Cry until you have no tears left to cry, because I hope that in the end, you'll smile without fail"

His life has no purpose, no meaning. He didn't need to live, he didn't want to live. He failed everyone including the one whom gave him a dream before he could even stand. His brown eyes that was used to be full of life and happiness is no longer there. It disappeared and was replaced by a dull and lifeless ones. The broad smile that made he used to make everyday was gone. Now it's just this brittle smile he uses to assure his friends he's okay. However he isn't okay. He was breaking and screaming from the inside. The world he once cherished became monochrome. Not even the light hitting his pale skin was enough to bright his world, nothing is. His black hair was bushy and looked like it hasn't been brushed for a decade. His body seeking warmth from the futon as he sits on the bed. He tucked his head onto his knees ignoring everything else. Multiple bangs was heard on the front door. He yawned aggressively before closing eyes, drowning into his thoughts.

"Somebody help me"

The bangs disappeared, approached by a creak from the door and a greet from his mother. Yuuri Katsuki wondered who it was and why they're here, and frankly he didn't care. The sound of footsteps became louder every second passed by. He tried ignore it. His heart was beating rapidly and his lower lip shivering slightly. Anxiety took control on his body. He was stressing over some noises.

"Katsuki, it's Ayumi!" A familiar female voice said, banging the door in a repeatedly manner. Yuuri sighed heavily before putting his feet on the blue sandals that was lying on the ground next to the bed. He was practically stomping with his feet wearing a glowering face. He fluidly open door, the wind blowing past him and the light from the house hitting his eyes. It was exaggeratedly painful as he made a hissing sound. The girl standing in front of him was one of his only friends, Ayumi Saitou. She had flowing black hair that reached the back and black eyes. Her makeup was easy to notice and expensive clothes. The first thing Yuuri noticed is that she looked really thin, her bones on her neck became slightly visible. Despite her foundation covering her face, it looked she had a few pores on her left cheek. Her eyes was surrounded by a huge amount of mascara and eyeshadow looked extremely tired. The clothes she wore was not the one she used to wear a few years ago. She wore knee-length white leather jacket and a crop topped white shirt saying 'Bless this world' and black ripped jeans.

"Where have you been the last few days?!" She asks screaming making Yuuri jump on her sudden outburst. Social anxiety, that's why. He hated go to school. It isn't because the long hours of the teacher blabbering unnecessary stuff or the horrible food at the cafeteria, it's because of the students. The students that keeps tormenting him when they got the chance. Not only with their clenched fists but also with their hurtful words. Yuuri remembers every one of them because the words are stitched into his heart.

"I-I had a fever" Yuuri muttered quietly making only Ayumi hear his pitiful lie. Yuuri felt a pang in his chest whenever he lied to one of his friends, Phichit Chulanont and Ayumi Saitou that is. He didn't want to make his friends worry more then they are. His hand still on the doorknob.

"The teacher isn't going to take the same excuse over and over again," Ayumi informed him. Yuuri was rarely in school and sometimes he would've ask one of few friends to say to the teachers he was sick. Ayumi shook her head, a few strands of her hair between her eyes. She crossed her arms and gave him an annoyed huff.

"If you don't come to school soon, you might retake this semester in the summer" She added, tilting her head on the side. Her hair falling down on her shoulder. Yuuri was seventeen turning eighteen in November which is in eight months. He is technically a senior but his looks didn't act like one.

"I-I'll change, give me a minute" Yuuri stuttered which Ayumi gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder.

It took nearly half an hour for Yuuri to change and he didn't even bother to look decent. He wore an oversized grey hoodie and green baggy pants. Yuuri hated wearing tight clothes ever since that day. It showed his excessive weight on the stomach and the behind. He tried to brush his bushy hair. Every strand of the hair returning to their original state they once were, the short and messy kind. He takes the half-rimmed blue glasses out of the nightstand and puts it He glanced at the mirror one last time before getting out the room. He noticed he had a few bags under his eyes due to sleep deprivation, he didn't mind though.

