America's Guide to Australian Slang
Author's Note: Ohai! Sora here, just chillin' as per usual *smug grin* The inspiration for this story was: I had this little phase when I ran around with an American accent and tried to speak slang with it. Then I thought 'what if America spoke Aussie slang?' so I came up with this. Also, enjoy a free lesson on Australia while you're at it! Please read and review! By the way, this is meant as a joke and not in any way to offend anyone Australian or American, and I apologise if anyone does get offended. Anyway, enjoy!
SoRA UNDERDoG out!
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia
"G'day, mate!"
Canada nearly jumped out of his skin when America suddenly appeared behind him. Canada had been reading a book under a tree, and Mr Kumajiro was sleeping beside him. He was quite into that book, too, and he felt himself grow mad. He wanted to yell at America for being so abrupt like that. But he knew he couldn't yell at his brother like that.
"Oh, hi America," Canada said sheepishly, standing up. "I was just reading – oh, what are you wearing?"
Canada looked at America's clothing. Instead of his usual outfit, he was wearing a dirty white singlet, shorts, thongs, and a funny broad brimmed hat with little corks attached to string that hung from the brim of his hat. What confused America was that it was the middle of winter, and even though America was shivering as the cold winter breeze brushed against his skin, he was still happy to stand there, in the cold, like he was some sort of maniac.
"You must be crazy. It's winter, America! Why are you dressed in . . . that!" Canada tried to sound irritated, but his shy little voice let him down.
"Dude, it's actually summer. In the southern hemisphere, anyway. I just came from Australia's, and you should totally check out this new language I learned!" America seemed excited. He was eager to show Canada his new 'language'. Canada thought he might break America's heart if he said no, so he smiled and nodded.
"Okay, what is this new 'language?'"
"They call it Australian Slang." America explained. "Listen to this. G'day."
Canada blinked.
"How awesome is that? They greet each other by saying g'day!"
"'Guh-day?'"
"No, 'g'day!'"
"Don't you mean, 'good day?'"
"No, I mean, 'g'day.'"
"Oh-kay," Canada nodded. "Does it mean anything?"
"It's short for 'good day'"
Canada slapped his face. "That's what I said."
"Oh, and that's not all." America cleared his throat. "G'day, mate!"
Canada furrowed his brow.
"What'd you call me?"
"Mate!"
"Oh, as in friend."
America nodded.
"So, when they say 'guh-day, mate,' they're saying 'good day, friend?'"
"There, you're getting it!" America slammed his hand hard on Canada's back. Canada coughed, slightly winded by the blow.
"You look like a pretty good bloke, how 'bout we go down to the pub and I'll shout you some grog?"
Canada scratched his head.
"What's 'bloke'?"
"A man," America explained. "And Belarus and France would be a 'Sheila', which is the opposite."
Canada looked offended.
"Don't say that about France," He said softly, his little voice once again betraying him, but America continued talking anyway.
"So, grog is another word for beer. I don't know why they call it that, but that's what it is! Oh, and they call the bars in Australia 'pubs'. I don't know why they call them that either, but that's what they are!" America grinned. "Dude, after I'm done, you might be just as awesome as me! But not as awesome as Australia, he totally has this whole slang under his power. He's like the God of Australian Slang!"
"Maybe that's because he is Australia," Canada said in a matter-of-fact manner. "Anyway, back to that last one. Why would you want to shout?"
"Shout?"
"Yes, why would you want to shout?"
"I didn't say anything about shouting." America furrowed his brow. "I said I'll shout you a beer."
"No, you said 'I'll shout you some grog'"
America slapped Canada on the back again. "There we go! You're getting it, bro! Actually, that does sound like a good idea. Let's go to the pub! Your shout, you just said!"
Canada looked confused. "Wait – I didn't agree to –"
But it was too late. America was already dragging Canada to the bar. Or as America said, the 'pub'.
America sipped the froth of the beer and licked his lips. "This stuff is great!"
"That's four X gold." The bartender said boredly.
"Why do they call it four X gold?" Canada asked. He hadn't touched his glass of beer, despite he'd paid for it.
"I don't know, I'm not Australian," The bartender said.
"Apparently the cane toads don't know how to spell 'beer'." America explained. "That's what Australia told me."
Canada furrowed his brow. "I didn't know cane toads could spell."
"No, in Australia, they call people from Queensland 'cane toads', because the state is full of them. They also call Victorians 'Mexicans' because they're at the bottom of Australia. They call people in between Queensland and Victoria 'cockroaches'. I have no idea why, but that's what they do!"
Canada listened. For some reason he was actually taking an interest in something America had to say.
"They also call McDonalds 'maccas'," America continued. "They call ambulances 'Ambos', they call ketchup 'dead horse', and they call sausages 'snags', and they call barbeques 'barbies'. Actually, when Australia said he was going to have a barbie lunch, I thought he meant he was going to play with barbie dolls. But he made the best lunch ever! It was totally awesome!"
"Oi!" The bartender interrupted America. "Keep it down!"
"Sorry, dude," America said shyly. "Anyway, you put it all together, and you come up with 'g'day mate! What say we catch an ambo down to maccas and get some snags, put 'em on the barbie and top it with dead horse.' How cool is that?"
Canada had to replay that sentence. "So, you want to catch an ambulance to McDonalds to buy sausages," Canada nodded. "Yes, that makes total sense . . . not. But can you do that in Australia?"
"No, I just made that up." America said. "Anyway, I've gotta go show Iggy my awesome slang! I'll see you later, bro!"
Before Canada could say anything, America had already gone.
"G'day, mate!"
"GAH!" England jumped in fright, accidentally spilling hot tea over his lap. "God dammit, America! What do you want now?"
England stood up and reached for a napkin, wiping up the spill. He noticed America was wearing clothes completely inappropriate for the season.
"What in the world are you wearing?"
"It's called a corkscrew hat! Hey, you'll never guess where I've been!" America put his arm around England and started to give him a lesson on Australia . . .
Author's Notes: Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that! Please review!