Shiver
i. recognition
(song: where is my mind? by pixies)
Riverdale is a weird town. You would never think a small town like this one could have so many secrets and scandals. However, it does, unfortunately. I feel like I'm the only normal one here, even people I would usually call friends are weird. Maybe that's why I'm considered weird, because I'm normal. But who knows.
I quickly shut my MacBook. My writing was horrible right now. I'm going to delete this part later on, it's embarrassingly average and I didn't say anything interesting, just repeated what I've already written in an earlier part of my novel. This night is going to be long. I need to write at least a page.
My mind kept wandering off, I just wasn't able to concentrate. Maybe because Archie was trying to get the girl's number who was sitting a few booths away from mine, which was ours a few minutes ago. He was loud and annoying. The total opposite of me. But I got this weird feeling every time he was near me. I didn't like hanging out with him partly because of this, and because he's changed ever since that particular summer, which was 2 years ago. All he could talk about was girls and sex. Two things I didn't care about too much in my life. I've had girlfriends before, but they were boring and I didn't feel anything towards them. Especially sexually. I've been trying to figure out why and I realised just a few weeks ago. I'm asexual. But Archie's different. Whenever I'm near him, something is there. I don't know what it is yet. I need to figure it out.
"Guess who has a date on Friday." Archie came back, smiling as he held up a white paper bit in the air. I raised my eyebrows in disgust and disinterest.
"I'm guessing you, Archie." I said with a sarcastic and bored tone, sighing.
"I'm a ladies' man, aren't I?" He leaned back, his back touching the back of the booth seat. He seemed energetic. He was grinning so hard I thought his lips were going to jump off his face and run a whole marathon.
"You're full of yourself, is what you are." I said and started to pack my things. I didn't want to listen to his bullshit about how he's the best. I stood up, putting my shoulder bag on my right shoulder.
"Juggie, come on. Why so serious today?" He asked. His lips looked different, now they would probably have preferred jumping off his face and off a bridge too.
"Nothing, I just have a lot on my mind." I said, with boredom flowing through my voice. I wanted to be honest but not give him lots of information, instead, I wanted him to want to know what was up with me even though I didn't quite know what it was myself.
"Why and where are you going though?" Archie seemed sad. But I think inside, he was bursting from happiness. I was bursting from anger. About how he doesn't care about me. He hasn't cared about me since that particular summer. We still couldn't make up after that. He kept chasing after girls. He didn't give a shit about me. All thanks to Ms. Grundy. I feel like she was the one who messed him up.
"Oh, so now you care?" I asked. I was disgusted by him. "Let's admit, Arch, you don't. All you think about is yourself. It's about you all the time. When was the last time you asked how I was? Like properly? I don't remember. I'm going home." I rolled my eyes and turned away. I started walking out of Pop's, but when I started walking home in the pouring rain, I was stopped by a hand on my left wrist. I turned around. I was met by a soaking wet Archie who looked like he just stepped out of the shower. He looked incredibly aesthetic. But the person he was wasn't so appealing to me.
"I'm so sorry, Jughead." His eyebrows were raised in a way that made him look sad and worried. Should I believe him?
"You don't mean that." I shook my head. He shook his head too and pulled me into his arms. I wasn't a hugger, so I just stood there awkwardly for about a minute, but then I gave in. I put one of my arms around him too.
"Of course I do." He muttered into my jacket but so I could hear it. My heart picked up a kind of pace I didn't know before. I barely noticed, but it's been doing it since he started hugging me. I just didn't want to acknowledge it before. He's been clinging onto me like a child so I had no other choice. We finally let go of each other though. He looked into my eyes, I looked into his ones. I had to swallow a lump in my throat, but I couldn't stop myself from looking down onto his lips. I quickly looked back up into his eyes and coughed awkwardly. Where is my mind? "Here, I'll drive you home. My car's right there." He pointed to a direction behind me and I just looked. It was his dad's car, but I guess they both use it ever since Archie got his driving license, which was just about two months ago. It reminded me how shit my life was. Because of my family, I didn't have the same opportunities as everyone else my age. Of course, Archie did. He had the chance to learn to drive.
I just nodded. So we walked up to the car, sat in it and buckled ourselves up. The drive was silent, but the radio was quietly playing in the background. I felt so shaky and nervous. But I only lived a few roads away from Pop's.
I've been living in this house for about 4 months. I lived there with Kevin. Surprising, isn't it? The story of how we ended up in the same house was simple. A month later after the start of the school year, Kevin told his dad he wanted to live in his own house. Sheriff Keller agreed to it because he turned 18 just a month before that and so he thought it would be a good idea. He's paying half of the rent. I talked to my mum about living with him, because I was couch-surfing for many months and I told her it wasn't the best thing. After I pitched my idea to her about living with Kevin, she agreed to it because she thought it was the least she could do. I think she felt guilty for leaving me here with dad, in a small city, while she was living in a big city. She got paid a lot, so she could afford helping me out. My dad left too, to work in another town for more money than here in Riverdale. When Kevin told us – Betty, Veronica, Archie and me – about it, I asked him if I could move in if I paid for the other half of the rent. He was happy to accept my offer and so that's how I moved in just a week later. I got to see my mum and sister because they had to come to Riverdale to talk to Sheriff Keller about how my mum was going to pay for it. They stayed for a week, then went back to the city. It was nice to see them. It wasn't bad to live with Kevin, he was a great guy. We became friends, the only annoying thing about him is that he always has these guys hanging around the house, but it's not like I'm there that much, apart from when I need to shower, change, sleep, cook or clean. It's a nice house though.
