going out in the field as often?"
Phil just looked at him and raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not saying you should stop" Clint said, "It's just that at a certain point, it would make sense –"
"Are you saying I'm too old?" Phil asked.
"No! It's not that…"
"Then what?"
"I just worry" Clint sighed. "I almost lost you – did lose you – for a while and I don't want that to happen again. You've said before that you feel different. Maybe it's a sign that it's time to slow down. Not quit, just change. We all have to sometime."
Phil sat quietly for a moment, thinking over Clint's words.
"Maybe" he said quietly, turning away and lying down.
Clint shut off the bedside lamp and scooted down to curl up next to Phil, wrapping his arm around the older man's waist and holding him close. Minutes went by in silence and Clint thought that maybe Phil had fallen asleep.
"What would I do without my work" Phil voice floated from the darkness. Even though he tried to hide it, Clint could hear the sadness in his voice. "I don't know that I even know who I am without SHIELD."
"You have a long time before that happens" Clint said squeezing him tight and trying to comfort him. "And when the time comes, I know who you are. You're so much more than just a government agent. You're smart, kind, loyal, brave," he said, punctuating each quality with a kiss to Phil's neck. "And I can think of a number of things we could do with all the extra free time" he continued, letting his hand move slowly down Phil's side in invitation.
Phil turned towards him, holding Clint's face gently in his hands and kissing him deeply. "I love you, you know that?"
"I love you too." And Clint knew that even though it might be hard, they would weather whatever changes would come. They'd be alright.