Chapter 1: Waking up angry

A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This story starts off when Bella is still in a semi-comatose state. The point of difference is that when Renee comes to take her & Bella flies of the rails she runs away. She is angry and wants to confront the person who hurt her. NOTE: This is a reposting of an old story I pulled many moons ago. I decided to dust it off, try a bit of a spit polish & see if I could come up with something shiny.

I have to give smooches to the usual suspects Gabbysway2 and CorrinaT and say massive heart-trobbing thank you's to Boydblog for being a super-beta and taking this story on knowing that it would be a complete fic before it was posted (yes I did say it's complete) and agreeing anyway. I would also like to thank Edwardsisobel for pre-reading & offering her feedback. Those two helped refine it, but I may have broken it again so any errors below are on me.

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Seven days.

It had only been seven days since my world imploded.

It had only been seven days since the sun left and darkness entered my life.

Seven days.

I hadn't been able to function. I was aware that time was passing by, but only as a vague notion—a strange concept that related to other people but had no hold over me. I didn't count the days by the number of times the sun rose in the morning, because the sun no longer existed for me. Instead, I counted the passing of days by the number of nightmares; by the number of times I'd woken screaming; and by the number of times the words 'He left me' escaped my lips, unbidden and unwelcome.

672.

I stared up at the ceiling, a break from staring at my wall, the only decision I was really up to making. Instead, my entire mind focused on trying to forget the few short minutes, and the few horrid words, that had destroyed my life and would haunt me forever. I wanted to be able to close my eyes and drift away. I longed to fall into unconsciousness, but was afraid to sleep. Dreams were the companion of sleep and dreams no longer existed for me–only nightmares.

Someone knocked on the front door. I heard the sound and tried to push it out of my mind. I had no interest. I didn't care who it was or what they wanted. It would no doubt be just another in a long line of faces trying to offer their support when I didn't want it. Visitors had been arriving all week to see if Charlie was coping; if I was. In a way it was good, it gave Charlie a distraction from me.

Distraction.

I shuddered and felt the sting as his words flooded back into my mind, 'Well, I won't forget. But my kind...we're easily distracted.' I knew would have to strike the word from my vocabulary, to render it unusable so the pain couldn't sneak up on me unannounced again.

I heard voices on the stairs; one low and one high but both speaking in a whispered hush. If I had cared more about what was going on, I might have strained to listen, I might have even succeeded in learning more about their conversation. But I didn't care, so I didn't listen and I didn't know.

A soft knock on my bedroom door garnered less than a second of my attention before my eyes returned to their unfocused spot on the ceiling..

My bedroom door cracked open surprising me a little because the visitors who made it up the stairs never entered when I failed to respond to their knocks. Only Charlie did that, but he usually pushed the door open completely. The surprise settled heavily on me, working its way around the shell of emptiness I had created in an effort to stop myself from feeling. The shock of feeling any emotion other than the heartbreak I'd felt for seven days, was almost too much. It felt like everything was too much for me to handle.

My mother's face appeared around the door. The look of sympathy she wore broke my heart all over again, but no tears came because I had none left.

"Bella, honey, are you alright? Charlie says you've been having a hard time."

I didn't mean to say anything, but in one of those unwanted moments, the words escaped my lips without permission. "He left me."

673.

"I know baby." She walked over to my chest of drawers and laid a suitcase on it. I vaguely wondered if she was staying for a while. She walked back over to me, sitting beside my legs on the bed before leaning over me and gently stroking my face. I turned to nuzzle into her hand, hating myself for wishing it was cold and attached to the only person who could take my pain away.

"Sweetie…Charlie and I have been talking, and we both agree that it would be best if you come to Jacksonville, to live with me and Phil."

"What? No!"

I shocked myself that I was able to speak so forcibly, even if it only consisted of two words. I had wondered if 'He left me' was going to be the only thing I would be able to say for the rest of my life.

"Why not sweetie?" Mom asked. "I've missed you, and you're not doing anyone any good sitting up here in your room all alone."

"Charlie needs me."

I was getting better at the 'having a conversation' thing, although I realised I would have to work on keeping my emotions in check because my voice had a definite ring of hysteria in it.

"Charlie will be okay. Besides, he wants you to go to Jacksonville with me."

The words hit me like a block of ice and cold realisation dawned. I'm not good enough for Charlie either.

"He doesn't want me here?"

It was the second time in seven days I had been discarded. The second time in seven days someone I cared about didn't want me. A hole opened up in my chest and I couldn't breathe. I curled tighter into myself as I wrapped my arms around my chest to contain the tattered pieces that threatened to break free.