He went down the wooden stairs not bothering to look what's in front of him. His eyes looked down to avoid unnecessary glares and stares. Yuuri went to entrance to see his parents looking happy with his brown school bag on their hands. Yuuri couldn't help but give them a smile, although it looked really dead. He took them and bowed before walking out the white door. He walking down the path to see Ayumi standing staring at her phone doleful. She didn't notice that Yuuri was approaching her until he poking her arm. She turned around to see the teen with his hand on the pockets. She once again gave him a sigh.

"We lost the bus, might as well walk to school" She said swiftly putting her phone in her black purse.

"Y-you didn't have to w-wait for me..." He muttered, which Ayumi laughed.

"You've gone back to your room, I know you Katsuki" She retorted, bumping Yuuri who didn't seem happy by her movement. He rubbed the area to ease his pain. Moments like these was the reason he tolerated life, Ayumi who comforted him and always was there for him, since time. He looked down at his sneakers as they walked. Ayumi took out her red earplugs and gave the right one to Yuuri. Yuuri stared at it confused before taking it, putting in his ear. They were currently listening to neighborhood 'Sweater weather'. Yuuri couldn't help but feel a little warmth in his chest when listening to music. It was only thing that could make him drown and forget everything outside. The colorless world, the frequent teasing and the disappointment in the eyes, everything was gone when he listens to music. He would sometimes push the anxiety and mumble the words sloppy with a horrible tune of course. They walked and walked no words exchanged between the pair. Yuuri gave the earplug when they were finished and the rest of the walk was awkward leaving only the sound of rustling leaves and chirping from the birds go between them.

After a few occasional speed walking, they finally found their high school, Hasetsu High School. The school was selective, meaning the school chooses the students depending their grades. Yuuri felt a huge rock out of his shoulder when he found out that his only friends is going at the same high school as him, it makes school less dreadful. Ayumi held his wrists tightly and ran to the school entrance. She looked nervous, not bothering to realize that the one she's holding into is barely keeping up. They didn't spare second before putting their feet inside the school. Yuuri panted as he bended putting his hands on his knees. Ayumi –also panting- looked at her phone and gave him a beatific smile before rubbing his back.

"We made it in time" Ayumi smiled, sounding really hoarse.

"I-I will see you l-later" He waved before heading to his geometry class.

Yuuri hated the fact that the only time Ayumi and Phichit were in the same class as him, was in second and fifth period, while every period one of the tormenters would be present. They usually would mouth some hurtful words and throw some small ball of paper to keep him distracted. He would've brush it off on the outside but on the inside he would feel like sobbing and crawling himself together. However crying in front of the bullies would only add fuel to their brain, thinking of new nicknames. The current nicknames was 'pig', 'disgrace to humanity' and his least favorite nickname.

'Faggot'

How hurtful some alphabets can be put together.

Above all of his complaints of being under the same roof as his bullies who keeps making his life hell, usually in class they wouldn't kick Yuuri to pieces because the teacher would've pick it up, unless if it's gym class. Yes, today is his least favorite class, gym. They were on the track field. The gym teacher ordered the students to jog slowly to warm their bodies. Yuuri was slightly overweight and usually ends up in last place. When the teacher blew the whistle, everyone was at began jogging lightly, some speeding. Yuuri noticed some laughing behind him and he immediately felt the urge to run away. A few chills went down to Yuuri's spine as the laughs got louder. He picked up the paced, but they keep coming. Yuuri felt the burning throughout his chest and closed his eyes hoping for a better fate. God wanted do something different today, or so it seemed.

"Hey piggy!" One of the boys yelled shamelessly, leaving only Yuuri frozen. He couldn't move a single limp or say a single word. He only felt the rumbling from his stomach and his pulse race. One, firm and grip, hand held his shoulder and made him turn around to see his tormenters.

"Alright, let's get it over with" One of his bullies, Kazuma, whispers gravelly, right at Yuuri's ear. Yuuri could still smell the hint of alcohol and cigarettes, crunching his nose.

"You'll do my homework and deliver it tomorrow, if not, well you'll see" He threatened with a dark tone. Yuuri hated the fact that he couldn't say a word. It like his mouth closes every time they're near him, and he hated that. He hated that he was so weak, that he had to rely on his friends to at least defend him. He will never get why he was so weak nor why they bullied him. They left him in a frozen state, bumping and cheering as they thought they won the Olympic.

