Funny, you know? One day we are so in love. Then the next he drives off.
"C'mon" I told him
"Why won't you let me in?"
I am sure those were not my exact words but whatever. He said that no one could save him, not even me. Save him from what? Then he has the nerve to ask me to come with him. Obviously. After that, everything just seems like one big blur. I spent the better part of the week crying in my room or just sitting there. Numb. Missing him. Worrying about him. I think Chloe was mad at me, that is why it took her a week to come talk to me.
"Hey" she said softly
I put on a fake smile. I am so good at that, but Chloe read my mind.
"You don't have to be fake for me, Lana. Its Chloe remember?"
We both smile at the same time. Hoping to avoid an awkward moment Chloe starts speaking.
"Are you hungry?"
I shake my head "No"
Chloe sits next to me and looks at me as if she was looking at her own daughter. I guess I must look like a pathetic child. I swear my eyes have shrunken a size from all the crying. Chloe has been crying too, I can see. Her eyes are red-rimmed. She moves her hand so gently and slowly and delicately strokes my hair. This is a change. She's usually so... Chloe- like.
"Lana" she sighs "Everything is so messed up" Her voice cracks
I nod "Yeah"
I can see Chloe's eyes tear up. The crying is contagious. She continues stroking my hair, again as if I was ten years old. As if I was Emily or something. "I've been looking for him," she says
I nod "Have you found anything?"
Chloe shrugs "Nothing yet, I don't know what to do"
She sees the look on my face and smiles "But I can keep trying... You love him, Lana"
I shake my head but Chloe is not a fool. I give in.
"Yeah, I do.... I love him so much"
Chloe gives me a pained smile and strokes my hair again. "And he loves you. And I can't stay in the way of that anymore"
"Everyone who I love leaves me. My parents, Nell, Whitney. now Clark" I say slowly, my voice cracking and my eyes beginning to spill the tears that have build up in them.
Chloe gives me a reassuring smile, still treating me like a child. Not that I mind, being grown-up can be too stressful, It's nice to get a little sympathy "Well I'm not leaving you.. Do you not love me?"
I laugh and wipe my eyes "Of course I do"
She takes my hand "I will never leave you, I promise. No matter what. Clark or any other boy. We will be best friends forever."
I smile "Forever and ever"
"And ever" Chloe finishes and begins to cry herself.
"I miss him so much" I sob and Chloe puts her arm around me and hugs me tight.
"We'll find him," she says over and over as a cry into her shirt. The rest I really can't remember. Just Chloe and I crying for hours and me crying on her lap as she rubbed my back and tried to soothe me. She knew I was in a lot more pain then she was. We have not cried like this sense... Whitney died. I fell asleep on her lap and had the first full night sleep I have ever had. Chloe, I found out, did not sleep at all. After we cried and got it all out, we decided to stop moping over Clark and have some good fun. Our rekindled friendship was stronger then ever and we wanted to take full advantage of it while it last. So we hung out and did what any girls would do of our age. We went to the mall; bought matching shirts (This was a gag that we cracked up about for no apparent reason). Sense Lex was away on his honeymoon and I just could not do it. Megan,Gerri, Martine, Christina and Latrice ran the Talon for me. I was so thankful I almost cried (too much of that). I could not forget well the uh, clone, of my childhood friend. Poor kid, I do not even want to think of the dumb people who watch her there, I have heard it is for her own good though. She's so lively and sweet. Everything the real Emily was. Emily is sort of my link to my old childhood. When I first started high school and going out with Whitney Fordman, I had to act mature for him and his older friends. I guess it worked, being a former homecoming queen and all. I was the envy of every girl, head cheerleader dating the star senior quarterback. What a perfect life, note the sarcasm. I guess after we broke up I was so use to being mature that I forgot how to act like a child. I can do that with Emily, I can talk in funny voices to make her laugh and have fun tickling fights. Emily takes pride in being the only person that can make me snort like a pig when I laugh. She will do it in public places just to embarrass me. It cracks Pete and Chloe up all the time. They always joke they see a side of my when I am with her. They say I should be that carefree more often. We spent a lot of the summer together. What else would be the perfect excuse to see "Spy kids 3-d" and "Finding Nemo"? I baby-sat her a lot. Well actually, for Emily's sake, I said we were "hanging out". I think she praised me for getting her out of that room, It was beautiful, but there's only too many hours you can spend in a place like that. Even as much fun I was having with Chloe and Emily, I still couldn't get my mind off Clark. I tried, believing me; I honestly did but.... I missed him so badly, being in his arms, his kisses, Don't even get me started on it. I also talked to Pete a lot more than usual. We only had one really in depth conversation of, well, you know who. He is also helping Chloe find him. So far no good. But I'm not giving up hope.
