TITLE: Perchance To Dream
AUTHOR: Love's Bitch, a.k.a. Kristin L.M.
DISCLAIMER: Credit where credit is due, Joss is God, Grr Argh, etc. I only *wish* Spike were mine.
DISTRIBUTION: If you like it that much, you are my new best friend! Just let me know where it's going.
RATING: PG-13 just to be safe
SPOILERS: Season 5 through the Gift. How the beginning of Season 6 *should* go.
FEEDBACK: Better than drugs! Will you help feed my addiction? Shakes468too@aol.com
SUMMARY: Spike has a recurring dream about Buffy's return and gets lost in the fantasy.
DEDICATION: To Hils, who made me *want* to write and to Py my new favorite beta. You guys are the best!
Spike knew someone was in his crypt. He could sense movement, smell blood, and hear a heartbeat. They could be there to steal all his stuff. They could be there to stake him, or they could just leave the front door open and let him dust. Or, most likely, they were there to tell him how useless he was. How it was all his fault. How he could burn in Hell for all they cared. To tell him what he could have done to save her. Should have done.
But he couldn't bring himself to care.
The past two months had been hard for everyone. They had all grieved together and now they still worked together. They had continued to let Spike work with the Scoobies, but for the unlife of him he couldn't figure out why. Nor could he figure out why he still went to help them. But with Faith still in jail and no new Slayer on the way, the need for them to band together was more than ever. Right after the funeral, it had gotten really bad because of all the demons celebrating the death of a Slayer. For a few weeks, all the gang seemed to do was fight and kill. And Spike, being the only one with enhanced strength, was now an integral part of the gang, whether he felt a part of it or not. Whether he liked it or not.
It hurt to be around them; they all had someone, they all had each other, and Spike couldn't really feel apart of that. Xander and Anya had each other to comfort themselves, as did the Wiccas. Willow took great comfort in having the blonde witch back, but Spike could still tell that she felt the loss. Every so often, when they were researching some new big bad, she would be looking past her book, as if it wasn't even there, and he knew she was thinking about Buffy, because he could feel that look on his own face, sometimes.
Giles probably had it the hardest, besides Dawn, it was like losing a daughter for him. But he had also gained a daughter in the bargain. Now that the Slayer was gone, and they still hadn't found Buffy and Dawn's father, Giles had used the Council's pull and gotten temporary custody of the youngest Summers. The only one left.
Dawn had been torn apart at first, but had truly taken her sister's words to heart. She tried desperately to live each day as though it were her last, for Buffy. She was always trying to get Spike out of his crypt, to do the same. She said he would waste away if he didn't go out once in awhile, and she would force him to go to the Bronze with the gang, or to rent a movie. He avoided these little interruptions in his brooding as best he could, but often she was just too persistent. 'A bitty Buffy' he'd once called her and he was right. Which was one of the reasons he found he couldn't say no to her, because he had come to love her as much as he'd loved Buffy, only in a completely different way. With Buffy, he wanted nothing more than to share a love, a passion, with the girl. With Dawn, he wanted nothing more than to protect her, to keep his promise to the Slayer.
It was probably the nibblet in his crypt now. He still hadn't bothered to open his eyes to see. If it was, she was uncharacteristically silent. He could feel her eyes on him, watching him, studying him even, and he began to feel uncomfortable, and so he spoke. "Go on home, Nibblet, your Watcher will be frettin'." She loved it when he called Giles her Watcher; she said it made her feel closer to Buffy, to who Buffy was. When she didn't respond, he got worried. Maybe something had happened. He rolled over to face her and opened his eyes, saying, "Come on, Dawn, you know you shouldn't - " His voice caught in his throat at what he saw.
Standing there, at the door to his crypt, was Buffy; wearing the exact outfit she died in, looking beautiful and young and so very alive. Without another word, he stood and went to her, taking her in his arms. She returned his embrace almost too eagerly, but Spike couldn't care about that. His Slayer was back.
"Oh, Buffy…how are you here? I can't believe it, you're alive. I don't understand," he was babbling and he knew it. He pulled away to look at her face, seeing wetness at her eyes. "Shh, love, don't cry…"
"I'm back Spike. I don't know how or why…but I heard you calling to me. For months it felt like I could hear your heart crying out, searching for me." She smiled and reached up and touched his cheek. "I don't think I understood how much you loved me. But it was your love that brought me back. And I'm not leaving again."
