Michonne found herself in what could only have been described as a post-apocalyptic slumber party. A few of the women had congregated in the prison common room hours ago and had been up most of the night, talking. It was the usual chatter and she hung back, not interested in participating. Eventually they'd gotten to a tough subject: Who was your first love?
Michonne didn't open up with others at the prison much and this was something she especially didn't want to share.
Seeing this as her cue to leave, she wished everyone a good night and made her way outside. It wasn't her shift to take watch but she'd volunteered to take over. She needed to get outside, needed to be alone.
If you could ignore the moans of the undead, it was actually a beautiful night. The air was cool and stars scattered the night sky. Michonne sat in Tower 1, unable to keep that last topic off her mind.
My first love, she pondered. There wasn't really a question about it. She just wasn't sure if she was able to go there. Without her permission, memories started to flood her mind of the moment where she first learned what loving someone truly meant.
Although uncharacteristically sentimental for her, Michonne heard the words to that old Roberta Flack song as she remembered their first meeting.
The first time…ever I saw your face…I thought the sun rose in your eyes…
She remembered looking into those beautiful brown eyes for the first time, the softness of his skin as she gently held his face. Michonne had been blown away by the feeling of absolute, unfettered adoration she'd felt for him. These were feelings she hadn't known could exist. Tears filled her eyes as she gazed at him, knowing that this love was one that no other could ever come close to.
Time marched on and they became even closer, establishing an iron-clad bond that no one could interfere with. He had brought out the silly side of Michonne that she had forgotten about. They'd laugh endlessly, almost at the exclusion of everyone else.
She couldn't wait to wake up in the morning and seek him out, ready to share another wonderful day together. Sometimes, she wouldn't have to go to him, as he would find her. Sleepily, Michonne would open her eyes to see him staring back at her, noses touching.
"Wake up!" he'd say, an infectious grin on his face. You couldn't feel sad with him in the room. He simply lit up the face of everyone he came in contact with. So smart, sweet, and handsome. Michonne couldn't keep the pride off her face when it came to her guy.
Like all relationships, things weren't always ideal between the two. Like anyone, he could get moody. There were times he'd pout, get mad, and refuse to hear her out. He could frustrate her like no one else and he did so, often. Michonne tried not to let the hurt show when she'd go to hold him and he'd push her away. These situations never lasted long and before she knew it, he'd return to her, arms open wide.
The ache in her heart at his loss would never fully go away. Michonne knew that this hurt was forever. The people she'd come to think of as her family were a great comfort. It felt good to have people to love and she was grateful to have so many. As wonderful as they were, though, it was impossible not to feel resentful of all the time she and her love had been robbed of. He didn't deserve what had happened to him. Really, no one deserved that kind of end, but especially not him.
Michonne's arms began to feel painfully empty. She longed to hold him again, to stroke his face, and hold his hands. She wanted so desperately to tell him how sorry she was and that she would always love him.
Beginning to cry, Michonne's eyes searched the heavens. Was there something after this life? Could he be there, waiting for her? Faith had never come easy to her and these days, it seemed more difficult than ever to imagine a God in Heaven. How could there be when the world was filled with so much horror? There had always been death and suffering, but the levels in this world had reached unimaginable heights. How could He let this happen?
It was an internal conflict that wouldn't be solved tonight or likely ever. For the sake of her sanity, Michonne had to believe there was something else up there, something after death. She had to believe that when her time came, she'd be reunited with her love. They'd be together again, safe and whole, without fear. Until then, she said a quick prayer for him, that he'd be okay until she got there.
"Love you, baby," Michonne said out loud, still staring at the stars.
She clamped her eyes shut, tears streaming as a sudden and gentle breeze hit her face. She smiled, feeling she'd gotten a response.
"Love you, Mommy."