Deep in the land of monsters and creatures of legend, deep deep down in the heartland of folklore...no, not Cleveland...Transylvania, something was stirring in the legendary castle of...Dr. Acula! Hm...oh, typo...DRACULA!
The large doors with even larger knockers (Get your mind out of the gutter, door knockers), opened up and a timid man stepped in. "H—hello?" He quietly asked as the large doors slammed shut behind him. "Nasty draft."
Suddenly a figure appeared on the stairs above and started to descend down the stairs. "Good evening..." He said slowly with his unique accent.
"Ah, hello there, good sir. Are you the owner of this...this shithole?" The man asked, removing his hat out of courtesy.
"That I am." The tall, menacing man kept walking down the stairs and made his way to the foyer. "I am Count-" He shrieked as he tripped and fell right down the flight of stairs. He hopped up on his feet quickly in front of the visitor when he landed. "Fuck...Dracula."
"My word, that was some fall, are you okay Mr. Fuckdracula?"
"Perfectly fine, and that's not my name, dipshit." Dracula said, slowly rubbing his back discretely. "What can we do for you, um..."
"Renfield, Mr. Dracula." Renfield said, smiling stupidly. "I am here to purchase this lovely castle and add it to my collection, though it appears that it could use some renovations."
"Well, it is rather old, and there are quite a few surprises around here." Dracula said as he motioned to the lights, which were supposed to come on. He groaned and clapped two times, which made the torches come on. "This is Transylvania after all. Come, let's retire to a more comfortable environment so I can drink your blood."
"What?"
"I said so I can drink your blo...I mean so I can sign those papers, yes..." Dracula looked around nervously, worried that he'd ruined his plans. "Let's seal the deal in blood—INK. In ink. Then perhaps we'll get a bite to eat. I MEAN...well, no, that one works. Never mind!" The two walked towards the meeting room area or whatever when suddenly the doors of the castle came flying off their hinges.
Iron Man walked through the doorway and looked around. "I am Iron Man, and this is a real vampire, not that Twilight shit." He said as he pointed to Dracula.
"VAMPIRE?" Renfield fainted from the shock like the sissy he is.
"Also, STAKE ATTACK!" Iron Man held out his hand and fired...meat steaks yet again.
The steaks all hit Dracula and he started to sizzle. "The meat, the meat! It burns! It burns! Just like the vision of walking in on Rosanne Barr in the shower, oh god it burns!" He slowly melted into the ground, leaving only his cloak.
Iron Man looked at his hand and sighed. "Once again, the wrong kind of stake, but as long as it works." He blasted one of the steaks with a repulsor ray, cooking it, and grabbed it before flying off into the distance.
Renfield woke up to the odor of burning vampire and saw the steaks lying around. "MEAT?" He fainted again.