So… It's been a really long time since I've been on fan-fiction and I am sooooooo sorry, I really don't have an excuse but looking back on some of my old stories, I realize how sucky they are so I'm gonna turn into Love and Desire into a one-shot drabble because it could honestly use some editing or in fact just a complete rewrite. This story might actually become longer than a one-shot but it's a drabble for now. Here's the new version of Love and Desire.
He knows. He knows he's messed up as soon as she looks up from the shove he gave her and he sees her eyes start to water. He knows that he's hurt her again and that he keep on hurting her but it doesn't matter because by the time he wants to tell her how sorry he is, she's already gone and it's always like this, the same cycle, he does something that hurts her, he apologizes, and she returns to him the same cycle as always. But this time he knows it's different, because something settles in his chest and it won't go away. It just won't leave.
She knows. She knows that this time it's different because she never runs off, he always leaves her behind, but she couldn't stay, because if she stayed, it wouldn't be right. She knows it's different because as she runs off, she can feel her blood pounding and this time she's not crying at all. She's furious and she's running as fast as she can, and her heart won't stop racing but it's not really from the running, it's from the feeling coursing through her veins, and she can't place it at all, even when she reaches her home and speeds into her room and she just crashes. She can't think, she can't feel, she can't understand because there's something in her mind that searing and all her thoughts are a huge blur and she can't understand anything and her head is a hot blurry mess and then it stops. It all stops. And then it's all clear for her.
He knows. He knows he's can't fix it this time because when he doesn't see her, and no one else does, he knows that that feeling in his chest wasn't just something he could ignore. It was real. So when he goes to her, instead of her going to him for the first time, his fears are proven, because she isn't there and he looks over the counter top and he sees it for the first time, the note she left for him, the note she poured her heart out into, and the feeling that settles in his chest never leaves, it just grows until it's no longer in his chest, it's dropped into the pit of his stomach as well, and it weighs him down. He doesn't think he can get back up.
She knows it's gonna be better now. Because her minds not searing anymore, nor is it racing. She doesn't feel a thing anymore because she's away from him. She's away from everyone she thought she loved and now she's gonna be happy. She moves into a new house and it's better than anything else she's ever had and she's in love with it. She's in love with this new life.
He knows it's gonna be different now. His whole life is going to be completely different and it's because she's not there. The others know it's his fault and at first they're angry, blind with rage, but they learn that no matter what she isn't coming back, so they give up on it. But he thinks about her every day and thinks about how much he actually misses her, her laugh, her smile, the way she would talk to him, her obsessing over him, just her in general. He can't think back to how he ever found her annoying because now he just wants her back more than anything, but he knows it's too late.
She's been gone for about a few years now, when she sees him again. It's by rare coincidence and she doesn't even know how it's possible because they were miles away from each other but she sees him and he sees her and everything freezes. He's the first to talk to her and a smile is on his face. He asks her how she's doing and she tells him she's been fine, that everything has been fine, because that's what it's been. She asks him the same question and he wants to tell her how bad he misses her, how bad he feels about his actions, how much he wants her back, but he knows he can't, because it's doesn't change anything. So he tells her that there fine and everyone is fine, and for some reasons, for the first time since the day she left, she feels something, for them.
And once they part ways, the feeling never leaves.