Things that go Bump in the Night
Chapter 1
As Solas slowly stirred, he turned to realize that he was alone. Fedelis had gone to sleep next to him, but now she was nowhere to be found. Once again he would have to search the castle until she turned up somewhere. Such is the case when your partner is a sleepwalker.
It was getting worse, Solas thought. When they first arrived at Skyhold, Fedelis would not make it too far outside her bedroom – she woke up in the stairwell, or her throne, or the dining room table in the main hall.
Lately, Fedelis was beginning to disappear more frequently, and the boundaries to where she could end up now spanned the entire property. Solas wondered if it was in any way related to their recent spikes in intimacy. There was definitely a correlation. Then again, it could just as likely have been due to her increased familiarity with the castle, he thought.
The time she had fallen asleep on the dining room table a few months ago was probably the worst incident thus far. Rousing people with such afflictions was never a good idea, so her companions giggled while they ate their breakfasts around her sleeping body. As she stirred between dreams, Dorian had made a game of asking her various questions.
He giggled as he questioned playfully, "What is your favorite color, Inquisitor?" Fedelis had mumbled in response, "But I already ate my breakfast." Everyone had snickered lightly, which egged the Tevinter on.
Everyone except Solas, who had cautioned Dorian regarding the inappropriateness of his actions and severity of her disorder. Solas remembered smiling at how peaceful she looked that morning, sleeping soundly on her side with arms curled up near her face.
When Dorian finally asked, "What are your plans for today, Inquisitor," he was rewarded with, "Come, Solas. We must feed the unicorns so we can fly away together." At the time, their relationship was new, and they had both been very private about it. Solas instantly buried his head into his hands with embarrassment as the rest of the table burst into a cacophony of laughter.
The wails of her companions were so loud that they startled Fedelis from her sleep. In a terrified panic, she slammed her arm into Blackwall's gravy bowl and rolled right off the table and into Iron Bull's lap.
The end result of that incident was that Blackwall and the few people surrounding him were covered in gravy, and Fedelis was covered with the contents of three different meals as she lay trembling in Bull's lap.
Though she was a good sport about the whole incident, they could see how frightened she had been and decided not to prod or disturb her in any way during such episodes in the future. If someone found her sleeping in an odd place, they would just find Solas and let him deal with the situation.
There was a running joke that had she ever been captured by the enemy, they would need to do nothing more than talk to her in her sleep or observe her acting out dreams. She would easily divulge the most intimate and embarrassing details without trepidation.
As amusing as her nighttime activities were to her companions, it always frightened Solas that tragedy might befall her during one of her episodes. It was for that reason that Leliana had positioned guards in some of the more hazardous locations around the castle – places where one could easily slip and fall to their imminent doom. Solas also made modifications to her balcony for the same reason.
As Solas slipped into a warm robe, he noticed that it was still quite early. The rays of morning sunlight had just barely touched the horizon as he began to trudge anxiously through the main hall. He checked her quarters, then the blacksmith's workshop, the library, and the rest of the main castle. No sign of her.
Chapter 2
As he walked outside into the main courtyard, the grass was wet with beads of summer morning dew. "Have you seen the Inquisitor," he asked a passing guard who had just recently been relieved of his shift. Thankfully, the guard replied, "I saw her heading towards the tavern several hours ago, but I haven't seen her since." Solas thanked the man as he jogged towards the building.
Besides the bartender, Iron Bull was the only other person therein, and he was passed out in his chair and snoring. "Have you seen the Inquisitor," he asked the barman. "I've been working in the stock room for the last several hours and haven't seen anything," the man replied. Having found nothing on the first floor, Solas ascended the stairs.
He always felt uncomfortable searching his companions' sleeping areas. The few times he had been caught, people had understood the intrusion, but it never changed the fact that it made him feel like he was perceived as some sort of pervert. Luckily Sera only had thin curtains in the entryway to her quarters. As Solas peered inside, sheer panic set in.
The two elves were stark naked and uncovered as they slept snuggled against each other. Sera was behind Fedelis and had her leg draped completely around her body. The position was entirely inappropriate, and Solas was angered by the scene, given that Sera knew of her sleepwalking condition and her relationship with him. Had Sera done this on purpose to piss him off?
Solas thought pensively for a few minutes and then decided that it would not be a good idea to rouse either of them, especially given the fact that Sera slept inches away from her bow and could grab it at any moment. Instead he turned and made a beeline for Cassandra's quarters. Surly it would be more acceptable for her to invade Sera's quarters, he thought.