What ripped me away from my thoughts was Archie's voice.
"We're here." He said. I sighed.
"Yeah, uh, thank you." I said, awkwardly because I didn't know what else to say.
"I'm sorry again, okay?" He said. His words were doing something to me. I didn't know what it was still.
"Yeah, it's fine." I swallowed hard again. "I get it. Girls are not as boring as me." I nodded, my throat wanting to close up so I couldn't breathe.
"Juggie…" He sighed hopelessly.
"Come talk to me when you're ready to be friends again." I said and got out of the car. I walked inside, it was still raining, but not as much as it was before. Kevin was probably asleep, he always goes to bed super early, and it's 8, so he definitely is in bed. I went upstairs and stepped into my room. I took a shower quickly and then I went downstairs to eat something. Even though I hang out at Pop's, I only eat once or twice. Pop doesn't mind me there though.
A few weeks have passed and Archie's been trying to get in contact with me. He's been leaving cards in my locker about being sorry. He kept coming up to me, asking me how I was and such. I didn't care much, I was busy with school. It was the end of the year before the last one we had in high school. I didn't have time to mess around. Especially with someone who didn't care about me until I said it to his face.
But he kept going on and it was starting to get boring. So I gave up. I went to his house one day.
I knocked on the door, and not too long after, Archie opened the door. His hair was messy, he looked like he just got out of bed. To be fair, it was 7:00. That's when I usually leave to go to school. It was a Friday. I usually leave at 7:30 to get to school, but today felt like the right day to talk to Archie and go to school with him. Even though I told him that he's full of himself, he's been really trying to make me forgive him. He put so much effort into it, even a blind person would be able to see. I couldn't ignore that. Sometimes he brought flowers to my house, which was a pain because Kevin kept asking who it was from and I had to tell him after the 5th time because he was so annoying about it. But it was also a nice thing. Even though it's too cheesy for me, he put effort into all of it. That weird feeling came back every time I received something from him. I still couldn't figure it out.
"Hey. Uh, wanna go to school together?" I asked. I was awkward, once again. He just made me feel awkward. Usually, it was because we haven't really been friends and didn't hang out as much as a few years ago, but nowadays, it was because of my mysterious feelings.
"Yeah. Of course." His face lit up as he realised what I said and that I was actually serious. "Come inside." He said and made space for me to go inside. We went upstairs, to his room, after I said hello to his dad and we asked each other of how we were. His room was decently clean, as always. "I'm gonna get ready, but tell me what brought you here." He smiled and I just sat down on his bed. He went up to his wardrobe and got out some clothes, then started changing.
"You made it seem like you actually care about our friendship, if I can call it that." I said. He took his t-shirt off, the one he uses as a pyjama, and I could see his abs. I guess girls and some guys would be melting right now, but this situation just showed me that I was still one thing. Asexual. I mean, he looked great, but it didn't seem to have such an effect on me like it had on girls. I wasn't turned on. I was never turned on and never wanted to become such a thing. I wasn't aromantic though. Which made one thing possible.
"I hope you realise that it means everything to me but I just try to hide behind getting with girls. I'm just hurt over how I screwed up our friendship." He said quietly. I was hoping he actually meant this.
"Yeah." I simply responded. What is there to say apart from agreeing?
"I know you're not the hugging type, but can I get a hug? I really need one." He sighed. He was in his normal clothes now. I rolled my eyes but stood up and hugged him.
My heart wanted to jump out of my chest again.
Then we stopped hugging and his face was dangerously close to mine. I had to swallow because I felt a lump growing in there for the thousandth time in a few weeks. What the fuck was happening with me?
"Thank you for giving me another chance. I'll try with everything in me not to screw this up." He said, smiling weakly. The next thing that came out of my mouth surprised me just as much as it surprised him.
"Can I hug you again?" I asked. It was weird and so unlike me. I wasn't usually the emotional and cuddly one. This day was slightly odd already. He just nodded with an even bigger smile on his face. So I slowly slipped my arms around his waist. It felt like we were a couple. He wrapped his arms arounds my shoulders and put his face onto them and I just buried my face in his neck. My heart might as well been swimming from the east coast of America to Australia.
It felt so real. This feeling… I didn't know what it was, until now. I'm afraid to say it. But…
I think I'm in love.
ii. hint
(shiver by coldplay)
It took me more than a year to accept the feeling I've been feeling towards Archie. Our friendship still had its ups and downs, but we were fine, I guess. He changed. He was almost back to how he used to be. He didn't just talk about girls all the time. He actually cared about me and others around him. This was the last year of high school and I believed it was going to be a good year because Archie's changed and isn't annoying anymore.
It was still hard being his friend. Ever since I realised my feelings for him, it was hard not to think about 'what if' situations about us being together. It was so unlike me, I never liked to think of love and things as such, but with him, it was different. It was hard not to have strong feelings for him, who did so many things for me even if he fucked it up in the end. He's trying to fix it, so that's all that matters, right?
People are right when they say love makes you stupid. It really does. It makes you forgive any sins of the person you fall for, even if they are literally the devil. I didn't know if Archie was a devil neither because those 'rose-coloured glasses' were on me permanently. I hated it because it made me blind and vulnerable. But I guess it's okay because it's Archie we're talking about. He's totally oblivious though.
