Chapter 1: Ghost of the past

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight all rights belong to Stephenie Meyer.

This is a little one shot I wrote it would mean a lot to me if you review. This story is based in new moon and please don't worry there will be lots of updates for my stories this week starting on Tuesday as I have to go see the family tomorrow lol.

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Present Bella is in Italicize.

And past Bella is in normal writing.

Bella Pov:

My name is Isabella Marie Swan but I like to be called Bella. A few short months ago my reason for living left me. My heart felt like it was falling apart every time I thought about him or his family. It was like there was a giant hole working its way through my chest and it was opening up the loneliness that was left behind by the memories of our love.

I suppose I fell into the hole so deep that I forgot about the outside world. That's why I'm here alone in my room on Christmas Eve. Charlie was at work doing over time since he was the chief of police and most of his staff had asked for the holiday off. And let's face it, crime never sleeps. Not even in Forks.

Not that I minded of course. I guess I preferred being alone. Maybe that's the way it was always meant to be. I imagined myself living with eight cats, no family to speak to, and no one to be with for the rest of my life. Because my heart was already taken by 'Ed'- him and it would always belong to him.

As those thoughts wavered through my mind, my eyes started to droop shut. But that's when I heard a strange whisper and it sounded like it was coming from right beside me. The whispers started getting louder until I finally couldn't take it anymore and my eyes fluttered open at lightning speed.

What I saw made me release a scream in panic, I couldn't help it. I hadn't seen this person in over eight years and now suddenly he was in my room staring down at me with a wide smile on his face.

"What? How did you get in here? And what are you doing in Forks?" I shouted directly at him while looking at him square in the eye.

"Hello to you too, Izzy. Long time no see!" Adam replied in a comforting tone as he completely ignored my questions.

"Answer my question!" I screamed as I was not quite sure what to think of this boy being in my room.

"Ok, ok but I'm not sure that you're going to like the answers, Izzy. Where to start? Ah, yes well you see Izzy, I was sent here to help correct something that has been thrown directly out of wrack." He replied.

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"The Balance has been thrown and I'm here to correct that. You see when your vampire, Edward, left you, everything was thrown out of wrack. So I'm here to take you through you're past with and without Edward. Think of me as a ghost if you will. The ghost of Christmas past," Adam said in a low voice.

I remembered my childhood around Adam. We used to collect bugs and build little homes for them. Now that I think about it, I was completely grossed out .

"Ok Adam, did you fall and bang your head? I mean you're acting kind of strange!" I asked as I slowly backed away from him.

"Don't worry Izzy. Everything will be fine" Was all he said before a giant golden vortex appeared in my wall.

The sight alone almost made me faint. Adam must have seen the look on my face as he slowly approached me with his hands stretched out.

"Ohh Izzy, something's never change" He said with a small chuckle as he wrapped his arms around me and dragged me towards the golden swirling hole.

"I'M NOT GOING IN THAT THING ADAM! THERE'S NOT A CHANCE IN THIS WORLD OR THE NEXT!" I shouted at the top of my lungs as Adam continued to drag me forward.

As my words seemed to have little effect on Adam, I started kicking my legs wildly, hoping that it would make a difference. Sadly it never did. As the next thing I knew, I was being cradled in a soft pair of arms as he walked directly into the vortex.

"God I'm going to die." I muttered as my legs continue to trash wildly. This only caused Adam to laugh louder.

About three minutes later, Adam stepped out of the golden portal directly into my old home in Jacksonville.
I gasped as my eyes connected with the sight in front of me. How could this be possible? One minute I was in Forks and the next I was in Jacksonville.

Before I could even find the will to speak, Adam put me down and started to address me in a formal tone "Izzy, here's the deal. I'm not really Adam, I'm just taking his appearance as he was someone you were comfortable around in your past. We will be visiting several different places from your past. Some will be more emotional than others. Oh yeah, no one can see you. We are invisible to them. So there's no use trying to stir yourself crazy, ok?"

"What do you mean?" I shuttered as I felt a new wave of fear run through my body.

"We don't have time to explain it all over again, Izzy. We got to get you're past done with so that the two other ghosts have a chance to visit you before midnight or the magic will not work." Adam explained before leading me into the living room area where there was a sixteen year old version of myself.

I remembered this Christmas. I was sitting around the Christmas tree wishing that I could open some of my presents early but the only thing I really wanted was to have my mum and dad back together again for Christmas. Even though I knew that was impossible as Renee was now married to Phil.

