"Yeah she's really cute…"
Those words stung my heart like you couldn't imagine. I felt as if a semi truck had run over of what was left of my shattered heart, yet still bleeding and pumping blood, trying to stay alive.
"I tried hitting on her but I don't think she understood what I meant…"
Knife jabbing after knife gabbing… It just wouldn't stop. I just wanted to take a blow to my head right there. No matter how much I like him, it was never enough. I've already told him that I loved him, but he blew it off like it was nothing… that "it" was nothing… or that "I" was nothing.
"Is something wrong?"
Nope. I'm completely fine. I'm alright. No big deal. I'm so happy right now; my cheeks are bleeding because I'm smiling so much. I could just jump right off a cliff because I'm so happy. [Trust me I want to]. I'm so happy that I'm crying. Tears of joy? I wish. More the rivers I cry every night, knowing that nothing will be okay, that nothing will EVER be okay.
"Well if you're alright then you won't mind asking her what she thinks of me…?"
Fucking get a hint. Excuse me; I didn't know I was your personal messenger girl. Would you like me to say it in English or French, the language of "love"? I can't believe you're telling me this after what we went through in the past, after everything I told you, after everything I did for you, your leading me on and just leaving me with more pain to deal with, if you really don't feel anything for me, don't lie to me.
"Ok you're being really rude and mean. What the hell is your problem?"
I'm being rude and mean? You're the one telling me every now and then that you love me and you would do anything for me, then you say that you want me to ask another girl what she thinks of you. Of course I'm going to be jealous, and if you know I like you, why in the hell would you put me though that kind of pain for me just to tell you I'm fine, when honestly, I'm not. I fake a smile to show you I'm alright, I'd do anything to see you smile, I'd walk 100 miles just to see you, when all honesty, you wouldn't do the same. I know I put you through stuff to, you don't think I don't fight for you? It hard to be with someone your family doesn't like. You don't think I don't stand up, screaming at my parents at the dinner table to show how much I love and care about you? I'm just letting you know I care about you and love you still; I don't give up that easily. I'll continue to live in my fantasy world where everything is perfect and plain as can be no fights, no pain, and no harm, no anything. So I'll sit there with this fake smile across my face and continue to pretend everything's alright, when in reality it isn't. I feel dead on the inside, like something's not there, oh wait. That's because I am dead. When I said I'd die for you…
I meant it.