"Of course he still wants you here, sweetie." Renee's voice was soft and full of the sorrow I felt. "It's just that we both agree that you might...heal a little bit quicker down in Jacksonville."

I tried to understand what she was saying. I assumed she thought sunny Jacksonville, the polar-opposite of rainy Forks, would be just what I needed. In Jacksonville, it would be hard for me to find an excuse to stay rugged up in bed under a pile of blankets. But she didn't understand me; I liked my excuses. I couldn't leave Forks. Doing so would mean that I would leave behind all my memories of him and I wanted to cling to every one of them, even the painful ones. Cling to them, never to forget a single one, but never ever think about them again.

Renee took a deep breath and stood slowly. I could tell she wanted to say something more, or to help me out somehow, but she was lost. She had no more idea about how to begin fixing the hole than I did. She walked back to my dresser, leaning heavily against it and taking a second deep breath. She looked back over at me for a few moments.

"It will help you," she whispered, and proceeded to place some of my clothes into the suitcase.

Once it filtered through, and I comprehended what she was doing, an anger began to build from deep within me.

How dare she assume she knows what is right for me? How dare she make rash decisions that will affect the rest of my life?

I watched her calmly packing my things, and I became incensed. I used my rage to find the strength to stand, throwing my blankets off of me in the process. It was the first time I had done anything in the last seven days, and it was instant relief to have purpose again. I stalked over to the dresser, grabbed her wrist roughly to stop her hand. I pulled her around to face me.

"I. Am. Not. Going!"

My face was burning with a heat that I had never known. My breaths came in ragged pants. My numbness had been shattered and in its place, anger smouldered. In that moment, I felt dangerous. I felt like I could attack her. I wanted to attack her. No…not her. I wanted to attack him. As useless as my anger would be in the face of his strength and speed, I wanted to find him and make him pay for what he'd done to me. How dare he play with my emotions that way? How dare he lead me on and play 'pretend' like some deranged kindergartener playing house.

I realised I was still holding Renee's arm, squeezing it tightly in my fury. As that awareness dawned on me, my eyes travelled to my hand where it was clamped tightly around her wrist. The skin beneath my fingers was white, the area around it an angry shade of red. I turned my face up to her to apologise, and met eyes filled with fear and concern in equal measure. She had never seen me like this, never thought me capable of violence. It was out of character for me; even I knew that. I gazed at my hand for a second before opening my fingers and dropping her wrist. "I'm sorry, Mom."

And I was, sorry for so many things that she would never know about. But most of all I was sorry for what I was about to do. A plan was forming in my head. I wanted—needed—to find him. To make him pay.

I spoke again, trying to sound calm and in control, basically everything I wasn't. "I'm sorry, Mom," I whispered, knowing I would have more control over my voice if I kept it low. "Maybe I'll come down to Florida after all, just for a visit. Go downstairs. I'll finish packing and have a shower. I'll be down in a few minutes."

She seemed surprised at my change in attitude but I had to make her believe. I stared at her imploringly, silently begging her to allow me this.

"I'll see you downstairs in a moment," she said, touching my shoulder lightly, supportively.

As soon as her touch was gone, I felt terrible. I was about to deceive her in the worst possible way, but I had no choice. I knew what I needed to do; I just had to figure out the best way to do it. I quickly thought through my options. If I leave now, where will I go? I wondered how to even start looking for something—someone—that doesn't want to be found. I had lost all links with his world. I knew there was no way his family had gone to California. That may have been the lie they told the hospital staff when they left Forks, but I knew better than that. There was no way they would move somewhere so sunny. They preferred the North, the cold. Somewhere like Alaska.

I recalled one link. He had told me about another coven; another family in Denali, just like his family, who fed only on animals. I knew they thought of the Denali clan as family. Surely someone there would at least have some knowledge, some tiny piece of information that might help me.

I threw a random selection of clothes into the suitcase, trying to concentrate on packing just lightweight items, the sort that would be suitable for Jacksonville, not that I had a huge selection. Then I grabbed my duffle bag and filled it with all of my winter clothes. I knew wherever they were—wherever he was—would be cold and overcast. As I shoved my clothes roughly into my bag, sorrow over what I was about to do settled into me. Since making my decision moments earlier, the rage I had felt had simmered just beneath the surface, threatening to erupt again. The sadness and the anger battled for dominance, and I knew I needed to calm down enough to get out of Forks. If Charlie or Renee saw through my act, I would not be able to get away from them long enough to begin my search. I need to find him.