As that famous Coldplay song goes, "And on and on from the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep, I'll be there by your side, just you try and stop me". Even before I started liking Archie, this was 100% me. I found myself in these lyrics and it comforted me to know someone else out there knew how I felt. Even if it was Chris Martin, who doesn't even know I exist. Whatever.
But back to the present, I was sitting at my usual table at Pop's. I was working on my novel, again and still. You would've thought that I would be done by now, which I am, but I have to re-read it to make sure there are no mistakes. I wouldn't want anyone else to do it, I feel that they would not take proper care of my 'baby'. But I am going to pitch this idea to some publishers next week. I will be missing school, which isn't really a problem. I'm ahead on all of my subjects, so it doesn't matter.
And of course, as I was sitting there, Archie showed up. He always does. It's like an unwritten, unspoken-of rule between us that we meet here at 7 every day. He knows I'm always here anyways.
"Hey, Juggie. I see you're working on that novel still." He smiled at me. I was wishing my brain would stop bothering me with thoughts that made me want to jump in his arms.
"Yeah, just proofreading it, y'know." I sighed, pretending to be bored.
"Oh, that sounds great. Will you let me read it?" He asked, putting his duffel bag on the table while he sat down.
"Yeah. If you read it, could you possibly say some wise words if you liked it so I can put that on the cover if the novel gets accepted by a publisher?" I asked nicely.
"Of course, Jug. I bet it's the best novel I'll ever read." He grinned. I wish I could kiss that stupid smile off his face.
Being in love meant that when I was around him, there was a constant flow of overly romantic and cheesy thoughts in my head. I wasn't even surprised I thought about kissing the grin off his face. It became normal. I didn't mind it that much. It was only a problem when I was trying to have a normal conversation with him.
"Well, you'll have to see." I smiled. We stared into each other's eyes for a minute, which made the tip of my ears and the top of my cheeks go a rosy colour. I think rose is the colour of love. That's the colour you are when you blush because of your crush and that's the colour of the glasses you permanently wear when you're in love. The flower rose is a symbol of love too. Maybe I could get him some roses to give him a hint. "But next week, I will be pitching my novel ideas and the novel itself to some publishers. I've e-mailed them and I arranged a meeting with all of the ones that got back to me. There are quite a few. I wrote to about 37 and 5 said they are interested. The one I'm really nervous about is the one on Thursday. They published the Harry Potter series. But I guess I can make it big anyway. If I'm lucky and they like the story." I sighed in a stressed manner.
"Congrats, man. That's great. And it doesn't matter which publisher it is. I'll give you some advice. It's about the C-P-K." He said. What? Did he mean it's all about the 'Can you Please Kiss me'? Is he suggesting I should kiss him? "Confidence, persistence and kindness." He nodded and I mentally face-palmed. Of course he wasn't going to suggest that. I just nodded though. "You should be confident about everything because even if you don't think everything is perfect, you need to make them think that you believe in this book and yourself, which is usually very appealing. They will believe you really want this and that they can make money off of you."
"I get it." I responded, but he continued.
"You need to be persistent. You can't give up if none of them accept it. Just keep going. Don't give up. If a company didn't get back to you, keep e-mailing them, and contacting them in any way you can. This will show them that you really want this, once again, and that they can't get rid of you just because you're not a famous writer, or because you're a teenager. Don't let them look down on you." He said, and it was pretty decent advice, I'll admit. Even from Archie Andrews. "And lastly, you need to be kind. You need to appear as friendly. Like someone they can imagine at book signings and events. You need to be seen as a people person. Which is hard to believe that you are, but trust me, Forsythe Pendleton Jones the Third, you are." His smile grew bigger, and it was so sincere and real. I could feel butterflies coming out of their cocoons for the first time in my stomach, a hurricane starting to grow in my heart, pink clouds floating around in my brain and flowers growing in my lungs. The only problem was, I couldn't fucking breathe or think. "Jug, are you alright?" He said, his smile disappearing. Oh no, smiley lips, come back.
"Uh, yeah, I'm fine." My throat was dry and my voice sounded a bit hoarse. What the hell just happened?
"Okay, good. Because you need to get yourself together for next week." He said. "And I'm going to help you out. I'll come with you." Well, that was unexpected. It was unlike Archie, to ditch school where he could stare at girls, to come with me, a cold friend who pretends to be bored of him half the time. Just a loser.
"What? You can't ditch school." I protested.
"The hell I can't. My dad will let me go with you. It's my best friend we're talking about." He said. Ouch. This is how Betty must've felt when she got put down by Archie. It hurt, I didn't blame her if she cried.
"Thank you, Archie." I beamed at him.
"It's cool, so be my guest for some food, I'll pay for whatever you order. Just as a celebration. In a year, you will be taking me to your luxury mansion and feed me with your fancy food because you will have so much money. You can return the favour." He joked and I just snorted. As if. But I had to be confident, as he said.
"Okay, you know my order then." I said. He nodded, stood up and went up to the bar where Pop was to tell him our order.
The night went by quickly, so did the rest of the week.
