Fear. Anxiety. Hatred. Hurt. Hurt was the worse. A feeling of complete
loss and hopelessness. He wasn't sure how he could stand it anymore. And
his pain was rearing its ugly head through his dreams this time.
Frightening, vivid dreams of the past. Falling. Falling further and
further into memories he wished he could block out of his mind, but had
little hope of doing so.
Suddenly darkness surrounded him and his emerald eyes searched. "Hello?" he called into the darkness. "Is someone there?"
Nothingness answered him as he stepped forward. That's when he felt it all swirl around him. "Hello, Subaru-kun," a deep voice echoed.
/The rope that's wrapped around me is cutting through my skin. And the doubts that have surrounded me are finding their way in. I keep them close to me like a holy man prays. In my desperate hour It's better that way/
"Seishirou-san." the young man breathed. He turned to see the chocolate coloured eyed man standing with a smile placed on his lips. He was whole. Two chocolate brown eyes instead of one and then one that was clouded with blindness. Sakurazuka Seishirou stood tall, trench coat blowing around him, and sakura blossoms falling around his broad shoulders and pale face. Damn it he was beautiful.
"Have you missed me, Subaru-kun?" the elder man asked with an impish smile on his features. "Yes," Subaru managed. He felt as if his heart were being ripped from him and shred to peaces, figuratively, of course. His heart or his soul, whichever held the emotions that were running through him now. If he had listened to his impulses, he would have run up and hugged the man before him, but he had long since gained control over those childish whims.
/ So I'll come by and see you again I'll be such a very good friend Have mercy on my soul I will never let you know Where my mind has been/
Seishirou continued to smile, but it faded slightly as he continued to look over the young man. Subaru looked thinner than when he had last seen him. His remaining emerald eye was dull and almost lifeless looking, though slightly brighter since he had seen the former Sakurazukimori. There was an all about sad demeanor to the younger man that Seishirou couldn't overlook. He honestly doubted the boy had been eating right since he'd died, probably starving himself as he sank into a deeper and deeper depression. Typical, Seishirou thought. "You haven't been taking care of yourself, Subaru," he said quietly. He watched the younger man, who said nothing and only shrugged. "And not very talkative, ne?" What do you say to the man you killed five days earlier? Subaru shuddered inwardly. Indeed, what DO you say?
/Angels never came down There's no one here they want to hang around But if they knew If they knew you at all Then one by one the angels Angels would fall/
"Did you bring me here?" Subaru whispered, unable to make his voice work. "I noticed you were in pain, Subaru-kun. I've kept my eye on you these past few days. I'm very disappointed you haven't taken better care of yourself." No, that wasn't the WHOLE truth, but he had kept an eye on him a good bit of the past five days. Subaru didn't need to know he hadn't been watched 24/7. Perhaps if he thought he was being watched that often, then he would take care of himself. "I'm always in pain, Seishirou-san." The former assassin winced inwardly. "My poor Subaru-kun," he whispered, reaching a hand out toward the younger man He looked so like the boy that he had met years ago when his eyes were downcast in an unsure manner. Seishirou pulled him into an embrace. "Don't loose hope." "I have nothing to hope for. Everything is gone. It's all worthless now. I have nothing to live for any longer." There was such pain in those words that were whispered into Seishirou's coat. So much hopelessness that the young man couldn't even put into words.
/I've crept into your temple I have slept upon your pew I've dreamed of the divinity Inside and out of you I want it more than truth I can taste it on my breath I would give my life just for a little death/
The green-eyed man felt a tear roll down his cheek and he angrily wiped it away, silently cursing his weakness in front of Seishirou. He felt the other man hold his wrist firmly. "You don't have to be strong. Not in front of me, Subaru-kun." Subaru nodded, feeling the sobs come to his throat unbidden. The wracked his body as he gripped Seishirou's shoulders and sobbed into his coat. "Doshite?" he whispered over and over to the elder man. There was more to the question than his mouth would form. Why did he have to go and leave him all alone again? Why was he always so miserable? Was he destined to be alone? Was he destined to wither up and die a lonely and pathetic death? Why? Why did he have to go?
/So I'll come by and see you again I'll be just a very good friend I will not look upon your face I will not touch upon your grace Your ecclesiastic skin/
Seishirou brushed a gentle finger over the younger man's cheek. "I can't stay for long. I don't. belong with you, Subaru-kun. You're so kind." Subaru turned his eyes upward. "But, Seishirou-san, so are you." The former Sakurazukimori laughed. "Me? Kind? No, Subaru-kun. You were once innocent and I had no right to take that, no matter how much I wanted it. Or how much I wanted you. I like things that are out of my reach." "And now you're out of mine," the younger man whispered. Seishirou smiled. "I'll always be here, Subaru-kun. I won't leave you alone. Maybe, someday, I can find a way back to you, if you'll let me." "I would. like that." "So have some hope, Subaru-kun. If you loose that, you've lost the battle." Subaru nodded. His eyes grew wide as the scene started to fade. "I have to go back? All ready?" "Yes. For now, I don't belong at your side. Wait just a while longer." Subaru nodded, feeling himself being pulled by the dawn.
/I'll come by and see you again I'll have to be a very good friend If I whisper they will know I'll just turn around and go You will never know my sin/
Subaru woke to the early morning light coming through his open window. "Seishirou-san." he whispered. He pulled the covers up around his bare chest and curled into them. Seishirou-san said not to loose hope, he told himself. Somehow, I still believe what he says. I'll do my best.