I reached under my bed and pulled out a roll of bills I had stashed away. I threw it into my bag, tossing my passport on top, just in case. I knew the money wouldn't be enough. I needed to get more somehow. A quick glance at the clock confirmed the bank in town would be open. I took in a deep breath as I realised I would have to access all the savings in my bank account—my meagre college fund. I had no idea how much I would need. I would sleep in the truck if I needed to, I certainly wouldn't be able to afford even abudget motel. But the way I felt, I would have walked barefoot across the country to find him; to get the opportunity to vent at him, to yell and scream and tell him how I felt. To tell him how angry I was, how hurt I was and just how much I missed him.

I raced into the shower. I enjoyed the steaming water while I could; this might be my last opportunity to access hot, running water for a while. When the water had run cold, I turned the water off and wrapped a towel around me. Once I was dressed, I crossed the hall to my bedroom and shut the door silently before sliding open my window. I threw my duffle bag to the ground below as gently as I could manage, before pushing my pillow and blanket out after it. I could only hope that Charlie and Renee were in the kitchen and didn't notice the items falling past the living room window. I took a deep breath as the realisation of what I was about to do hit me again. I stood in front of the small student desk Charlie had lovingly arranged for me and wrote a quick note addressed to both Charlie and Renee, apologising for what I was about to do. Then I said a silent goodbye to everything in my room, picked up the suitcase and headed downstairs.

I tried to rearrange my face into a smile as I took each step slowly. I thought I had it almost near the mark, but after seeing Charlie and Renee's faces I wondered how far off I actually was.

I handed my suitcase to Renee. "If you don't mind, I'd like to drive into town for a few minutes. Say goodbye to a few memories, you know."

Renee nodded. "I'll take you on the way to the airport."

"No," I said, almost too quickly. I needed to be calmer if I wanted to avoid being stopped before I could leave. "I meant by myself. Just one last drive in my truck. I really want to say goodbye to some of my friends on my own." I almost congratulated myself on being able to lie so successfully. It was easier to lie, when you felt nothing but anger and hurt.

Charlie and Renee exchanged glances, obviously concerned about my sudden shift in attitude. A heavy silence settled over the room. Part of me wanted to babble endlessly until I had them convinced of my lies, but I knew it would be counterproductive. Finally, Renee must have decided to trust me; there was no reason for her to doubt what I was saying. I was always well behaved and I'd never caused either of them any real trouble. Other than the previous week, I'd always been the adult in my relationships with both of my parents.

"Okay baby, but don't be too long. The plane leaves at one this afternoon."

I nodded. I couldn't trust myself to do anymore than that. A lump formed in my throat as I realised I wouldn't even be able to hug them goodbye. I turned and headed toward the front door. As I walked, I brought my hands around in front of me to hide the fact that they were shaking violently. I held my breath as I reached the threshold.

As soon as I pulled the front door shut behind me, I raced over to where my bag had fallen onto the ground. Of course it was damp. Stupid overcast Forks. I threw everything in the back of the truck before climbing into the driver's seat. I took another couple of deep breaths to steady myself before turning the key in the ignition.

I drove through the centre of town, stopped to fill the truck with gas and then drove straight to the bank. I knew that withdrawing my money, and closing my account, would draw suspicion from Mrs Stanley and she would call Charlie almost instantly. I knew I had just moments to make my break from Forks the minute I was out of the bank or Charlie would have the chance to catch up to me. The only diversion I had was that he would assume I was heading to California.

As I had suspected, Mrs Stanley gave me an odd look from behind the bank counter as soon as I asked her to close my account.

"I'm going to live with my mother in Jacksonville for a while, get my mind off things," I said to her, not hiding the sorrow on my face. I'd thought of a way to try to buy myself just a little more time. "I was planning on driving to your house to say goodbye to Jess now in fact."

She smiled sadly. "I know Jessica will miss you."

I nodded, and tried not to be too hasty when I took the bills she had placed on the counter. "Well, I guess I'll probably see you later."

I turned and walked out of the bank, heading for my truck and trying desperately not to break into a run.

This time, there was no pause before I turned the key, ripping the engine to life. There was no hesitation as I drove out of town. I watched in my rear-vision mirror as I passed the familiar sights, trying to stop the thoughts that came unbidden; memories of me and him together in so many familiar places. Tears were rolling down my face as I reached the interstate, but I couldn't allow myself to stop. I was officially leaving behind my childhood, and leaving behind my family, to head into the unknown.

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A/N:- Some of my long-time readers may have read the original version of this. Overall the story hasn't changed significantly, but the writing & detail have been refined & shined. I'm not saying it's perfect, but it's much improved over the original and I am really happy to be reposting it. I've spent the time doing all of the edits & sending it all off to be betad to try to avoid the waiting time for you, my lovely readers. I envisage posting once every few days unless something major happens in my RL. I could post it all up in a lump sum, but I want to give just a little bit of time between chaps for you to digest the story :)