Domon W Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
Rating: PG
Warnings: practically-everyone-bashing, insanity, cursing
Disclaimer: I'm a fourteen-year-old student- ya think I have the time to own Domon W?
Stalker sat at center stage- all the spotlights currently on him, making him incredibly overheated. The opening music came on telling him it was time to start the show. He ran a hand through his black hair and picked up his mike.
"Hello ladies and gentleman! Welcome to Domon W- Who Wants to Be a Millionaire! Today we have ten contestants here who will try their best to win… a million dollars!" Stalker started off getting a roar of applause from the audience. "Now to introduce our ten contestants! Our contestants today are… Heero Yuy!"
Vociferous cheers from the audience nearly deafened Stalker and the contestants.
"Any words for the fans Yuy?"
"Omae o korosu… all of you. Especially those stupid girls wearing the pink tuxedoes," Heero said plainly.
"Hey lay off my girls!" Chibodee yelled.
"Anyway moving on! Our second contestant- Michelo Chariot!"
The audience booed the malevolent man but Michelo acted as if he had never heard a single word of it. That's when the audience began throwing tomatoes at him.
"Tomatoes?" Stalker blinked. "Where in the world did they get tomatoes?"
"Tomatoes! Get your throwing-things-at-Michelo tomatoes here!" Allenby yelled shuffling through the crowd with a cart of tomatoes. "Three bucks per bag! Three tomatoes per bag!"
"CUT THAT OUT!!!!!!!" Michelo finally exploded. He began breathing heavily.
"Okaaaay… moving on… our next contestant is Sai Saici!" Stalker said.
The audience cheered and Sai Saici turned around to blow kisses at his adoring fans. Cecil huffed in jealousy causing Sai Saici to turn around and blow a kiss to her. Then Zuisen and Keiun stood up and smacked Sai Saici in the head for his behavior.
"Our fourth contestant is… uh… extra number one!"
"My name is Cecil! Cecil!" Cecil shouted at Stalker. "Why can nobody remember my name!?"
"Moving on yet again. Fifth contestant- Mariemaia Barton Khushrenada!"
Crickets chirped. The audience remained silent.
"Oh come on! I had you pitiful scumbags quivering in fear at my might last December! Now that I've stopped my relentless assault have I just become another Jane Doe!?" Mariemaia turned around.
Crickets chirped. Yet again the audience was silent.
"Speak up you fools!"
"You stink," Allenby, who had stopped selling her tomatoes, said plainly.
"Before a fight starts I think I'll continue," Stalker said. "Our sixth contestant for today was Quatre Rababera Winner--"
The audience cheered.
"But Quatre decided not to play because he's rich enough as is."
The crowd let out a sigh of disappointment.
"He will be replaced with Chibodee Crockett!"
Chibodee stood to blow kisses to his "adoring fans" only to get a face full of tomatoes and a few harsh remarks about being a womanizer from some feminists in the crowd. Only Bunny Janet Cath and Shirley cheered and for that they too were also "tomatoed."
"All right! All right! Knock it off! Our next contestant- Trowa Barton!"
"Which one?" Allenby asked after the crowd had remained silent.
"The one that's not dead."
"The one who's really Triton Bloom?" Allenby asked only to get Alicia yelling in her face that that was only a theory and nothing more.
"The one who is supposedly Triton Bloom."
The crowd cheered loudly.
"Eighth contestant- Mister Toho!"
"Boo! Master Asia stinks! Master Asia stinks!" the majority of the crowd chanted as the environmentalists in the crowd cheered the aging man on.
"Ninth contestant- Dorothy Catalonia!"
The crowd booed and threw tomatoes. Dorothy only responded with some nonsensical drivel about Mobile Dolls and a slow painful death for all.
"And our final contestant- Domon Kasshu!"
The crowd cheered as Domon sat very quietly in his seat. He seemed quite relaxed until Allenby jumped into his contestant booth kissed him and ran out the door shouting with joy.
"Anyway," Stalker coughed. "Now it's time for the fastest finger question. Put these fighters in order from strongest to weakest- A. Chibodee Crockett, B. The Neo-Denmark Fighter--"
"My brother has a name!" Cecil interrupted.
"Yes of course anyway… C. Domon Kasshu, and D. Kerral."
Music played as the contestants pushed the buttons quickly to enter their answers.
"And the first one done was… Heero Yuy!"
The crowd roared as Heero got up and walked out to center stage taking the hot seat.
"Okay Heero ready for the first question?"
"Hn."