Yuuri finally finished his horrible gym class and he sighed in relief for not getting kicked or punched today, maybe the day wouldn't be that horrible. He walked thought the hallways waiting for Ayumi to sit with him and eat lunch with him, he couldn't wait to eat his food. He could already the sweet and tasty aura of the food going into his nostrils. Yuuri laid against a wall to see what his patents made for him today. He gently tried to undo the knot. After undoing it, he open the lunchbox to see his favorite food today, pork cutlet bowl. Yuuri felt drooling but he closed his mouth, forming a straight line. He didn't even notice his friend, Ayumi sitting and staring at him like an drunk boy.

"Pork cutlet bowl? Again?" She sighed, forcefully putting her strands of hair behind her ear. Yuuri glanced looking at the girl holding her purse strap. He shyly nodded before standing up. They walked together to sit at the top of the roof. Yuuri didn't mention the bullies approaching or threatening him. They're walking the stairs without a word coming out. The silence was unbearable, so Yuuri decided to break it like glass.

"H-how was y-your day?" He slurred quietly. He was afraid of talking to other people even his friends. Ayumi shrugged and rolled her eyes to the right. Yuuri noticed her disinterested expression. He frowned but decided to shift to the side to ignore any awkwardness.

They were finally at the top of the roof. The beautiful sun standing above them like a fiery ball. It felt like it was sending a warm letter to every inhabitants on the earth. Yuuri, despite the cold and icy soul, could feel his heart becoming warmer. He remembered when he and his friends would sit there and talk about their lives. Yuuri could still hear his laugh, when that laugh was real. The cold breeze gushing over them, welcoming the pair. You could hear the cheering, the screams of sending the football over and the beautiful breeze hustling in their ears. The sun illuminating every part of the school, the grass, the windows even the little creatures.

"They say, when you meet someone and you feel strange feeling in your stomach, that's what we call love!" Ayumi smiled, her hair blowing and covering most of her eyes. Yuuri gave her a confused smile but at least not a dead one but not a real one either. Love or anything in general was always interested Yuuri. He didn't want be in a relationship but always reads books about people falling in love instantly. He never understood why? Their eyes? Their smile? Their body? Yuuri could feel his face heat before he shaking his head. They sat at the green bench, with Yuuri already beginning to chow down his food and Ayumi scrolling down pictures in her phone. He noticed that Ayumi didn't bring any food. She sat there staring at her phone. Scrolling and scrolling, staring and staring. She looked pale and tired like she hasn't eaten and slept properly for days. Her eyes were dilated and her mouth formed a straight line. Yuuri glanced at the remaining food.

"D-do you want some food?" He said quietly with a hint of sadness trailing in his voice. He took a bite of the pork and gave it to Ayumi with his chopsticks. Ayumi shook her head and put some of her strands that was covering her dull eyes behind her ear. Yuuri wasn't giving up and waved the pork up and down. Ayumi furrowed her eyebrows showing some of the wrinkles hidden in her forehead. Her mouth slightly open and her phone turned off. Yuuri decided to give up knowing that arguing with his only female friend might not be a good idea. He poked at the remains of his food before taking his last bite. The school bell rang making the pair startled. Ayumi put her strap over her shoulder and stared at Yuuri.

"Phichit is voluntarily went tour guide for someone, he wants me to pick him up since his father isn't available and I thought maybe Yuuri should join me, do you?" She said. Her hands going though her hair to the side. Yuuri glanced at the empty lunch box before giving her a polite nod. It's not like he had anything better to do.

The rest of the day was total waste with kicks from other bullies and C- in creative writing. The assignment was to write a romance novel and Yuuri had to write one. Yuuri got an C- because his teacher said he lacked depth, not because of grammar error or spelling mistakes. He sighed before stuffing the paper in his bag. Romance always interested Yuuri despite not having a love life. Yuuri looked at Ayumi standing –this time without a cellular device in her hand. Ayumi got her driving licenses a month ago after a few months of practicing, that's why Phichit asked the female for a ride. Yuuri waved his hand, bruised and fragile. It hurt, it was painful moving it, but he couldn't let his friend worry, not now. Ayumi waved back.