/Angels would fall/
Suddenly darkness surrounded him and his emerald eyes searched. "Hello?" he called into the darkness. "Is someone there?"
Nothingness answered him as he stepped forward. That's when he felt it all swirl around him. "Hello, Subaru-kun," a deep voice echoed.
/The rope that's wrapped around me is cutting through my skin. And the doubts that have surrounded me are finding their way in. I keep them close to me like a holy man prays. In my desperate hour It's better that way/
"Seishirou-san." the young man breathed. He turned to see the chocolate coloured eyed man standing with a smile placed on his lips. He was whole. Two chocolate brown eyes instead of one and then one that was clouded with blindness. Sakurazuka Seishirou stood tall, trench coat blowing around him, and sakura blossoms falling around his broad shoulders and pale face. Damn it he was beautiful.
"Have you missed me, Subaru-kun?" the elder man asked with an impish smile on his features. "Yes," Subaru managed. He felt as if his heart were being ripped from him and shred to peaces, figuratively, of course. His heart or his soul, whichever held the emotions that were running through him now. If he had listened to his impulses, he would have run up and hugged the man before him, but he had long since gained control over those childish whims.
/ So I'll come by and see you again I'll be such a very good friend Have mercy on my soul I will never let you know Where my mind has been/
Seishirou continued to smile, but it faded slightly as he continued to look over the young man. Subaru looked thinner than when he had last seen him. His remaining emerald eye was dull and almost lifeless looking, though slightly brighter since he had seen the former Sakurazukimori. There was an all about sad demeanor to the younger man that Seishirou couldn't overlook. He honestly doubted the boy had been eating right since he'd died, probably starving himself as he sank into a deeper and deeper depression. Typical, Seishirou thought. "You haven't been taking care of yourself, Subaru," he said quietly. He watched the younger man, who said nothing and only shrugged. "And not very talkative, ne?" What do you say to the man you killed five days earlier? Subaru shuddered inwardly. Indeed, what DO you say?
/Angels never came down There's no one here they want to hang around But if they knew If they knew you at all Then one by one the angels Angels would fall/
"Did you bring me here?" Subaru whispered, unable to make his voice work. "I noticed you were in pain, Subaru-kun. I've kept my eye on you these past few days. I'm very disappointed you haven't taken better care of yourself." No, that wasn't the WHOLE truth, but he had kept an eye on him a good bit of the past five days. Subaru didn't need to know he hadn't been watched 24/7. Perhaps if he thought he was being watched that often, then he would take care of himself. "I'm always in pain, Seishirou-san." The former assassin winced inwardly. "My poor Subaru-kun," he whispered, reaching a hand out toward the younger man He looked so like the boy that he had met years ago when his eyes were downcast in an unsure manner. Seishirou pulled him into an embrace. "Don't loose hope." "I have nothing to hope for. Everything is gone. It's all worthless now. I have nothing to live for any longer." There was such pain in those words that were whispered into Seishirou's coat. So much hopelessness that the young man couldn't even put into words.
/I've crept into your temple I have slept upon your pew I've dreamed of the divinity Inside and out of you I want it more than truth I can taste it on my breath I would give my life just for a little death/
The green-eyed man felt a tear roll down his cheek and he angrily wiped it away, silently cursing his weakness in front of Seishirou. He felt the other man hold his wrist firmly. "You don't have to be strong. Not in front of me, Subaru-kun." Subaru nodded, feeling the sobs come to his throat unbidden. The wracked his body as he gripped Seishirou's shoulders and sobbed into his coat. "Doshite?" he whispered over and over to the elder man. There was more to the question than his mouth would form. Why did he have to go and leave him all alone again? Why was he always so miserable? Was he destined to be alone? Was he destined to wither up and die a lonely and pathetic death? Why? Why did he have to go?
/So I'll come by and see you again I'll be just a very good friend I will not look upon your face I will not touch upon your grace Your ecclesiastic skin/
Seishirou brushed a gentle finger over the younger man's cheek. "I can't stay for long. I don't. belong with you, Subaru-kun. You're so kind." Subaru turned his eyes upward. "But, Seishirou-san, so are you." The former Sakurazukimori laughed. "Me? Kind? No, Subaru-kun. You were once innocent and I had no right to take that, no matter how much I wanted it. Or how much I wanted you. I like things that are out of my reach." "And now you're out of mine," the younger man whispered. Seishirou smiled. "I'll always be here, Subaru-kun. I won't leave you alone. Maybe, someday, I can find a way back to you, if you'll let me." "I would. like that." "So have some hope, Subaru-kun. If you loose that, you've lost the battle." Subaru nodded. His eyes grew wide as the scene started to fade. "I have to go back? All ready?" "Yes. For now, I don't belong at your side. Wait just a while longer." Subaru nodded, feeling himself being pulled by the dawn.
/I'll come by and see you again I'll have to be a very good friend If I whisper they will know I'll just turn around and go You will never know my sin/
Subaru woke to the early morning light coming through his open window. "Seishirou-san." he whispered. He pulled the covers up around his bare chest and curled into them. Seishirou-san said not to loose hope, he told himself. Somehow, I still believe what he says. I'll do my best.
/Angels would fall/