He felt his own tears coursing down his face, but didn't remember starting to cry. Disregarding that, he brought his mouth to hers in a passionate kiss that had been building up in him for a year. "Oh, Buffy, I love you."
"SPIKE! WAKE UP!"
Spike jerked back and looked at Buffy. "Did you say something, Slayer?"
Buffy smiled gently, touching his face again. "It wasn't me. But you have to go now. I'll be back, I promise." With that, she dissolved into thin air, leaving a stunned and very confused vampire.
"Come on, you bleached bum, WAKE UP!" Now he was recognizing Dawn's voice. He closed his eyes, shook his head, and reopened his eyes, to find himself still lying on his bier, with the nibblet leaning over him, shaking him. "Man, you sleep like the dead." The girl laughed at her own joke, but stopped when she noticed his less than amused look. "Oh, come on, it was funny."
Spike could only look at her in disbelief and sadness. "Go away, Dawn." He rolled back over and hid his head under the pillow.
A dream. It had all been a dream.
Dawn went over to Spike and sat next to him on the bier. "Come on, Spike, let's go do something fun." She waited for a response patiently; she'd been through this before. He would try to ignore her for another minute or two, but then, he would roll over and sigh heavily. He would tell her what a pain in the ass she was and then he'd show her that lazy smirk that meant he loved her anyway.
Spike took a minute to compose himself. The dream had been so real and waking up to Dawn and the realization that Buffy was still gone cut right into the grief. He took a deep breath, and turned over to meet her gaze. "Pet, do you know what a pain in the ass you are?" he knew the ritual, and he would not disappoint her.
She grinned widely, and informed him of their plans for the evening. "Lets go, the gang is at the Bronze. I told them we'd be there at eight, and we are already ten minutes late, so hurry up."
The vampire smirked at her, sat up, running a hand through his bleached locks, "I don't know. I don't feel much like going out tonight."
"You never do. Which is why you are still moping around while everyone else is…" Dawn stopped for a second. Everyone else was still hurting, still mourning, but they were helping each other through it, while he sat alone in his crypt. "While everyone else is coping. Come on, it'll be fun, I promise."
Spike still wasn't completely convinced about the having fun part, but she had a point. Also, he found he just couldn't say no to Dawn. Not long after they'd reached the Bronze, however, he wished he had been able to.
***
Xander was sulking. He knew it and he didn't care. It wasn't so much that he didn't like Spike, just more of a momentary regression of friendship. They had kind of bonded, as much as the two could, over the past months. Xander still had some issues with the vampire's obsession with Buffy, but mostly they understood each other. It had started soon after the funeral.
The gang had all gone back to the Summers' house after the funeral, and they had all talked together for hours, sharing stories and laughs. Spike was present, but silent through most of it, just taking in everyone's anecdotes and staring past them all. All of the sudden, though, he'd spoken. He told them about the first time he had seen Buffy and them, all dancing at the Bronze. He told them how taken he was with her, with her grace in dancing, as well as in fighting. How he had thanked the Powers That Be that night for a worthy adversary. Then, without another word, he left.
Xander and the gang knew that he was blaming himself for Buffy's death, believing that it was his fault that she'd had to sacrifice her life. They saw how torn up he had been that day, when she'd taken that fatal leap. And they had all softened a bit for the vampire. They finally believed that he loved her. That he loved her almost as much as they did.
But Xander had made his peace with that, and he and the bleached vamp sitting across from him had formed a rocky friendship, being the only two males in the gang besides Giles, who rarely went Bronzing. Right now, though, he was really irritated at Spike, and he was pouting.
For the past few months, Spike had followed Dawn wherever she went at night. That was a spot of apprehensiveness for the Watcher at the beginning, but once they saw he intended to protect Dawn from anything, they had all softened a bit more for the vampire. But tonight, everyone had noticed the vampire's dampened mood, especially his new charge. And Dawn was doing her best to improve his disposition.
And Xander was never more aware that he was the old crush.
"Its not fair," he said under his breath to Anya, who rolled her eyes. "I mean, for at least five, six years, I was the one. Me. Big, funny Xander. I just don't understand how she could go from liking me to him in one big jump."
"Its because she's never had you in bed." Anya, as always, stated loud and directly. "Plus she's fourteen. What do you expect, a longstanding obsession?" Without waiting for a reply, she pulled Xander to his feet, "Lets dance, I'm bored."