As I continued staring at myself, I heard two loud pair of footsteps making their way down the hallway.

"Bella, honey what are you doing up so late?" Renee asked the younger me and that's when I saw myself shift.

I knew what was going to happen because I had lived threw it once. And I couldn't seem to stop myself shouting the word 'no' incredibly loud. But of course the ghost of Christmas past was right as they never heard my plead. I had to watch the scene unfold. My teenaged self rose from my place by the tree with my fists clutched and tears forming from my eyes.

"I couldn't sleep." I spat with as much venom in my tone as I could muster.

"Why honey?" Renee asked with concern written all over her facial features.

"I don't know. Maybe it's because I know my father won't be with me on Christmas day. Instead, I have to put up with you two all loved up on the sofa while I'm all alone." I replied angrily.

Of course the teenage me didn't know the true meaning of being alone. But I was still out of order. I had hurt Renee and Phil's feelings that night. It was so clear on their faces as I run down the hall towards my room before I broke down crying one again.

But what the teenage me never got to see made my heart bleed in remorse. Once I had left the room Renee fell into Phil's arms and started balling her heart out and of course Phil tried to comfort mum but she was just hurt so deep.

"How could she say that Phil? She knows that she's not alone. Am I truly that bad of a mother?" Renee sobbed as lone tears started to fall from her eyes once more.

All I could think was, how Renee could think that? She is the best mother a girl could ever ask for. Sure she couldn't cook very well but that could be fixed with cooking lessons. I would never swap my mother for anything and I only hoped she knew that.

Phil said all the right things when ge replied. He held my mother into a tight embrace. But before we could watch more, the scene changed and we were was at Forks High School.

"Wait! Where did Renee and Phil go?" I asked as I turned to see Adam's face.

"It was time to leave that time, Izzy. We both know how it ended. Renee could never hold anything against you," was his only reply.

I made a promise to myself that the moment this night was over, I was going to call Renee and remind her how much I love her.

"What are we doing back in Forks, at the high school no less? I never spent a Christmas here! You know holidays and all." I joked.

"I said you're past, Izzy. I never said it had to be Christmas. We are visiting some of the times you truly felt alone in your life." Adam replied as he took off walking towards the school entrance.

The school entrance was packed like usual. But that didn't matter to me or Adam as we just continued walking right through them. We walked down the hall, I started to feel the dread creep in me. All I wanted to do was turn and run from the school. As I was afraid of what I might see.

My feelings were right to swell as I looked to see the seventeen year old me struggling to carry my books before Mike rushed over to help.

"Hey Amazon, are the Cullen's away on another camping trip." Mike asked curiously. I'm sure he was wondering why a certain Cullen was not here to help me with my books.

"Yeah, you know how they love to camp when the weather is nice." Was my reply before I quickly looked down towards the ground.

I didn't remember this day but I did however remember the feeling I used to get when Edward or the Cullen's went hunting for the day or ever longer. The feeling was loneliness. I was nothing unless I had them here with me. Thinking of his name made the hole inside my chest grow wider and I couldn't stop myself from circling my arms around myself in hopes that it would keep me together.

"Izzy, are you ok?" Adam asked in a concerned tone.

"I will be." I whispered before looking towards the floor instead of my past self.

As I looked back up, I noticed that the scene had changed one again. This time we were reliving the only memory I wished I would never have to see again.

It started with the words that sent my heart into a panic. "Bella were leaving."

Yeah, that's right. Adam must have thought it would be somewhat funny to watch me suffer through this again.

This was the night Edward left me. My heart broke into a thousand pieces. Opening the hole that contained my hurt and my loneliness. All I could do was watch the scene unfold and try to hold myself together long enough to see Edward one last time.

I remembered thinking that I knew this time would come but I never thought it would be so soon. Without really thinking about it, I started to voice my thoughts.

"Why now? Can't we wait just a little bit longer?" I asked Edward.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we spend in Forks? Carlisle is barely passing for his age and people are starting to notice." He replied but his answer confused me as I thought the reason we were leaving together was so that his family could live in peace.

If only I knew what was about to unfold, maybe I could have willed myself to put up a better fight.

Remembering how I stood there staring at him. I tried to get my answers but his cold stare was only making me back track through my thoughts. That's when I realized that I must have misunderstood that when Edward meant we, he meant him and his family.

"When you say we?" I whispered brokenly.

My heart almost broke once again as I heard myself shutter those word.