The ride was consisted only by silence and yells of people moving. Ayumi's car wasn't in the best shape nor a bad one. She got her grandfather's car as a gift for her birthday and she gladly accepted with no hesitation. The car smelled like perfume; may be some of the air freshener Ayumi said she sprayed. Yuuri sat at the front seat whereas Ayumi is the one wheeling it. You could still see the old cigarettes lying down below the seats like a forgotten memories trying to get revived. Thoughts spinning around his mind like an endless spinning wheel. He wanted badly to now why but anxiety is like a glue. It shuts stuff before even letting it open. His mouth tried to from words but the only sound he could was a desperate blabber. Tunnels after tunnels, lanes after lanes, turns after turns. Yuuri didn't expect Phichit to be that far. After every turn the car made, Yuuri could feel a little of his blurred memories, rethink it. His eyes were dull and lifeless, but with a hint of fear in the corner of his eyes. He wanted to turn. His heart was pounding and his anxiety rose higher. He began hyperventilating and took his hand on his chest. He could feel his heart throbbing and his warmth going through his veins. He can't go there, but he couldn't say that he was afraid. Ayumi already was in front of the familiar building with the windows and the pavement.

Ice castle

He couldn't be there after what he did two years ago. He was about to go back to the car only to be dragged by a hand. A cold and shivering hand held Yuuri tightly not even looking at the stressed teen. Ayumi just walked there with her shoes stomping every step and Yuuri trying to push back. He's pathetic, he can't even run away from a girl. He knew Ayumi couldn't even force him to skate, right?

"What's happening"

"Is this boy dead?"

He felt his eyes stung and water but quickly wiped it away in a swift.. His anxiety went a little down after some time by Yuuri's thinking or self convincing that he won't die. They went to inside to see a room with blue old benches. The old stench of coffee and wet socks filled the cold area. It aches Yuuri's heart to be in such place and it stills is. Yuuri wanted run away and never come back, but the grip was holding him back. The walls looked like it has some wet marks and was never painted in years. The floor literally looked it was about to break like a lonely branch in autumn. Yuuri twitched his left eye before glueing it on the back. The back that was moving. Moving like it could break in a minute and fall down. The jacket waving side to side by each movement. Yuuri decided to walk on her pace to avoid falling flat on the floor. Yuuri exhaled and clenched his hand on his chest.

'Too many memories, but it can't hurt me' Yuuri mentally said to himself.

"Yuuri, I need to go get something from the car. Phichit's at the skating rink" Ayumi informed Yuuri, murmuring some parts before walking away, leaving Yuuri and the cold breeze from the open window. Yuuri sighed and shook his head. Ayumi was that person that would sometimes come late when it's important. Yuuri sat at the bench with his hands on it. He blinked his eyes and was glancing at his surroundings. Quiet, it felt peaceful and nice. It all blinked and it all came together. He heard someone gliding. He didn't even need to think to know someone was skating. Yuuri wanted to know who. Phichit is a dancer and wouldn't even think about trying another sport. Ayumi hates doing athletics. He stood up with his mouth slightly open. His eyelids fluttering as he went to the door to look who was skating. His heart going up and down without bursting out and his thought swirling in and out without exploding. He held his grip on the long door handle, his hands shaking.

'Maybe I shouldn't" he thought gritting his teeth and biting his cheek from the inside. The so sounds, the music was getting louder by every minute. He bit his lower lip before tightly holding the handle and fluidly opening the door without a second hesitation. In an instant he was met by the cold wind and his breath taken away. He saw someone skating. Not this ordinary skating you'd find in some random site. The way he did the simple toe loop jump was simply outstanding. His hair waving around as his legs perfectly straight. As he thought continuously the man already stood in a pose. One of his arms standing up with his finger laying horizontal. One of his finger bending. His grey hair covering of those gorgeous amazonite eyes. Those eyes filled with inspiration and happiness. The sweat droplets falling perfectly down from his cheeks and hitting the ice. His breath being the only sound that went through Yuuri's ears. He felt something odd forming into his chest. The man slowly tilted his eyes at Yuuri and everything became colorful. The ice, the hair, the clothes and the laces.

I've meet a boy with the blue laces and my fate began to unravel.

I do not the cover picture nor the characters expect Ayumi.

- TrashyGami