Spike breathed a sigh of relief when the two left the table. He had heard the quiet conversation and a small smile surfaced at the couple as they walked away. He really liked that Anya. They had so much in common. The vampire knew that Xander really didn't hold (much) ill will towards him, but in many ways, it was still uncomfortable between them. He watched as the brunette boy and blonde girl danced slowly to the music. His gaze drifted over to the two witches not three feet to the right of the other couple, and he felt very alone.
Dawn had gone to the ladies room, which gave him a slight reprieve. It had been difficult to feign enthusiasm for long after they'd arrived. It just wasn't the same without her. Nothing was. He sat back, taking a sip of his beer, and ran over the dream in his head. It had seemed so real. It was if she were right in front of him, but had been snatched back at the last moment. If he closed his eyes, he could almost feel the kiss…but the night wore on, as most nights do, and his brain gradually lost the details of the dream.
About two hours later, when it was time to escort the nibblet home, Spike had completely forgotten the dream. The combination of alcohol and Dawn's insistence lead him into a few rounds of pool with Xander, who had quit pouting, and after that, he had even paid for a round of drinks. Sure, he'd used the money he'd just won off the whelp in pool, but they had all still been pleased.
Dawn and her undead protector walked in silence for most of the way to her house. She knew something had been irritating him earlier, but she wasn't sure if she should ask about it, or if he even wanted to talk about it. She knew the night out had helped; just like she'd said it would, but she wanted to make sure he'd be okay alone. Not try to stake himself or anything silly like that.
"So what's bugging you?"
"Nuthin', love."
"Right. That's why you started the night by sulking like a little kid? Because there's absolutely nothing wrong…" She shook her head. They reached her house and started up the walk to her door.
"Listen, Lil' bit. My problems are none of your concern."
The girl, who had reached the porch, stopped abruptly and turned to look at the blonde with a hurt expression burned into her features. She just stared at him for a moment, and even though Spike wasn't sure what he'd said wrong, he couldn't help but feel guilty at the look on her face.
Finally, she spoke. "If you believe that, Spike, why do you even bother hanging around?"
With that, she turned and ran into the house, slamming the front door behind her. Spike looked after her dumbfounded, unsure if he should go after her or let her be. He stood there agape for another minute before shaking his head and turning to leave.
"Wish I knew, pet. Wish I knew."
AUTHOR: Love's Bitch, a.k.a. Kristin L.M.
DISCLAIMER: Credit where credit is due, Joss is God, Grr Argh, etc. I only *wish* Spike were mine.
DISTRIBUTION: If you like it that much, you are my new best friend! Just let me know where it's going.
RATING: PG-13 just to be safe
SPOILERS: Season 5 through the Gift. How the beginning of Season 6 *should* go.
FEEDBACK: Better than drugs! Will you help feed my addiction? Shakes468too@aol.com
SUMMARY: Spike has a recurring dream about Buffy's return and gets lost in the fantasy.
DEDICATION: To Hils, who made me *want* to write and to Py my new favorite beta. You guys are the best!
Spike knew someone was in his crypt. He could sense movement, smell blood, and hear a heartbeat. They could be there to steal all his stuff. They could be there to stake him, or they could just leave the front door open and let him dust. Or, most likely, they were there to tell him how useless he was. How it was all his fault. How he could burn in Hell for all they cared. To tell him what he could have done to save her. Should have done.
But he couldn't bring himself to care.
The past two months had been hard for everyone. They had all grieved together and now they still worked together. They had continued to let Spike work with the Scoobies, but for the unlife of him he couldn't figure out why. Nor could he figure out why he still went to help them. But with Faith still in jail and no new Slayer on the way, the need for them to band together was more than ever. Right after the funeral, it had gotten really bad because of all the demons celebrating the death of a Slayer. For a few weeks, all the gang seemed to do was fight and kill. And Spike, being the only one with enhanced strength, was now an integral part of the gang, whether he felt a part of it or not. Whether he liked it or not.
It hurt to be around them; they all had someone, they all had each other, and Spike couldn't really feel apart of that. Xander and Anya had each other to comfort themselves, as did the Wiccas. Willow took great comfort in having the blonde witch back, but Spike could still tell that she felt the loss. Every so often, when they were researching some new big bad, she would be looking past her book, as if it wasn't even there, and he knew she was thinking about Buffy, because he could feel that look on his own face, sometimes.