After I pitched my novel to all of the publisher that got back to me, the only one to say yes for publishing my book was the one that published the Harry Potter series. I was beyond happy and they said we would keep in touch to talk about the details of the design and everything. I would've been a total mess and failure if it wasn't for Archie. He was there with me all along. While we were waiting, he gave me some massages (weird, huh?), encouraging words and motivated me when I was too nervous. He was a great companion, I guess he got stressed before football matches and so he learnt how to get through stress himself. It was pretty helpful what he did.
So I decided to thank him the following weekend. I went to the centre of the town, where the most beautiful flowers of the town were sold. The old lady in the shop helped me choose a bouquet of blue dendrobium and white stephanotis flowers. It was beautiful and I don't it was too girly or anything. Not like there is such a thing, but maybe he thought that way. Maybe he considered blue a manly colour, like a lot of people. He wore a lot of blue things, so I guess that was his favourite colour.
I had to stand outside his house for 5 minutes because even though I've been rehearsing what to say to him for a week straight, before we even started going to these meetings, I still got nervous.
I knew Fred wasn't home because he always works on Saturdays from 10 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon. It was 11, and Archie is usually up by now.
I knocked on the door and I felt all the life draining out of me. I was too nervous for my own good. The door opened a few moments later.
"Jughead!" He smiled. His ginger hair was messy, but pretty cute. "What's up? How comes you're here?" He asked, raising his eyebrows, but that smile was still on his face.
"Well, you know, I'm pretty thankful for what you did for me this week. You helped me a lot and I just wanted to say thank you." I said and revealed the flowers that I was holding in my hand behind my back. His reaction was priceless. His brown eyes went wide, his smile disappeared and the world's biggest grin formed on his face, his hand ended up on his forehead, the other being put onto his hips. His mouth was wide open in surprise. After a few seconds, he looked into my eyes after adoring the flowers. I just had a sly smile on my lips.
"Juggie, you shouldn't have." He was blushing now too. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, probably.
"Sssh, don't say anything. I just wanted to say thank you, that's all. I hope you don't find this gay, or anything." The last sentence came out of my mouth rather awkwardly.
"No, it's… It's great. I like it. Thank you. Wanna come in?" He took the flowers and invited me inside. I nodded and closed the door behind me as I walked into the house. "This is great. I'll just put it in a vase. Come with me, if you want." I nodded again. We went into the kitchen and he filled a glass vase up with water and was about to put the flowers in it. But I stopped him.
"No, wait. You have to take it out of the wrapper and cut it a bit shorter first. It's good for the flowers, it refreshes them. Here, I'll show you." I might've been completely out of my mind for doing this, but I got a knife out of a drawer and put it in his right hand. While I did so, our hands brushed up against each other. I placed the flowers on a cutting board and stood behind him, putting his left hand on the flower's stem to make sure it doesn't move when he's cutting it. My chest was on his back, I felt so close to him. I put the hand that was holding a knife onto the end of the stem. I let go of him. "See, now you cut it right there." He followed my instructions silently. Does he hate me now?
Then he unwrapped the wrapper and put the flowers into the vase.
"I'm going to put it into my room. Do you want to stay here for a bit?" He asked, looking a bit shaken up by what just happened.
"No, I think I'm going to go. I promised Betty that I'll help her with some essay. Sorry." I said. The truth is, I was going home. I needed to ask Kevin some questions.
"That's okay. Thanks for all of this though. They look incredibly nice." He looked down at the flowers in his hands.
"Thank you too, Archie. I'll see you later." I smiled and after he said a quiet bye, I exited the house. I ran all the way home. I needed some advice from Kevin.
After I got home and found Kevin in the living room, I sat down next to him. He was watching TV.
"Hey, Jughead." He smiled at me. He was watching some kind of soap opera, obviously. He loved drama and gossips, even in school, he knew everyone's secrets. He liked to know little details about arguments and things as such. But I was hoping I could trust him with what I wanted to ask from him.
"Hey, Kevin. What's up?" I tried to sound cool, but I think I made the opposite impression.
"Not much. You okay?" He asked, locking his eyes on the screen once again.
"Yeah. I was just thinking. Could I ask you for a tiny favour?" I asked. I was nervous as hell.
"Go on." He nodded.
"Well, I kind of like someone and I don't know if he likes me back." I sighed, slightly embarrassed. "Would you mind asking him?" I knew I was going to get into shit for this. He's going to ask stupid questions.
"Ooooh, okay, who is it?" He smirked, looking back at me.
"It's… Look, can you do it? I don't want to tell you until you promise me." I asked.
"I'm sorry, I can't. Jug, everything will come in time. Just be patient. You might screw up your whole relationship, if you have one. Like a friendship. What if he realises that you might've been the chicken who didn't dare to ask him themselves? Hm?" He had a point.
"Touché, Kev." I said, but I was impressed. Instead of wanting to know something that no one else knows so he can gossip about it, he told me what was right. "But yeah, thanks for that."
"It's okay. I promise I won't tell anyone. And good luck." He bumped our shoulders together.
"Yeah, thanks." I said and got up. I went upstairs, into my room where I just sat down on the bed. I was hoping Archie would notice the little paper that was on the flowers. It said 'I love you'.
On Monday, which I dreaded, Achie was probably going to tell me how he hated me. However, if he hadn't read it and doesn't say anything, I won't say anything either.
I was sitting in the lunch hall, eating my lasagne, enjoying that my life was not yet ended by Archie Andrews. He was going to show up any minute if he didn't get into another affair and he isn't coming to lunch because he's too busy sleeping with another chick. I might be just paranoid.
