Authors Note: Hello Everyone! I am brand new to this fandom. I hadn't watched any of the movies since I was really little and I was just reminded of them last week when D3 came on television. I looked up the fanfiction and I saw that the fandom needed some serious reviving... so I decided to write a fic of my own.

This first chapter is mostly just an introduction to the plot. You get a little bit of Charlie's inner turmoil here. This is Charlie/Adam just so you know.

Warnings: slash, gay sex, foul language, graphic injuries, depression, homophobia, insecurities, non-con, slight character bashing, evil!Orion and just boys being boys.

BIG THANKS TO MY WONDERFUL BETA hollywar!

Insecure

Chapter One: Worthless

Charlie Conway had confidence issues sometimes. Whether it was on his awkward looks or about his hockey abilities; he always felt inferior. Granted, he'd never let how he truly felt show; because that's not captain-like at all. But he wishes someone would reach out to reassure him once in awhile. Or he wished he could trade places with someone different, just once or twice.

Most of all, he just can't shake the feeling that he has no business being called captain anymore.

He used to play all the time. Defense, offense, penalty shots. Coach Bombay had him doing everything; believing in him. Sure, he always came second best next to Jesse Hall, but he was always active on the ice. Bombay used to look at him with pride, expect everything out of him and much more. He was always the smallest, but that never held him back.

Nothing held him back. Hell, he was responsible for holding the Ducks together when they fell apart before they even had a chance to start. They wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him, but alas; his humble efforts were overlooked when the new hotshot arrived.

He never allowed himself to become resentful of Adam Banks, but he does indulge in self pity from time to time.

Only Adam could make him feel worthless without even meaning to. On the contrary, he does the exact opposite of that; showering Charlie with compliments every chance he gets. Anybody in their right mind would think that Adam was Charlie's own personal little guidance counselor, but he's really the person that makes Charlie feel most insecure.

When they first laid eyes on each other it was like instant puppy love, and they became inseparable. As soon as Adam became more comfortable with the new team, it was like they took ownership over each other. Charlie was Adam's, Adam was Charlie's. If Adam did something Charlie would follow suit, and vice versa. If Charlie got hurt, Adam would comfort him. If Adam got hurt, Charlie's was always there to patch him up and get him back into working order again.

You would think Adam would be the one person keeping Charlie out of depression, right? But that's where Charlie's wirings get all confused and mangled together. He doesn't exactly know how Adam makes him feel.

They're best friends; had been ever since he joined the team. They were always there to make each other laugh and show each other a good time. But at the same time, Adam has always struck Charlie as a threat, someone he would have to compete with. However, as their team progressed and got better and better, Charlie realized there was never a competition.

He was never a threat.

He was just an inexperienced kid, who had been thrown into a rag tag, scanty group of children who were too poor to have a sufficient team name. He's still just an awkward, blundering child who doesn't know what to do with himself. So he clings onto a hockey team he doesn't deserve being in.

He's afraid he'll never come out of this.

When Adam came along, he was very unsure of himself too; but in a different way. He was just scared because the fact that he was put on a team with the meager kids would disrupt the status quo and upset his father. Still, he managed to pull himself out of his slump and become everyone's hero.

Charlie found his rank as 'Everyone's Best Friend' slipping from his grasp and the new recruit taking the reins. He was always an accepting person though; that's when the 'Banks&Conway' duo was born. They made a tradition to skate into each other's arms after a particularly good goal or a big win, or holding the backs of each other's heads and pressing their foreheads together for fierce pep talks or comforting words during a specifically difficult game. Though his other teammates respect for him was waning and being transferred to Adam, he was blindsided by the beautiful friendship that was flourishing between them.

He still is.

He tried not to dwell on the fact that he's not a key provider on the ice like he used to be. He tried to have fun with his friends like old times, but the attention that everyone used to reserve for him is now focused on Adam. He couldn't help but feel like that now that they have a high ranking player to lead them through the games, he's just there to take up extra space.

