It's dark when I wake. Parker is still sleeping and I kiss her softly on the cheek before slipping out of bed. I take a quick shower and grab a piece of toast before heading down to the street. I sit in my car for a few minutes. I'm having trouble catching my breath, my hands are shaking. "C'mon Alex! Get it together!" The pep talk helps a bit, along with the fact that I have a three hour drive before I really need to panic. With a deep breath I slip a cassette into the player and start the car.

Loud music and speed make the trip go faster and before I know it, I'm sitting outside the gates of Litchfield Federal Prison. "Ok Alex. You can do this!" I drive slowly through the gate and park in the visitor lot. I exit the car with all of the confidence I don't feel but I am not about to show any weakness. This place came close to breaking me once. I'm not going to let it get to me again. I'm going to walk in with my head held high, a free woman.

I slide into a chair in the waiting room. I don't make eye contact with anyone. I don't want to recognize anyone. I don't want anyone to recognize me. I think about Parker and how she can so easily fade into the background, be all but invisible. The thought makes me smile. Thoughts of Parker lead to more thoughts of Parker and I am so lost in my daydream that I jump when someone slides into the chair next to me and puts their hand on my shoulder.

"Mr. Healey! You scared the crap out of me!" I say as I press my hand to my chest. "Sorry Vause" he says. "I'm just surprised to see you here. I thought you were one of the ones who really might make it." "Oh no" I tell him. "I'm just here waiting for someone." "Oh" he says as he looks at the clipboard in his hands. "Nichols? You're here for Nichols?" "Nicky. Yeah. I promised I would pick her up on her out day." He looks at me with disappointment in his eyes. "Nichols, she's one of the worst." "Worst what Mr. Healey?" His face starts to turn red. "You know" he continues "one of those lesbians. She's incorrigible." I smile at that. Nicky doesn't have much respect for authority and I know she flaunts her homosexuality in front of Healey, just to upset him.

"There's really nothing wrong with that Mr. Healey. I don't think so anyway. And besides, Nicky is one of my best friends." He shakes his head. "Really Vause. I really thought you were going to make it. I really thought you were going to give up the lifestyle." I get all serious on him. "Oh Mr. Healey. I did. I really did. I'm in a long term relationship now. Monogamous and all that." That makes him happier and I don't have to tell him who exactly I'm in a relationship with. If it makes him feel good to think he 'fixed me' then I'm not going argue with him. He stands up and checks his clipboard again. "Well good Vause. I'm glad to hear it. It's been, uh, good seeing you." "You too Mr. Healey. Thanks for all of your help." He nods then looks at his clipboard one more time. He leaves without another word.

I lean my head back against the wall and smile. That went very well. I was dreading having to see anyone but I feel better now. I was treated like an adult instead of like a petulant child. I guess that's the difference between being an inmate and a citizen. I'm still the same person but the perception of who I am depends entirely on which side of the table I'm sitting at. Maybe that's something I can do. I can be an advocate for prisoners' rights. That new ambition lasts about 3 minutes before my thoughts drift back to Parker. She'd tell me I'm too cynical. Too hot headed. She's probably right. Instead I think about what I'm going to do to her when I get home.

I'm still lost in my fantasy when I hear a voice call my name. "Alex?" I open my eyes. "Nicky!" I say as I stand and open my arms. "Alex? What are you doing here?" I feel silly with my arms out and no one to hug so I let them drop. "I came to get you Nicky. Remember? I promised." She narrows her eyes. "Yeah I remember" she says. "I haven't heard from you in 8 months. You could have called. Or visited. Or sent a fucking card!" She's right. I just haven't wanted to think about anything to do with this awful place. "I'm sorry Nick. I really am. I just couldn't…" Her face softens. "Yeah. I get it. I probably would have disappeared too." She smiles. "Now will you give me that fucking hug?" she asks. I smile. "Yeah. C'mere! I love you Nick. I really do. And I'm sorry. I really am." She comes to me and gives me a tight hug. "No you're not. But it's OK. I love you too. And thank you. For coming to get me. I know it wasn't easy to come back here." I just hold her, tears running down my face. Finally I whisper, "you got all your stuff?" She lets go. "Nope. Not taking anything. I don't want to remember anything about this place. Except for this." She pulls a Saint Christopher medal out from under her shirt. "Morelli gave it to me. She was the only good thing about this place. And you." I smile. "Now can we get the fuck out of here?" "Sure Nick. Let's go home."