And I was right. He walked into the lunch hall just a few seconds after I thought my life would end. He got his lunch after standing in the queue for a few minutes, then came up to me. He was smiling at me, to my surprise.
"Can I sit?" He sounded excited and I just nodded because my mouth was filled with lasagne. He made small talk, asked me how I was and things, but then after a few minutes of eating in silence, he spoke up again. "Hey Jug? Can I ask you a question?" He said, with a serious facial expression.
"Sure, go ahead." Here we go, great. I felt a wave of panic was over me like an ocean wave washing over a dead fish on the beach. It was just as liberating as that because I felt dead. He hasn't mentioned anything before this point in time, he spared me the panic, but because he pretended everything was okay, and now he wants to chop me up into pieces as of why I'm a faggot, panic hit me ten times worse. It was like he slapped me twice with a bat.
"Jug?" He called my name and I stopped staring into nothing. I probably looked like a lost chicken. "Do you like anyone at the moment?" He leaned a bit forward so no one could hear. That question hit me even harder.
"Yeah, I do." I said nervously. "And you?" The moment of truth has come. Archie was going to deliver me a speech about a girl.
"I'm confused. I think I do but it's weird because he's a guy and I've never liked a guy before." He said. He seemed nervous too.
"Who is it?" I asked and I knew he wasn't going to tell me if it was me.
"He has black hair, he's tall and he's handsome. But I don't know how he feels about me." It could be three people. Me, which is probably not the reality because I'm not that handsome; Reggie, which could be possible and Kevin, which could also be possible.
"I think he likes you. How can one not like the famous Archie Andrews?" I joked. He smiled.
"Who do you like?" He asked back and if our conversation was a match, I would be 3-0 down. This was his third hit.
"He has ginger hair, he gets all the girls, he's tall too, and-" I was cut off.
"It's Jason, isn't it? God, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you felt this way. But it's sad because he's... Dead." He looked like he wanted to cry. Great. Now he thought I was in love with a dead person. I was in a deep hole filled with shit that was called friend zone.
iii. attached
(collar full by panic! at the disco)
3 and a half months have passed, meaning it was now the start of May. I was going on a tour because my book was going to be released in a few days. I have been promoting my book on talk shows, other famous writers helped me promote it too and I had to say a speech in front of the whole school about the release of my book because the people living in Riverdale were the ones that were going to understand the story mostly.
Today was the day I was leaving for a month, to go around the country and do book signings. I was nervous but Betty was coming with me to support me because she knew I would get really nervous. Me and her were sitting in my room and talking about something important.
"Jughead, you need to tell him that you like him. Today. Before we leave so you can go away and he can think about it. He will need time to process it, trust me." Betty said and stroked my back. We were both on the edge of my bed.
"Okay. When are we leaving?" I asked, showing how nervous I was by raising my eyebrows and looking at her.
"Well, in about half an hour. So we should get going. We need to get you to his house, confess and then go. Okay?" She asked, looking at her wristwatch.
"Sure." I smiled and let out a nervous sigh. I had everything ready; my suitcase that Betty got me, packed full of stuff I'll be using for the next month and also my backpack for things that I might've needed on the flights, such as my phone, book, drink, pens or whatever else. Just things that were necessary, because objects like boxers weren't needed in my bag, unless I peed myself, which I probably wasn't going to do.
So we just left my house, saying bye to Kevin. We got into the taxi that was supposed to get us to the airport. I was surprised that after we got inside the car, Betty didn't say anything. I thought we were meant to go to Archie's house.
"Hey, Betty? Did you ask the driver to go to Archie's house?" I asked, surprised. Did she plan this out?
"I did, but I think I have the ability to see the future, so I just told him that we will be stopping somewhere else when I booked us the taxi." She smiled slyly. I wanted to hug the life out of her. She always knows the right thing to do.
"Thank you, Betty." I smiled, showing my sincerity.
"It's okay, Juggie. You know, I would do almost anything to see you happy." She giggled.
"God, stop being so nice and positive. You're ruining my depressed aura." I laughed with her. I was obviously joking. She started laughing harder.
We were at Archie's house in a few minutes. The stars were shining brightly on the night sky. It was chilly outside. I was getting shaky, sweaty and nervous. My heart was racing, wanting to jump out of my chest. It was uncontrollable and it was going to be so hard to tell him. But I got out of the car and went up to the door. Betty came with me just to say goodbye and then she would sit back in the car and wait for me until I'm done with saying bye to Archie. I knocked and the door opened in about a minute.
"Jughead, Betty!" He beamed. "You're going on that tour, aren't you?" His smile was gone. It was rather sad.
"Yeah. We just wanted to say bye." I stated. Betty and Archie sad bye to each other and hugged, saying things about missing each other and stuff. She walked off and I knew it was my turn to talk. I hugged him and when we separated, I was shaking so hard. "Hey, Archie, before I go, I've got to tell you something. I don't have long, but it's been bothering me for months and I just have to let it out." He nodded nervously, so I continued. "Archie, you're my best friend. Even if you fucked things up, I still see you as that. I wish it could be more though." I bit the inside of my lip. "I know, I'm so clichéd and you're probably thinking, 'Is this the real Jughead?', but yes, it is me, you just made me crazy. You gave me this virus that spread through my whole body and I can't stop feeling this way. I'm going to go away and you can think about this. But I'm in love with you." I finished talking, wanting to see his reaction. His eyes were full of surprise, his eyebrows almost touching in his worry.