Looking back, that's probably all he's good for now. Like back during the Goodwill Games when they were losing to Iceland and all he could do was get intercepted and fumble over himself. He had done so bad that he felt nauseous when Bombay walked into the locker room after words to tell the team how pathetic they had been. He couldn't help but feel that every word was being directed at him, and when they had to practice that night he punished himself by pushing excessively harder and harder until he had to hurry off the ice to puke into one of the trash cans.

He cried that night. He cried so hard his throat went raw and it became hard to breathe. He was losing a big part of himself: the hockey player he once thought he was. And he felt helpless and burdensome, wanting nothing more than for the coach to come in and kick him off the team. Just to put him out of his misery. He buried his face into the pillow and wailed so hard his back arched with it, his body shook as it wracked with sobs.

He had lain in his bed for what seemed like hours, drowning in his own tears. He gripped the sheets so tight his knuckles went white with the strain. He wallowed in remorse from his newfound failure until he felt a comforting hand trail up his back and start to rub circles in the middle of it. He looked up through blurred, puffy eyes into Adam's piercing, worried gaze.

"What's this about?" Adam tutted, trying to sound scolding, but only coming across as concerned and eager to provide aid. He tugged on Charlie's shirt until the smaller boy complied and shifted so that he was sitting beside him. They were so close their thighs were touching. "Are you gonna tell me what's got you so upset?" He urged once Charlie was settled next to him.

Charlie wiped furiously at his eyes, trying to stop the merciless tears from falling down his face. He hated for Adam see him like this, a total wreck. "N-Nothing…" He peers up to see that Adam isn't buying it. "Naw, man… I'll be fine. Thanks for checking up on me, though."

Don't look him in the eye, don't look him in the eye, just don't look him in the eye…

"Bullshit," he knows Charlie all too well to believe any of the lies he's pedaling. "Why don't you just tell me what's really going on. I am your best friend, aren't I?"

Charlie shook his head, as stubborn as ever. "It's stupid."

Which only proves to worry Adam even more; Charlie has never been the one to be coy. Adam's fierce gaze scanned over Charlie in observation. "Did something happen with one of the guys? Is someone pushing you around?" His features cracked in distress. "Are you hurt?"

"No… no!" Charlie interrupted before he can fly too far off the handle. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?" He hit Charlie with the full force of his brutal scrutiny. "You can tell me, Charlie. C'mon Spazway."

Charlie's resolve crumbled upon hearing the nickname on Adam's lips. He started, "It's my fault."

He could feel the tears, heavy in his throat. "It's my fault we lost the game today. It's my fault we're one loss from elimination. It's all my fault!"

Adam's brow creases. "Oh, Charlie…"

But Charlie wasn't done yet.

"If I would've just had better balance and stayed out of everyone's way, we wouldn't've lost." He mentally curses his weakness when he feels tears start to trickle down his cheeks and sobs building up helplessly in his throat. "I'm shit at this! Sometimes I wish coach would just kick me off the team so I can stop embarrassing myself."

Adam huffed in disapproval before reaching out to cup the back of Charlie's head and bring their foreheads together. "Listen to me, Conway."

Charlie closed his eyes, trying to keep from sobbing in his friends face. "You mean too much to the team to count yourself out like this. We wouldn't be the same without you. Me, Hall, Goldberg, Mendoza. Anyone! We wouldn't be half as good as we are if we didn't have you to look out for us. Don't be ridiculous!" He reached out with the hand that wasn't holding Charlie's head and tenderly wiped the tears from the side of his friends face. Charlie basked in Adam's affection.

"Thanks Banksie." He breathed out as he allowed himself to be pulled into Adam's embrace. He reveled in the hug for a moment, knowing that Adam would probably never allow himself to show this much emotion in public.

"Alright now," Adam said, pulling away and messing up Charlie's hair. "Let's go get something to eat. I'm starving!"

Charlie followed Adam out of the room, wondering how much of the pep talk was actually true.

Another occurrence in which Charlie realized just how troublesome he is, was right before their final game of the Goodwill Games. Adam had run into the locker room smiling so big it was almost blinding. Charlie shot up from his seat with an equally huge grin, surprised to see his buddy after a long time apart.