"Why won't you let me in?"
I am sure those were not my exact words but whatever. He said that no one could save him, not even me. Save him from what? Then he has the nerve to ask me to come with him. Obviously. After that, everything just seems like one big blur. I spent the better part of the week crying in my room or just sitting there. Numb. Missing him. Worrying about him. I think Chloe was mad at me, that is why it took her a week to come talk to me.
"Hey" she said softly
I put on a fake smile. I am so good at that, but Chloe read my mind.
"You don't have to be fake for me, Lana. Its Chloe remember?"
We both smile at the same time. Hoping to avoid an awkward moment Chloe starts speaking.
"Are you hungry?"
I shake my head "No"
Chloe sits next to me and looks at me as if she was looking at her own daughter. I guess I must look like a pathetic child. I swear my eyes have shrunken a size from all the crying. Chloe has been crying too, I can see. Her eyes are red-rimmed. She moves her hand so gently and slowly and delicately strokes my hair. This is a change. She's usually so... Chloe- like.
"Lana" she sighs "Everything is so messed up" Her voice cracks
I nod "Yeah"
I can see Chloe's eyes tear up. The crying is contagious. She continues stroking my hair, again as if I was ten years old. As if I was Emily or something. "I've been looking for him," she says
I nod "Have you found anything?"
Chloe shrugs "Nothing yet, I don't know what to do"
She sees the look on my face and smiles "But I can keep trying... You love him, Lana"
I shake my head but Chloe is not a fool. I give in.
"Yeah, I do.... I love him so much"
Chloe gives me a pained smile and strokes my hair again. "And he loves you. And I can't stay in the way of that anymore"
"Everyone who I love leaves me. My parents, Nell, Whitney. now Clark" I say slowly, my voice cracking and my eyes beginning to spill the tears that have build up in them.
Chloe gives me a reassuring smile, still treating me like a child. Not that I mind, being grown-up can be too stressful, It's nice to get a little sympathy "Well I'm not leaving you.. Do you not love me?"
I laugh and wipe my eyes "Of course I do"
She takes my hand "I will never leave you, I promise. No matter what. Clark or any other boy. We will be best friends forever."
I smile "Forever and ever"
"And ever" Chloe finishes and begins to cry herself.
"I miss him so much" I sob and Chloe puts her arm around me and hugs me tight.
"We'll find him," she says over and over as a cry into her shirt. The rest I really can't remember. Just Chloe and I crying for hours and me crying on her lap as she rubbed my back and tried to soothe me. She knew I was in a lot more pain then she was. We have not cried like this sense... Whitney died. I fell asleep on her lap and had the first full night sleep I have ever had. Chloe, I found out, did not sleep at all. After we cried and got it all out, we decided to stop moping over Clark and have some good fun. Our rekindled friendship was stronger then ever and we wanted to take full advantage of it while it last. So we hung out and did what any girls would do of our age. We went to the mall; bought matching shirts (This was a gag that we cracked up about for no apparent reason). Sense Lex was away on his honeymoon and I just could not do it. Megan,Gerri, Martine, Christina and Latrice ran the Talon for me. I was so thankful I almost cried (too much of that). I could not forget well the uh, clone, of my childhood friend. Poor kid, I do not even want to think of the dumb people who watch her there, I have heard it is for her own good though. She's so lively and sweet. Everything the real Emily was. Emily is sort of my link to my old childhood. When I first started high school and going out with Whitney Fordman, I had to act mature for him and his older friends. I guess it worked, being a former homecoming queen and all. I was the envy of every girl, head cheerleader dating the star senior quarterback. What a perfect life, note the sarcasm. I guess after we broke up I was so use to being mature that I forgot how to act like a child. I can do that with Emily, I can talk in funny voices to make her laugh and have fun tickling fights. Emily takes pride in being the only person that can make me snort like a pig when I laugh. She will do it in public places just to embarrass me. It cracks Pete and Chloe up all the time. They always joke they see a side of my when I am with her. They say I should be that carefree more often. We spent a lot of the summer together. What else would be the perfect excuse to see "Spy kids 3-d" and "Finding Nemo"? I baby-sat her a lot. Well actually, for Emily's sake, I said we were "hanging out". I think she praised me for getting her out of that room, It was beautiful, but there's only too many hours you can spend in a place like that. Even as much fun I was having with Chloe and Emily, I still couldn't get my mind off Clark. I tried, believing me; I honestly did but.... I missed him so badly, being in his arms, his kisses, Don't even get me started on it. I also talked to Pete a lot more than usual. We only had one really in depth conversation of, well, you know who. He is also helping Chloe find him. So far no good. But I'm not giving up hope.