Apology Not Accepted.
Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan-based story. Naruto, Naruto: Shippūden, and Boruto: Naruto Next Generations are all owned by Masashi Kishimoto.
"Do you love me?" She asked.
I opened my mouth, ready to say yes, but guilt gripped my heart and I paused. I looked into her eyes and I could see my reflection in them. For a moment, I allowed myself to see a future with her but looked away, ashamed.
She placed a hand on my cheek, eyebrows creased as she tenderly scratched my beard. She waited for a response, but it never came. Finally, she smiled as she pushed me away to sit upright on the bed. She unclipped her hair, held tightly in a bun during the day, and grabbed a towel from the foot of the bed. Suddenly she looks back at me and my heart jumps, I feel her eyes roam every inch of my body and I pull the covers over me to hide from her piercing gaze. I know I'm a coward, but I don't have the heart to break hers.
Still, I need to tell her. She needs to know.
"Sakura, I need to talk to you." I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. My body felt like it was on fire; like I had been placed on a rotisserie, tortured to rotate endlessly until I tell her truth, my only salvation.
"Can this wait?" She frowned, taking a quick glance at the clock on the corner of our bed. She had to get ready for work. She was a nurse at the local hospital. She works in the emergency room and often comes home sweaty, exhausted, and soaked in other people's blood. Her nightmares often leave her paralyzed in her sleep and I have to hold her frozen body to reassure her that she's not alone, that she's safe.
She bites her lip and I hesitate. I hadn't expected an interruption. Frankly, I don't know what I was expecting.
"I'm sorry Honey, but I have to get ready," She briskly moves across the room and places a kiss on my cheek, "We'll talk more when I get out. Okay?" I'm left numb. The knot in my stomach seems to have tightened the moment she pressed her lips to my cheek and I try my best to hold back the contents of my stomach from gushing out over the bed and ruining the sheets Sakura had bought to commemorate our first night together.
As I look around the room I'm reminded of our time together. We met five years ago, but I knew she was the one for me the moment I saw her. It sounds cliché, but the minute I heard her soft, canorous voice, I fell. Hard.
I had been rushed to the hospital after a drunk driver clipped me with his rusty, beaten down Cadillac. From what she told me, both of my legs were snapped in half and most of my ribs were stabbed into my lungs, but I was too doped up on painkillers to feel any pain. I just remember her. She walked with grace and held herself like a queen. I don't know if it was love at first sight or the drugs pumped into my bloodstream, but I could swear there was a halo around her shoulder length, pink hair.
I shook my head, then got off the bed. I needed to keep myself busy to distract from the thoughts haunting me. As she showered, I grabbed her uniform from the closet and laid it on the bed. I looked over the silk and smiled when I noticed the pink stain on the collar. She had been busy with work, and I took it upon myself to be useful around the house. She didn't have much time to wash her clothes, so I thought it'd be nice to surprise her with a washed set before she headed to work. Unfortunately, I didn't pay attention and accidentally mixed a red sock with her uniform and the rest is history. It was her first uniform, so she was hard-pressed to replace it, instead, she claimed it would look great with some pink shoes she was dying to buy. Unfortunately for her and the pink shoes, hospitals had uniform policies and she had to retire her beloved attire. Now it was just a memento of a simpler time.
The water stops running and I can hear her shaking her head in the shower to dry off her hair. She is humming the words to "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac, and I grip my chest at the irony. It was her favorite song.
From the bathroom, steam follows behind her as she walks into the room, "I've been thinking of putting a good word in for Ino."
My blood runs cold and I could feel my hands tremble at the mention of her name. I compose myself, but it's too late.
"What's wrong, Babe?"
Damn.
"What are you talking about?" I feign ignorance, hopefully, she buys it.
"You just flinched when I told you about Ino. It's like somebody shot you." She bit into her lip and I knew I had to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand.
"Oh, that was just a cramp." I try to brush it off, but she's not buying it. Shit, I don't even buy it. She places her hands on her hips and sways closer to me. I can smell her damp hair as she stares up at me. She furrows her eyebrows, indicating the various questions running through her head. She opens her mouth to say something but quickly shuts it before brushing past me.
"Fine, if you're not going to tell me then I'm not going to ask." She said.
I had to come up with something, fast.
"I just don't like her." I offered. She turns her head and raises one eyebrow, clearly confused.
"Why not?"
I shrug. "She comes off as entitled."
I watch her remove her towel and toss it on the bed. A small growl escapes my lips and she looks back with a mischievous grin on her face. Wet towels were one of my pet peeves, it left the bed wet and if it wasn't properly dried then you would hop into bed and be stabbed in the back by the cold, wet spot left behind the towel's residue moisture. Sakura didn't care though, because she never threw the towel on her side of the bed. She purposely did it to annoy me, it was her way of saying, "Your answer is stupid."
"She is not entitled. She just knows what she wants and won't stop until she gets it." She chuckles.
I scoff, "Put your pants on already."
She looks back and smirks, "You don't like what you see?"
I grin as I shake my head. I look down at her and appreciate the view. She's tiny but, toned. She works out very hard, often saying that she does it for her patients. I was a bit upset when she told me, but she quickly clarified and said that she did it to promote a positive and healthy lifestyle.