"I mean my family and myself, Bella,"

From the moment that those words passed his lips, I felt fear seize my body and to tell you the truth I've never felt more breakable than in that moment.

"Ok, I'll go with you," I replied urgently.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going is not the right place for you. My world is not for you." Edward mumbled quietly but sternly as he looked towards the dirt covered floor.

If only you knew how wrong you are, Edward. I thought to myself as I watched my past self break down.

"Where you are is where I need to be, Edward. I love you. What happened with Jasper was nothing, Edward, NOTHING!" I shouted as I felt my heart breaking piece by piece.

"Your right. I should've expect that kind of thing to happen when we're so close." Edward said strongly. It seemed like my words had just determined things more clearly to him.

"You promised you would never leave." I whispered.

I was finding it very hard to hold myself together at this point but Edward just cut me off by giving me the same cold expression all over again.

"As long as it was best for you." Edward replied in a slow motion voice, as if he was trying to make sure that I caught onto every single word he said.

"No. This is about my soul, isn't it? Take it. I don't want it without you!" I sobbed before suddenly all the liquid in his eyes froze and if I thought his expression was cold before… That was a god send compared to the stare I was getting now.

As I saw the memory unfold, a cold feeling washed through me. I felt the hurt and the loneliness run through me once again. Remembering that Edward did not love me once again.

"I don't want you to come with me." He said each word slowly, one by one, as he watched my face absorb what he just said.

"You don't want me?" I whispered as I was scared to hear his answer.

"No. I've let this go on too long and for that I am truly sorry," He replied as he stared blankly into space.

"Don't. Please don't do this." I begged as I slowly closed my eyes and wished that this nightmare would just end.

"You're not good for me Bella," he stated as he turned his argument around.

I remembered how I couldn't find it within myself to disagree. I knew I would never be good enough for him. From the moment I had met Edward, I never understood what he would ever see in a plain girl like me. And this conversation just proved that I was right all along.

"If that's what you want?" I questioned in hopes that he would change his mind but the only response I got was a stiff nod. My whole body was numb and only a moment later I felt an earthquake erupt from my body.

"Please do me one favour," He asked in a pleading tone.

"Anything," I vowed as I knew that I would do anything Edward asked me.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying? I am thinking of Charlie of course, he needs you." Was all he said before I nodded my head helplessly in agreement.

"And I will make you a promise in return. This will be the last time you ever see me. You will not hear from me or my family again. Good bye, Bella," He promised before I felt him lean forward and press his cold lips to my forehead.

That one last kiss still remained with me. The feel of his cold lips were the best feeling in the world and I only hoped that I would never forgot.

As I stared directly at myself, I remembered the feelings that were running through me. The reason why I had closed my eyes, as I cried, to lock that final kiss in my mind. But when I opened them again, a fresh breeze caressed my face and that's when I realised my Edward was gone.

Without hesitation my younger self started walking deeper and deeper into the woodlands hoping to find Edward so that I could beg him to stay. I needed him more than anything else in this world. It felt like I had been walking for days. When I suddenly fell to my knees on the forest floor and wrapped my arms around myself as I tried to hold myself together.

By the time the scene finished, I was on my knees. Breathing heavily as I wished for the ground to shallow me whole. The feelings were all new now and the hurt and the loneliness had doubled.

"It's ok, Izzy. Its over" The ghost said sadly.

I could practically feel the concern and worry coming off of him in waves.

"Why did you have to show me that?" I whispered through my sobs.

"This was the reason I was sent, Izzy. This was one of the reasons you are so cold and alone. Charlie wanted to spend Christmas with you but you were just so out of it that he didn't see the point anymore, Izzy." Adam said sternly. I could still hear the edge of comfort in his tone.

Before I could comment, I noticed that we were once again in my room and I couldn't be more pleased.

"Ok Izzy, this is where we part ways. Remember, two other ghosts will come to you tonight. And if you show us that you could turn this all around, you might get another chance." Was all the ghost of Christmas past said before he disappeared out of my sight.

I still couldn't quiet grasp the fact that a ghost had visited me on Christmas Eve none the less. It was like that DVD, a Muppet's Christmas Carol or Ghost of Girlfriends Past but without the long history of girlfriends. All I could wander was what the next ghost had in store for me as I tried to pull myself together once again.

A/N: Ahh my first chapter has been Beta-ed by the LittleLambForever9195 aka Jocelyn, she got this back to me really quick so please give her a big pat on the back love gem

Also please remember to review as it really makes me smile xoxox