Disclaimer: I do not own the Sims.
Love is Overrated
The sun was shining ever brightly, a light breeze made tree leaves rustle, and no fluffy white cloud marred the blue sky. The temperature was neither too hot nor cold; it was horribly perfect. Like all days (because every single day was just like this one – artificial and fake) it was the sort of day to waste time at the park after work.
Liam O'Dourke knew it was also, as it always was, the day to find that Perfect Someone in his life. He even smiled at Mrs. Crumplebottom. The tall, bony elderly woman growled at him, still knitting. Liam wondered to himself if she was Agnes Crumplebottom. He had been wondering this ever since extraterrestrials had accidentally transported him fifty years into the future.
Apparently Sunset Valley had been renamed: "Pleasantview."
"Hey, what the frabbit are you doing here?" a gruff, angry voice demanded. "This was my spot!"
Liam winced at the foul language. The man standing in front of him had his arms crossed over the red plaid shirt he was wearing, brown eyes narrowed. His thin lips were almost a flat horizontal line on his face, corners turned down in disapproval.
"Your spot?" Liam asked, clearing his throat. "But there's another table over there!"
He pointed to another table. Not only was it under the shade, but it was also next to a grill; it was at a much better location than the one he, Liam, was seated.
"I wanted this one!" the stranger barked. He brought his face close to Liam's, so close that his long ski-slope nose almost touched his. He jabbed Liam's chest hard with his fingers. "So get up and move you fracking piece of llama-spit!"
Liam flushed red. "How dare-!"
"On your period again, Kennedy?" someone sighed nearby. Liam hadn't noticed the oddly dressed man walking up to them; he wore a cowboy shirt and plaid golf shorts. He also wore faded gray loafers and ankle high black socks.
His hands were in his pockets, and he was slouching as though using up his energy to stand. But despite this, he had bright, intelligent eyes. His pouty mouth curved into a lazy smile. "You know, I think four-eyes has a point. There are other tables."
Liam bristled inwardly at the stranger's choice of words. Four eyes?
"What would an ugly guy like youwant, Gopinath?" Kennedy demanded, using the name like an insult. "Do you want to fight me? I'll destroy you!"
The stranger, Gopinath, didn't even bat an eye. "Why?" he drawled out. "It's too bothersome. Also, you have it backwards – I'll be the one kicking your ass. I have six body points; you have five. It'd be close, but there's a much greater chance that I would win. Now, please leave four-eyes in peace…y'know –before I decide to make a demonstration!"
Kennedy stormed off to the other picnic table, muttering choice curse words under his breath.
"Um, thanks?" Liam said. He was unsure whether or not he should be glad this odd stranger was helping him out. In a way he wished this Gopi-whatever would head in the same direction as Kennedy.
Gopinath snorted derisively and took a seat right across from Liam. "Yeah, sure, whatever." He reached into a pocket and pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and gave a long drag before exhaling a plume of bluish gray smoke.
"Don't worry four-eyes; Kennedy's just pixel and nothing else. So. What aspiration are you? You look bookish. Studying all seven skill s, no doubt. Are you CAS or from the direct neighborhood? Maybe a Legacy founder?"
Was the man insane? "What do you mean? Are you asking for my traits?"
Liam wished the man would get up and leave him alone. Maybe today wasn't the best day to go to the park after all. He had no idea what CAS or Legacy founder meant. "Traits? No. I'm asking for your lifetime aspiration. Are you Knowledge, Fortune, Family, Romance, Popularity, or Pleasure? What do you wantmost out of life?"
"You mean my Lifetime Wish? It's to be top of the Medial Career. But I also want to fall in love with someone and have a family. Look, not to sound rude, but I don't really want to talk about my private life. Especially since we just met. I haven't even told you my name; you keep calling me 'four-eyes' and on top of that ask me personal questions!"
"Why introduce each other when…" Gopinath trailed off, frowned, and then sighed in defeat. "Fine. My name is Gopinath GilsCarbo, but you may call me 'Goopy.' Pleased to meet you. What's your name?"
"Liam O'Dourke. Um, pleased to meet you, too. I think I should get going. I got up today thinking I would meet my one true love but it doesn't look like that's going to happen now. You see, somewhere there's a special woman just perfect for someone like me." Liam envisioned what sort of woman it would be. She would be tall, elegant, with a perfect smile. Maybe she would also be a computer whiz. Together they would live happily ever after and have nerdy children.
"That's very stupid, you know," Goopy said, snapping Liam out of his daydreams. "For someone who looks bookish you're actually very stupid to accept childish trash. 'I love you' boils down to, 'Let's have explicit WooHoo under the bed sheets like the wild moo-cows we truly are!'"
Liam blushed crimson. "Hey! Look here, I've always believed in true love. Regardless of what you think it does exist."
Goopy gave a contemptuous laugh. "It's all a fairy-tale told to our children's children to shut them up at night so the adults can have WooHoo in peace. Nothing more. I suggest you aim for the WooHoo without the baggage you call 'true love'. You'd be much better off falling for a piece of lint."
He put out his still burning cigarette on the picnic table, scattering ash everywhere.
Liam wrinkled his nose in disgust at the man's rude behavior.
"It's always the WooHoo they truly want. When it comes down to it everyone just wants to use and be used, whether it be sexual indulgence, violence, or psychological trauma. It's a dog-eat-dog world out here, Liam. We think it's such a perfect, civilized world. The reality (if you could even call it such a thing) is we're not as far removed from dumb animals as once thought. In fact, we're much worse."
Goopy paused and sighed, as though speaking so much was wasting valuable energy. He rolled his eyes up at the blue sky. "You'd be better off simply going in for the WooHoo and nothing else. Here's my number. Call me if you need any more of my brilliant life-changing advice; that pea-sized tumor in your head masquerading as a brain must be hungry for true knowledge of this world's workings."
"That's okay, Goopy. Thanks to this meeting I don't think I'll ever need your advice. In fact, I think I've had enough of the park. Bye!"
Liam O'Dourke pushed himself away from the picnic table and ran as fast as his toothpick legs could carry him. He almost wished that Kennedy fellow had beaten him up rather than sit through more of Goopy's insults and bad advice. He, Liam, knew true love existed. He always had believed in it. Everyone else in his life had called him a hopeless romantic. No one had called him stupid for believing that way.
No one that is, until now.
Goopy's wrong; we're not worse than animals. We have values and morals much higher than animals. Next time I see Goopy it'll be so I can feed him to my cowplant and devour his soul to prolong my life.
THE END