Okay, so I freely admit that there is something wrong with me. This is another thing I found unedited in my doc folder, and I can't even tell you where the hell it came from. I got the prompt of 'Accusation' from the 30 Day Drabble Challenge, and then my brain went right into the gutter. And not even the wonderfully sexy one we all enjoy. No this is...something else. So I apologize in advance. lol

This is precisely why I don't own Fairy Tail.

Accusation

Natsu had been accused of a lot of things in his lifetime. Being impulsive. Being loud. Being obnoxious. Being smart? Yeah, that hadn't been one of them. In fact, if he had to guess, that would be the last thing anyone would ever use to label him.

And honestly, his situation now kind of proved that point. But see, he had a good reason for asking, and anyway, it wasn't actually his fault this time. As far as he was concerned, this was all Gray's doing. Him and his stupid jokes about sex. How was Natsu supposed to know that fisting had nothing to do with fighting? Or that there was another purpose for spanking outside of punishment. Or...maybe it was for punishment?

God, this was so confusing. Fisting. Pounding. Spanking. Fapping. Rimming. How the hell was anyone supposed to know what all that shit was?

Yeah, he'd really stepped in it this time, because Erza had dropped everything and dragged him right out of the guild with a glint in her eye that was downright terrifying. He was suddenly very sure he didn't want to know anymore.

Only, Erza wasn't exactly known for listening. Or respecting a person's personal space. Or recognizing terror when she saw it…

"Erza, stop!"

"Oh for the love of...would you stop being such a baby! I thought you wanted to know about this stuff!"

No, Natsu was sure he could go the rest of his life without it. He'd lasted this long; what was another 20 years?

Erza made another grab for him, and this time, her fingers made contact and closed around his bicep with an iron grip Gajeel would be proud of. "Now, come here!" she demanded, giving him a violent tug in her direction.

Before he could plant his feet firmly on the floor of Lucy's bedroom and rebalance his weight, he was sailing toward her. "ACKK! Erza what the fuck are you-"

"Don't worry so much, Natsu! I'll teach you everything!" she hummed proudly as she folded him across her knees. "Now, stay still a minute while I get your pants down."

Natsu's eyes went wide. "Wha-"

He didn't even get the word out before her hand was coming down hard on the bare skin of his ass. And then it happened again. And again. And for some reason, he was so shocked by the fact that Erza had actually spanked him that he couldn't seem to form the words to make her stop.

Until her fingers began rubbing over the stinging areas and she started talking again. "There, now that wasn't so bad. It's even better when you're all worked up."

All worked up? What the hell was she talking about? And why the hell was he still laying across her lap?

Remembering his intention to hightail it away from Erza's bizarre sex ed lesson, Natsu bolted up and had nearly succeeded in gaining his feet when Erza yanked him back down.

"Wait, I haven't even shown you the rimming yet."

Natsu shook his head wildly. "It's okay! I'm all good on the rimming and the-" He squawked as she shoved his face into the bed and grabbed for his ass cheeks. "What the hell-"

"Just...Natsu, you have to quit moving..." she said, grunting while trying to hold him down. "You'll like this! I promise!"

But Natsu wasn't convinced. Of anything. Especially of the idea that Erza was human because where the hell did she get all that strength?!

And did she just pull his ass cheeks apart?! What the fuck was she trying to do?!

His body came up off the bed with a shout, and without really thinking it through, he spun around and lost his balance. He dropped clumsily onto the bed, only barely able to yank his pants up before she was on him again.

"Oh, did you want to try the fapping first?" she hummed, sounding pleased like he'd actually made the conscious choice.

"What? No...I was just-"

Erza grinned wide, her gaze sparking with something Natsu had never seen before. "This is so much fun! Doing it with a friend makes it even better!"

He had no idea what she meant. Was she saying she'd done this stuff with a stranger? And was she the one getting it...or giving it?

And why the fuck was he wondering about it?!

Taking advantage of his distraction, Erza made a play for his pants, humming, "How did you get these back up so fast?" He'd never seen her move so fast. It was like she'd turned into Gray - a weirder one - because one minute his pants were barely covering his crotch, and the next thing he knew, his dick was free.

Face flushing red, Natsu clapped a hand over his privates. "Holy shit, what the fuck are you-"

"Okay, let me show you how to-" Erza frowned when he batted her hands away. "Natsu, you said you wanted to know what it was. I can't show you if you-"

"I'm good," he yelled, trying to get her attention so she'd leave him alone. He was done being curious. Now he just had to get her to listen. "I'm good, Erza!"

But she didn't hear him, and the fire dragon slayer gave a high-pitched yelp when she gave his hand - the one currently protecting his junk - a sharp tug and hauled him right off the bed. They fell to the floor with a loud thud, his body dropping neatly and absolutely accidentally between her legs.

...Right as Lucy walked in.

Natsu glanced up, eyes shifting between his best friend and the current bane of his existence, and knew he would never live this down.

"What in the world..." Lucy started, eyes all but bulging out of her head. "Are you two...Oh my God, in my house?!"

Horrified at the position Lucy had just found him in, Natsu scrambled up off of Erza and unintentionally catching a handful of her breast. And he couldn't help but think that now his humiliation really was complete.

He squeaked out a quick apology to both women, then grabbed his pants and made a beeline for the front door. He didn't stop when Lucy reminded him that he was butt naked or that he'd left his shoes. Because nothing else mattered but getting the hell out of there.

He'd almost made it to the door, his hand literally inches away from freedom, when Erza called out to him. "Wait Natsu! What about the fisting?!"

Lucy choked. He heard it and the sound of Erza slapping her on the back, but still, he didn't stop. He wasn't sure he'd ever stop because while he still didn't know what fisting was, he was damn sure he didn't want to find out like this.

So he did what any self-respecting man did when faced with a crazy woman.

He ran like hell.