"It wasn't Jason you were talking about?" He asked, sounding confused.
"No, Arch. Of course it was you I was talking about!" I sighed. "I know, everyone in the school has fallen in love with you at some point in their lives, but all they see is what you are on the outside. I see deep inside you and I-" He cut me off.
"Jughead, what are you trying-" I cut him off too.
"And I see who you are. You are so perfectly imperfect. All those stupid things you did in your life… You're always trying to be a better person. I can truly appreciate that. That's why I love you, Archie. Because your imperfections are so perfectly aligned with mine. I know, this is going to sound stupid. But… All these fucking stars," I said, looking up at the sky. "Could die and not shine anymore because Archie Andrews, you shine the brightest. I love you, Archie." I sighed as I looked into his eyes. I wanted to throw up, partly because that was so cheesy, way too cheesy to come out of my mouth and partly because I was nervous as hell. The stars were shining and I could see them in his eyes. It was such a beautiful sight. It was so alien of me to think that, but I still did.
"You're right." He said quietly.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"It's good that you're going away. I need to think about this." He said and it kind of hurt that he didn't jump into my arms, but how could I expect that? I shouldn't get my hopes up.
"Okay, that's alright." I sighed but I wanted to cry. Just got to hold it together, Juggie. Just until you're in the taxi.
"Even if I don't feel the same way in the end, we can still be best friends, right?" His eyes were twinkling sadly. I can image mine were too.
"Yeah, of course." I smiled. "Bye, Archie." I hugged him once again. I saw him smile when I looked back from the car, ready to open the door. I sent him a small smile too. It was the most I could do. I waved, he waved back and I sat in the car.
As the driver started driving, Betty looked at me expectantly. I never thought I would be on my way to the airport to go to different cities of America for the release of my own book, and I also never thought that instead of being happy about it, I would be sobbing into my friend's lap like a baby. But life is like a box of chocolates, isn't it? It felt like I was the box, thrown onto the floor and stepped on by life.
"Sssh." Betty tried to calm me down, whispering nice things into my ears, stroking my back. I sat up and she gave me a tissue to fix myself with. "Here." Her facial expression showed me sympathy. She was too nice.
"Thank you, Betty. It's just that I don't think he likes me back. Or nor will he ever like me back. It just fucking hurts, you know." The voice that came out of my throat was not like mine. It was hoarse, sad and just different from my usual tone.
"It's okay. If there is anyone that understands you is me. But I think you guys are meant to be together. It's just the way he looks at you… That's how being loved feels. He likes you, Jughead. I'm sure of it. He just needs to accept this. Be patient, okay?" She took my hand and squeezed it. I sent a weak smile her way.
"I'm so glad you are coming along with me." I laughed a little. "Betty Cooper, the heroine of Riverdale. She's the best person around. That's what or rather who my next book is going to be about." I pretended to read out a line from my future book.
"Oh, shut up, Jug." She said shyly. She was flattered by what I said.
The rest of the ride was quiet, we were talking about things. She gave me advice on how not to be nervous or at least not appear nervous at the book signings.
When we arrived at the airport, in about an hour, we went through the 'usual' process of taking the plane, as Betty called it. We had to hand our suitcases to the baggage handlers and then we had to get our bags checked. When we were done, we went to the gate where our plane was going to be and waited about half an hour. It wasn't that interesting, but I was just stressing. Travelling usually got the best of me and threw it out the window, making me a ball of anxiety. I was chewing on my nails, on anything that was chewable. I looked like a hungry dog chewing on its toy bone.
We got on the plane, settled down and waited another half an hour until the plane finally took off. It was boring, really, I became a moany ass. Betty was constantly rolling her eyes, but of course, she was joking. Our first destination was Chicago, which was a bit less than 2 hours away. It was unbearable, I had to get up to go to the toilet a few times because I was bored and I just went in there to stretch myself and wash my face. It was late and I was getting tired. I really wanted to get to the hotel Betty booked. My book's publisher was funding everything though. They knew my book was going to be a success because they have sent it to critics and most of them said that it will be one of the best books of the year. So they knew we would be getting more money than they spent on my travel, hotels and marketing. I was glad they decided to publish my book. This could actually make me have money and I could actually be not broke for once.
The next few days were going to be hard. Or should I say weeks?
"Hey, this is Archie, I'm kind of busy right now, leave me a message and I'll call you back when I can or try calling me later. Thank you." I heard his voice on his voicemail for what it felt like the thousandth time today. I've been trying to reach him but it was hopeless. I just sighed and started speaking as I heard the beep.
"Archie, what the hell? Please call me back. I'm worried." I pressed the 'end call' button on my phone and sighed to myself, sitting on the hotel bed. Me and Betty were now in Los Angeles and we just got back from my 10th book signing. I got used to it by now. So far, the reaction to my book called 'Cryptic Summer' was quite positive. The name's origin story is that the book is the story about that summer that mysteriously changed everyone's lives in Riverdale. This was my first suggestion to the publisher and they loved it. So we left it as that.
"Jughead?" I heard the familiar feminine voice that belonged to Betty. She just got off the phone, biting her lip like crazy. She seemed anxious.
"Yeah? What's up?" I suddenly became even more nervous just by looking at her.
"Veronica said Archie is fine, she sees him every day in school, but he just blanks everyone. But he's still alive."