The seeker awoke to a loud banging on her door. "Can I help you," she questioned irritably as she opened the door and blinked sleepily at the elf. "Please go to Sera's quarters and retrieve Fedelis," Solas requested sternly as he turned from the door expecting the seeker to follow. Cassandra was confused but put on some slippers and caught up to him.
"I have to ask, Solas. Why can't you do this yourself," Cassandra commented quizzically as they walked across the courtyard. "You will see," he responded, not wanting to explain the embarrassing situation. As she peered into the doorway of Sera's room, Cassandra's cheeks turned bright red as she whispered to Solas uncomfortably, "Um... I don't know what you're expecting me to do here, but I don't want to go into that room any more than you do."
"Maybe you could wake her up or carefully sneak her out," Solas requested. Cassandra retorted bluntly, "And take an arrow to the face? I think not." He thought about it for a second and then finally pleaded, "How about I grab the bow while you grab Fedelis?" It took some begging and the promise of an unknown favor in the future, but Cassandra finally agreed to help.
Solas and Cassandra silently tiptoed into the room. As Solas' hands grabbed the bow, Sera's eyes shot open, and the archer grabbed the loose robes around his waist. "Now," he said abruptly as Cassandra hurriedly grabbed the sleeping figure and fled the room.
A startled Sera reached behind her for the bow, which was now in Solas' hands. Panicked, he struggled against her grasp. Realizing that he still had the bow, he tossed her prized weapon into a corner and quickly pivoted his body around to break free, sending both of them tumbling onto the floor. As he bolted to his feet, Sera got up and pelted him with pillows and anything else she could find as she shouted, "What in Andraste's tits are you doing?!"
As he exited the doorway, Solas was hit in the back of the head by a shoe as Sera shouted angrily, "Get back here, arsehole!" Cassandra was waiting for him outside the room and followed him to the third floor. As the seeker cradled Solas' naked lover, he took off his robe and covered her, realizing that her clothes were likely somewhere in the pigsty that was Sera's room.
Chapter 3
"You know she's going to kill you," Cassandra stated as they walked across the wall towards Solas' rotunda. Solas didn't seem to care. He was more worried about the potential embarrassment that Fedelis would have faced had she awakened in that position. Once safely in the confines of the rotunda, Cassandra gently handed Fedelis over to Solas as she said sternly, "I'm going back to bed. Just so we're clear, when Sera DOES find you, I had nothing to do with this." He thanked her as she departed.
Solas took her back to her quarters and lovingly kissed Fedelis' forehead as he tucked her under the covers. He knew that an irate Sera would very soon start a huge scene over what had just transpired, and he preferred that his vhenan sleep undisturbed for the remainder of the morning.
"Give me one good reason not to kill you," Sera shouted furiously as she burst through the doors with her bow pointed at Solas, who angrily shouted back, "You expect ME to give you a reason after what you did?!"
With Solas' last comment, Sera let an arrow whiz right past his ear as she reloaded another and screamed, "I don't know what you're on about! You're the asshole that violated me! Is one elven girlfriend not enough for you? You need to have a whole elfy harem to yourself?!"
At that point, an enraged Solas screamed back furiously, "Are you insane?! You know about her condition, yet I find you in that scandalous position!" Sera shot another arrow towards him, this time narrowly missing his other ear. "Stop shooting at me, you lunatic" he screamed angrily. Solas looked up to see Dorian, Leliana, and a few others watching from the railings above in bewilderment.
Sera kept her bow aimed at his head as she squealed, "I don't know shite about any of that. I was drunk last night and went to sleep ALONE and woke up to your fugly face next to me!" At this point, Solas walked right past her and outside into the courtyard. They had already woken half the castle, and Solas didn't want others to hear any more of that exchange.
Finally he turned to Sera and said calmly, "I apologize for disturbing you this morning. You obviously drank too much and do not know of the situation in which I found you. I thought you did it on purpose." Sera finally lowered her bow in confusion as she asked, "I still don't know what you're on about. What happened?"
After Solas finished explaining the scene to her, Sera bellowed with laughter at the mental image of his description. "Why didn't you just knock on the door, you daft tit," she finally questioned through giggles. "Because I did not want to disturb you or embarrass Fedelis," he answered. Sera chuckled again as she stated sarcastically, "Oh yeah, I can see that your idea worked out much better..."
As Solas turned to walk away, Sera winked at him and teased, "Your girlfriend is pretty hot. She's welcome back in my bed for spooning any time." Any anger between the two had completely dissipated. As he walked away, Solas shuddered at the realization that he would have to explain the ordeal to Dorian and Leliana, who would surly be waiting for him.