"All right. Your first question- Which of the following was not used in the making of the Shining Gundam? A. Gundanium alloy, B. Super ceramic compojite, C. Technology, D. Titanium alloy."
"D. Titanium alloy."
"Correct. Next question- Which Gundam of Gundam Wing is a slightly altered minor gundam from the last battle of G-gundam? A. Wing Gundam, B. Deathscythe Hell Custom, C. Sandrock, D. Heavyarms custom."
"Hmm…. Well it's not a custom I'm sure and G-gundam is too boring and stupid to have Wing Gundam in it so I'll say C. Sandrock."
"Whoops sorry. The correct answer was A. Wing Gundam."
"Mission failed," Heero said sorrowfully.
"Sorry Yuy but since you bombed by the second question you get nothing."
"Mission failed," Heero repeated walking off-stage.
"Okay time for the next fastest finger question! Put these people in order according to intelligence smartest first- A. Zuisen, B. Doctor Kasshu, C. Doctor Mikamura, D. Doctor J."
The remaining contestants entered their answers though some appeared to be completely guessing.
"Alright then. Who had the fastest time? Heh. It appears as though Michelo was the only one to get this right."
"What!?!" All of the other contestants yelled out. "What was the order!?"
"The order was A. B. D. C. Michelo Chariot come on down."
"Zuisen's the most intelligent? Never would've guessed that. I always thought my dad was smartest," Domon said to himself as Michelo took the hot seat.
"Okay Michelo your first question- What does DG originally stand for? A. Dark Gundam, B. Devil Gundam, C. Dumb Gentlemen, D. Dork Gang."
Michelo thought long and hard. Realizing he had never bothered to ask Asia what DG cells really were, he came to a conclusion. "I want to poll the audience."
"Okay. Audience you have a keypad infront of you. Enter your choices now."
Now the crowd decided to put in the stupidest answers possible to make Michelo mess up. So when the polls were finished….
"Oh my, we have a tie. Forty-nine percent say Dork Gang and an equal amount say Dumb Gentleman."
"I'll go with Dark Gundam," Michelo said after seeing absolutely no one had chosen that answer.
"And that is wrong. The original meaning of DG was Devil Gundam."
As Michelo walked off-stage mumbling an incessant string of curses as the audience booed and threw tomatoes at him.
"Next fastest finger question: Put these Mobile Suits in order from tallest to shortest- A. Leo, B. Tallgeese II, C. Wing Zero, D. Mercurius."
Answers were entered. Domon was the first correct one done but by his expression it was clearly a fluke.
"Okay Domon. The first question- What does the MOBILE in Mobile Suit stand for? A. Manipulative Order Build and Industrial Labor, B. Mobility Order Build and Intelligent Labor, C. Manipulative Order Build and Industrial Labor Efficiency, D. Mobility Order Build and Industrial Labor Efficiency."
"Hey why do I get the tough one! Michelo's first question was 'what is DG?'!"
"Your answer?"
"Fine. I'd like to phone a friend."
"Who would you like to call?"
"I'll call Rain."
A cellular phone rang in the audience once the number had been dialed.
"Hello Rain?"
"Hello Domon."
"You have thirty seconds," Stalker said.
"Okay, Rain, What does---"
"I heard the question already Domon; I'm in the studio. I think the answer is C. I could be wrong though."
"Okay thanks Rain," Domon said as his time on the phone ended. "I'll say C. too."
"Ooh sorry! The real answer was A. Manipulative Order Build and Industrial Labor."
Domon walked off cursing like the last contestant only his string of obscenities was all in Japanese.
"Okay next fastest finger question- Put these characters in order of first appearance in Domon W- A. Rain, B. Fuunsaki, C. Heero Yuy, D. Sai Saici."
Answers were entered. Trowa was chosen and he proceeded down to center stage.
"Okay Trowa- your first question. In the most common form of color-blindness, which colors are most often mistaken for one another? A. Blue and Green, B. Blue and Red, C. Green and Red, D. Red and Orange."
"What does this have to do with Gundams?"
"Nothing."
"Then why are you asking it? This is supposed to be all about Gundams and nothing more."
"We're running out of Gundam questions okay? Just answer."
"C. Green and Red."
"That is correct! Next question- which gundam is exactly 16.3 meters tall? A. Sandrock, B. Deathscythe, C. Altron, D. Epyon."
"B. Deathscythe."
"Correct. Third question- what is the price of the Gundam Wing Technical Manual in the USA? A. $5.99, B. $14.99, C. $12.99, D. $10.99."
"I'll say D. $10.99."
"Sorry the answer was C."
"Oh well," Trowa shrugged and walked off-stage only to find the brunette from earlier sitting by the exit. "Alicia!"
