Cold...she had never felt so cold. She wasn't conscious but could feel the penetrating, cruel tendrils of cold sucking the warmth from her body creating numbness & pain all at the same time. She felt unbelievably drained, bone weary. She just wanted to let go, to have the pain go away, to be warm again, to not have to worry about insurmountable problems. Tears escaped from the corners of her eyes running down her cheeks, the only warmth there was and soon that would be gone too. She would be gone. Gone from Chesters Mill, gone from the Dome, gone from life.
Then she felt something else. Regret. Regret that she would never see Barbie again. "God I love him." she felt the thought pound her brain, felt it in her heart. "It hurts so much, the cold, the pain the absence of...him." She struggled toward something but wasn't sure if it was toward life or the opposite. It hurt to struggle. "If I just lay here and don't feel anything, maybe the hurt will go away. The pain, the cold. It's too hard."
She started to drift but Barbie wouldn't go away...her unconscious thoughts kept clinging to him. He was her Stray. H e always had her back even when she rejected him. He was her lover – tender, giving, always aware of her needs, always willing to play by her rules. Words, memories came unbidden. "It hurts, hurts so much knowing that's gone. Stop thinking...just stop!"
But she couldn't. She remembered the promise he made. She could hear the words. "Julia, I want you in my life...that's a promise I can keep." Tears were burning her eyes but the cold over-rode everything. It was too much, it was not enough. She tried to move – couldn't. Tried to give up – couldn't. "Helpless." She felt her body shudder.
"Barbie! Where are you?" Her mind screamed the words but there was no one. He saved her so many times – where was he now. It was too late. The cold was biting into her, freezing her very being. She felt as though she might shatter into a million pieces. It didn't matter – she didn't care. It was too late.
From a distance she heard something – barely. "It can't be a voice. If it is, then I'm hallucinating. There isn't anyone here. I'm alone – dying." Then she felt warmth on her face – warm breath. And words...words she wanted to believe but didn't dare because they couldn't be real. "Julia, I came back for you, come back for me. Come back."
She felt a body next to her, felt arms pull her close. She began to feel less cold. She felt lips against her forehead, against each one of her eyelids. The warm breath felt so good. It had a wonderfully familiar scent...Barbie's scent. She felt the barest touch of his lips to hers and heard a whisper of words. "I love you Julia – don't you dare leave me. Come back."
She tried to open her eyes, felt her eyelids flutter but was so afraid this wasn't real and she would wake up to nothing. She felt the body next to her pull her even closer, felt a hand reach under her hair to gently caress her neck. She heard a soft whisper, filled with pain and longing and love. "Julia"
Slowly her eyes tried to obey her command to open. Slowly she tried to pull herself away from the abyss that was trying to consume her. She cried out softly as finally, finally her eyes opened and instead of darkness, there was a faint glow of light and there was a body next to her, a body that she would know anywhere, holding her close. It wasn't a hallucination, it was Barbie.
She felt him pull away to look into her eyes. His hand moved to cup her face gently. His voice a raw whisper trembled as if speaking would undo this miracle. "Oh my God, Julia. I thought I lost you. You came back." She felt his lips brush softly against each corner of her mouth and then to her forehead. She heard his voice like a mantra, saying her name over and over again.
She took in a deep breath, the first one in recent memory that did not feel like ice picks cutting into her chest. She felt his warmth battle and begin to vanquish the cold that had tried to steal her very existence. She moved her arm so her hand was pressed against his chest, feeling the beat of his heart. "I had to come back. I love you and I'll always come back and if I don't, I know you'll find me."
She felt him take a ragged breath, felt his lips claim hers in a gentle kiss and then barely heard him say. ..."Julia, I will always, always find you. I promise."