Kisses
By: K-promises-fall
Disclaimer: I do not own Mai HiME. ... Regrettably.
---Begin
When Natsuki first kissed Shizuru, it had, she thought, been the best move of her life and a moment she would love to forget. A kiss after a heated battle should carry with it feelings made exposed and raw from what intense battles lay before it. Natsuki felt that the kiss she shared with Shizuru at that one time was flat. She would not take it back –not ever – though it had been completely platonic in every sense of the word, and had only been used as a way to get Shizuru to really focus on her – her and not some built up image of her that Shizuru chased after in her frayed mind. It had been the perfect thing to do in that situation, and she would never take it back because it had brought Shizuru back to her. It had started the process of making things right.
But the kiss, whatever wonders it had made with Shizuru, had been a disturbing moment for Natsuki herself. Not because she was kissing a girl. Not because she was kissing a girl she did not, and did not think she ever could love beyond the strong friendship they had spent so long building. Not because this very same girl had betrayed her trust. Not because she had killed, or had been willing to damn the world in order to keep Natsuki alive, and certainly not because the same girl had lost her mind in an episode of great emotional stress; feeling things Natsuki at one time would have been perfectly fine not knowing of.
For Natsuki, the kiss had been clouded. It had been unclear. Kisses should reveal things about persons, shouldn't they? Whether it was to others or the person themself, it should have drawn some sort of reaction from her, shouldn't it? Instead, what she had gotten were a few twinges of feeling lost in a fog of complete blankness. A blankness that hid Natsuki from herself as effectively as a sheet placed over a mirror.
1. Who had placed that sheet there?
And the answer:
Who else but Natsuki herself could have?
The second time Natsuki kissed Shizuru, there had been no reason as righteous as the first. In fact, there had been no righteous reason at all. She had been helping Shizuru pack her things in neat, labelled boxes. It had been a hot day and Shizuru had opted for a glass of pink lemonade instead of her usual tea. Shizuru had looked so... earthly then. Her forehead dotted with fine beads of sweat, clad in only a plain sleeveless shirt and dark coloured shorts; her usually free hair in a messy bun, drinking lemonade of a colour that spoke volumes of how artificial it was... And when Shizuru had turned to say something – to thank her for spending practically the entire day helping her most likely – Natsuki had kissed her. Slowly.
It had lasted for maybe 20 seconds, which probably meant it had been 15 seconds long in normal time. Natsuki had not tried to shove her tongue down Shizuru's throat like she had once caught Tate doing with Mai, or involved her hands in anything more than gently cupping Shizuru's cheeks, a stark contrast from the wondering hands she had seen Nao allow during her after-school activities. This kiss had been startlingly clearer than the first. Perhaps because Natsuki better understood where Shizuru stood in her life, perhaps because the earlier covering had been a result of her mission oriented mind, which had focused on bringing Shizuru back and not simply feeling.
Feeling what? Whatever it was she would have felt at the time had the sheet not been there.
The second kiss had brought about another welcomed (and unwelcomed) change in Shizuru. The tension that had surrounded them after the carnival had seemed to melt at that point, and continued to melt in their further meetings and conversations until no tension was left at all. Until even what flickering separations had been there before the mess of the carnival had seemed gone. Shizuru's teases meant more now, but they also meant less.
2. Less of what?
And the answer:
Less explosions of embarrassed annoyance.
Less moments when Natsuki wished Shizuru would act more like her former position entitled.
The third kiss had blown Natsuki away. Time had passed, obviously, but Natsuki had been mostly surprised by it, mostly enraptured in it, and not very stunned at her response to it. For if one is kissed so passionately by someone they feel for, what else is it but natural to kiss back?
It didn't help that Shizuru had seemed so afraid at the start of it.
3. Why does the reflection in the mirror look so different from what I am?
And the answer:
Because you have grown.
Because you have changed.
And because you did not even realise it.
The tenth kiss had been lost in the seventh, which lay somewhere between the ninth and the fifth, which had been moulded from the fourth like wet wax under experienced fingers. The half and quarter kisses littered amongst them didn't help much with her counting. Neither did the fact that the entire thing had seemed to stretch on forever, lingering on her lips even after they had long stopped to simply gaze at each other.
4. Why does it seem so natural now?
And the answer:
Because it was supposed to.
Because seeing the mirror wasn't so important anymore.
Because it was with Shizuru.
And because their relationship had always been natural, even when they had tried to get the other to submit to their desires.
Natsuki stopped counting somewhere between 40 and 67. It had probably been sooner than 67, but Natsuki had once again been kissing Shizuru when the number had randomly popped into her head and made her smile.
And Shizuru had smiled back.
5. ...
There is no need of an answer.
6. Now, counting kisses didn't matter.
So what did?
What mattered was that there were kisses and feelings, and emotions that bubbled into smiles and laughs and teases and sighs of frustration and bemusement.
What mattered was what would result from those kisses.
What mattered was where the first kiss had lead them and what each new kiss showed them.
What mattered was the love they shared. A love that held deep friendship, romance and appreciation all in one. A love that was full of unexplored wonders.
What mattered was that Natsuki could wake up each day to more than kisses.
What mattered was that Natsuki could wake up each day to Shizuru. And that was infinitely better than any of the other little bonuses those kisses had.
--- End
Omg... I wrote a decent romance ficlet. Gasp.
So why did I write it?
Simple! Because I can not write romance and this idea just popped into my head (even though its an overdone theme). And it came out surprisingly well. Maybe it's because it's shorter than my other attempts... or the music I'm listening to. XD
Feel free to leave a comment/review.
Later,
~K-promises-fall.