"Okay. Thank you, Betty." I responded. At least he was still alive. Just ignoring my calls. Maybe he dug a hole for his phone in the backyard and buried it so he didn't have to pick his phone up. But knowing how many times I've called him, the phone's battery would have been dead already and it would straight go to voicemail. But the thing is, it didn't.
The days have been passing by slowly, but I was finally in the city that my last signing was going to take place in, which was Seattle. I was insanely tired by now, but understandably because a month has passed and I've been travelling every other day and signing books. It was a Friday, a day before June started. I was on my way to the book shop the singing was going to be held in.
Betty has been acting very strange lately. I don't know what her issue was. She smiled ambiguously at me from time to time, like she was hiding something. Maybe a surprise. I hated surprises though. I don't know why, they just made me afraid because people became so secretive and annoying about it when they were planning surprises.
Soon enough, the signing started and hundreds of people started to flood the book shop, looking around, waiting for their turn. I bet there were more people there than the amount of people who lived in Riverdale. It was weird for a guy like me who grew up in a small town to see this amount of people from large cities.
The day seemed to go fast, and before I knew it, the last person was standing in front of me. He looked weird. He had a baseball hat on, I couldn't see his hair and he was wearing sunglasses and he looked incredibly cool, but undeniably suspicious and weird. It didn't matter though, it was the last book I'd be signing for a long time.
"Hey, nice to meet you, what's your name?" I smiled kindly, looking up at him. I couldn't find his eyes behind the sunglasses.
"Nice to meet you too, man. I can't wait to read your book. My name is Archibald but just write it as Arch. I like that better." He said and I just nodded, looking at the book that was now in front of me. I opened it and signed the title page. I wrote 'Thanks for your support, Arch. Hope you enjoy. – Jughead Jones'. It was funny how he had the same name as Archie.
"Here you go." I smiled at him and closed the book, ready to let him take it. However, he put another book copy of my book in front of me.
"Sorry, could you also write something for me in this one? It's for my friend, he couldn't come." He asked awkwardly.
"Sure, bud. It's a shame he couldn't come."
"Could you write this on the last page: Will you go to prom with me? And then just sign it on the first page. His name starts with a J, so just call him that. " He said and even though it was quite odd, I found it cute.
"Aw, that is adorable. I hope he says yes." I smiled as I handed the book back to him. "Thank you so much for coming and getting my book. I really hope you enjoy it."
"Thank you too. I bet it's great." He said, beaming. "Bye, have a great night, Mr. Jones."
"Bye, you too, Arch." I waved and as he left, I started to pack my stuff up. Betty came back from looking around in the shop with several books in her hand. She likes reading so this whole tour was like a shopping spree to her. But it made her happy, so I didn't care much.
I was back in school and it was weird to see the familiar faces again. Everyone was called to the sports field where the football matches took place usually. It was about the prom that was coming up. I seemed to be the star because the principal called me down from the stands where I was sitting and called me up on the temporary stage that they put up. I took the microphone from him and everyone started cheering like pre-teens who just saw their celebrity crush in real life for the first time. I just awkwardly smiled at the people.
"Thank you so much, I've kinda missed you all. It's been a long month for me but I can say I feel truly lucky to be here right now. It's been an amazing journey. I'm guessing all of you heard why I was away. I've been promoting my first book. The book I wrote about that summer that changed the people of Riverdale. It changed us. And I felt it was important for people to know how one death can shake up a small town's residents. I hope you all read it because it wasn't really big city people I wrote it for. It was Riverdale's people." I finished my speech which was quite unorganised with some lies in it because in reality, I didn't give a shit about these posers. They all pretended to be nice but really, they were evil and people I didn't want to have any relation with after I would leave high school. All I cared about was my friends. I wrote this book for myself but I wanted other people to know how a town can appear decent, but in reality, it isn't. I know I'm quite a hypocrite for saying how they pretend to be nice when they aren't, because I did the same thing, but whatever. I've only done it once, they do it every day.
Mr. Weatherbee took the microphone. Archie ran up the stage and whispered something into his ear. He nodded and handed over the microphone to him. Archie turned towards me and pulled out my book from behind his back. I've never been this confused in my life.
"Hi, Jughead." He smiled sweetly at me. "I know, I haven't spoken to you in a month. I'm sorry. But I have a question to ask you." He sighed nervously. Something big was coming. My stomach was shaking. I felt like my internal organs were experiencing an Earthquake. What was he doing? "Look." He pointed towards the people on the stands.
"Holy fuck." I whispered to myself as I took in the sight. People were holding up letters so it made a sentence. It read 'Will you got to prom with me, Jughead?'. I searched for Betty's face. This is what that girl has been hiding. I think I looked as pale as paper. I looked back at him. He was holding out the book with something written on its last page. I stepped closer to him, took the book and read what it said. I thought he couldn't surprise me more than how much he did a minute ago, but somehow, he topped himself. It read 'Will you go to prom with me, J?' It was my writing. This was the last book I signed. He was mysterious Arch. "Yes, of course, stupid." The world's biggest and happiest smile took over my face. I hugged him and I slowly put his hands around me, hugging back. It was one of the best moments of my life.
A few days later, I went to buy my suit for the prom. Betty and Veronica came with me because they wanted to buy their prom dresses. We went to the local tailor in the small mall at the centre of the town to see what they had. There was a wide range to choose from, which made it harder for us to make a decision.