"I woke up this morning…" the smile trailed into Adam's voice as he spoke. "And the pain was gone!"

Everybody cheered and shouted in glee to have their star player back, but Charlie just grinned so big his cheeks hurt. He was happy to have his Banksie back.

"That's great Adam, but," the cheers quieted at Bombay's tone. "We already have a full roster. I'm afraid you can't play."

Hearing this, Russ instantly started to pull off his jersey, but Charlie stopped him. They needed Russ, he was one of the star players, The Hometown Hero, but they also really needed Banks. Adam was the reason they had gotten that far in the tournament. Both of these guys were much better assets to the team than Charlie himself. He sighed, his stomach dropping to the floor. He made a decision.

"He can have my spot coach." He stepped forward to stand next to Adam. "It's the least I can do for the team." It's the only thing I can do for the team, Charlie thought bitterly, stay out of the way and let Banks do the dirty work.

The team cheered, and Charlie hoped his wince was small enough that everybody wouldn't realize how much that hurt him.

Adam hugged him then, right in front of everyone. Charlie was surprised at first, this display of affection and emotion was definitely out of the ordinary, but it was nice. Adam was so tall that Charlie's head came to rest on his chest and Adam's head rested on the top of his.

"You're the best Charlie." Adam whispered against the top of his head.

"Yeah, I know," Charlie feigned confidence, pushing away from Adam. "And don't you forget it."

Adam chuckled at that and hurried off to get suited up for the game, but Charlie had meant it to be serious. How long would it be before everyone forgot about all that he had done to better the team because of some amazing plays on the ice that weren't made by him? How long was it going to be before his short lived hockey career bit the dust? He tried to act excited, when in reality, all he felt was a cold clump of remorse in the pit of his stomach. He tried to not to show how upset he was as dressed down for a game on the bench next to Adam, who he helped pad up for a rough game on the ice.

Charlie had sat on the sidelines that game, with eyes only for Adam. He was like Banks' personal pit crew. He was there with a sweat rag if Adam had been sprinting for a while. A water bottle if he was out of breath. And as soon as Adam got a break and sat down on the bench, Charlie would be right there to ice his wrist.

The game had been emotional and intense, with the crowd on their feet the whole time. Though Charlie was making plays and did get a bit of authority, he longed to be out on the ice with his teammates. Then he remembered the way they cheered when he gave up his spot and, with a bitter taste in his mouth, he'd forget about it and barked orders at the players.

Even though the team won that game, and Adam warmed his heart by giving him the flag; Charlie was exceptionally upset by the end of the game. Everyone kept giving him compliments about how good he was at coaching, but he knew better. He knew they were just being polite, and silently celebrating that he hadn't played that day.

Now Charlie wondered… is he really that worthless?

To Be Continued...

I hoped you like it so far! Review and tell me how you feel about it!

Welcome to the SONG CORNER

Music is my inspiration, and just so you can get a feeling of what I get my ideas from, I will post a song or two here every week. Like a soundtrack of sorts.

First Song!

1. I'm Still Here (aka Jim's Theme) by John Rzeznick - I love this song. John Rzeznick is the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls and this is a song he sang for the Treasure Planet Soundtrack and it was the character Jim's Theme. I fell in love with this song when I came across a Johnny/Ponyboy music video on YouTube.

Reason: I chose this song because it reminds me of how desperate Charlie is trying to hold on to his friends and his team. (Wanna hold on and feel I belong.) That particular lyrics really turned me on to the song. The whole song is about being determined to prove himself.

Note: You will mostly find rock songs here in the corner, maybe indie from time to time, but never rap, pop etc. I want to infuse, not only the story, but the songs with their personalities. I know that this is slash, and the boys will turn up gay, but I still want them to act like their usual boyish selves. They're still boys; just boys in love.

I realize that you guys don't care whether this fic has a soundtrack or not, but I just put this up to entertain myself. Don't mind me.