"Okay let's get this over with," Stalker sighed. "Fastest finger: put these ranks in order- A. Prince, B. Joker, C. Queen, D. King." Stalker waited for everyone to answer. "Sai Saici, you're up next."
Sai Saici made his way down to center stage and sat down.
"Ready for your first question Sai Saici?"
"Of course, I may be young but I know everything about Gundams."
"Ah, but do you know about Alicia, the one who created this show? Your first question today is about her- which of the following names has Alicia never said in her entire life? A. Sai-chan, B. Quatre-kun, C. Kerral-chan, D. Chibodee-chan."
"Well I'm not sure. I don't think she'd ever said Kerral-chan or Chibodee-chan. Can I narrow it down to fifty-fifty?"
"Yes of course," Stalker pressed a button that would randomly eliminate two answers. "You aren't very lucky are you Sai Saici? The two answers you couldn't decide between are the two left."
"Okay, I'd better not risk a loss. Can I call a friend?"
"Yes of course. Might I ask who you'd like to call?"
"Well since Alicia's cell phone doesn't work… and I don't think Kerral has a phone… I'll call my bro Chibodee Crockett."
"Alright well let's forget the call since he's here. Just turn around and ask him."
"Yo bro! What's the answer?"
"C.! She's definitely called me Chibodee-chan before!" Chibodee replied.
"Okay," Sai sighed, turning back toward Stalker. "I'll agree with the idiot and pray that he's not lying."
"Sorry Sai! Apparently that American runs and hides and tells lies[1]!"
"Chibodee Crockett! You're a dead man!!!!!" Sai Saici chased the purple-haired boy out of the studio with a wooden staff.
"Okaaaay, next fastest finger- put these characters in order from Alicia's most favorite to Alicia's least favorite- A. Sai Saici, B. Domon Kasshu, C. Wufei Chang, D. Chibodee Crockett.[2]"
The fastest correct results came from Mariemaia. She got up and waltzed down to center stage with pride though she had clearly won on fluke.
"Okay Mariemaia, your first question- which of the following characters is Alicia always trying to kill? A. Domon Kasshu, B. Chibodee Crockett, C. Wufei Chang, D. Both B. and C."
"Well it's not Kasshu because he was her second favorite character on the fastest finger…. I've never seen her attempt to kill Wufei so I'll say it is B. Chibodee Crockett."
"No the correct answer is D.! Both B. and C.! Sorry Mariemaia! You lose!"
Suddenly Wufei, who was sitting in the audience, began looking around nervously for Alicia. However she was nowhere to be found until it was too late….
"Yeah! I got him!" Alicia smiled down at the lifeless-looking body of Wufei she had just hit with her sword. However, Wufei's foot twitched a few times… then his eyes opened… and finally he got up from the ground. "Aw man… he's alive. Oh well, 'til next episode Chang," Alicia disappeared.
"Okay we don't have all day to waste so I'm eliminating the fastest finger questions! Cecil come on down!" Stalker said.
"Someone actually remembered my name for once other than my brother and Sai Saici! I'm so happy I could cry! Oh no I am crying!" Cecil cried. "I need a tissue." Cecil walked out of the studio in search of a tissue.
"Well that stinks for Cecil because once you leave the studio you're disqualified. Come on down Mister East."
Master Asia walked deftly down to center stage and sat down.
"Okay your first question- which of the following is a quote not used by Alicia? A. 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it.', B. 'I may run and hide but I'll never tell a lie.', C. 'A future where no one smiles- that is why I want to dream', D. ' My life was just a mystery. I hid my heart and soul way up in my sleeve.'."
"I've heard that fool use C and D but I'm not sure which of the others is a quote used by her. B is her brother's motto and due to the sibling rivalry I'll say B is not something she has ever said."
"Nope sorry Toho! You're wrong, wrong, wrong! Okay I'll see you all next time here on… 'Domon W- Who Wants to be a Millionaire?'! Credit roll… Ready… Go!"
Producer: Alicia Maxwell
Director: Alicia Maxwell
Writer: Alicia Maxwell
Almost every other important job in the making of the show: Alicia Maxwell
Show host: Stalker
1 For those of you who don't remember, Duo, the GW American's motto is "I may run and hide but I never tell a lie." This is just a stupid pun I put in for a laugh.
2 Those are already in the correct order… hee hee…
[1]For those who don't remember, Duo, the GW American's motto is "I may run and hide but I never tell a lie." This is just a stupid pun I put in for a little laugh.
[2] Those are already in correct order… Hee hee….