Her lips, ample and blush-red, pout. God, she's beautiful. Here is this amazing woman, willing to do anything for me, and I can't help but feel like I don't deserve her.
"So what did you need to tell me earlier?" My head snaps up to look at her while she's fixing her bra.
"It's nothing, just forget about it."
She looks at me and shrugs. I liked that about her, she didn't press for information. She knew it was important for people to be able to process through their feelings before being pressured into it. If I had it my way, this secret would remain with me until I'm six feet under. I couldn't do that though, she knew me too well. She would find out eventually.
The room is quiet. It wasn't the nice tender kind of quiet that two loved ones shared. It was the awkward kind. The one where you could cut the tension with a butter knife. I feel extremely uncomfortable. Like I am a criminal that's living on borrowed time. But as I look at her, she's the perfect picture of serene. She's busy preparing for her shift, thinking of topics of conversation she'd bring up with certain patients, and I'm drowning in my guilt. God, I could use a bottle of Jack.
"Well, I'm off. Don't forget to visit your mother, she called last night." She grabbed her purse and walked over to the mirror to check herself.
"What did she want?"
"Just to check up on you. You know how she is."
I nod, my mother was a bit overbearing. When I first brought Sakura over to the house she wouldn't stop hounding the poor woman. I felt bad, thinking she'd break up with me for sure. But no, she took it like a champ. Bobbing and weaving through the various landmines that were disguised as questions.
My mother was definitely impressed, one thing she valued about Sakura was her honesty. The woman could tell no lie, she was an open book, which was why it was so easy for me to read her. The slight quiver of her lip or the way her eyebrows tremble when she hears something that displeases her, these are all signs of the inner affairs of her heart.
I wish I could be more like her.
I hear the jingle of her keys and look up to see her stride over to the bedroom door.
"Hey," My hands are trembling. I don't want to do this, but I have to. I sit on the bed because I feel like I could collapse at any moment. I grip the sheets, using them to steady myself for what I'm about to say.
She looks back and flashes a reassuring smile before walking back towards me. She must have seen my hands because as soon as she reaches me they're intertwined with hers. She holds them tenderly while looking into my eyes, promising that she will never let go.
"I don't know how to say this," I stop. Her gaze lingers and my heart aches.
"Start from the beginning." She squeezes my hands.
"I wasn't at the office last night." She pauses, and I could see her eyebrows tremble. My heart shatters, because I know there's no going back. I see the tears pool near the brim of her eyes, but she's adamant to finish what I started. She nudges me, eyes downcast and lips curled into a frown begging me to continue, knowing the pain will fester in her heart, gnawing away at her while she is isolated. Still, she pressed. For us.
I smack my dry, cracked lips together, trying to muster enough moisture to speak. I clear my throat but it does nothing to quell the searing pain clawing at my throat.
My mind flashes back to the previous night and I close my eyes to stop the images. But it's impossible, I'm tainted by the sin I committed. I remember stopping by the hospital, hoping to surprise Sakura but she was not there. Instead, I came across Ino. She was tantalizing. He remembered her lithe frame pressed up against him as she asked him to take her to the bar. She was having a bad day and needed to relieve herself of the stress.
His heart began to pound. Ino had ordered the first drinks and placed one in my hand. I recall wanting to call Sakura and tell her that I'd be a bit late, but I gulped the contents of the drink down instead. I listened to Ino cry her heart out as she talked about her ex-boyfriend and the way he mistreated her. All I could think was how I would properly take care of her if I had the opportunity.
Before I knew it, I called Sakura and told her that I'd be coming home late. There was an urgent project I needed to finish and I would need to stay at the office. I was too drunk, occupied by Ino's lips as she sucked me, to remember when I hung up the phone to satisfy my needs.
"Sakura, I…"
I can't do it. My face is drenched in sweat. I feel my lips quiver. In a torrent, the sobs break free. Like a dam bursting, the warm tears spill down my face. She caresses the ridges of my jaw. Tears fill her closed eyelids.
She hugs me, buries my face against her chest, and grips my shoulders. I am desperate to hold on, to stay in her arms and her warmth nourish me, breathe life into me as I grasp at the remnants of my shattered heart.
"Naruto," Her voice is a symphony. I try to cut her off, but this time she's in control. Dread washes over me as she pulls her phone from her purse and shows me her dialing history. I see my incoming call, but as she scrolls up, she shows me the second call. I thought I canceled the call, but the runtime told me I hit answer instead.
"I heard the whole thing."
"Sakura, I-."
She shakes her head, I feel the wet, hot tears hit my cheek and I feel like I've been slapped.
"I thought I could forgive you. That I would be able to brush the matter aside because I loved you."
I stood there, frozen. Listening to her words and feel them stab into my heart. I didn't deserve her and she didn't deserve the pain I burdened her with.
"But love isn't going to help me forget the sounds of you fucking her." I took a sharp breath and cowered under her stare.
I open my mouth to apologize but she raises her hand, a warning.
"Save your apology, because it's not accepted." She pushes me away, leaving me lying on the bed. As she walks out the door, she looks back one last time. "Thanks for answering my question."
This was a project that was pushed aside due to the contents, but I felt like I needed to publish it due to the vulnerability of the characters and to properly grow as an author. Please enjoy this piece.
Nishi No Kaze.