Nicky is quiet as we leave the building. She takes a deep breath. "You know I think they air smells better on this side of the fence" she says. I lead her to my car. "This is yours?" she asks incredulously. "She's a beauty!" She squints at me. "And exactly what I would expect from Alex Vause!" I laugh. "Get in Nick. It's a long drive back to the city." She slides into my Baby with another murmur of appreciation. "You got any Taylor Swift?" she asks. I laugh. "Sorry Nick. Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts her cakehole." I slide in an 80's rock mix tape and turn it up loud. As we hit the highway, I look over at Nick. She's got her eyes closed, the wind tying impossible knots in her crazy hair. I smile. Nick is out of prison, Parker is waiting for me at home. My life is coming together in a perfect way.

I think Nicky must be asleep so she startles me when she reaches and turns down the radio then looks at me. "So Alex, you still seeing the Ice Queen?" I glare at her. "Parker. Her name is Parker." "Ya ya." She says. "So you're still together?" "Yeah Nick we're still together." She's quiet for a few seconds. "I don't get it Vause." I give her another look. "What? What don't you get?" "Well, you and her. I mean, don't get me wrong, she's hot. Really hot. But sex is only part of it right? OK it's a really big part but…" "You don't know her Nick. She's amazing. She's smart and kind and funny and weirdly wonderful. And yeah the sex is good. Really good." That makes her smile. "I knew it!" she says sarcastically. I sigh. "You'll see" I tell her. "I'll see what?" she asks. "Nothing Nick. Nothing."

Nicky puts her head back and closes her eyes. "Nicky?" "Yeah?" "Do you have any plans?" She shrugs. "What about a place to stay?" She shrugs again. "My mom's got a place I can crash for a while." She says. "Is she home then?" I ask. "In New York?" She shrugs again. "Nah I think she's in Monaco with her boy toy of the month." "Oh" is my only answer. Nicky grew up mega rich, private schools, limos, everything a girl could ever want. I didn't have much but I had my mom. She was everything to me. I feel bad for Nicky that her mom never gave her what she needed. When she got into drugs, instead of taking her in, her mom sent her to expensive rehabs that were more like resorts than medical centers. When that didn't work, her mom disowned her and Nicky lived on the streets. It wasn't until Nicky almost died of an overdose and a heart infection that her mom came back to her. When she went to prison her mom disappeared again. I hope that they will make their peace soon. Nick is the only one of us that has any sort of family at all. It would break my heart all over again if neither one of them realizes how lucky they really are.

"Nicky?" "mmmm." "I can't take you there." She opens her eyes and looks at me with the question on her tongue. "I can't let you go there alone. I promised I would take care of you. Help you. I can't let you go back to a place where you might be tempted." "I'm a big girl Alex. I can make my own decisions. I can take care of myself." "Can you Nicky? Really? How long until you get bored? Or lonely? How long until you're back on heroin? Can I really trust you? Can you trust yourself?" She closes her eyes again with a deep sigh. "No." I let that sit for a minute. "I'm taking you home with me Nicky." Her voice is barely a whisper. "Thanks Alex."

I turn the radio back up. Nicky doesn't move. Her eyes are closed and, if I didn't know better, I would think she was sound asleep. I wonder what she's thinking about. I remember how scared I was on the day I got out. I was lucky. Parker was there for me to help me ease back into life on the outside. She gave me a home and a purpose. A reason to stay clean. I hope I can be that for Nicky. She deserves it. I want to give it to her. Nicky was the one who kept me sane at Litchfield. She may be crude and foul mouthed but she has a kind heart. Without her, I am not sure I would have survived. She's my best friend, my only real friend besides Parker. I love her dearly and I want to help her to be the person she was meant to be.

I pull up in front of our apartment building. Nicky gives a low whistle. "You live here? I'm impressed." I laugh. "Yeah well don't be. It's not what I would have chosen. If it was up to me, we would probably be in a brownstone in Brooklyn." "It's the Ice Quee….I mean Parker's place? She must be really good at what she does." I feel my cheeks color. I'm sure Nicky didn't mean it that way but, my mind goes immediately to the bedroom. "It's our place Nick. And there's room for you too." She shakes her head. "You know I used to live just around the corner from here" she says quietly. I've got nothing to say to that. I take her hand. "C'mon. I can't wait to show you around. And Parker is dying to see you." "I doubt that" she mumbles. "What?" I ask. "Nothing."

