Hi This is my first fanfiction story. Can you give me comments on how you think the story can be improved?

Tris POV

Me and my best friends have decided to break into the weapons lab tonight. It was guarded by a deadly serum and everyone called it The Death Serum.

We hated the Bureau so instead of the innocent people having their memory wiped we decided to wipe the memories of the people that worked in the Bureau.

So the rest of my friends went to make sure that none of their families were going to get affected by this memory serum.

I was determined to beat David even if it meant getting myself in danger and I didn't want any more people to get hurt.

I burst into the Weapons Lab by using explosions and the door shatters into lots of tiny pieces. I walked into the Lab and I immediately get hit by the Death Serum. I start feel dizzy and my eyesight is getting blurry. I hold onto the wall and say to myself "This isn't real" and then I feel fine again.

I see the Memory Serum at the other side of the room and I run as fast as I could and as I press the massive, red button to activate the Memory Serum David comes out of nowhere and fires a bullet into my shoulder. I scream in pain and drop down to the ground. I am thinking to myself "Was David watching me this whole time? Why didn't he stop me sooner?".

I am going into the light and I see my mother and she is telling me that it's time to give up but I don't want to give up because I am a fighter.

I am being lifted up by someone but I don't know who and I am too weak to open my eyes to see who it is. I hear this voice shouting at other people. Then its hits me its Peter's voice. He is saying "Someone help me she has been shot in the shoulder". I am being lifted from his caring, gentle arms and placed on a comfy square thing that moves.

I can hear people shouting back and though. I suddenly realise that I am in a hospital and the people that are shouting at each other are fighting to save my life.

We have stopped I wonder why we have stopped. I feel something cold on my face and then I am out like a light.

Do you think that Tris will pull through her operation?