This might have been done before by people more talented than me. But oh well! I noticed this a few months ago when I was re-reading the Harry Potter series. Having read the last book, this passage's meaning really hit me, because I had forgotten all about it. Some of my fanfic is taken directly from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, chapter 8.
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So this was "Tonks'" new Patronus. An immense four-legged dog - or wolf rather - gracefully stalked up to Severus Snape. How pathetic. It opened its mouth and spoke in Tonks' voice.
"I have Harry Potter at the gate."
So once again Harry Potter could not seem to follow simple orders. Of course, the world would stop for him. It doesn't matter that both he, Severus, and Tonks had other things to do this evening than hold Potter's hand and walk him up to castle. It doesn't matter that he was the only student who didn't take care to get off the train and get to the carriages in a timely manner, because he's "the Chosen One."
It was pitch black. He approached the gate and saw only Tonks. Of course, Potter would be under his father's cloak, because he just loved to show it off. The Dark Lord wasn't going to drop out of the sky here. As he got closer, Potter predictably pulled off his cloak, extreme dislike etched on his face. Not only was he late, he was not wearing his school robes. Never mind that he had been on the train since 11:00 AM and the sun had long since set.
"Well, well, well," Severus sneered, taking out his wand and tapping the padlock once, so that the chains snaked backward and the gates creaked open. "Nice of you to turn up, Potter, although you evidently decided that the wearing of school robes would detract from your appearance."
The excuses predictably began, but Severus wasn't going to hear it. Potter was not new to the starting school procedure. "I couldn't change, I didn't have my -"
"There is no need to wait, Nymphadora, Potter is quite - ah - safe in my hands."
"I meant Hagrid to get the message," said Tonks, frowning, with dislike also showing on her face.
"Hagrid was late for the start-of-term feast, just like Potter here, so I took it instead. And incidentally," said Severus, standing back to allow Potter to pass him, "I was interested to see your new Patronus."
He shut the gates in her face with a loud clang and tapped the chains with his wand again, so that they slithered, clinking, back into place.
"I think you were better off with the old one," said Severus, the malice in his voice unmistakable. "The new one looks weak."
At this moment, the shocked and angry Tonks thought he was an heartless bastard. Potter thought he was just an asshole. It was only Severus that knew his malice was directed toward himself.
It had been his seventh year, his worst year at Hogwarts yet. It was at the end of that year, thankfully. It was early June and it was beautiful at the time, not that Severus could see it now.
They had been working on Patronuses for months now. This was the test. Their Defense Against the Darks Arts teacher, Professor Brockhoff, had insisted that there be an end-of-the-year test on the Patronus Charm that was separate from the N.E.W.T. tests. The test was simple. Each student would be given three chances to produce a successful, corporal Patronus.
Severus thought he would fail this test. As he looked at James Potter and Lily sitting close together in the corner of the classroom, he remembered just why he was having such a difficult time producing a true Patronus. How on earth was he supposed to be happy when the only real friend he ever had was gone?
Severus thought of Lily every time he practiced the spell. He mostly thought of when they were small children, before Hogwarts... before they were Sorted as a Gryffindor and a Slytherin. That had been the first wedge pushed between them. He got wisps of light from his wand, but nothing defined. A corporal Patronus was a well-defined animal, but Severus had never seen the glimpse of any animal from his silver wisps.
Everyone who went before Severus was successful. He watched as Potter took his turn with loathing.
"Expecto Patronum!" A silver stag instantly burst from his wand at Potter's first attempt. It cantered around the room, looking confident and impressive.
"Excellent, Mr. Potter!" Professor Brockhoff boomed. "A stag - very impressive! That's twenty points for Gryffindor."
Potter looked smug as the class applauded. Lily beamed at him. Severus turned his face away from the nauseating scene.
Black hit Potter on the back when he sat down. Lily volunteered next by standing.
"Come on up, then, Ms. Evans."
The class quieted as Lily concentrated. Severus knew she was nervous. She had always had a slight shy quality about her.
"Expecto Patronum!" A light burst from her wand and died. Lily swayed a bit, looking discouraged.
"No matter, no matter," Professor Brockhoff soothed, "give it another try."
Lily concentrated again. She squeezed her eyes tight. Severus knew she was not, of course, thinking of him.
"Expecto Patronum!" She was successful this time. A silver doe burst from her wand tip. It fell to the floor and trotted lightly across the floor as the class cheered for her. It turned her head and seemed to look at Severus. Then it disappeared.
"Well done, well done, Lily!" Professor Brockhoff said and Lily grinned even wider as she went to resume her seat beside Potter. "That's another twenty points for Gryffindor."
Severus looked away from her now, not able to look at her next to Potter. He didn't want to be the only person to be unable to produce a Patronus.
The rest of the class volunteered. Each time it took longer for someone to volunteer. Finally, Severus was the last.
"All right, Severus, all right. Don't be nervous. I know you have had difficulty with this charm, but remember, as I told everyone at the beginning of this class, a Patronus is an immensely difficult feat. Many great wizards have struggled with it. You are unquestionably one of the best students in your year. It's just one charm."
That's great. Apparently Professor Brockhoff thought he was in some sort of delicate condition. He wasn't weak. He would not let failure at this one thing bother him. He could practically feel Potter smirking behind him, but he blocked the image out immediately.
He let Lily fill his every thought. He thought of her when he first saw her on a summer's day back when they were nine. He thought of how the Evans' home had felt like the home he had never had with his parents. He thought of Lily's green eyes and how bright they were when she smiled or laughed. He thought of how Lily would look at him with wonder, wide-eyed, when he talked of the Wizarding world. He remembered the first time she held his hand. They had been so young then, so young. Severus did not know how long he stood there, remembering Lily.
When he said, "Expecto Patronum," he did not shout it like everyone else had. He said it softly.
An animal burst from his wand. He was so surprised he almost dropped it, for he had half-forgotten what he was doing. It took him a moment to realize it was a doe, perfectly identical to Lily's. It walked softly at the front of the room and then faded away.
"Excellent, Severus, excellent! I knew you could do it in the end! Twenty points for Slytherin!"
He took no note of the unenthusiastic, scattered applause as he took his seat. He folded his arms and stared at his desk.
Potter was giving him an annoyed look, he knew it. He did not have to turn to look to confirm it. Lily, he was sure, was looking faintly surprised... perhaps a little regretful.
"Sir, what makes Patronuses look alike?" someone, Severus did not care who, asked.
"Ah," Professor Brockhoff said. He paused. "Well, Patronuses are a mystery, Shelley. Quite a mystery, just like most branches of magic. But never mind, never mind, well done, everyone! An entire class capable of producing a corporal Patronus! I could not be prouder of you all."
As the class shuffled out some minutes later, Severus remained still in his seat. He did not want to have to meet Potter's - or Lily's - gaze ever again. It was not until the door had closed behind everyone else did Severus collect his bag to leave.
"Severus, you know why I did not answer Ms. Smith, don't you?"
"Yes, sir," Severus bit out. With that, he left. He did not look at anyone in the hallway. He hated himself for being so weak, and he always would.
End Note: The title of this was inspired by the lyrics of "Souvenirs" by Switchfoot. It's absolutely *perfect* for Severus and Lily.
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