I throw open the door to our apartment with a "well? What do you think?" She shrugs. "It's nice I guess." "C'mon Nick. I know it's all overwhelming. You'll feel better when you get settled. It takes a day or two but you will feel better." She nods and follows me into the apartment. "So where's Parker" she asks. "She's not even here." I look around. I can see the subtle signs that tell me that Parker is home. She leaves very small footprints but, if you know her well enough, you can see the little things, a door cracked open, the smell of a candle, a cereal bowl in the sink. I wave my hand around. "She's here. She's probably out on the patio. She's been on edge. She wants you here. She's been counting on it. But she doesn't always handle change that well. And she's not sure you're going to like living here. Or with her." Nicky puts her hand over her heart. "That is really fucking sweet!" I shake my head. "Nick you really do have a way with words don't you?" That makes her smile. "Ok Alex, show me my room."

I smile at her. "I can do better than that" I tell her. "Let's go find Parker. She wants to be in on this. It was all her idea anyway." Nicky gives me a confused look but she quietly follows me through the bedroom to the patio. She stops at the open doorway and stares out at the park. "Fuck Alex. It's gorgeous." I laugh. "Yeah it is. But you'd say that about anything that isn't the yard at Litchfield right now." She laughs along. "Probably. But it really is a great view. Hey. I thought you said Parker was out here?" I smile at her. "Oh she is. She's just hiding." Nicky looks around. On the patio, we have a small table with a couple of chairs and a tree in a pot. No place for anyone to hide. I don't point out the metal contraptions that are bolted to the front edge of the balcony and the roof above us.

Nicky looks around again. "I don't get it?" I laugh at her again. "Go to the railing Nick." She gives me a look then tentatively steps towards the rail. She stares out and is just about to turn back to me when she glances down. "Oh Fuck! What the hell?" She steps, back clutching her chest. "Is that…?" I'm laughing harder now. She steps back to the rail and leans over to get a better look. Parker does one of her half situps and cheerfully exclaims "Hi Nicky!" "Oh my God! Fuck Parker! Alex! You scared the shit out of me! What are you doing? You two think this is funny? Well fuck you both. It's not funny at all!" I can't stop laughing and Nicky peels her eyes away from the dangling Parker and turns to glare at me. I can see Parker reach for the railing and pull herself up and over. I finally manage to say "you'll get used to it. She does it all the time." Nicky is still glaring at me while Parker stands just behind her. "I'm glad you're here Nicky" she says as she lightly puts her hand on Nicky's shoulder. Nicky jumps about three feet into the air. "Fuck! What? Parker! Geez! Don't you both know I have a bad heart? You're going to give me a heart attack!" Parker is laughing now. Slowly Nicky calms down and starts to see the humor. "You two are perfect for each other" she says. "You're both fucking crazy!"

We're still laughing as Parker walks around Nicky and comes to stand next to me. She takes me by the hand. "Did you show her yet?" she asks. "No. Not yet. It's your surprise." "It's your surprise too Alex" she says. I squeeze her hand. "OK. If you two are done with your little make out session, you wanna let me in on the joke?" "Sure Nick." I take her hand with my free one and Parker leads the three of us back through the bedroom and into the living room. "Do you want to show her your room?" Parker asks. "Nah. I think we should show her where hers is." "Yeah!" Nicky adds. "Please? I'm not sure I can handle any more of this lovey dovey shit from you two." I give her a dirty look. "Fine" I say "but you're going to just have to get used to it." Parker walks toward the door to Nicky's apartment and we follow. I can hear Nicky say under her breath, "no fucking way will I get used to that shit."

Parker opens the door and waits. Nicky slowly steps forward and peers in. She turns back toward me. "I don't get it?" "It's yours" Parker says quietly. Nicky looks at Parker, waiting for an explanation that I know she's never going to get. "It's a separate apartment. But still connected. Parker added it when she remodeled this place. Before I even got out. That's how long she's been planning to have you come here. So don't ever think that you're not wanted here. Because it's not true. You mean that much to me Nicky. To us. Will you stay? Please?" Nicky moves her stare from me to Parker. Parker nods her agreement. Nicky shakes her head and steps through to the other apartment. She takes a quick look around. When she turns back toward us, she has tears streaming down her face. "I can't believe it. No one has ever done anything like this for me." Parker takes my hand again, still waiting for Nicky to make a decision. "Of course I'll live here. I can't think of any place I'd rather be right now. I can't ever repay you though…" Parker smiles. "Just don't do drugs OK?" Nicky studies her face. "OK. I promise."