However, I found a nice suit that was dark blue. Archie asked me to find myself something blue and thankfully, I found a nice outfit that fit this criteria. Betty found herself a silver dress which really suited her, and Veronica bought a pale purple dress. It looked great on her. When we stepped outside of the shop, a small crowd was waiting for me, as it turned out. They came up to me, asking for my signatures and pictures. I happily did as they asked and it warmed my icy heart to see people recognise me. That meant they actually liked the book. I talked to a few of them and after everyone was satisfied, the three of us left to get some lunch.
Prom started in half an hour, to be exact. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I have been anticipating the day Archie was finally going to tell me how he felt and what he wanted us to be. I figured he didn't just invite me to prom to tell me he doesn't like me. That would just ruin this special night.
I sounded like a teenage girl in my head, getting excited to see her crush. If it wasn't for my love for Archie and him wanting to go with me to prom, I wouldn't be fangirling about tonight. I would probably be going but only for my friends. Nothing else would motivate me. As I said, love makes you stupid. Damn right stupid. You see everything through rose-coloured glasses. My whole life, I've been seeing everything through black-tinted glasses, but now everything became nice. Hopefully, Archie wasn't going to smash this metaphorical object.
I heard the sound of car horns so I took my keys and locked the house up quickly, considering that Kevin has already gone with someone 'special', according to him. As I walked out of the house, I saw Archie's car. I quickly sat inside after running up to it.
"Hey, you look great, Juggie." He immediately complimented me, with an amazed smile on his face, like he's just seen Cinderella sit in his car.
"You look great too, Archie." I smiled. I guess he was going to kiss me. I leaned in, but he just hugged me so I hugged back. I was kind of disappointed, but I thought I was rather too excited to kiss him. Or to do anything romantic with him.
They were announcing who the prom's king and queen was. Josie was announcing it because she and her band performed their song just a minute ago. She had a massive smile on her face.
"Okay, so the king and queen of the prom are… Jughead Jones and Veronica Lodge. Congrats guys." She read the names off of a paper she just pulled out of an envelope. I forgot that people could vote for the king and queen.
Wait, what? Me?
I looked utterly confused but Archie pushed me towards the stage. We went up there to receive our crowns with Veronica, which I put onto my beanie. It looked as if I was wearing two crowns on my head. I never take off my beanie. It's sacred.
So as Josie and the Pussycats performed a slow song, Veronica and I danced. She kept whispering sarcastic jokes into my ears and I returned them, which made me want to piss myself laughing but I had to pretend to be serious. We looked like a coupe probably, but it was just two friends wanting to laugh until they started crying. This is not how I imagined to spend this night.
When the song ended and we got an applause, I went back to Archie. We danced and talked to our friends throughout the whole night until it ended. It ended without a goddamn kiss from Archie. Was he that shy? Or was he just going to let me down? Because if that was the case, both of us were going to go down on a rocky road in our friendship.
We both sat in his car and he drove me home. At first, I thought he was going to drive away, but instead, he got out of the car with me. He walked me up to the door and we were about say our goodbyes.
"Thank you for tonight." I beamed at him, but inside, I was a little disappointed.
"Thank you for coming with me too." He smiled back. We hugged and that seemed to be it. "I'll see you soon." He took a few steps away from me and I thought he was going to leave.
"Really, Archie Andrews? You make a big deal about asking me to go to prom with you, and this is all I get after a month of waiting for your answer about whether you love me or not? I didn't know this is how much of a coward you were. I'm disappointed, Arch." I just noticed he came closer to me again. "What was the point of this whole thing, I don't-" I was interrupted by something.
He quickly pulled me closer by putting his hand on and put his lips on mine. I immediately closed my eyes and melted into the kiss. I slowly eased into it and put my hands on his cheeks. We started going deeper. He licked my lips and they automatically parted. His soft lips were on finally mine, with his smooth tongue meeting my one. It felt so good to finally do his. I've been waiting for so long, but it was worth it. It was all worth it. Everyone was talking about how good Archie was at kissing, but I didn't know something could be this good. I felt like I just went to a place that I would call heaven if I was religious. It was such a great few minutes of my life.
When we separated, he slowly opened his eyes, just like I did. We looked into each other's eyes and then onto each other's lips, automatically licking them. He kissed me again, and again. And again. But then I realised. Was he just playing with me? Was I ever going to hear those certain words?
"Archie, tell me now. Do you love me?" I was still holding onto his cheeks, my back against the wall of the house. Our lips were almost touching, but I could still feel them on mine.
"I'm in love with you too, Forsythe Pendleton Jones the Third." His lips were still wet from our kisses. He looked extremely good, especially with those words coming out of his mouth. I just had a stupid smile on my face because what else was I meant to do? It was my turn to kiss him, though. I pulled him close to me, our lips melting together once more. He spoke up, his lips ghosting over mine. "Will you be my boyfriend?" My heart sped up in its pace like when a train started speeding up.
"Yes, but there's one thing you need to know." I sighed. Maybe this will make him hate me, but I hoped not. It would ruin what we had. "I'm asexual." His face hasn't changed, he was still smiling.
"Thank you for telling me, but I still love you. You're not getting rid of me that easily." He whispered and kissed me again.
I felt shivers going up and down my spine. I never thought I would have such cheesy thoughts but…
Being in love felt great.