It was just an act. Just an act.
Those were the words Kaoru had to replay in his mind over and over. Kaoru sighed and rubbed his eyes, exhausted from the day he was having. It was a normal day, an average day. So why did Kaoru feel so ….defeated. These emotions weren't knew. They plagued his mind for as long as he could remember, but they only seemed to worsen with time.
Those damn emotions. They made it hard to function day to day. The love he felt for his brother, wasn't normal. He loved his brother, far more than any brother should. He wanted to reach out and hold his brother close. Wanted to wrap his arms around him and bury his face in his brother's soft, comforting body. Breathing in his scent. He wanted to caress his brother's face. Feel his brother's lips on his own. Oh, Hikaru's taste. How he wanted to know. So much it hurt.
Kaoru shook his head, trying to remove the thoughts plaguing his mind. No, this was wrong. Hikaru was his brother. His twin brother. Not only was it wrong, it was incest. Illegal? Wasn't it?
Kaoru wanted to cry, wanting to release those pent up emotions, but he couldn't. Not only because he was stubborn, but because he was in class. Those things alone might have worked, but Hikaru being two seats away, confirmed it. Kaoru was the younger twin, by a few minutes. But he acted the older, always looking out for Hikaru. Making sure Hikaru didn't get hurt. Making sure Hikaru was safe. He didn't mind it, in fact he loved it. He loved being with Hikaru. Getting to hold Hikaru close. Giving him light pecks of affection on his nose and cheeks and face. Holding Hikaru's hand like it was his only anchor in this harsh world.
But of course, those were things they always did. Things Hikaru saw as what a brother does. Only a brother. Hikaru would never love Kaoru in any other way. Kaoru clenched his fists under the table. That's how it was supposed to be wasn't it? Just brother love. That's what was acceptable by society. Brotherly love, that's it. As much as it hurt Kaoru, as much as he wanted to curl up and die. He knew it was the best thing for his older brother. Hikaru could have a normal life. He could expand his circle, he could make more friends. He could find someone. He could settle down with a nice woman, have kids and live in one of those damn cookie cutter perfect homes. He could have someone love him like Kaoru wished he could. Someone like…someone like…Haruhi.
Haruhi was a nice girl. Haruhi was the twin's friend. She was the only one who could tell them apart. She was determined, kind, and she knew how to keep everyone in line, even Hikaru. Kaoru didn't hate Haruhi, he just wished, he could be her. Hikaru liked Haruhi, it was obvious. The way he smiled when she was around, and joked with her, letting his guard down. Haruhi was a good match for Hikaru, Haruhi could give Hikaru the things Kaoru wished he could to his brother. That's why Kaoru had been so sent on pushing Hikaru closer to her. Pushing them together. Even if it meant leaving Kaoru behind. Even if it meant the closeness they once had, would be gone. Even if it meant him fading in the background. Anything for Hikaru. Anything to see him smile.
Kaoru was shook out of his revere by the very person his heart ached for. His twin. His spitting image. Hikaru Hitachiin.
Hikaru smiled at Kaoru, "Hey, class is over, come on, get out of your daydreams. We have Host Club."
Kaoru smiled up at his brother, taking in his beauty secretly, before he stood. They may look identical, but Kaoru knew his brother was ten times more breathtakingly beautiful. Kaoru nodded, trying to hide his stressful emotions from his twin. They could read each other as if they were each other.
Hikaru wasn't fooled. He frowned "Kaoru, what's the matter? Is everything okay? You look a bit stressed."
Kaoru gulped before putting on his fake Host Club smile, sometimes even fooling Hikaru with it. Please let this be one of those times. "It's nothing Hikaru, just a bit tired."
Just let it go Hikaru, please don't press it further. I can't stand anymore stress. Hikaru frowned deeper, but didn't push it further and Kaoru sighed in his head, relieved
"Alright, but if something's going on, you know you can always tell me. We never keep secrets from each other, remember?"
Kaoru nodded, waving his hand, trying to seem non-chelate, "Yes, yes, I know Hikaru. Don't worry, I promise I'm fine."
Kaoru had to hold back more tears as he remembered the promise they made all those years ago. The promise not to lie to one another. To tell when something was bothering the other. Kaoru felt as if he betrayed Hikaru by keeping this secret from him. But he knew it was the right thing to do. Kaoru could stand being pushed into the background. But he couldn't stand being shoved away and hated. If Hikaru ever found out Kaoru's feelings, he would be disgusted, angry, he might even never speak to Kaoru again. Kaoru would never be able to bear it.
Kaoru was, again, shoved out of his thoughts by his twin. Not noticing they made it to the door of the Host Club. Kaoru blinked in surprised and he heard Hikaru sigh angrily beside him.
"Okay, obviously something is wrong with you. Host Club is about to start so we can't do anything now, but as soon as we get home, you're gonna tell me exactly what's wrong. No more secrets. No more hiding." Hikaru frowned, crossing his arms.
Kaoru bit his lip and looked down, failing to hide the pain that flashed across his face quick enough. Hikaru's eyes softened and he pulled his brother into a hug.
"Please understand it's because I worry about you. I want to know what's wrong, so I can help you. When you're sad, so am I. I'm doing this because I care. I care about you Kaoru, I love you."
Kaoru closed his eyes, wishing with all his heart Hikaru meant that in more than a brotherly way. But he knew that would never happened. Kaoru sighed, nodding as he breathed in Hikaru's scent. Feeling his arms around his own and the soft frame of Hikaru against him, calmed him slightly.
"Okay, I'm sorry. I care about you too Hikaru, I love you too". More than you will ever know.
Hikaru smiled and kissed his brother's cheek before taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. Hikaru smiled at Kaoru "Ready? Together then." The twins smiled as they opened the door of the Host Club together, every single day.
Because they care. Because they love each other. More than they will ever know.