Giles probably had it the hardest, besides Dawn, it was like losing a daughter for him. But he had also gained a daughter in the bargain. Now that the Slayer was gone, and they still hadn't found Buffy and Dawn's father, Giles had used the Council's pull and gotten temporary custody of the youngest Summers. The only one left.
Dawn had been torn apart at first, but had truly taken her sister's words to heart. She tried desperately to live each day as though it were her last, for Buffy. She was always trying to get Spike out of his crypt, to do the same. She said he would waste away if he didn't go out once in awhile, and she would force him to go to the Bronze with the gang, or to rent a movie. He avoided these little interruptions in his brooding as best he could, but often she was just too persistent. 'A bitty Buffy' he'd once called her and he was right. Which was one of the reasons he found he couldn't say no to her, because he had come to love her as much as he'd loved Buffy, only in a completely different way. With Buffy, he wanted nothing more than to share a love, a passion, with the girl. With Dawn, he wanted nothing more than to protect her, to keep his promise to the Slayer.
It was probably the nibblet in his crypt now. He still hadn't bothered to open his eyes to see. If it was, she was uncharacteristically silent. He could feel her eyes on him, watching him, studying him even, and he began to feel uncomfortable, and so he spoke. "Go on home, Nibblet, your Watcher will be frettin'." She loved it when he called Giles her Watcher; she said it made her feel closer to Buffy, to who Buffy was. When she didn't respond, he got worried. Maybe something had happened. He rolled over to face her and opened his eyes, saying, "Come on, Dawn, you know you shouldn't - " His voice caught in his throat at what he saw.
Standing there, at the door to his crypt, was Buffy; wearing the exact outfit she died in, looking beautiful and young and so very alive. Without another word, he stood and went to her, taking her in his arms. She returned his embrace almost too eagerly, but Spike couldn't care about that. His Slayer was back.
"Oh, Buffy…how are you here? I can't believe it, you're alive. I don't understand," he was babbling and he knew it. He pulled away to look at her face, seeing wetness at her eyes. "Shh, love, don't cry…"
"I'm back Spike. I don't know how or why…but I heard you calling to me. For months it felt like I could hear your heart crying out, searching for me." She smiled and reached up and touched his cheek. "I don't think I understood how much you loved me. But it was your love that brought me back. And I'm not leaving again."
He felt his own tears coursing down his face, but didn't remember starting to cry. Disregarding that, he brought his mouth to hers in a passionate kiss that had been building up in him for a year. "Oh, Buffy, I love you."
"SPIKE! WAKE UP!"
Spike jerked back and looked at Buffy. "Did you say something, Slayer?"
Buffy smiled gently, touching his face again. "It wasn't me. But you have to go now. I'll be back, I promise." With that, she dissolved into thin air, leaving a stunned and very confused vampire.
"Come on, you bleached bum, WAKE UP!" Now he was recognizing Dawn's voice. He closed his eyes, shook his head, and reopened his eyes, to find himself still lying on his bier, with the nibblet leaning over him, shaking him. "Man, you sleep like the dead." The girl laughed at her own joke, but stopped when she noticed his less than amused look. "Oh, come on, it was funny."
Spike could only look at her in disbelief and sadness. "Go away, Dawn." He rolled back over and hid his head under the pillow.
A dream. It had all been a dream.
Dawn went over to Spike and sat next to him on the bier. "Come on, Spike, let's go do something fun." She waited for a response patiently; she'd been through this before. He would try to ignore her for another minute or two, but then, he would roll over and sigh heavily. He would tell her what a pain in the ass she was and then he'd show her that lazy smirk that meant he loved her anyway.
Spike took a minute to compose himself. The dream had been so real and waking up to Dawn and the realization that Buffy was still gone cut right into the grief. He took a deep breath, and turned over to meet her gaze. "Pet, do you know what a pain in the ass you are?" he knew the ritual, and he would not disappoint her.
She grinned widely, and informed him of their plans for the evening. "Lets go, the gang is at the Bronze. I told them we'd be there at eight, and we are already ten minutes late, so hurry up."
The vampire smirked at her, sat up, running a hand through his bleached locks, "I don't know. I don't feel much like going out tonight."
"You never do. Which is why you are still moping around while everyone else is…" Dawn stopped for a second. Everyone else was still hurting, still mourning, but they were helping each other through it, while he sat alone in his crypt. "While everyone else is coping. Come on, it'll be fun, I promise."
Spike still wasn't completely convinced about the having fun part, but she had a point. Also, he found he just couldn't say no to Dawn. Not long after they'd reached the Bronze, however, he wished he had been able to.
***
Xander was sulking. He knew it and he didn't care. It wasn't so much that he didn't like Spike, just more of a momentary regression of friendship. They had kind of bonded, as much as the two could, over the past months. Xander still had some issues with the vampire's obsession with Buffy, but mostly they understood each other. It had started soon after the funeral.
The gang had all gone back to the Summers' house after the funeral, and they had all talked together for hours, sharing stories and laughs. Spike was present, but silent through most of it, just taking in everyone's anecdotes and staring past them all. All of the sudden, though, he'd spoken. He told them about the first time he had seen Buffy and them, all dancing at the Bronze. He told them how taken he was with her, with her grace in dancing, as well as in fighting. How he had thanked the Powers That Be that night for a worthy adversary. Then, without another word, he left.
Xander and the gang knew that he was blaming himself for Buffy's death, believing that it was his fault that she'd had to sacrifice her life. They saw how torn up he had been that day, when she'd taken that fatal leap. And they had all softened a bit for the vampire. They finally believed that he loved her. That he loved her almost as much as they did.
But Xander had made his peace with that, and he and the bleached vamp sitting across from him had formed a rocky friendship, being the only two males in the gang besides Giles, who rarely went Bronzing. Right now, though, he was really irritated at Spike, and he was pouting.
For the past few months, Spike had followed Dawn wherever she went at night. That was a spot of apprehensiveness for the Watcher at the beginning, but once they saw he intended to protect Dawn from anything, they had all softened a bit more for the vampire. But tonight, everyone had noticed the vampire's dampened mood, especially his new charge. And Dawn was doing her best to improve his disposition.
And Xander was never more aware that he was the old crush.
"Its not fair," he said under his breath to Anya, who rolled her eyes. "I mean, for at least five, six years, I was the one. Me. Big, funny Xander. I just don't understand how she could go from liking me to him in one big jump."
"Its because she's never had you in bed." Anya, as always, stated loud and directly. "Plus she's fourteen. What do you expect, a longstanding obsession?" Without waiting for a reply, she pulled Xander to his feet, "Lets dance, I'm bored."
Spike breathed a sigh of relief when the two left the table. He had heard the quiet conversation and a small smile surfaced at the couple as they walked away. He really liked that Anya. They had so much in common. The vampire knew that Xander really didn't hold (much) ill will towards him, but in many ways, it was still uncomfortable between them. He watched as the brunette boy and blonde girl danced slowly to the music. His gaze drifted over to the two witches not three feet to the right of the other couple, and he felt very alone.
Dawn had gone to the ladies room, which gave him a slight reprieve. It had been difficult to feign enthusiasm for long after they'd arrived. It just wasn't the same without her. Nothing was. He sat back, taking a sip of his beer, and ran over the dream in his head. It had seemed so real. It was if she were right in front of him, but had been snatched back at the last moment. If he closed his eyes, he could almost feel the kiss…but the night wore on, as most nights do, and his brain gradually lost the details of the dream.
About two hours later, when it was time to escort the nibblet home, Spike had completely forgotten the dream. The combination of alcohol and Dawn's insistence lead him into a few rounds of pool with Xander, who had quit pouting, and after that, he had even paid for a round of drinks. Sure, he'd used the money he'd just won off the whelp in pool, but they had all still been pleased.
Dawn and her undead protector walked in silence for most of the way to her house. She knew something had been irritating him earlier, but she wasn't sure if she should ask about it, or if he even wanted to talk about it. She knew the night out had helped; just like she'd said it would, but she wanted to make sure he'd be okay alone. Not try to stake himself or anything silly like that.
"So what's bugging you?"
"Nuthin', love."
"Right. That's why you started the night by sulking like a little kid? Because there's absolutely nothing wrong…" She shook her head. They reached her house and started up the walk to her door.
"Listen, Lil' bit. My problems are none of your concern."
The girl, who had reached the porch, stopped abruptly and turned to look at the blonde with a hurt expression burned into her features. She just stared at him for a moment, and even though Spike wasn't sure what he'd said wrong, he couldn't help but feel guilty at the look on her face.
Finally, she spoke. "If you believe that, Spike, why do you even bother hanging around?"
With that, she turned and ran into the house, slamming the front door behind her. Spike looked after her dumbfounded, unsure if he should go after her or let her be. He stood there agape for another minute before shaking his head and turning to leave.
"Wish I knew, pet. Wish I knew."